Here is another article written by Jimmie Evans of MarriageToday. If you are currently unmarried, then look at this article from the perspective of discussing it with your significant other (i.e., potential sexual fidelity).
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Have you ever wondered what marriage really means? In other words, what occurs when a wedding ceremony is performed that makes things different than before? Here are the three main distinctions from a social and legal perspective:
* We share assets and liabilities (financial unity)
* We become next of kin to each other
* We swear sexual fidelity and exclusivity
Marriage is a big deal. Even when you exclude the spiritual dynamic of becoming one flesh, marriage bonds us together with another person in a profound manner. It also makes us more dependent on that person than on anyone in any other relationship in our lives.
For that reason trust is a premium in marriage. And as you can see from the bullet points above, trust must be reflected in three main areas - finances, personal care and sexuality. When we are operating in good faith in those three areas, marriage is good.
However, when any one of those is compromised, a marriage is almost always significantly impaired - if not devastated. The three distinctions of marriage reflect the essential areas of commitment and care we must assume and continue in with good faith if we are going to succeed.
I encourage you to think seriously about these three areas. If possible, discuss each of them with your spouse and see if there are any problems you need to work through. As you consider these, here are some questions to think about:
* Am I diligent and considerate financially? Do I think about how my financial habits affect my spouse and our overall well-being? Do I discuss expenses or financial decisions with my spouse before acting?
* Do I care for my spouse and meet their needs? Are they the foremost priority in my life in practical terms? Do I put them off or take them for granted?
* Am I sexually faithful? Do I faithfully meet my partner’s sexual needs? Do I keep my heart pure related to temptation? Do I have any inappropriate relationships or conduct that compromise my marriage or my conscience before God?
It is important to remember what marriage means. It is even more important to work hard to let our spouse know that we are committed to financial unity, personal care and sexual faithfulness.
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1. Am I Dilligent and considerate financially?
To be a good steward over the gifts I have been given is my obligation as a Christian and a way to do this is to use my
gift(s) to serve others. My gift is not for my enjoyment exclusively but for others to see Jesus in me, which provides a witness to believers and non-believers. Scripture says (King James Amplified Version) that if I am faithful with little then I am faithful with much and if I am dishonest / unjust with little then I am dishonest / unjust with much. And if I am not faithful in the in unrighteous mammon (money, possessions) then how can I be trusted with far greater riches? And if I am not faithful with things that belong to God or man then why do I deserve my own riches? I can not serve two masters; I will love one and hate the other or hold the one and despise the other. You can not serve God and mammon. (Luke 16:10-13). So I made a decision that with what I have been given I will serve the Lord and He will provide for me. I want to be a good steward over my possessions as they flowed from the Lord. I bring into His house my Tithes and Offering and this provides food for his purpose and according to his Word he will pour me out a blessing that there shall not be room enough to receive it (Malachi 3:10) But even more important, I give to the Lord according to his word as an act of obedience. Because just knowing that my heavily riches will far exceed my earthly riches that is blessing enough.
Am I considerate financially to a spouse? To be honest that would be something new for me because I am single but for a marital relationship to be successful open dialogue/communication is a must and my spending habits become a reflection of that marital union and I would want my spouse to be comfortable with how I manage financial assets and reduce liabilities. My prayer for my marital relationship is that we operate in a union that is pleasing and acceptable to God and He gets the glory through our handling of finances. All things are created and given by God so God should get the first fruits of all our increase which includes finances. I would never desire my financial habits to affect my spouse’s well being because ultimately that affects our marriage. My union and the healthiness of it would be of the greatest importance to me. Whoever my mate is I realize that he is the head of his household and ultimately all decisions rest on him and I trust that his goals are in line with Christ and working for the good of the Lord which in turn means for the good of his household.
From reading this article I understand that in a marital union man and his wife becomes each others next of kin and in Genesis 2:24 I see the biblical perspective. “Therefore, shall a man leave his father and mother and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.” I read somewhere once that leaving establishes a new family unit and cleaving suggest faithfulness to another. By cleaving to each other a couple promises never to leave or forsake each other it is that till death do us part idea. This is also can be found in Matt 19:
4-6. This scripture is about leaving and cleaving and the two become one flesh and what God has joined together let no man put asunder. So in a marriage they become a family unit that no man can separate.
Do I care for my spouse and meet their needs?
“And the Lord God said it is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a help meet for him. (Genesis 2:18) I was reading in Marriage as a Covenant by: John K. Tarwater that to assist man with his obligations a helper was created and that helper supports and assist. Something is required of both parties. The man has the vision and the woman supports that vision. The book continues on in saying that God meant for us to live in a relationship of mutual assistance which implies there is an obligation within a marriage. And as I was studying God’s Word I came across Ecclesiastes 4: 9-12. About how two is better than one and in reading my Life Application Bible it states, “That life was designed not for isolation but companionship, not for loneliness but for intimacy. We were not made to be by ourselves but to serve God and other others,” so our light may so shine. So, in the context of marriage I was then created as a complement to my spouse. Not to be in a marriage alone but for intimacy and to serve God through that relationship.
