End of Year Relationship Assessment

In your season of singleness, your relationship with Christ is representative of a relationship with your mate. If today was your end of year review and Christ represented your mate, how would you rate in the following areas?

- Quality time spent with Him
- Effective communication with Him
- Ability to resolve conflict with Him
- Demonstration of love towards Him
- Granting Him access to ALL areas of your life
- Ability to accept correction for inappropriate behavior from Him
- Consulting Him for guidance/direction
- Giving your time and talents to Him

If you struggle in the areas listed above, you will probably struggle with interpersonal relationships. Otherwise, you will probably experience a varying level of success.

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The Black Men Shortage - Essence.com

by Demetria L. Lucas

If I could, I would climb under a rock. That's the only logical way I can think of to avoid the onslaught of articles, primetime TV segments, books, and countless blog discussions lamenting "The Black Man Shortage." (TBMS)

TBMS is something like the black girl equivalent of those end of the world movies that come trotting out every three-day weekend to thrill us with CGI effects, remind us of the importance of family, and most importantly, churn out hundred million dollar returns for a big studio. Whenever anyone in media needs some sort of ratings bonanza or send their website's comments section into a frenzy, they-- the most recent being Nightline-- trot out a story about TBMS, a horrific tale of no love and lots of loss that depicts a single Black woman from [insert any urban center here] clinging to a half-empty apple martini, a Louis Vuitton Damier Speedy or a perfectly-coiffed girlfriends.

I watched the Nightline segment on YouTube the day after it aired (I was trying to avoid it, but my Blackberry Inbox blew up with emails titled "Have you seen this?") I yawned my way through all the stats that I've heard so often they run through my head like a CNN ticker:

*42% per cent of Black women aren't married;

*If every black man in America married a black woman today, one out of 12 black women still wouldn't make it down the aisle if they hoped to marry a black man;

* 70% of professional black women with B.A.s, M.D.s and J.D.s. are "still without the more elusive title: M-R-S."

Copy and past the link below to see the rest of the story... http://www.essence.com/relationships

What Have You Learned About You?

The past week has been one of relaxation, reflection and mental preparation for the year to come. Unfortunately, I figured out that I’ve been living below expectations for myself. However, I was able to identify the source of my problem as being too busy living under the lofty expectations created by others. Fortunately, I’m so critical of myself that I’m always undergoing change will only allow goals to be set by me and God.

2010 will be a year of me utilizing my knowledge, gifts and passions to accomplish BIG things personally and for the Kingdom. I have a thorough understanding of the mortgage and credit industries, so I will use this knowledge to assist people with improving their personal credit while also fulfilling homeownership desires. I have a love-hate relationship with writing, but now know that it’s one of the ways God has allowed me to communicate with His people. Therefore, I will continue working on the various book ideas that currently sit partially complete on my computer. Finally, I have a passion to see people enjoying themselves and building relationships, so be on the lookout for more Chat Kafe events coming in the New Year.

One thing that remains on my spiritual radar is the continual battle I fight against my flesh. In 2 Corinthians 12:7 Paul speaks of a thorn in the flesh and I can readily identify with him. I lost my virginity when I was 13 years old, so sex was a regular part of my life until taking a vow of celibacy at 29. The positive lesson learned is God is ABLE to help you battle things that you can’t fight in your own strength. The negative lesson is Satan will continue to press the buttons he knows has the ability to knock you out of balance if you aren’t connected to God.

The reality of my experience (6 years) is the road hasn’t been smooth sailing without walking or hop-scotching the gray lines or times of passionate escape. Why do I share abstinence so passionately with those who pursue relationships? Because I recognize the power sex has over the hearts and minds of people who partake in the experience. I have had countless sexual experiences with women from different walks of life (being a Kappa and college athlete has its privileges). Why is this important? Because I’ve learned that no one is exempt from the powerful influence of sex in their relationships. Everyone thinks their situation is different because they’re sharing the experience with a ‘special’ person. However, think about all of the past ‘special’ people in your life and how you’ve given yourself to those unworthy of sharing what should be viewed as a worship experience. The reality is once you allow yourself to penetrate or be penetrated; your body continues yearning for that missing component to bring completion. Unfortunately, we search for the missing piece in the form of man/woman when it should be Christ.

I have learned that no person, whether they are a girlfriend or not, deserves to experience that side of me without a covenant/license. A license is required for gun ownership, dog ownership, to drive a car or motorcycle, but far too often we allow anyone with good game, a big butt or extraordinary sex appeal to lure us into meaningless physical relationships. I have learned that I desire so much more and cannot allow physical distraction to keep me from achieving the things God has for me. I shall not be defeated!

What have you learned about you?

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Because of Who You Are by Martha Munizzi

Here is a little worship music for your listening pleasure!

GOING DEEPER!

Ezekiel 47:1-12

This week’s message from my Pastor…Craig L. Oliver, Sr. encourages God’s people to target one goal for 2010…GOING DEEPER! Far too often we inundate ourselves with a bunch of superficial New Year’s goals that many of us fail to keep at year end. The one goal we should all focus on in 2010 is to allow ourselves to go deeper in our relationship with the Lord.

Upon making the shift in our mindset to go deeper in Him, many of the things we desire to achieve in life will become a reality. This is true because we place trust in The One who can place the ‘super’ in our ‘natural’ and align our desires with His will for our lives. The Ezekiel passage is symbolic of the spirit of God working in the lives of those who fully trust Him. He has the ability to cleanse you. He has the ability to cover you. He has the ability to revive you. He has the ability to guide you through the choppy waters of life.

Are you willing to fully immerse yourself in Him?

To purchase this message in its entirety, please contact the Elizabeth Baptist Church at 404-691-3146 or visit www.elizabethbaptist.org

KP

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No Time for Fake Ones

James 1:22 - 22 But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves.

While attending The Ohio State University Lil’ Kim came out with a song entitled “No Time for Fake Ones.” Now as a devout Christian I’d dare not say that Lil’ Kim serves as a source of inspiration for a minister’s blog. However, I’m not one of those super, extra-Spiritual Christians who act as if they’ve totally disconnected from their past and never reflect over past experiences . I DO periodically reflect over the past in order to assess how far I’ve come and to remain compassionate towards those who travel a similar path.

As I sit in front of my PC thinking about both the past and present of my life, I am once again been reminded that we must remain true to the call God has placed on our lives no matter if it means redefining friendships/relationships in the process. We must continue listening to the directions He is giving us and disengaging from ‘fake ones’ who help weaken our witnesses by association. God has the ability to continue working on people’s hearts according His will for their lives and so we should leave that in His hands. In the meantime, we DO NOT want to be labeled in the category that James 1:22 speaks of…that of being modern-day ‘fake ones.’

