THE LANGUAGE OF HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS - By Bishop George G. Bloomer

Below is an article written by Bishop George Bloomer. It will serve as our workplace topic of the week. How healthy is your relationship language? This is helpful information for all of your relationships...workplace, family, church, general friends and intimate interactions.

Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I have become sounding brass or a clanging cymbal. (1 Corinthians 13:1)

Recently, I did a study on how the interpretation of words can have a significant impact upon relationships. It’s not only what you say to a person, but how you say it, as well as how the individual interprets the dialogue that determines the outcome of the union. Whether it’s with family members, spouses, or co-workers, we all need to learn the value of considering the audience before unintentionally invoking misunderstandings due to conversations being lost in translation.

Knowing your audience requires having a divine revelation of who you are speaking to and how that individual is going to translate what you’ve said. For instance, in Taiwan, the translation of the Pepsi slogan "Come alive with the Pepsi Generation" was misinterpreted as "Pepsi will bring your ancestors back from the dead." I am sure that the problem was immediately rectified, but for many of us, we never get the chance to right the wrongs that are committed due to innocent misunderstandings.

Language in the Bible was so significant that in Genesis 11 “the whole earth was of one language, and of one speech,” but when they attempted to build a tower whose top would reach into Heaven, God stepped in and confused their language so that they would not understand one another’s speech. It is always better to consult God first rather than to risk wasting time to build something that goes against His will. Likewise, it is better to have a divine revelation of those around you before needlessly tearing down, in a moment, valuable relationships that have taken years to build.

10 Things an Effective Communicator Needs

1. Good listening skills. The worst thing that you can do in a conversation is to refuse to allow the person to whom you are talking to respond. Many misunderstandings are created simply because the one who is doing all the talking makes it impossible for the other party to hear. Why? Because normally a person who feels that he or she is not being listened to, will immediately shut the other person out. It’s much like two children who are on the play ground. One minute they’re best friends, and the next minute, one is giving her friend a piece of her mind, while the friend retaliates by covering her ears and antagonizing: “Blah, blah, blah...I can’t hear you!”
2. Transparency. When you are not being truthful or are purposely avoiding relevant points in your conversation, people will perceive you as dishonest.
3. Passion. When you are not passionate about what you believe in, you will be less likely to sway the opinions of others as well.
4. Organization. Appearing unorganized will come across as laziness. Others will question your motives and priorities.
5. Responsiveness. Be prepared to respond to the questions of others without appearing too defensive. When you come across as accusatory and combative, people will become offended and block out what you’re saying. Instead, be helpful and courteous in your responses, even if the listener disagrees with what you have to say.
6. Patience. It takes patience to get your point across. Not everyone will understand your point of view the first time that you explain it.
7. Humility. This is not to imply humility in the sense of subservience or appearing downtrodden, but rather, the ability to consider other people’s points of view and to weigh those views with fairness.
8. Assertiveness. If you are uncertain regarding your topic of conversation then others will be uncertain as to whether or not they should listen to you. Avoid coming across as double-minded and unstable. Say what you mean and mean what you say.
9. Clarity. Be able to articulate what you mean with precision. This can only be done by being educated with the proper information and knowing your audience.
10. Information. When you do not have the proper information you can not present a viable argument to support your claims. Nor can you engage the attention of those who are already somewhat knowledgeable of your topic of conversation. Instead, you will be perceived as a novice.

Remember, language—whether spoken or unspoken—is a very valuable tool in pointing out to others who you are. It reveals your concern for others or the lack thereof; your communicative ability; or your likes and dislikes. But when lost in translation language can unknowingly have unintended consequences. Husbands and wives fight everyday due to the miscommunication that is invoked by using the wrong language. Women, for instance, can often hear the unspoken things in a conversation that we, as men, are unaware that we are revealing. So when she becomes infuriated, walks away from the conversation and slams the door, he is left standing there wondering, “What did I say!” Something was unknowingly revealed to her in midst of the conversation that he is totally unaware that he has just said...though he didn’t really come out and say it.

Paul, in First Corinthians 2:2 declared, “For I determined not to know any thing among you, save Jesus Christ, and him crucified.” He makes it very clear that his priorities are with the Lord and he does not care to judge his brethren predicated on information regarding their flesh. He wanted to maintain his focus and not allow anything to prevent him from presenting the Gospel to them with unadulterated clarity. Just as people did not always agree with Paul, neither will they agree with all of your ideals and points of view; however, when you are clear concerning the language that you use to communicate with them, they have a greater respect for your ability to convey honesty and clarity void of the confusion that misunderstandings that the wrong language uses to destroy valuable relationships. Seek to know nothing, but the language of healthy relationships.