2009...A Year of Change!

2008 is coming to a close and many of us have had years filled with either successes and accomplishments or failures and disappointments. Whichever experience you can relate to, remember life is a continuous learning process that will mature you. I can personally testify that 2008 has been filled with learning experiences in EVERY area of my life. To be honest, 2008 may have been one of the most challenging years I have ever experienced because God pruned me in areas I never intended on dealing with. Despite it all, no matter how many bumps and bruises I received this year, I still give God praise because He has given me new points of reference for my life. I celebrate each of the challenges He has helped me overcome and realize that all things are possible through His grace and renewed mercies. Because of my 2008 experiences, I can now say that my professional, financial, relationship, social and ministry lives will all be better.

During my time of reflection I was reminded of a message my pastor preached a couple years ago titled “Breaking the Holding Pattern!” Each of us can take something away from his sermon because it focused on ways to change the various areas of your life. In order to “Break the Holding Pattern” in your life you must be willing to:

1. Go in a New Direction – You can’t keep doing things the same way expecting a different result. This principle applies to every area of your life. You can’t keep spending money the same way expecting your savings to increase. You can’t keep dating the same type of people who don’t appreciate you and expect to find love. You can’t expect to not retool yourself and expect a job promotion. You can’t expect to be blessed when you neglect the One who is the distributor of all blessings.
2. Garner a New Disposition – You have to be willing to change your perspective of life. You have to understand that you are a child of King and should view yourself as such. Don’t allow fear in your life because it is not of God and provides too much leverage and credit to the enemy. God is able to accomplish great and mighty things in your life if you only believe. All you have to do is remain focused on the Lord and allow Him to direct your path. In order to experience results you have never had before, you must be willing to go places and do things you have never done before.
3. Gain a New Determination – Realign the goals that motivate you and your existence. No more desire for material things! No more desire for selfish power! No more desire for superficial things! No more desire to covet things that don’t belong to you! What God has for you…it is for you. Remain courageous through the process and focus on your commitment to God. All things you chase for personal gain can be taken away in an instant. However, only the things you do for Christ shall last forever.
4. Follow the Guide to your New Destination – You have to remember God is the One who guides you through the ups and downs of life. No matter what you have gone through, it is imperative to remember God presides over your life. He will not put more on you than you can handle in life. Everything you go through should be used to give Him glory and to serve as a testimony to others who may be going through a similar experience. You can rest assured that through this journey called life, the Lord will provide for you, He will protect you and He will preserve you. For evidence of His preservation power, please look at yourself in the mirror. As you look in the mirror, be reminded that you don’t reflect all that you have been through this year. That is preservation power!

As you enter into 2009, please make sure you leave all 2008 baggage behind. This includes activities, relationships and habits that don’t add value to your life. Remember, life-change can be like a band-aid when you remove it. It hurts temporarily, but the wound underneath is hopefully healed enough for you to go forward in life!

Here are some excerpts from the “Breaking the Holding Pattern” sermon preached by Pastor Craig Oliver

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=57I8HMSCWnY

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3E2lUz8bufQ

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TESNjx8zBzQ

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He's Not Dumping You Because...

Below is an article sent to me by a friend and I found it interesting. Both men and women tend to have an inflated perspective of how good of a catch they really are. The bottom line is that we all have areas to improve in our lives and our search for a mate who is perfect will always come up short. There is a difference between 'the perfect mate' and 'the mate who is perfect.'

**************************************************
Written by Judy McGuire of The Frisky (www.thefrisky.com)

Writing about dating is my full-time job, so, naturally, I hear a lot of pretty deranged tales of love gone wrong. But last week I received a letter from a woman who was convinced that men wouldn't go out with her because she was just too ... beautiful.

She fully believed her breathtaking attractiveness was anything but a man-magnet -- as one might expect. Instead, she said, her beauty acted as a Romeo-repellant, causing suitors to run screaming from her. Obviously, I explained the situation to her (perhaps it wasn't her gorgeous outsides, but her narcissistic insides that were doing the damage), but it did get me to thinking about all the other ridiculous reasons that women -- myself included -- come up with when they get dumped.