There are plenty of people who are hearers of God’s Word, but far too few doers. To balance this statement out, I’m not saying that we must live a perfect life because none of us in our flesh are capable of doing so. However, I AM saying that as believers we should be continuously working towards walking in the image and likeness of Christ. This includes recognizing our shortcomings and struggles, and diligently seeking guidance in working through them. Not just the ‘popular’ struggles like sex, alcohol, drugs, lying and unforgiveness, but also the minimized struggles like being judgmental, gluttony, homosexuality, cheating, etc. Those of us who continue to hear God’s Word, but fail to apply it to our lives are deceiving ourselves according to James 1:22. Better yet deceivers can classify themselves as modern-day ‘fake ones.’

Now as we prepare to enter into 2010, let us remember that it’s not good enough to be able to quote Scripture, assess the faults of others and talk about all of the good that we’ve done individually. Let us be mindful to take a look from the inside out and assess whether our hearts are truly being transformed on a continual basis? When we are alone in our secret places of isolation would God say you are a ‘fake one’ or a ‘real one’…meaning real or fake image of Him?

KP

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All Work and No Play

What I have finally realized toward the latter part of 2009 is the necessity of enjoying life. I’ve taken more trips during the months of August through December 2009 than I had the previous two years combined. I didn’t realize how therapeutic a weekend getaway can be in the life of a person. Not to mention, I have had the opportunity to see and spend more time with my family towards the latter part of this year than I had in 2007 and 2008 combined.

What’s the moral of the story? All work and no play is an unhealthy approach to life. We have shifted into a society that prides itself of hustling in attempt to finally breakthrough and ‘make it’ in life. Working hard isn’t a bad thing, but working smarter is healthier more beneficial to the bigger picture. I’ve reflected on my life and realize that I SHOULD HAVE taken more time to myself and live life over the past 9 years. Unfortunately, I’ve allowed the demands other people place on my life to dictate my schedule. Guess what??? Not anymore .

I will still manage my ministry duties with the same level of compassion as I have in the past. However, I’m now learning to empower others and ask for assistance when needed. I expect great and mighty things to take place in 2010 and having fun will assist in this process. I encourage you to work hard, play hard and nurture the important relationships in your life. I declare and decree that you don’t have to be responsible for everything that takes place in life. Stop allowing yourself to be burdened and used as a crutch by people who may be better served learning through experience. Stop allowing yourself to be used by those who don’t have your best interest in mind. You have not been designated/assigned as Lord and Savior and sometimes people need to find solutions through prayer and fasting. Be willing to discern the difference between being a beacon of light for Christ and being a hindrance in the maturation process of someone.

Lord I thank you for Your illumination and how you speak to me when I am seemingly out of position. I thank You for saving me from myself during the times when it seems as if I’m going to make an unhealthy decision. I thank You for Your continual guidance in life as You seek to direct my path.

KP

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The Ten Commandments for Wives

I was cleaning off my table and ran across the program from my grandfather's funeral. An entry contained within it piqued my attention and so I am sharing with you.

I wonder which of these my 21st Century sisters would change based on our current society?

I. Honor thy own womanhood that thy days may be long in the house which they husband provideth for thee.

II. Expect not thy husband to give thee as many luxuries as thy father hath given thee after many years of hard labor and changing economies.

III. Forget not the virtue of good humor, for verily all that a man hath will he give for a woman’s smile.

IV. Thou shalt not nag.

V. Thou shalt not coddle thy husband, for verily every man loveth to be fussed over.

VI. Remember that the frank approval of thy husband is worth more to thee than the sidelong glances of many strangers.

VII. Forget not the grace of cleanliness and dressing well.

VIII. Permit no one to assure thee that thou art having a hard time of it; neither thy mother, nor thy sister, nor thy maiden aunt, nor any of thy kin folk, for the judge will not hold her guiltless who letteth another disparage her husband.

IX. Keep thy home with all diligence, for out of it cometh the joys of thine old age.

X. Commit thy ways unto the Lord thy God and thy children shall rise up and call thee blessed.

-- Author Unknown --

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Don't Quit

Below is a poem that I learned while going through the membership (pledge) process with Kappa Alpha Psi Fraternity, Inc. It is as relevant, or even more so, for the lives that each of us lives daily. It is an inspirational poem that you can refer to whenever you're a bit less motivated. It's a great way to get back on track again whenever you're feeling down, are in a rut or have a block of some kind on your road.

Don't Quit!!

When things go wrong as they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging seems all uphill
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit --
Rest if you must, but don't quit.

Life is strange with its twists and turns,
As every one of us sometimes learns,
And many a fellow turns about
When he might have won had he stuck it out.
Don't give up though the pace seems slow --
You may succeed with another blow.

Often the goal is nearer than
It seems to a fair and faltering man,
Often the struggler has given up
When he might have captured the victor's cup,
And he learned too late when night came down,
How close he was to the golden crown.

Success is failure turned inside out --
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems afar,
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit, --
It's when things seem worst that you mustn't quit.

-- Author Unknown --

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Out of Sync

Isn’t it amazing how life can be moving along smoothly, without any complications, and in an instant you find yourself ‘out of sync’? It doesn’t take anything significant to interrupt the free-flowing harmony of your life, but can be something very simple. It can be a phone call you receive that throws your entire day off schedule because you decide to answer instead of ignore. It can be a check you’ve written to a business or creditor who holds it too long and because you forgot…subsequent checks you write turn up with insufficient funds. It can be a matter of saying yes instead of no and the decision gives way to the birth of a child you weren’t planning to conceive. It’s not a matter of if, but more a matter of when you’ll find yourself ‘out of sync’ when it comes to life.

Not only can your general life periodically find itself ‘out of sync’, but your relationships and marriages can also enter into periods of being ‘out of sync.’ You used to communicate with one another without a hitch, but all of a sudden things change. The things you once saw eye-to-eye on no longer exist. The common goals and desires you once shared have now faded into obscurity. Your ability to connect on the very basics of life has now become a strenuous challenge. What do you do?

Now I’ve heard several of my married friends talk about ‘out of sync’ periods in their marriages and the discipline required to work through these periods. Strong marriages are able to navigate through these cyclical periods. However, there are many who are unable to weather the storms of being ‘out of sync’. I think this is sometimes referred to as ‘growing apart’ in instances of faded marital bliss.

When you are married, you have a greater level of accountability for working through these ‘out of sync’ periods. However, should you feel the same level of responsibility for dealing with these periods during a dating relationship? What happens when the person you are with no longer walks in harmony with you?

I believe we can all learn a valuable lesson through our relationship with God through Christ. Truth be told, we don’t always walk in alignment and harmony with Him, but we choose to hang in there because of His character and what He represents in our lives. Similarly, this should be a requirement for the relationships we choose to maintain and cultivate in our personal lives. Is the person we’re connected to a representative of love and character Christ offers to our lives? If so, hang in there because all relationships will have their ups and downs, and it’s irresponsible to flee at the hint of a temporary disconnect. If not, examine whether a change needs to be made in the status of your relationship.

