Male Confessions in Miami

Over the weekend I had the opportunity to spend time with my Kappa Alpha Psi line brothers in Miami celebrating our 12-year anniversary. It’s amazing how people from different backgrounds and belief systems can reunite with a central point of commonality (in our case Kappa Alpha Psi). I am so very different than my line brothers and was hesitant about participating in our anniversary trip. However, I knew God had a purpose for me being there and I simply wanted to receive what it was He had in store for me.

Our vacation crew was made up of 8 men: four married, one engaged; three unmarried men and half of the group were born-again believers. In addition to using my time away from Atlanta for rest and relaxation, I decided to relationally probe into the minds of men who possess very diverse backgrounds of relationship experiences. While we were on South Beach I began asking various questions related to marriage and the associated benefits/difficulties. The four married guys all admitted that they considered throwing in the towel at some point during their marriage due to the tension, frustration and difficulties of merging lives with their wives. Three of them have shaken the past frustrations and have proceeded forward in building and nurturing marital relationships with their spouses. However, one remains connected to his wife only because he’s not sure what to do or where to turn (those of us in Christ would know where to turn ). I asked them what unmarried men and women should focus on in preparation for the marital journey. Here are the top three items that were identified:

1. Communication – Because marriage involves two people from different backgrounds, it is imperative that communication flows freely and with honesty. Otherwise, you leave one party to develop their own conclusions about situations and that can be detrimental to the relationship.
2. Compromise – Two people coming together as one leads to the struggle of imposing one’s personal habits and ways of doing things on their mate. However, we must remember that just because you have been something a certain way for 30 years does not mean it’s the only way of accomplishing a desired outcome. Compromise is one of the most important components of a relationship.
3. Trust – Without trust…a relationship is doomed. If you are consumed with the whereabouts or activities of your mate, you are setting yourself up for a life of misery. A relationship without trust is destined for failure!

One of the four married guys attributed the success and perseverance of his marriage to the relationship both he and his wife have with Christ. He said without his Christian foundation, he would have left his wife with no questions asked. Isn’t it amazing that Christ can help calibrate relationships that seem out of alignment?

I was also shocked to learn that cheating on a spouse was not anything out of the ordinary for some of the men on our trip (I left this statement very vague so I would not incriminate any of my line brothers). Why cheat you may ask? Well…when there is a desire for variety, outside sources often fulfill the desire for variety. Not to mention there are many women who seek attention without commitment and this is an awesome option for men in committed relationships. It was also mentioned that sexual variety and pleasure are difficult temptations to overcome.

What is the moral of this story? Christ should be the focal point of all relationships so you have a central point to calibrate your relationship during times of trial and tribulation. Character allows you to discern the person you are connecting yourself to. Be sure that you are connected to a person’s character and not their personality because personalities change, but character remains consistent. Humorous is a personality trait. Cheating is a character flaw. All healthy relationships have open communication, willingness to compromise and the foundation of trust. Amen!