Along with being too beautiful, here are a few other qualities I guarantee nobody will ever break your heart over:

Too smart: I once had a friend who was convinced she couldn't keep a boyfriend because she was too smart for the male population. She was positive her staggering intellect was turning them off. Uh, no. What drove the men away (and most of her female friends, as well) was the fact that she was mean. We're talking stupendously cruel. Her definition of smart translated into cutting people down until they felt like the smallest person on earth. Not exactly a turn-on, no matter how cleverly it's worded.

Too nice: Generally, I hear this one more from men, but women are guilty of it, too. Here, the problem is semantics. "Nice" is a desirable quality. Whereas "doormat," "pantywaist," and "milquetoast" are not. Far too many people mistake the latter for the former, and there's a world of difference when it comes to dating. So, no, you're not getting dumped because you're too nice; you're getting the heave-ho because you're spineless.

To see the rest of this article please visit:
http://www.cnn.com/2008/LIVING/personal/12/18/reasons.you.wont.get.dumped/index.html

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Merry Christmas to You!

I pray and trust that each of you had a Merry Christmas! Please take time for the remainder of the weekend to spend quality time with family, friends, or even yourself.

Reflect on the birth of Jesus Christ and be reminded that He was born to die for each of us.

I am currently relaxing with my family and will resume blogging on Monday, December 29, 2008.

May God Bless each and every one of you!

In the Christmas Spirit or Not?

Christmas time is usually filled with joy and excitement. There are people out and about shopping, planning parties and making travel arrangements to spend time with family and friends. Christmas time can be an awesome time when your mind maintains focus on the reason for the season...the birth of Jesus Christ. However, for many who are unmarried, Christmas time can be a painful reminder of your current season of singleness. No matter how much you try to focus on other things, a sense of disappointment can manifest itself when you are unhappy in your current season. I know people who can manage this time of the year without any signs of disappointment. On the flipside I know many who also struggle during this time of year.

How do you deal with the Christmas season in season of singleness? What keeps you focused?

Advice for Today - 12/19/08

Feel free to run your life like an HR Director. People will continually submit applications to become a part of your life, but you hold ultimate authority on whether to hold their application, invite them in for an interview, and/or extend them an offer to join your company.

Remember that employment/partnership is at-will and you can terminate the agreement at any time.

Also, how many people do you have in your life who need to be reviewed for performance?

Have a great weekend!

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Art of Noise

One of my favorite songs of all-time is ‘Moments in Love’ by Art of Noise. The element that is so interesting about this particular song is the amount of instrument variety used to bring about a harmonious sound. This song has keyboards, horns, drums, rattlers, special effects, etc., and the predetermined transitions provide a beautiful musical flow using the ‘Art of Noise.’

In thinking through the art of music, I recently reflected on a sermon Bishop Eddie Long preached at my church back in 2007. He spoke about a conductor and an orchestra, and how they must work together in order to accomplish a single, harmonious, symphonic sound. An orchestra is made up of several instruments, each having a special role and sound needed to complete the big musical masterpiece directed by the conductor. When the musicians pay attention to the cue of the conductor, everything occurs at the right moment and produces what we hear as masterful music piece. However, when the musicians play out of turn or too loudly, it is extremely noticeable and the result is not so pleasant.