KP

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Flushing Out My Bowels

This blog entry is nothing more than me forcing myself to sit down and unblock the literary constipation I am currently experiencing. Thinking back to a sermon my pastor preached a couple of years ago, I am a victim of ‘Bound Literary Bowels.’ I find myself getting caught-up in the haste of life that I don’t take time out to do some of the things I once found to be therapeutic.

I continuously have a lot going on in my and it seems like there is never enough time in the day to address the many to-do’s that await me upon waking up each morning. I know God is trying to birth something BIG in my life and it’s simply a matter of allowing the seed to make it full-term. Will you please pray for me?

I am constantly asked when I plan on launching my book and that’s a very good question. I find myself crafting bits and pieces, but waiting for the entire picture and framework to be revealed. Until then…I’ll keep jotting down the bits and pieces in hopes of finally achieving a great work. Will you please pray for me?

I am also working on a small group idea to address the frustrations and hurdles single Christian men face. For some reason no one regularly addresses the complications experienced by men who really want to do the right things in their Christian walk. God give me wisdom to share my struggles and experiences. Will you please pray for me?

I’d like to share the journey I’m on relationally, but that chapter would be quite uneventful right now. LOL. Will you please pray for me?
Lord I know there are some things You want to do in and through me. Please remove any obstacles that are hindering from me from reaching the goals and destiny You have outlined for my life. In Jesus’ name…Amen!

KP

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Car Seats & Character by Paul Wilson, Jr.

Earlier this year I wrote this article on my own blog. In light of the very recent revelations of Tiger Woods’ “transgressions” (and many others before him this year), I thought it was a good time to repost it…

A couple weeks ago my family and I were returning from Miami after spending time with my wife’s family over the holidays. On the ride back to Atlanta our one-year-old threw up in the car, most of it landing in his car seat. For those of you with small children you know how hard it is to clean a car seat when your child spills something (or throws up) on it. Reluctantly, I cleaned him and the seat enough to continue our trip.

When we finally got home, of course we needed to remove the seat cover so it could be washed. To my dismay, I realized I would also have to clean the safety straps and all the small nooks and crevices, because the stuff seeped down under the cover into the base of the car seat. I know this sounds gross, but stay with me. I’m getting to my point…

My wife washed the seat cover in the washing machine. I knew I had to clean the safety straps and car seat base, but I figured I would get to it later that day (procrastination). Well, about two days passed before we needed the car seat again. So as we were all about the leave the house I was putting the seat cover back on and realized that I had forgotten what I was supposed to clean. I don’t have to describe to you what I found. Let your imagination take you there – or not.

Epiphany! I would compare the car seat base to a person’s foundation, which is their values. I would relate the safety harnesses to one’s character and habits, which should serve to prevent and protect them from poor decision making.

How often do we clean the obviously seen areas of our lives but forget, ignore, or procrastinate when dealing with the areas that are seemingly unexposed? We try to cover up with a well-groomed image, hiding the fact that we have soiled character, unresolved issues, or poor habits. “Fake it ’til you make it” works for a while, but eventually when your private stuff isn’t cleaned up, life will begin to stink in multiple areas, including your work, family, and relationships.

While one’s charisma can open doors, ultimately its one’s character that determines their long-term success. Lack of character and poor habits will rob you of credibility, confidence, and competence, which ultimately thwarts your ability to perform at your peak potential. Don’t let your life stink underneath the surface! And don’t allow your charisma to lead you places where your character can’t sustain you.

You know better than anyone “what lies beneath”. Identify it and deal with it in private, so you don’t have to worry about getting exposed in public. You don’t want to be one of the character casualties that we see too often these days.

Dream B.I.G.,
Paul Wilson, Jr.
Transform your dreams from an idea to reality… www.DreamBIGin3D.com

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Playing in the Symphony of Life by Paul Wilson, Jr.

I am a big music lover. One particular genre of music that I have always been intrigued by is symphonies. Although you have all these different instruments with different attributes playing at one time, they play at the same tempo, complementing each other with perfect pitch, harmony, and timing. Everyone is literally and figuratively playing from the same sheet of music. Solos happen, but only at specific times.

It amazes me that all these individually talented musicians are led by a single conductor. The conductor doesn’t play the instruments, he/she just directs. This type of mentality reminds me of the Ultimate Conductor, God. And each of us represents instruments of His love and grace. All of are different instruments, but as a whole we complement each other perfectly.

Like the conductor of an orchestra, His role is to direct His universal symphony, not play the instruments. He has given all of His children special gifts, talents, and abilities. He expects us to develop and maximize what He’s given us – to play at the highest level, the level of a maestro.

When we don’t develop and utilize what we’ve been given, something is missing from His symphony. The harmony isn’t quite right. The sound isn’t as full. The listeners are cheated of a fulfilling experience. And the Conductor is disappointed.

From another perspective, as talented as each musician may be, they realize the orchestra is bigger than one instrument. It takes all instruments performing a specific piece at a specific time to make the symphony the best it can be. If any musician wants to do his/her own thing, it throws everyone else out of sync. Are you living in sync with the people with which you live, work, and play, or are you playing dissonant chords?

In order to get the best experience from God’s “symphony of life”, you have to be on the same page with the Conductor. That means you need to read from the sheet music He has already written, the Bible. This incredible book provides the right notes, timing, and insights to help you maximize your ability to play the instrument that was specifically designed for your life.

You will ultimately experience frustration and failure if you try to write your own symphony. Your attitude should be to do what God is blessing. Don’t ask God to bless what you are doing, because you might be playing music that He didn’t write or you’re trying to play the right thing at the wrong time.

In order to be fulfilled in your role in His symphony, you need to be well versed in what He’s doing during this season of your life. Study His Word and stay connected to Him and His people. Practice to improve your skills, talents, and abilities. Don’t try to steal the spotlight by playing solo until it’s your time to do so. Follow where the Director is leading so you can be a beautiful piece of the most glorious composition ever written.

I want to teach you how to maximize your ability to play in His symphony. I would like to present to you the Dream B.I.G. in 3D Live Experience. Based on content from my high regarded book, this interactive, high-energy seminar will provide timely inspiration and practical instruction to empower you to "Live in 3D!" by equipping you to:

1. Discover Your Dream
2. Develop Your Dream
3. Drive To Your Dream


Your B.I.G. Dream Coach,
Paul Wilson, Jr.

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The Conversation Experience

Chillin' here live and direct from Justin's Restaurant in midtown awaiting the arrival of Hill Harper. The atmosphere is cool and the V-103 Morning Show is keeping things live for everyone in attendance. We are awaiting the arrival of Hill Harper who should be arriving shortly. These relationship discussions get people excited. As this message was being typed Hill Harper has just entered the building. Be sure to join us this evening at the Sheraton Gateway Hotel in Atlanta for The Conversation Experience. The event starts at 8:00pm and has a $10 admission.

