I had an interesting conversation with a close friend who is recently divorced. I asked him if he could do it again, what would he do differently this time around. He responded simply… “I would marry someone who is more nurturing than career focused. I understand my personality and recognize that I need someone more who desires to focus on family and life rather than career ascension.”
I began thinking to myself about which one I’d prefer, corporate or domestic. It definitely makes for an interesting discussion.
Workplace topic of the day…
Which one means more to you, career or family?
Is there a way to integrate both into a marriage relationship without compromise?
Based on your selection, are you aligning yourself properly for success in that area?
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4 comments:
Corporate vs. Domestic......great topic!
Even though I am a member of the "divorced club", I am on the opposite end of the spectrum from your close friend. In my former relationship, I was domesticated but unfortunately underappreciated. I asked myself the same question that you proposed to your friend, "If I could do it again, what would be different this time around?" Well, aside from praying for the gift God has for me, I would stay the same because it is certainly WHO I am. Since God designed women to be a "help meet" (Genesis 2:18), I would be honored to take care of the head of my household. I guess it also depends on what a married couple is seeking to accomplish together. Perhaps the options of a wife working part-time or from home would be conducive to their environment. I strongly belive if a woman is "burning the midnight oil", how can she nurture her man? The answer is she can't!
Speaking from experience, I decided in my early thirties to give most of "me" to my family as opposed to "aggressively attacking" my career. Unfortunatly, the "mental picture" I hoped for wasn't painted to my specifications. What do I say to myself? The second time around has GOT to be better! (LOL)
Being divorced, I realized that a lot of our problems stemmed from my husband expecting a lot from me even though I worked all day just like he did. He got home from work, and sat on the couch with a cold beer watching the game, whereas I had to come home from a full day at work and tend to my second job. The second time around, I want both of us to work doing something we love and get fulfillment from, come home and both take care of our household and each other. I would want to be with someone who loves to cook or is willing to learn how and we can then take turns with having dinner on the table, doing laundry, and dropping the kids off at their activities. It should never all fall on one person.
I hope this answers your question.
Like your friend said, it just depends on the personality and his personal values. I happen to be a woman that values balancing both. I have a nice career, but at the same time I am highly domesticated as well, valuing home cooked meals, quality time with kids, etc.
The men I have run into seem to like the fact that I can do and represent both. I have also heard some men who just want their wives at home and not working, and then some that say that "EVERYBODY" must work-it just depends on the person.
But men should not assume that all women who have great careers are not women that are also domestic, and vice versa. I know that it is rare to run into people versatile as such, but we do exist. There are surely some type AB (and 4 quadrant dominant/whole brain folks...ie Hermamnn Brain-HBDI) people out here in the world.
We definitely have to be careful of putting people into a box, but examine them based on an individual basis.
Let me add that if my husband just wanted me to stay at home, at this point in my life I would be fine in doing that--I have worked long and hard enough already. Even though I value and balance both, I would love to have more time to focus on just building our home, testing new meals, feeling more relaxed at the end of the day etc. Who wouldn't want that?
But I admit that while I wouldn't be working out side of the house, I would still find a way to operate some sort of home based business while I am at home! I would find a way to bring extra income in. That's just my personality. So I would have to be with someone that supported the independence within me as well.
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