Why do so many people try to pursue relationships and marriages when they have never seen a successful one modeled before their eyes?
I just had a revelation about why the failure rate of relationships and marriages is at an all-time high. Unfortunately, we have an ever-increasing population of people who have never seen successful relationships and marriages lived out before them. It's sort of like trying to build a car or home with no plans and specs (specifications). When you try build a house or car with no plans and specs you are destined to fail. The complexity of such constructions makes it very difficult to build a quality product without specific directions. Similarly, relationships are complex entities that are difficult to build without a stable plan or set of instructions. What happens when two people disagree on a particular point? They each argue individually from their experience or historical point of view which is dangerous. Unfortunately, two individuals arguing/debating relationship perspectives from a historical point of view often assist in destroying the success of the relationship.
How can you argue about what makes a relationship successful, or your point valid, when your points of reference are past failed relationships? Hmmmm...
If you don't have any successful relationships from your past to reflect upon during your pursuit of relationship/marriage, I can offer a couple of suggestions:
1) Read the Bible. The Bible gives foundational components of successful relationships. The pure essence of healthy relationships are agape love, giving, selflessness, reconciliation and communication. John 3:16 is great biblical evidence on how relationships should be modeled.
2) Seek relationship/marriage mentors. A great source for understanding relationships issues are couples whose relationships have withstood the test of time. Things Will go wrong in your relationships, but all conflicts are not worth risking the loss of your relationship/marriage. You have to learn which issues lack importance and which ones are detrimental to a relationship.
3) Work on you. It is very difficult to operate in a relationship when you have not purged your baggage from previous relationships. Contrary to your biological clock, Essence magazine or what the media says, you are better off by yourself, than connected to someone who makes your joined relationship unhealthy. Remember...an ox and an ass cannot operate together.
Stay tuned for more on this topic...
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3 comments:
I absolutely agree, 100% with this post....well stated KP!
I had a failed relationship..point blank. Am I crying over it, "shivering" over my biological clock, emotionally detached or fearful that there will NEVER BE A MR. RIGHT???? Nope.........:-)!
There are a couple of individuals who know me on a personal level who surely understands my position.....
I was young, inexperienced and naive when I started dating my ex. He wasn't a loser, he was a great provider, was respected and liked by most, if not all people we can in contact with. What the heck was the problem then some might ask? God knew AND I knew...... end of story and my life goes on in the name of the Lord!!
Now, did I have successful relationships modeled in front of my eyes? Well let's see... My parents were married for 35 years and my grands for 66 years. Both men went home to be with the Lord. Did they ever disagree? Did they just LOVE looking at each other with stars in their eyes... EVERY SINGLE DAY? Did they go skipping through the lilies, hand in hand, smiling from ear to ear? You see where I am going, right? Of course everyday was not a "rosey" day--but what those relationships taught me was this ....when two are joined by GOD...Let me say that one again, when two are JOINED BY GOD....and the man takes the position as head of household and the woman honors her position as a help meet, according to God's law, until death do you part.....
What has kept my going....NOTHING but the blood....Being rasied under the tutelage of one of the most dynamic Drs. of Theology in this country---my upbringing was beyond bibical......so why did my marriage fail?.....That's a novel...let's move on :)!! I am so happy at this moment because I have turned my life, my faith and trust over to the Lord. He may keep me all to himself and take me home to glory before this year ends. I don't know.....All I can say without sounding too smug is God got my back and I will do what he tells me. He knows who I am and if it is in HIS will to send me my Boaz, I'll have him.........Do I dream or hope about what COULD be.....I mean I DID have a failed relationship? Absolutely I dream!! You better believe it!! I don't dwell there or stay there! I smile and say to myself, If God could never step in to solve a problem, what in the world do we have to testify about?.....
Good stuff KP!
One of my new daily mantras is, "I am a good thing!" As stated, reading the Word about your role or intended role is vitally important, and speaking the word helps to activate your faith and plan.
Yes, we do take our cues from Essence magazine, however, we must also keep our own counsel. Over the Thanksgiving holiday I had a little time to think and I simply reaffirmed my mantra, "I am a good thing." If he comes and finds me, "I am a good thing." And if I never marry and have to simply adopt the children whom I teach, "I am still a good thing."
I have a good life, a rich life, a blessed life, and while I would like someone to share my life with, I am not settling for less than God's best. You might recall the old song, "I can do bad all by myself."
I could have "a man," but I want more than just someone who is breathing with a penis. I want a man after God's own heart, one with a good work ethic, a sense of humor, a personality, and last but not least, a clue. LOL!
While my parents never married, my grandparents were married for 54 years. For 12 years of my life, I lived with them and got to see firsthand how love can work if you work with it.
Need a laugh or a lift? Visit http://arleciasimmonsinspires.blogspot.com/
The bible say in all thy ways to acknowledge him and he will direct thy path. If we would only seek God for our mates it would not be so many divorces. A good example in the Bible would be when Abraham sent his servant out to seek a wife for his son his servant prayed first. Do you get the point? To all my sisters out there that desire a husband quit looking for him according to the bible, He is supose to find you and he will. Continue to delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart.
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