KP

Are You Dreaming big or B.I.G.? by Paul Wilson, Jr.

There is a significant different between a big dream and a B.I.G. dream. In our society, big dreams often consist of certain accomplishments or the acquisition of material possessions whose eternal value fades with time. Unfortunately, many times the benefits of the dream only go to the dreamer as they aspire to fulfill long-held fantasies that distance them from reality.

Conversely, a B.I.G. – Bold, Innovative, God-Inspired – dream is not about escaping from reality. Instead it's an opportunity to begin the journey to create a new reality based upon the daring, ingenious, good-influenced ideas God has placed in your heart. It’s about leveraging your personality, talents, opportunities, and experiences in refreshing ways that significantly impact other’s lives.

Dreaming B.I.G. will compel you to creatively use your unique purpose, passions, and professional skills to positively impact generations. Dreaming B.I.G. will challenge you to live a legacy so that you can leave a legacy.

I want to teach you how to dream B.I.G. On Saturday, November 21st in Marietta, Georgia, I will be presenting the Dream B.I.G. Live Experience. Based on content from my highly regarded book, Dream B.I.G. in 3D: How to Pursue a Bold, Innovative, God-Inspired Life, this interactive, high-energy seminar will teach you how to get your dreams out of your head and into your life. You will receive timely inspiration and practical instruction to empower you to "Live in 3D!" by equipping you to:

1. Discover Your Dream
2. Develop Your Dream
3. Drive To Your Dream

It’s time to transform your dream from an idea into reality. Don't miss this momentous opportunity to gain key insights from the author, learn how to dream B.I.G., engage with other B.I.G. dreamers, and finally start living your B.I.G. dreams!

For more details, please visit http://dreambigin3dlive.eventbrite.com

Dream B.I.G.,
Paul Wilson, Jr.

www.paulwilsonjr.com

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Purpose-Driven vs Passion-Driven Relationships – Part 2 by Paul Wilson, Jr.

In last week’s post I talked about various characteristics of purpose and passion in relationships. Today’s post is focused on how you balance both of these essential elements during the developmental stages of your relationships. And keep in mind these principles can be applied to just about any relationship, including family, friends, romantic, plutonic, business, etc.

A lot of time and frustration could be saved if more people understood the power of purpose in relationships. A purpose-driven relationship means that the purpose – reason it exists – of the relationship takes on a greater value than the individual needs, wants, or desires of the individuals involved. They recognize they have chosen to come together (or have been brought together) for something special.

Purpose-driven relationships focus on the integrated vision and mission of the parties involved in the relationship. In essence, each person submits themselves to the long-term sustainability and viability of the relationship in order to achieve something far greater than they could accomplish on their own. The fusion of their unified purpose is greater than the individual purposes by themselves.

These relationships are not devoid of passion. Passion is generated by your merged interests, desires, and motivations, which provide the fuel to accomplish the vision/mission. This type of passion is much more sustaining than just emotions and feelings. It comes from a deeply shared desire to do something and be part of something wonderfully significant.

Relationships that are built only on emotions and feelings won’t have longevity, because our emotions ebb and flow constantly. Purpose provides an anchor for the relationship, so that when your feelings are fluctuating you can refocus on the important things each of you has committed to. Your commitment to the purpose helps you weather the tough times. You are better positioned to maintain your focus on the long-term benefits instead of the short-term challenges.

Don’t underestimate the power of purpose in any relationship. Make sure you understand the reason you’re in that relationship and define the long-term expectations and goals early. If not, what may seem great in the beginning could eventually lead to a relational disaster.

Dream B.I.G.,
Paul Wilson, Jr.
Transform your dream from an idea into a purpose-driven, passionate, prosperous life!... www.DreamBIGin3D.com

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Purpose-Driven vs Passion-Driven Relationships – Part 1 by Paul Wilson, Jr.

Passion can be like jet fuel, propelling you with lightning speed toward your dreams. It can also be an intoxicating elixir that blinds you from the realities of the situation or circumstances you might be in. The passion that you leverage to accomplish great feats, is the same passion that can hurt you as it relates to building meaningful, sustainable relationships - if you don’t put passion in its proper perspective.
In relationships, you need both purpose and passion. Unwittingly, people tend to rely on the persuasion of passion more than the principles of purpose.
While I believe passion and purpose are both needed in relationships, there is a distinct difference in terms of the benefits they provide. Here are a few differences between what passion and purpose does in relationships:
o Passion provides connection; purpose provides conviction.
o Passion provides fervor; purpose provides foundation.
o Passion provides momentum; purpose provides direction.
o Passion provides motivation; purpose provides meaning.

Check back next week as I talk more about how you develop purpose-driven relationships.

Dream B.I.G.,
Paul Wilson, Jr.

Transform your dream from an idea into a purpose-driven, passionate, prosperous life!... www.DreamBIGin3D.com

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Uninvited Guests – Part 1

The more I research the topic of relationships, the more confirmation I obtain about the number of complexities men and women bring to the table in pursuit of healthy relationships. Most recently I explored the following question: “How Can A Seemingly Good Man or Woman Still Be Single?” Well…upon further review I’ve realized that men and women can appear to be good externally, have there material and professional ducks in a row, but noticed a number of their relationships are eventually derailed by uninvited guests.

Now you may be sitting there with a perplexed look on your face, but many of us (me included) have at some time brought some uninvited guests into our relationships. My next couple of blog submissions will take a look at several of these uninvited guests along with their impacts. It’s a good time to see if you can personally relate to any of these? If not, then share with a friend or co-worker.

For Men

Desperate Chick Memories – One of the quickest ways for you to disqualify yourself from being blessed with a Proverbs 31-esque woman is to bring memories of past desperate chicks along with you. Unfortunately, too many of our brothers feel as if ALL women are desperate and will do just about anything to say they are in relationships. This may be true for women with low self-esteem, who are uneducated or who lack proper guidance. However, women who bring education, self-esteem, self-sufficiency and a desire for relational partnership to the table are more interested in building a future than catering to your past. What does this mean for you? It means that you must be willing to embrace the progressive, entrepreneurial and successful mindsets in exchange for the insignificant, irrelevant ego-boosters from your past.

For Women

‘Outside’ Male Advisors – One of the quickest ways for you to escalate the anger level in a man is to emasculate him by placing too much focus and faith in outside male advisors. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t solicit information from men you value in order to guide you through situations. However, I am saying that you should allow men to grow, mature and develop through experiences without constantly comparing them to your fathers and/or pastors. One of the most frustrating situations from a man’s perspective is to have another man with significant input in your relationship when it’s unsolicited. I say this especially to my sisters who hold their pastors and ministers in high esteem. Please remember that your man->fiancé->husband is the one who needs to be empowered to make decisions without being compared to your fathers, pastors, etc. Your pastors and fathers each had the opportunity to learn through individual experiences, so please don’t remove this opportunity from the men in your lives. I know this may not sit well with some of you and that’s okay…I’m simply sharing the message for you to contemplate.