Well, relationships work the same way as the above-mentioned orchestra. Two individuals serve as the orchestra musicians and God serves as the conductor. When two individuals allow the orchestration of God to guide their steps, interaction and involvement, a beautiful relationship sound is experienced. Unfortunately, many of today’s relationships are generating an out of sync noise played at the desire of the individuals…and not as directed by God. Individuals are trying so hard to get their selfish points across, instead of contributing to the harmonious sound God desires. The solution is to simply get back in alignment with God’s direction, and allow Him to conduct every move in each area of a relationship. When you allow Him to lead, you will experience an ‘Art of Noise’ that’s pleasing to everyone involved.
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Managing Expectations

There are typically two results that occur when dealing with your expectations:

1. Happiness - Happiness occurs when a reality in your life (e.g. event, relationship, activity) meets or exceeds your expectations.

or

2. Disappointment - Disappointment occurs when a reality in your life (e.g. event, relationship, activity) does not meet, or falls below your expectations.


The best way of dealing with both happiness and disappointment is to identify a method to properly manage your expectations. The best way to manage your expectations is to recognize that you do not have the ability to change or control people or situations. Once you recognize that God is in control of everything that happens in your life, you will be better equipped to deal with both happiness and disappointment.

Here are two verses that keep me grounded when either happiness or disappointment surfaces in my life:

Psalm 118:24 - This is the day the LORD has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.

Psalm 30:5 - Weeping may endure for a night, But joy comes in the morning.

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Relationship Tip - 12/12/08

For the Men
A woman is interested in connecting with someone who has vision. In order to be an effective household leader, you have to know where you are going, or be connected to the One who can lead you there.

For the Women
A man needs someone who can come alongside of him in order to achieve a greater purpose. Bring your God-given skills and talents to the table and allow them to be used to accomplish God-sized successes in your relationship.

For Both
Relationships are meant for two individuals who complement one another and not conflict with each other. Continue developing yourself so you can be the best you can be in all aspects of your relationship!


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Interesting Perspective of Love

Here is an article written by author Deepak Chopra that was sent to me by a friend. I think it has some points you may find interesting.

**********
Love is not just a sentiment. Love is the ultimate truth at the heart of creation. Any relationship that’s based on need is doomed for failure. And any relationship that is based on playfulness leads to ecstasy. When you have the intoxication of love, your body makes dopamine, opiates, serotonin, and oxytocin. These hormones are not only antidepressants, and induce a subjective sense of euphoria, but they’re also immunomodulators. They modify, modulate, and fortify your immune system, so you’re a much healthier person. When people are experiencing either the giving or receiving of love, their body starts to self-regulate and restore homeostasis, which means that all your body systems are performing at a peak level. Our meaning and context in life come from relationships. In the absence of relationships, we don’t even exist. A bad relationship is one in which there is controlled manipulation, where people need constant approval and reinforcement that they are liked or loved -- in other words, where there is a lot of insecurity.

Please visit http://advice.eharmony.com/article/deepak-chopra-what-ive-learned-about-love.html to see the remainder of this article.

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End of Year Relationship Assessment

In your season of singleness, your relationship with Christ is representative of a relationship with your mate. If today was your end of year review and Christ represented your mate, how would you rate in the following areas?

- Quality time spent with Him
- Effective communication with Him
- Ability to resolve conflict with Him
- Demonstration of love towards Him
- Granting Him access to ALL areas of your life
- Ability to accept correction for inappropriate behavior from Him
- Consulting Him for guidance/direction
- Giving your time and talents to Him

If you struggle in the areas listed above, you will probably struggle with interpersonal relationships. Otherwise, you will probably experience a varying level of success.

Pop quiz
In your eyes, would God still be God if He decided not to send you a mate?

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Question of the Day - Holding on to the Past

Today's question of the day poses as a point of reflection for you.

Are you NOT receiving future blessings because you refuse to let go of your past?

Do not allow yourself to become paralyzed by things, situations and people that you cannot change. Keep pressing forward towards the mark and remember everything works together to achieve God's ultimate purpose.

Question of the Day - The Educated Woman

Have women over-educated and professionalized themselves out of marriage?

I am continually amazed at the rate of women who are currently unmarried in today's society. Progressive feminism has opened many corporate doors that were closed once upon a time for women to pursue. In addition, many of today's women have taken advantage of educational opportunities and now outpace their male counterparts in a tremendous way. What does this mean for successful relationships and marriage? Absolutely nothing! Unfortunately for women, there is no correlation between being educated and professionally successful, and receiving the mate that so many desire to be blessed with.

