Christian Men's Confidence in Overdrive

It is often the very flawed perception that all or most Christian single women are anxious to be with any available or eligible Christian single man in the church or ministry circle. This is a very bad perception. While it may be true for some, it certainly is not true for all. Let us offer you a different perspective from the single women who are not anxious, are willing to wait on God’s best for our lives, and contrary to popular belief, may even purposely keep you (certain men) at arms length just as you may think you keep certain women, simply because we are being obedient and listening to God. It should be understood that not all women are standing by waiting anxiously for the men in the ministry to give them the time of day, but there are many women who are carrying on and living a purpose driven life as well, and not necessarily pining over the men as the ego may tell you.

Men should avoid the over confidence of thinking that every Christian single woman in the church or ministry either likes them or is after them just because they may feel they are “one of the most eligible single men in church.” This is surely confidence in overdrive. Be aware that a woman can be cool or friendly with any man in the ministry and still not want to be with them as the men may overconfidently assume. The man can be all that society says the most eligible Bachelor should be, but that doesn’t mean the woman wants to be with you just because she is cool with you., or you assume you are so handsome and well spoken that she ’must’ in fact like you just like all the other women. Not all women live by the statistics society offers, and men should not assume so. She may be friendly with you for any of the following reasons:

1. She may just admire and respect you as a man of God. She may see your character traits and use that to help her to decipher the type of qualities she should be open to with the men that approach her. She can be friendly and cool as beans with you , but brothas please don’t assume that she is after you because of it. That is only confidence in overdrive.

2. She could desire a brotherly type of relationship from a Christian man that she can turn to for Christian support from a single male’s perspective. It’s part of what Christian men and women should be for one another anyway, but one should not assume anything more than friendship unless it is specified. Men should abstain from the need to assume that women are after them because they may have them as confidantes. That is confidence in overdrive.

3. She might even actually have an interest in getting to know you better because of character she sees so far, but don’t assume that you are her focus because you feel you are handsome and know the word, or even have one thousand women after you for that matter. She may very well be paying closer attention to your character as well as the character of others, and there is nothing wrong with that. Women vet the men just like men do the women (we are not always as desperate as you think). If she is vetting you, take it as a compliment and nothing more, especially if she loves God, has a good head on her shoulders, and proves mental stability. In addition, in spite of what statistics may tell you, don’t assume you are the only man in review. More importantly, do not make the arrogant assumption that she “likes” you just because she may want to get to know you better. If she specifically states she is interested on her own or if asked, that is another thing. Otherwise, do not assume she is after you. It is only your confidence in overdrive..


Women:

If you are anxious, chasing the men, or doing anything to make them feel like they are deers to be hunted, please refrain from it. In Phillipians 4:6 it tells you to be anxious for nothing, but wait on God. Busy yourself with working on your purpose in life and everything else will be added to you, especially when you just walk in God’s word and leave your relationship worries and/or any insecurities to him. When you are lonely, that is a perfect opportunity to use that time to draw even closer to God.

Please also note, behaving in an anxious manner or chasing the men make it bad for the women who are not anxious, but willing to wait on God. Men shouldn’t be afraid to have conversations or friendships with the women in the church for fear that we are “after” them, (and vice-versa) because of the behavior of the anxious or aggressive people. These assumptions men have are then projected onto everyone and again this is a very bad and flawed perception.


Men:

The women who are not anxious can’t stress this enough: Not every woman is after you! Your confidence and ego may be in overdrive.

………no matter how handsome, how smart, how much you know the word, or how much of a leader you are. You may even be used to all of the other women throwing themselves at you, but that doesn’t mean that ‘every’ woman that is friendly with you or cool with you is also after you just the same. Men should consider that there may be some emotional imbalances that would allow certain women to throw themselves at the men and be overly aggressive and/or anxious. Men should know that there are still balanced women that exist and that do not spend all of their waking moments hoping the men will “choose us,” but we are content with ourselves and are stable enough to chase God, not man and let him add to us in his time.
Avoid the over confidence and overactive ego. A sensible Christian single woman sees this as a huge turn-off and a great character flaw.


Men and Women

As Christian brothas and sistas we should be able to have platonic friendships with one another without thinking there are any “angles” other than a friendship. If a friend turns out to be who God has for you, that is a wonderful blessing. Otherwise, you never know why God may allow someone to cross your path- it may be just a person he put in place to help carry out a piece of your life purpose and that‘s it. It’s not always the reason we assume. Remember to pray, and God reveals all thru various avenues… and please avoid the confidence in overdrive


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