Stay tuned for the next edition of “Uninvited Guests – Part 2” as I will continue highlighting many of the uninvited guests that hinder the formation of healthy, successful relationships.

Kenny Pugh (kka 'KP')
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Getting Comfortable with Being Uncomfortable by Paul Wilson, Jr.

Sometimes the things that feel safest are the most limiting and debilitating as it relates to fulfilling your potential. Your comfort zone can actually become a cage that keeps you from flying and flourishing.

What’s interesting is that most people who never venture outside of their comfort zones always have this “what if” in the back of their minds. They constantly wonder what more could they be doing with their lives if they would just be willing to take a risk.

Faith doesn’t require you to be comfortable with your decision before you exercise it. Faith is your active participation as a confident demonstration of divine expectations. So whether you’re comfortable or not, stepping outside your comfort zone to do things that are unfamiliar yet beneficial shows God that you trust Him more than yourself.

Here are a couple nuggets to help you get more comfortable with being uncomfortable:
 You will stay stuck if you never challenge the boundaries of your comfort zone.
 Opportunities for greatness are not going to present themselves inside your comfort zone.
 You can’t flow in your gifts if you’re not willing to jump in the currents of obstacles and opportunity.
 If you’re afraid of criticism, get over it. Whether or not you’re doing anything, you will still get criticized.
 Don’t wait until you feel like doing something to act on it. Act your way into feeling, because opportunities will pass you by if you only act based on how you feel.

Growth happens outside your comfort zone not inside. If you want to grow your impact, influence, and affluence you must continually challenge yourself. What’s neat is that as you continually challenge yourself in new ways, your fear shrinks and your tolerance for new experiences swells. Your comfort zone increases.
Don’t wait for opportunity to knock on your door. Go knock down the door of opportunity. Don’t die with regrets for what you didn’t do that you could have done. And don’t live with regrets, envying others who are doing what you could be doing.
It’s time to jump. You are either going to fly or He’s going to catch up. No matter what, it’s all good!

Dream B.I.G.,
Paul Wilson, Jr.

Transform your dream from an idea into a purpose-driven, passionate, prosperous life!... www.DreamBIGin3D.com

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What Will He Find? by Kimberly Bradford

“He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord” Proverbs 18:22 NIV

Over the past few months in several of my social circles I’ve listened to women many of whom are single, talk about their dating experiences and or marriage plans. Across the board these women would be considered successful in their various fields and possess qualities that they believe qualify them as wife material but struggled in their romantic lives. Upon further conversation in group and/or personal settings, I found that some of my sisters in Christ continually struggle with this issue and it forced me to delve deep into my own personal situation to see what really lies beneath the surface. Everybody can recite verbatim Proverbs 18:22 but when it comes to really understanding that verse and the following passages in Proverbs, paying close attention to Proverbs 31, it shed some light on a very personal issue.

When you’re past a certain age and you’re single people love to ask the question, “Why aren’t you married?” The answers can be as profound as a dissertation, as complex as a finite problem, or as simple as “I don’t know.” Personally, my answer is both complex and simple: Until recently, I just wasn’t ready. Some would quickly add the rebuttal “It just isn’t your time.” Now that sounds good and sweet but really, there is some personal accountability that has to be recognized. So I asked myself one simple question: What will he find?

The bible says that a virtuous woman is one that: Her husband can trust, she will do him good and not evil, works well with her hands, she rises early, gives food to her household and to her maidens, is enterprising, industrious, her speech reveals her heart, watches over her household and is not idle etc. When I read that and looked at myself, I realized I had some changes to make.

How could I possibly think I was ready to submit to a husband when I hadn’t totally submitted to God? I could not be considered a virtuous woman if I told half truths that equaled whole lies looking to please instead of being honest. Have I been financially responsible? If I couldn’t let go of the past in order to trust him, how could I ever expect him to trust me? These are just a few of the questions that I asked myself and it wasn’t until I became brutally honest that I began to make progress.

Patience is a virtue and I as I patiently wait to be found I understand that this isn’t a season of idleness. I’m constantly working, making sure that I meditate daily and spend time alone with God for guidance and wisdom. With that, I’m spending time with Him so I’ll know how to treat “him.” I have to be prepared mentally, physically and spiritually for what’s to come and we all know that if you stay ready, you don’t have to get ready.

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Can You ‘Do It’ Standing Up?

It is absolutely amazing to me how many people strategically utilize sex to attract attention from those they have an interest in. Unlike many of my fellow brethren who proclaim the Gospel of Jesus Christ, I am not ashamed to acknowledge my past active sex life. As a matter of fact, I periodically reflect over my past personal escapades and recognize that chapter serves as a very relevant point of reference in my life. That’s why I am so passionate about the message I share with both men and women. I have had my share of sexual experiences and often chuckle at the various attempts women use to temporarily shift my focus. Why? Because I understand that physical fulfillment comes a dime a dozen. The question I will now pose in response to blatant and sly sexual advances is “Can you ‘do it’ standing up?”

Allow me to make this quick public service announcement to all of the men and women who feel compelled to utilize your body as a bargaining tool for establishing relationships. No matter how good you think your sex is…there is someone out there better than you! Now before you become offended, the previous sentence may not have been meant for you ;). Continue reading…

My Sisters
From the standpoint of pure sexual experiences, most men will admit that there is no sex better than NEW sex. That’s why it’s dangerous to become involved in relationships where flesh is the staple holding it together. Let an attractive woman with the bangin’ body cross the path of the ‘boyfriend’ who doesn’t truly care about YOU or value your friendship. The prospect of pursuing, entertaining and ultimately conquering the new challenge is much more exciting than dealing with you as the ‘old faithful.’ You could be doing EVERYTHING right, but will be left heartbroken if he doesn’t operate by the spirit and is unappreciative of the value you bring to the table. That’s why it’s important for you to ask him the question “Can you ‘do it’ standing up?” A man who can bring you spiritual covering and fulfillment standing up is worth much more than one who can only lustfully satisfy you lying down.

My Brothers
Now, I won’t allow my sisters off the hook because there are a number of women who are also driven by the flesh. Their actions and pursuit of sexual variety similar to the reality television stars also leads to heartbroken men. I think we often overlook the women cheaters, which is unfortunate because that component plays a part in the downfall of some male-female relationships. If you allow the wrong focus to stimulate a woman’s interest, you may find yourself in a situation where your quest for a serious relationship is camouflaged through buddy status or an informal ‘maintenance man’ contract. Before getting involved with the next woman be sure to ask “Can you ‘do it’ standing up?” A woman who brings you peace while standing up is worth much more than one who can only satisfy you lying down.