I reflect back on my days as a youth (1970's and 1980's) and wonder why this issue didn't seem to be a problem back then. Have women over-educated and professionalized themselves out of marriage?

Hmmmm.....

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Do You Have A Solid Relationship Plan?

Why do so many people try to pursue relationships and marriages when they have never seen a successful one modeled before their eyes?

I just had a revelation about why the failure rate of relationships and marriages is at an all-time high. Unfortunately, we have an ever-increasing population of people who have never seen successful relationships and marriages lived out before them. It's sort of like trying to build a car or home with no plans and specs (specifications). When you try build a house or car with no plans and specs you are destined to fail. The complexity of such constructions makes it very difficult to build a quality product without specific directions. Similarly, relationships are complex entities that are difficult to build without a stable plan or set of instructions. What happens when two people disagree on a particular point? They each argue individually from their experience or historical point of view which is dangerous. Unfortunately, two individuals arguing/debating relationship perspectives from a historical point of view often assist in destroying the success of the relationship.

How can you argue about what makes a relationship successful, or your point valid, when your points of reference are past failed relationships? Hmmmm...

If you don't have any successful relationships from your past to reflect upon during your pursuit of relationship/marriage, I can offer a couple of suggestions:

1) Read the Bible. The Bible gives foundational components of successful relationships. The pure essence of healthy relationships are agape love, giving, selflessness, reconciliation and communication. John 3:16 is great biblical evidence on how relationships should be modeled.

2) Seek relationship/marriage mentors. A great source for understanding relationships issues are couples whose relationships have withstood the test of time. Things Will go wrong in your relationships, but all conflicts are not worth risking the loss of your relationship/marriage. You have to learn which issues lack importance and which ones are detrimental to a relationship.

3) Work on you. It is very difficult to operate in a relationship when you have not purged your baggage from previous relationships. Contrary to your biological clock, Essence magazine or what the media says, you are better off by yourself, than connected to someone who makes your joined relationship unhealthy. Remember...an ox and an ass cannot operate together.

Stay tuned for more on this topic...

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Perspective of LOVE

There are some very distinct differences between how men and women view and come into LOVE.

It has been stated that women fall in LOVE and men sort of grow into LOVE over time. Men really have to choose to LOVE someone because we are taught in our youthful years to flee from or suppress our emotions. In spite of our ability to camouflage our emotions, we basically know within the first couple of months of dating/courting whether we are interested in pursuing a long-term relationship. Men find someone who they consider attractive and then seek to grow into LOVE over time. Women on the other hand, typically find a man who they view as quality and seek to confirm their LOVE interest in them. Women can become progressively attracted to a man over a short period of time.

I used to wonder why I would often see attractive women with men who society would view as ‘average’. It is because the ‘average’ man displayed quality characteristics which led the woman to become progressively attracted to them.

Women – Do you agree that men of quality become more attractive over time?

Men – Do you know if you’re in it for the long haul early on in the relationship? Does anything really change for you after a couple months of dating a woman?

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Has Technology Ruined Courtship?

I stumbled across a question on my friend's Facebook page that I found quite interesting.

Why do guys date you via text/email/IM? No more talking until 4am like the old days, courtship has gone to cyberspace.

I found this question to be most interesting and asked permission to post on my blog and on other communication avenues. Does anyone have any thoughts about this question? Let me universalize the question because women are also guilty of this practice too.

When you take the time to engage in meaningful conversation to the point where information is exchanged, why do so many people opt for text messaging, e-mail and IM for communication? I understand during the day when folks are working, but what about in the evening when your day has come to a close? Are our relationships failing because people only get access to the technology side of a person?

Personally...I will not proceed in a relationship where effective, direct communication is lacking.

Your thoughts please!!!

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