One of the most popular secular song’s of 2007 is Beyonce’ Knowles’s “Upgrade You.” In the popular R&B tune the vocalist articulates to her partner that her presence in his life can be considered an asset and not a deficit. While the song begins with an expletive spewed by her rap mogul boyfriend, Jay-Z, it is essentially a song about being a good helpmate. This embedded message does not surprise me, as I Corinthians 27 reminds that God will use the foolish things of this world to confound the wise.
If a song played in bars and clubs can articulate the importance of a woman standing by her man, then why is that our churches and families spend so little time talking about our individual roles in build healthy relationships? Instead of identifying the areas we must work on before we are suitable mates, we spend our energy outlining the characteristics we would prefer others to possess.
Single women often have lists of attributes we desire in a prospective mate. From year to year our lists changes; however, it is rare that we simply throw them away. Here’s a generic version my list: has a relationship with God; loves his mother; possesses a college degree; enjoys traveling and new experiences; gives back to his community… You get the picture; the list goes on for a few more lines. Even as Christian women we sometimes want our needs or wants to be met with little consideration as to what others might desire or require.
Do you desire a man with a high FICO score when you cannot get a 13-inch television financed? Do you require dates to take you to the most exclusive restaurants when you won’t even leave an appropriate tip at the local steakhouse? Have you said that you’d prefer to date a man without love handles, yet you are 40 pounds overweight?
Fifty pounds ago I was considered morbidly obese and I would look men and say some were too big to be attractive to me. It was only after taking a self-assessment that I realized that I did not reflect, mentally or physically, what I was attempting to attract.
Whether we desire a mate or we find joy in our singleness, we should seek to follow the path of the Proverbs 31 woman. In addition to be a blessing to her family, the Jewish woman is a respected businesswoman. She is able to manage her home and business, which creates multiple streams of income. Little is said about her husband, but we can assume that he was a “baller” in his own right. We learn that she was the quintessential example of someone able to upgrade her mate and gain his respect and trust: "Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value."
Before you continue adding attributes to your “He Must Be” list, consider assessing your strengths and weaknesses. I want a man that will patiently listen to the ideas I have for artistic works: however, I have to work on becoming a better listener? How fair is that?
1) What are the attributes you possess that would enhance a future relationship?
2) Are there emotional or financial issues that you might need to resolve before pursuing a relationship?
3) If you were to get married today, would you be able to cook your new husband a meal? Would he be able to comfortably sit in your living room, or would he need to call you in advance so you could clean your house? What are your views on the two tasks?
4) Do you believe that cleaning and cooking are responsibilities shared between mates? If so, would you be able to satisfy your end of the deal?
Arlecia is also a blogger and her site can be accessed at http://arleciasimmonsinspires.blogspot.com/
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