Can You ‘Do It’ Standing Up?
What do I mean by ‘doing it’ standing up? The reality is there are men and women in almost every setting of life capable of bringing you happiness lying down. Each of us who has tasted the forbidden fruit should have personal testimonies to support this. How many times must you go through the same test where you figure out the person you are dating is ill-equipped to satisfy you standing up only after having given yourself to him/her physically? Your quest should now center on following Christ and connecting with the man/woman who brings you happiness through non-physical means. Stop allowing yourself to remain in emotional bondage to relationships that hinge on 45 minutes – 1 hour (on average) sessions of physical intimacy with a boyfriend/girlfriend. There are 24 hours in a day and 45 minutes/1 hour pales significantly in comparison to the other 16 hours (24 hours/day – 8 hours of sleep) of involvement with someone who doesn’t make you happy. Don’t fail the same test again!

Next time ask if he/she can ‘do it’ standing up and here are some examples of what I mean:
1. Can he/she demonstrate a commitment to follow Christ? ( Luke 9:23)
2. Can he/she show the love of Christ in their interaction with others? (Matthew 25:35-40)
3. Can he/she offer godly counsel to you as a friend? (Psalm 1:1)
4. Can he/she show evidence of spiritual fruit? (Galatians 5:22)
5. Can he/she forgive those from their past? (Matthew 18:21-35)
6. Can he/she show support for the things that are important to you?
7. Can he/she show the ability to resolve conflict?
8. Can he/she produce a vision for the future?
9. Can he/she communicate effectively?
10. Can he/she show continual desire to improve in every area of life (spiritual, financial, professional, physical, emotional and mental, etc.)?

‘Doing it’ standing up has far greater impact to the purpose of life. Two people coming together with purpose is much more powerful than 1.5. Don’t allow temporary release to blind your ability to make good, sound, spiritual decisions. If you keep doing the same thing, you’ll continue getting the same results!

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Hopefully Helpless by Paul Wilson, Jr.

No one ever likes to feel helpless. No one likes to feel powerless to do anything about his/her situation. No one likes to feel lost without an answer.

Whether we admit it or not, we really are helpless… outside of the will of God. So although I realize that I am helpless without Him, I am extremely hopeful because I have all the help I need in Him.

We like to relish in the fact that we have abilities, talents and experience. Sometimes, though, we forget that it’s God who gave those things to us. And without His empowerment every single day we wouldn’t be able to do anything with all that we have been given.

We especially need to remember this when we are taking on huge God-inspired tasks that can only be accomplished with His strength. The key is not to focus on what you can’t do, but on what God can do. Just remember, if He has given you a job to do, He will also enable you to be able to do it successfully.

Sometimes, though, we unnecessarily overload ourselves when we zealously pursue our own passions and pleasures. The weight of these pursuits can become overwhelming, especially if they are outside of God’s will for us.

Proverbs 10:22 says, “The blessing of the LORD brings wealth, and he adds no trouble to it.” Ask yourself how much trouble came with the acquisition of your goal. Because if you are experiencing feelings of immense weights and burdens, it could be that you have acquired something God never intended for you to have.

When you are doing what He’s called you to do, you will have everything you need to succeed. When you’re not doing what He’s called you to do, you will never have enough.

Dream B.I.G.,
Paul Wilson, Jr.

Transform your dream from an idea into a purpose-driven, passionate, prosperous life!... www.DreamBIGin3D.com

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Dear God's Good Girls

I am writing this brief blog to the many women who are trying to do things ‘right’ according to God’s Word. I know I am NOT a woman and I definitely enjoy my masculinity, but I do recognize your current frustration in today’s environment of male-female relationships. Just so we are clear as to what my definition of doing ‘right’ is, allow me to further explain. Here are the characteristics of how a God good girl should operate based on MY interpretation of God’s Word.

1. God’s Good Girl has accepted Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior of her life. (1 John 5:12-13)
2. God’s Good Girl serves faithfully in ministry and enjoys doing God’s work. (1 Cor. 7:32)
3. God’s Good Girl is actively working to improve herself in ALL areas of life in preparation for the mate God has for her (i.e. spiritually, financially, socially, professionally, mentally and emotionally). ( Proverbs 31)
4. God’s Good Girl has forgiven all of her ex-boyfriends for their relationship failures and has purged all hurts. This includes acknowledging your contribution to the demise of the relationship. (Matthew 18:21-22)
5. God’s Good Girl recognizes that her body is a temple and protects (doesn’t give it away sexually), adorns (dresses respectfully) and preserves it (exercises). (1 Cor. 6:18-20)

Many of my Christian sisters are dedicated and consistently operate according to the principles outlined above. I also want to emphasize that nowhere did I mention that you have to be perfect so don’t place too much pressure on yourself to do so. As we see in Romans 3:23, “All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” This includes the many pastors, preachers, evangelists and prophets who act as if they have the ability to walk on water.

If you fall in the God’s Good Girl category and consistently find yourself frustrated because you still encounter relationship challenges, I say do not let your faith waiver. I say to remain focused on the ‘main thing’ (salvation and Christian living) and allow God to orchestrate the rest. Believe me…I know this is easier said than done. Especially, as you watch those around you who operate in a less than godly manner continue to get married. Is there something wrong with you? Should you simply give up on the lifestyle you’ve chosen to live and go back to ‘dating as usual’? It depends…

There are a lot of people who are married, but not necessarily happily married. Don’t allow your temporary seasons of loneliness cause you to make a decision that will make your life miserable. We often get caught-up in the celebration of two people coming together, but rarely share in their misery of a bad mate choice until the relationship is virtually over. You’d rather continue persevering with expectancy in the God Who is able to meet your desires, than to give up and rely on yourself to make a flesh-led decision that may lead to further misery. What about the guys who don’t want to live with your decision to be celibate? The reality is many guys won’t necessarily embrace the idea (this isn’t the traditional minister answer). You have to make the decision whether you are open to giving someone access to something they don’t have a license to operate. A LOT OF WOMEN AND MEN DO! The problem is the attachment and bond that is formed through the sexual act and the inability to see clearly after the act is completed. I DO NOT recommend you eliminate a man just because he makes an advance at you. I DO recommend that you better manage your boundaries so you don’t find yourselves in situations where you have to deal with those advances.

If you’ve made the decision to follow God and His directives expecting things to operate in your timing, then you’re setting yourself up for failure. Everyone I’ve known that has tried to walk in alignment with God’s principle have all reached a point along the journey where they became a little frustrated and began to petition God for direction. However, they remained fully engaged in ministry and God placed someone in their path who they ultimately grew to love.