I do believe that the only way to completely understand those needs is through good, direct, honest communication of those needs. Would those needs' be the foremost priority in my life in practical terms, yes because there is order to a marriage. I guess what I am saying is that there is a certain hierarchy in place within this relationship, the head of Christ is God, and the head of man is Christ and since marriage is a contractual relationship and man’s head is Christ then he is seeking to please, honor and obey Christ through that union and from that the blessings flow down to his wife. The head of the woman is man and she then is receiving the blessings that flow down from her husband’s act of obedience and desire to honor Christ. The wife is then freely and willing submitting to the authority of her husband as she knows he is operating according to Christ’s authority. Which then the Husband is blessed as his wife is operating according to His authority which is according to Christ headship and their union is a blessing as it is a witness to the order of that covenanted relationship and God gets the Glory. With the flowing of each blessing creates another opportunity for blessing and a circle if you will of continual blessings occur. They are operating under the principle that with one blessing flows another blessing and so forth and that strengthens the marriage which by their witness strengthens the Body of Christ. I Enjoy reading Ephesians 5:21-29 because it talks about the roles of husband and wives and with those roles is life application of submitting because in meeting and taking care of my husbands needs I am submitting to his authority as service unto the Lord. We may not always agree but I am to support my husband so that we display a unified relationship. And just as I am to submit to my husband my husband has a role to love his wife as Christ loved the Church and gave himself for it. Submission to that type of priceless love becomes an awesome testimony of Christ love for the Church.
3. Sexual faithfulness? Well when is comes to a man and his wife 1 Corinthians 7: 2-7 is a good reference for this topic. In order to avoid fornication every man have his own wife and vice versa so sexual faithfulness should not be an issue if both parties do not use sex as a weapon and withholding it as a means to an end. Open dialogue about their sexual relationship and needs is a must. Life application for me according to this scripture is that when you withhold sex it opens up another can of worms and is a definite recipe for temptation and inappropriate relationships.
The question posed is Do I keep my heart pure related to temptation? 1 Corinthians 10: 13 states that temptation is common to man but God is faithful and will not allow you suffer more temptation than I am able so with that temptation he will also give me a way to escape that temptation. My responsibility is to recognize that way of escape and act in way that is pleasing to my spouse and God and that I do not compromise my relationship. In a marital relationship exist mutually exclusiveness one man, one wife becoming one flesh. There was nothing plural about Adam and Eve and God creating them male and female. Personally I am single and I do have married male/female friends. However, our friendships are confined to restraints, limits and restricted conversations. If in meeting those friends and it brings discomfort to my spouse then it is definitely open for discussion and taking a step back from those friendships. As my marriage and my spouse's needs would be the most important to me because I am dependent on my spouse more than on anyone in any other relationship (one flesh, leaving and cleaving) which means my spouse’s request is of the utmost importance.
God designed marriage to be fruitful and multiply. In Marriage as a Covenant, I was reading that fruitfulness of marriage is both spiritual and physical. Scripture calls the fruit of the womb a reward (Psalm 127:3). Psalm 128: 1-5 also talks about the how a man that fears the Lord will be blessed and his wife will bear fruit and his house will be filled with children. And through reproduction in a marital union ordained by God comes the raising of spiritual children. In studying I read Malachi 2:15 and the Scripture reads in the King James Amplified Version, “And did not God make (you and your wife) one (flesh)? Did not One make you and preserve your spirit alive? And why (did God make you two) one? Because he sought godly offspring (from your union). Therefore take heed to your selves and let no one deal treacherously and be faithless to the wife of his youth. Marriage allows a couple to bring forth God fearing children. Therefore, enlarging the army of Christ.
Marriage is a covenant relationship where two come together as one. God establishes marriage as a lasting covenant. What God has joined together let no man separate (Matt 19:6) Marriage is a covenant, therefore, God is the enforcer of the norms. Earthly courts enforce the authority of the paper portion of the contract but the covenant is between God, a man and his wife and this is what sustains the relationship. The Relationship is designed for both parties to enhance God’s purpose for their lives, their children lives and believers and non-believers lives alike. Their union should promote God’s purpose and bringing those that are lost into a relationship with the Lord which provides a mechanism for witnessing and in turn strengthens the Body of Christ and God ultimately gets the glory.
