Please subscribe to the Chat Kafe e-mail group by signing-up at the bottom of the page. (Your e-mail address will not be sold or shared with others)
Workplace topic of the week...
How do you deal with the potential reality of marriage NOT being a calling for your life?
The reality is, if we tried to match every woman and every man together for marriage relationships, we would eventually run out of men due to women currently outnumbering men in our country. I know this is depressing ladies, but consider this...
1. God has created some women who never desire to marry.
2. There is another group of women who are unprepared for successful marriages.
3. You only have yourself to develop in order to be the ONE for a mate. You should never concern yourself with everyone else because God has His own unique plan for you.
4. God doesn't work according to worldly odds. It only takes ONE man to satisfy the requirement for a godly marriage partner.
For men it is sometimes challenging to sort through the many options who present themselves to you, but consider this...
1. Most women will eliminate themselves as viable mates due to the behavior they exude during the courting process.
2. You can only really assess one woman at a time. Dating multiple women at one time has a tendency to blur your focus.
3. You have to do the mate finding in order to obtain FAVOR from the Lord. Sitting back casually forces the roles to reverse, which is unbiblical.
4. You have to focus on preparing yourself to be the priest of the household. God will send the woman you need to pursue after you have shown yourself to be worthy.
Here are my personal thoughts...
- If marriage is not the calling for your life, then God will begin to gradually divert your attention from that area of your life and direct it somewhere else.
- If marriage is not the calling for your life, then God will allow you to choose potential mates according to your own will and not according to His will. This will result in ongoing disappointment and a loss of motivation for marital bliss.
- If marriage is not the calling for your life, then God will orchestrate a life-situation that causes you to accept singleness as your personal ministry.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Posts
.jpg)
16 comments:
KP, thank you for this relationship topic. Let's flip the script. Why does it have to be women who eliminate themselves as viable mates due to the behavior they exude during the courting process? There are some men that will eliminate themselves as viable mates due to their behavior during the courting process. I have to say it is depressing that the ratio is 22 to 1 here in Atlanta. It grieves my heart more that we have too many men in the church playing games. I have a desire to get married, but I will not settle!! SWOGOD
SWOGOD, I agree with your statement. However, it has been my experience that women find themselves comparing themselves to other women rather than focusing on discerning the right mate. Both men and women have the ability to eliminate themselves from marriage contention during the courting process. Unfortunately, men have a greater selection of women to choose from and many of the women are willing to settle no matter how bad the man behaves :(.
Women and men need to compare themselves to Christ, instead of focusing on each other. I have to be honest several years ago I was one of these women. After you go through many trial/tribulations and pain from focusing on the wrong things in life-God has a way of fixing your eyes back on him. I have to say that I have come to a point in my life where I could care less of who gets who or who gets what. As long as I have the unconditional love of Jesus..this is all that I need.(until God sends me the desire of his heart) NO SETTLING ON THIS END!! :>D SWOGOD
SWOGOD it's awesome that you have matured spiritually to the point where you currently find yourself. Aligning with Christ instead of others around you is the ultimate goal that we should all strive for. However, many of today's Christians have not reached that level of spiritual maturity. What advice would you give someone who may not have an advanced relationship with Christ?
KP, I think that you have made several valid points in your post, but I think that a lot of single women in the church want children, more so than they want marriage. Therefore, they pursue marriage in order to fill their other wants ( children, status, security, etc). We all know that marriage is first and then children, but how would you address the issue of women being more in love with becoming a mother than a wife?
My advice would be to attend church other than on Sundays. It helps to hear the word of God at least several times of week. Your heart has to open and you have to have a thirst for the word of God. I have grown so much by taking classes that have been offered at my church. This has helped me stay grounded and it has drawn me closer to God. I've also surrounded myself with friends who have my best interest at heart. Recently, I have been spending time with married couples who have healthy marriages.
To be honest I have had to sleep, eat, and breathe God to stay focused. I work a part-time job that caters to women and I'm able to minister to women while I'm working. I meet women that come from all walks of life/religious backgrounds. I use this position as a ministry tool to reach as many women as I can. This has helped me grow tremendously, so I don't have much time to focus on me or my circumstances.
If you take care of your father's business, then he will take care of you/personal matters. :>D SWOGOD
Thanks SWOGOD. To clarify my recent post, I was stating that the pursuit of marriage for some is not to actually find a mate, but to have children or some other reason! I totally agree with you, submerging yourself in Christ and his word is a great way to keep your head and thoughts in the right direction. But when I speak to other women, they often lists reasons for wanting to be married that do not include finding their "God sent mate". What are your thoughts on this matter?