I know the journey can be somewhat lonely and another “Keep the faith,” “Keep hope alive,” and “God has someone perfect for you” proclamation from a preacher may not do the trick. Just remember…there are some God’s Good Guys out there who are going through a similar journey as you in their quest for relational happiness. The prayer is for God to continue preparing His Good Girls and Good Guys and allowing them to cross each others’ paths. As an unmarried man, I share in the same challenges as you to manage my fleshly desires while pursuing after God’s righteousness. It’s not easy and was never meant to be after the fall of man, but that is what will make each of us appreciate the treasure at the end of the journey.

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Stop Sharing Your Business

I am often asked who I share my personal life with by those who cross my path. The answer to that question is quite complex and can best be summed up by saying “it depends.” For the most part, I share a lot of what’s going on in my life with those who read my personal blog. I am naturally a very quiet person who enjoys spending downtime alone in order to sort out my thoughts, generate new ideas and decompress from the stress of wearing many hats. Fortunately, blogging allows me to expose that side of my mind to those of you who have an interest in learning more about what goes on in my head.

For the more intimate areas of my life, I have a number of people I solicit feedback and advice from. The one lesson I’ve learned over time is NOT EVERYONE QUALIFIES FOR ACCESS INTO THE INTIMATE PART OF MY LIFE. I have separate people/advisors who provide input to my business aspirations, spiritual growth opportunities, relationship challenges (YES…the relationship coach seeks outside counsel when situations arise :)), ministry direction and ‘personal mess.’ My approach allows me to place my issues in the hands of those with a level of competency to help. Most people seek out specialized counsel in all areas of their lives except their ‘personal mess.’ The problem with this is they share too much of themselves with the wrong person/people. Your ‘personal mess’ is something that should only be shared with people who are extremely trustworthy and who have demonstrated a level of trust over a period of time. I look to those who apply Proverbs 11:12-13 to their lives…“A man who lacks judgment derides his neighbor, but a man of understanding holds his tongue. A gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy man keeps a secret” The moral of the story is to identify people in your life who can hold their tongue. Otherwise, your secrets are as good as the ears of that person’s gossip friend(s). When in doubt, the Lord is your best source of confidence and direction.

If people around you insist on trying to learn more about your ‘personal mess,’ tell them IT'S NONE OF YOUR DOGGONE BUSINESS! :)

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False Start Relationships

Many people are being disqualified from relationship race toward marriage daily because they are running in races God never cleared them to start. In the sport of Track and field, the race officially begins when the starter gives the starting orders (On Your Mark...Set...) and concludes with the firing of a gun (GO!). At the sound of the gun all participants in the race are cleared to run and give their best because they've been cleared to start. If a runner happens to start before the sound of the gun, the gun sounds again resulting in a false start warning and places him/her on the road to disqualification. In some races, the runner is automatically disqualified even after one false start.

So what am I saying...

Many adults in our society are in the starting block of relationships, anticipating the firing of the starting gun. However, instead of listening for the starting sound from the Lord, they find ourselves hearing alternative starting signals (ie, lust, looks, wealth, power, sex) they mistake for an official clearance from God. God typically provides people the opportunity to retake their position in the starting blocks, but few ever do. As a result, the disqualification of relationships is evident in our society as confirmed by our divorce rate, single parent households and lack of value placed on the family structure. Let's wake up people!!! We have time to get it right, but let's break the chain of bad decisions and fleshly living.

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Christian Men's Confidence in Overdrive

It is often the very flawed perception that all or most Christian single women are anxious to be with any available or eligible Christian single man in the church or ministry circle. This is a very bad perception. While it may be true for some, it certainly is not true for all. Let us offer you a different perspective from the single women who are not anxious, are willing to wait on God’s best for our lives, and contrary to popular belief, may even purposely keep you (certain men) at arms length just as you may think you keep certain women, simply because we are being obedient and listening to God. It should be understood that not all women are standing by waiting anxiously for the men in the ministry to give them the time of day, but there are many women who are carrying on and living a purpose driven life as well, and not necessarily pining over the men as the ego may tell you.

Men should avoid the over confidence of thinking that every Christian single woman in the church or ministry either likes them or is after them just because they may feel they are “one of the most eligible single men in church.” This is surely confidence in overdrive. Be aware that a woman can be cool or friendly with any man in the ministry and still not want to be with them as the men may overconfidently assume. The man can be all that society says the most eligible Bachelor should be, but that doesn’t mean the woman wants to be with you just because she is cool with you., or you assume you are so handsome and well spoken that she ’must’ in fact like you just like all the other women. Not all women live by the statistics society offers, and men should not assume so. She may be friendly with you for any of the following reasons:

1. She may just admire and respect you as a man of God. She may see your character traits and use that to help her to decipher the type of qualities she should be open to with the men that approach her. She can be friendly and cool as beans with you , but brothas please don’t assume that she is after you because of it. That is only confidence in overdrive.

2. She could desire a brotherly type of relationship from a Christian man that she can turn to for Christian support from a single male’s perspective. It’s part of what Christian men and women should be for one another anyway, but one should not assume anything more than friendship unless it is specified. Men should abstain from the need to assume that women are after them because they may have them as confidantes. That is confidence in overdrive.

3. She might even actually have an interest in getting to know you better because of character she sees so far, but don’t assume that you are her focus because you feel you are handsome and know the word, or even have one thousand women after you for that matter. She may very well be paying closer attention to your character as well as the character of others, and there is nothing wrong with that. Women vet the men just like men do the women (we are not always as desperate as you think). If she is vetting you, take it as a compliment and nothing more, especially if she loves God, has a good head on her shoulders, and proves mental stability. In addition, in spite of what statistics may tell you, don’t assume you are the only man in review. More importantly, do not make the arrogant assumption that she “likes” you just because she may want to get to know you better. If she specifically states she is interested on her own or if asked, that is another thing. Otherwise, do not assume she is after you. It is only your confidence in overdrive..


Women:

If you are anxious, chasing the men, or doing anything to make them feel like they are deers to be hunted, please refrain from it. In Phillipians 4:6 it tells you to be anxious for nothing, but wait on God. Busy yourself with working on your purpose in life and everything else will be added to you, especially when you just walk in God’s word and leave your relationship worries and/or any insecurities to him. When you are lonely, that is a perfect opportunity to use that time to draw even closer to God.

Please also note, behaving in an anxious manner or chasing the men make it bad for the women who are not anxious, but willing to wait on God. Men shouldn’t be afraid to have conversations or friendships with the women in the church for fear that we are “after” them, (and vice-versa) because of the behavior of the anxious or aggressive people. These assumptions men have are then projected onto everyone and again this is a very bad and flawed perception.


Men:

The women who are not anxious can’t stress this enough: Not every woman is after you! Your confidence and ego may be in overdrive.

