Uninvited Guests – Part 1

The more I research the topic of relationships, the more confirmation I obtain about the number of complexities men and women bring to the table in pursuit of healthy relationships. Most recently I explored the following question: “How Can A Seemingly Good Man or Woman Still Be Single?” Well…upon further review I’ve realized that men and women can appear to be good externally, have there material and professional ducks in a row, but noticed a number of their relationships are eventually derailed by uninvited guests.

Now you may be sitting there with a perplexed look on your face, but many of us (me included) have at some time brought some uninvited guests into our relationships. My next couple of blog submissions will take a look at several of these uninvited guests along with their impacts. It’s a good time to see if you can personally relate to any of these? If not, then share with a friend or co-worker.

For Men

Desperate Chick Memories – One of the quickest ways for you to disqualify yourself from being blessed with a Proverbs 31-esque woman is to bring memories of past desperate chicks along with you. Unfortunately, too many of our brothers feel as if ALL women are desperate and will do just about anything to say they are in relationships. This may be true for women with low self-esteem, who are uneducated or who lack proper guidance. However, women who bring education, self-esteem, self-sufficiency and a desire for relational partnership to the table are more interested in building a future than catering to your past. What does this mean for you? It means that you must be willing to embrace the progressive, entrepreneurial and successful mindsets in exchange for the insignificant, irrelevant ego-boosters from your past.

For Women

‘Outside’ Male Advisors – One of the quickest ways for you to escalate the anger level in a man is to emasculate him by placing too much focus and faith in outside male advisors. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t solicit information from men you value in order to guide you through situations. However, I am saying that you should allow men to grow, mature and develop through experiences without constantly comparing them to your fathers and/or pastors. One of the most frustrating situations from a man’s perspective is to have another man with significant input in your relationship when it’s unsolicited. I say this especially to my sisters who hold their pastors and ministers in high esteem. Please remember that your man->fiancé->husband is the one who needs to be empowered to make decisions without being compared to your fathers, pastors, etc. Your pastors and fathers each had the opportunity to learn through individual experiences, so please don’t remove this opportunity from the men in your lives. I know this may not sit well with some of you and that’s okay…I’m simply sharing the message for you to contemplate.

Stay tuned for the next edition of “Uninvited Guests – Part 2” as I will continue highlighting many of the uninvited guests that hinder the formation of healthy, successful relationships.

Kenny Pugh (kka 'KP')
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