I’m glad I’m not a woman who has progressed past the proverbial age of 30 without the slightest hint of a suitable marriage partner. Seemingly all hope is lost for women who fall into the category of over 30 seeking a husband! Why? You have been taught since an early age that life’s pinnacle is reached once you complete your education, establish your career and experience marriage which is the foundation to family. What many of the people feeding into your mind and spirit at an early age neglected to tell you was the first two goals could be accomplished independently; whereas, the last goal involves participation and cooperation from another responsible and willing human vessel.
It is very easy to buckle-down and focus individually on overachieving academically and professionally because many of the challenges you encounter can be overcome through personal motivation and perseverance. However, the process of joining with a lifemate is a bit more challenging and requires a touch of divine intervention. Interestingly enough, the inability to obtain marriage ‘on-demand’ is something that is now unconquerably frustrating the minds of women and driving down the self-esteem of many women across the country. This dilemma is being experienced not only in major cities like Atlanta, Chicago, Miami and Los Angeles, but also in smaller cities across America. The movie ‘Soulmates’ highlights many successful African-American women who have achieved success from an academic and professional standpoint, but yearn deeply to find the missing puzzle piece who may have been passed by during the process of pursuing greatness. Whose fault is it? You have done all that was asked in order to position yourself as a ‘good thing’ to be found as referenced in Proverbs 18:22. Whose fault is it? Being ashamed of achieving academic excellence in a time when men are unable to keep pace is displeasing. Whose fault is it? Having goals and dreams should not penalize you from experiencing the full-life you were taught to pursue. Is it your fault? I say absolutely not!
How does a woman rebound from a twisted perspective induced by today’s society and remain focused on the things in life that truly matter? Can I help you with this? Your breakthrough doesn’t lie in the form of the Oprah Winfrey show, Essence, Ebony or advice from your girlfriends. Your breakthrough will come after you decide to relinquish control of the very things that are not in your power (Matthew 6:33). You may be able to control your personal pursuit of academic excellence. You may be able to control positioning yourself for career opportunities through diligence and dedication. You may be able to control the process of superficially filling the void of marriage through your selfish pursuits. However, you cannot control the love-filled, God-honored, God-ordained union of marriage as described in Scripture because it is a GIFT arranged, orchestrated and confirmed by the Lord. All hope is not lost in your pursuit! You just have to shift your focus, take your hands off of the steering wheel and relinquish control back to the One who can change your life situations.
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3 comments:
Truly, I THANK GOD for you......speaking THROUGH you to not only "speak life" to me, but others as well. Personally, had I not interacted with this ministry, I may not have discovered my greatest fear--"What do I do now"?.........I was so focused on other areas of my life that I was blind to the continuation of "Cynthia". Yes, I am EXTREMELY grounded in so many other areas, through God's word, but lost my way when it came to "me". Minister Kenny, you are indispensable.......
KP...this was great! It was truly a breathe of fresh air!
I definitely believe that a huge part of this dilemma is the perspective in which us women look at the position of being "single." Most view being single as a lonely, dissatisfying, period of abeyance where one is just waiting for that other person to come along. I challenge all of us women to stop looking at singlehood as a curse and embrace it as the blessing that it truly is! When you are able to change your mindset about how you view being single, you are then able to change your actions and the things you do. Changing your actions will lead to controlling your emotions (better, not fully, but better lol) and then that in itself will lead to a more fulfilling time with God as a single person. There is no greater time than to discover who you are, what you desire and what God has for you to do with Him, than as a single woman! Society makes us feel incomplete when we all along possess the full pieces of who God created us to be! He never desired for us to live as 50% waiting for our other 50% to come along. You can't give 50-50 in relationships, you have to give 100-100...so we must walk around as the encouraged, strengthened and fearfully-made 100% that our Father purposed us to be! We're not waiting around, we're living.
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