………no matter how handsome, how smart, how much you know the word, or how much of a leader you are. You may even be used to all of the other women throwing themselves at you, but that doesn’t mean that ‘every’ woman that is friendly with you or cool with you is also after you just the same. Men should consider that there may be some emotional imbalances that would allow certain women to throw themselves at the men and be overly aggressive and/or anxious. Men should know that there are still balanced women that exist and that do not spend all of their waking moments hoping the men will “choose us,” but we are content with ourselves and are stable enough to chase God, not man and let him add to us in his time.
Avoid the over confidence and overactive ego. A sensible Christian single woman sees this as a huge turn-off and a great character flaw.


Men and Women

As Christian brothas and sistas we should be able to have platonic friendships with one another without thinking there are any “angles” other than a friendship. If a friend turns out to be who God has for you, that is a wonderful blessing. Otherwise, you never know why God may allow someone to cross your path- it may be just a person he put in place to help carry out a piece of your life purpose and that‘s it. It’s not always the reason we assume. Remember to pray, and God reveals all thru various avenues… and please avoid the confidence in overdrive


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Dare to be Uncommon! by Paul Wilson, Jr.

Most people want to blend in with everyone else. I want to be “uncommon”. An uncommon person is one who is willing to do whatever it takes to see his/her dream accomplished. You can’t expect to do what everyone else does and get better results. You have to be willing to take some risks to be out of the ordinary.

Here’s what’s required to be uncommon:

Unique blend of humility and ambition, i.e. the drive to excel without running over people.
Non-conforming to the boxes that society tries to put them in.
Courageous commitment that embraces sacrifice and supercedes convenience.
Optimistic expectations in the face of unrelenting challenges, i.e. passionate perseverance.
Maximum utilization of creativity, talents, skills, and resources.
Maximizing opportunities in the moment versus procrastinating.
Overcoming fear in order to accomplish great feats.
Never quit! Never stop believing! Never stop dreaming!

An uncommon attitude yields uncommon results. Dare to be UNCOMMON!

Dream B.I.G.,

Paul Wilson, Jr.
Connect with me on twitter.com/pwilsonjr
B.I.G. Dreams are coming soon to a mind near you! www.DreamBIGin3D.com

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When Opportunity Knocks

How will you assess opportunity when it comes knocking? We all have times in our lives when opportunity comes knocking at our door. The key is being able to discern which opportunities are God-sent and which ones are simply false realities. We are all faced with opportunities ranging from professional, relational to even familial. How should you embrace and assess opportunity when it comes knocking? I’m not sure I can share a magic silver bullet answer that will cause the world to change, but I will point you in the direction of God Who is able to order and direct your steps (Proverbs 3:5-6). Don’t be wise in your own eyes but allow the opportunities of life to be filtered through the powerful, never failing truths of God’s Word. In addition, be open to praying for guidance, but allow God Him to respond to your prayers before making a move. He will answer your prayers with Yes, No or Not Yet!

God Bless!

KP

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Heroes in Disguise by Paul Wilson, Jr.

Often when I ask someone, "What do you want to do with your life?” they answer, "I want to help people." Then when I ask the follow-up question, "How do you want to help people?" and they answer, "I don't know. I just want to help people."

While it's great that you want to help people, not having a clear understanding of your purpose and a specific direction in life can lead to misfires, misplacements and missed opportunities. Consequently, it can become very frustrating to not know your purpose and to keep running into dead ends while trying to figure it out. I would like to present a different approach to the “what’s-my-purpose” discovery process.

Growing up I was thoroughly fascinated by superheroes and their super powers. Some of my favorites were Spiderman, Flash, and Green Hornet. I always wondered what it would be like to have super powers. There were so many cool powers - being able to fly, run at hyper-speeds, invisibility, incredible strength, etc. - it was hard for me to choose the one I wanted the most.

At some point in time, I’m sure most people have thought about what it would be like to be a superhero (I know I’m not the only one). Fortunately, you don't need super powers to have a super impact. Our society needs everyday heroes who utilize their special talents and skills to make other’s lives better.

So let’s think about your purpose in terms of you being somebody’s hero – and let’s have a little fun while we’re at it. Here are some questions to get you started. If you were a superhero…
- What powers would you want to have?
- Who would you want to help?
- How would you help people?
- What cause would you fight for?
- What would be your slogan?

Although this is a somewhat playful exercise, your answers to these questions could shed some light on your passions, purpose, and proficiencies - and what you are ultimately supposed to be doing with your life. Analyze your responses for clues that might give you an idea of where your unique talents and skills should be directed.

You don’t have to wear a special suit to be super. You can be an everyday hero. Just use what you have to the best of your ability to help as many people as possible.

What are you waiting for? People are waiting to be rescued!

Dream B.I.G.,
Paul Wilson, Jr.
www.DreamBIGin3D.com

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Out of the Shadows by Paul Wilson, Jr.

My favorite poem is “Our Deepest Fear” by Marianne Williamson. I love this creative masterpiece because she powerfully articulates our privilege and responsibility to live as the incredibly awesome individuals that God created us to be. He designed us fearfully and wonderfully in His image (Psalm 139), so we need to better understand and embrace what His expectations are. Here’s an excerpt of the poem…
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant,
gorgeous, handsome, talented and fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.

Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking
so that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine, as children do.

We were born to make manifest the glory of God within us.
It is not just in some; it is in everyone.

And, as we let our own light shine, we consciously give
other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our fear,
our presence automatically liberates others.


Some of you may remember a part of this poem from the movie Akeelah and the Bee. In it a very bright and naturally talented young girl was hesitant to do the hard work to fully explore her potential and pursue her greatness. She was content to hide in the shadows of her own greatness.

Sadly, the struggle of that fictional character is all too common in real life. Many people are hiding in the shadows of their own greatness. Erwin McManus says, “I see everyone as pre-great.” It’s unfortunate, though, that most people stop at “pre-great”, and never get to great.

There could be multiple reasons for this. One reason is they are afraid of the accountability that comes with being in the limelight. Because once your greatness is exposed, you can’t go backwards. You can’t go back into the shadows.

When you excel at what you do best and demonstrate a genuine passion for it, you will be a light – a positive force in the world. We need you to shine your brightest in your area of expertise. When you are not shining, the world is missing out on the unique gifts, talents, and experiences that you bring to the table. Furthermore, God didn’t create you to hide. He created you to shine like a light on a hill (Matthew 5:14-16); and He is going to hold you accountable for how well you utilized what He gave you (Matthew 25:14-30).

Don’t use being afraid of the limelight as an excuse not to be your best and pursue your greatness. If your talents and passions lead you to get attention, don’t focus on the limelight. Instead focus on being a light. And you can’t be a light in the shadows.


Dream B.I.G.,
Paul Wilson, Jr.
www.DreamBIGin3D.com

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