Thank you klw. ;) The God that we serve is about order. He is not a God of confusion. I would suggest reading the book or taking the class called "Marriage Without Regrets". This precept class is taught by Kay Arthur. Marriage is ordained by God, and if we go into a marriage with the wrong mindset then our foundation is already weakened. God wants us to be fruitful and multiply, but bringing children into the marriage without proper planning can cause problems. My personal belief is that a husband and wife need time to minister to one another before adding children. We can't put the cart before the horse. Adding children is another ministry in itself. Children are a gift from God, but your husband is a gift also. Women have to stop focusing on their (biological clocks), and focus on God. If God breathed life into Sarah's womb then he can do it for us (if it's his will). I hope this brings some clarity to your question. SWOGOD :>D
Thanks for your feedback. My thoughts are in alignment with yours SWOGOD!
ummm, you're scaring me. :-( NEVER becoming someones wife has not entered my mind once. i need, not want, two things: a husband/friend and my bachelors degree. i know the difference between need and want, and those are needs in my life. i'm very specific in my prayers to God. i'm not going to worry just yet.
If marriage is not your calling, all I can say is pray that God gives you what ever you need to deal with a single life. It is hard to give up what you feel you want out of life. Especially when you expected to find that soul mate and dreamed about your future as a wife.
I try not to worry that I won't be married, because I know right now at this moment I would not accept a proposal. I am not completely prepared to deal with the institute of marriage. My family is more concerned about who will be the next to marry.
The failure rate of marriage in my family for women is pretty bad, I don't want to end up with someone I will hate or dispise in a few years, I want Gods long lasting love, and he only knows what man can provide that for me. It is fustrating at times to watch your friends get married off and you wonder when it will happen for you.
All I can say ladies is work on being patient, if you get to anxious you may end up with the wrong mate.
Men don't have it easy out here as far as finding thier soul mate, they have many woman that may not be the one, that could distract them from who they are searching for. Ladies we have to pray that they find discernment, and pray that they will let God lead them right and let nothing else cloud their vision. We also need to pray that God prepares them for their wife, so that the relationship will have a bond that is unbreakable.
GB
Amen GB!
This is a topic to which I've given quite a bit of thought. When I think of my future it always includes a husband and children; however, I'm not sure that this is God's will for my life. I've had a number of relationships dissolve without any solid reason. (At least from my point of view). This causes me to wonder if maybe God has another path for my life as it relates to marriage.
I know that I'm currently not in a position to serve as the kind of wife that God wants me to be. I still have a few things I would like to do and places I would like to see before settling down into the role of wife and mother. Frankly I'm still a bit selfish!
It's my belief that as I delight myself in the Lord, He will give me the desires of my heart. As I continue to immerse myself in His word and stay in the center of His will, He will reveal His chosen path for me. If marriage is not God's plan for my life, I truly feel at peace with walking out the awesome purpose that He has for me.
I have had a few people get a real attitude with me when I asked what they would do IF God decided that they were not to have a mate. We say all of the time that we want to live in his will, we'll do whatever he wants, we're submitted - but many times, it seems that condition is predicated upon our very own terms.
Personal determination and a desire to accomplish goals is one thing. But, submission to what God says has to not have all of the strings attached to it as we are claiming. While it is my goal to be someone's wife/ mother one day - I will not disrespect the calling that God has placed on my life and say that it would cause me to do anything other than continue to be his daughter if that were to never pass. Yes, you go through the range of emotions - but at some point, you have to 'take the cup'.
I also appreciate that you comment in the blog that in order for it to be revealed to you that marriage is not your calling, then God will begin to gradually divert your attention and direct it elsewhere. I'd also like to point out that will require a level of obedience because several of us have our attention focused on getting down someone's aisle, but that is not where GOD wants our attention.
I'll say it - if you are not even dating (or being courted by)anyone, then subscribing to Bridal Weekly is NOT what God really wants for you to do with your time! There are TOO many of us ladies who have a mental wedding all planned out - just meet a man and stir - HAPPY GOD-ORDAINED FAMILY! While several of us are not this extreme, if we were honest with ourselves in our heart of hearts, we'd own the fact that we're more in love with the idea of being in love and infatuated with the thought of seeing what a 'little me' would look like moreso than we're making efforts to please God by honoring our mates.
Let's get it together and live for him.
That him should be HIM, by the way!
Shix, Please deliver me from people who believe God is only sovereign when He does what they want Him to do in their lives. We have to reach a point of spiritual maturity that enables us to accept the good and the 'different' blessings from God. I used the word 'different' because if God ordains it then it cannot be bad. We only consider it bad because it does not align with our personal wants :(. However, God's bigger plan may be to keep us out of situations that we are unprepared to handle.
Post a Comment