Am I diligent and considerate financially? Proverbs 10:4-5 KJV says, "He becometh poor that dealeth with a slack hand: but the hand of the diligent maketh rich.He that gathereth in summer is a wise son:but he that sleepeth in harvest is a son that causeth shame." My Life Application Bible puts it this way life is filled with opportunities to grow and serve and be productive. It goes on to say that we should refuse to be lazy and see God's time as a gift and seize opportunities to live for him. Proverbs 21:20 tells me that a wise man puts money aside for when he may have less and a foolish man spendith it up. To be honest I have been on both sides of that coin and it wasn't until I was convicted to make a change that change occurred. I should be living within in my means and saving money from every paycheck. From my past mistakes I have learned the importance of Credit and using it wisely. (Biblical text Proverbs 22:7) Do I discuss expenses or financial decisions with my spouse before acting? In managing your money by with God as Your Partner the book reads: Everybody in your family understands the need to spend wisely. Within families, financial security is a team sport; You want to make sure that everyone in your family structure is on the same team (Matthew 12:25).
God's word also says be generous Proverbs 11:24,25. When we bless those by giving freely of our possessions, time, and energy then God supplies us with more so that we can give more. It gives us insight on those possessions and the fact that they were never really ours to begin with but were given by God to be used to help others. God word says that I am to help the poor (Proverbs 19:17). Upon study God's Word I found sooo many Scriptures on money and dilligence in Proverbs alone! How with dilligence doors open to become leaders,(Proverbs 12:14), brings profit (Proverbs 14:23) and the list goes on and on. Wow it made me realize that with wise living means being willing to work hard and not just for fame and fortune (My Bible says these are by products) but it allows us to serve God with our very best!
Last night when I was posting I meant to include something but failed to do so and I let flesh (being consumed with my schedule) get in the way. Today the thought has been heavy on my heart and I have prayed and prayed about it and I have been convicted to return. I asked God to search my heart, try me and know my thoughts: and if there is any wicked way in me lead me in the way everlasting. (Psalms 139:23-24) so I come back to say this one thing, if ever I have given the impression that it is about me please forgive me and accept my sincerest apology and know that it is not about me but about the Lord. I mediated on Isaiah 64:8 and so I am here to complete the post.
I absolutely love the questions posed at the end of this entry. WOMEN - we need to really think about the answers we WANT to these questions. Are the expected answers unrealistic? Are WE willing to follow through on these things or are we looking for the man to be our "end all - be all". I am a firm believer in the institution of marriage. I have a problem with women who look at marriage as way to get out of their current situation so they have "expected" answers to these questions that are selfish and self-centered.
Please forgive me for any errors or mispellings..
We share assets and liabilities?
The tiny assets I do have I bring to the table as two becoming one flesh . I may not have much but God has blessed me with something. Liabilities unfortunately I do have and these are quite large. I am a work in progress and honestly this is my debt I acquired through school loans and bad decisions and for me to see it any other way is hard. I take responsibility for my debt ALWAYS have and if my spouse were to find me now then it would be important for my spouse to know that I have aligned my goals with God’s Word and are in place to pay my off my debt in X number of years within the short term. I would never want my spouse to feel burdened by my debt but I also understand why he would feel the burden. (Genesis 2: 22-24) So in all honesty I am torn with that fact. All I can say is marriage is not an end to a means to have someone else acquire my debt to pay it off. I am not that person in fact as I type and read God is showing me some things about first impressions. All I have for any spouse now is an apology because if he was to come now my bad mistakes should not be something they should reap. Pulling my own weight and fulfilling my role within a marriage (doing what is required) is important to me and to be honest again it is still hard for me not to think of this any other way other than my debt and my responsibility. I prayed a while ago for God to show me some ways to diminish those liabilities and honestly I started slow and as time has passed I have become more aggressive. I have been diligently working toward that goal. I was blessed with a way earlier this year to correct some bad decisions and I was blessed with a career that is helping with this correction. I actively seek advise and I am not without the need for correction and teaching (Proverbs 12:1). I again I welcome it. The Lord has revealed some others ways for me to increase my income which I am actively pursuing and working hard to clean up my credit.
Am I diligent and considerate financially?
Proverbs, 10:4-5 He becometh poor that dealeth with a slack hand; but the hand of the diligent maketh rich. He that gathereth in summer is a wise son: but he that sleepeth in harvest is a son that causeth shame. Life Application: Everyday has opportunity to grow, serve and be productive. So I work hard at using the opportunities afforded from my career and other sources to manage my finances. In my past I may have not been this way in fact I was pretty careless with my finances for so many wrong reasons. But now I work hard to correct my problems. Like recognizing when I am about to make an impulse purchase. I read in Managing Your Money with God as your Partner that I should not be an impulsive buyer. Savvy salespeople want you to buy “right now” but Savvy buyers take their time. The biblical principle the book uses for this is Proverbs
21:5. My Life application Bible puts it this way, “Diligence does not come naturally to most people: it is a result of strong character. Don’t look for quick easy answers. Be diligent in your service to God.” So am I diligent in my finances now yes. Do I stand in need of correction yes because I have perfected nothing. Proverbs 13:10 says that “by pride cometh contention: but with the well advised is wisdom.” Life Application Bible: “Humility protects you against pride and be open to advise of others, ask for help when you need it, and be willing to admit my mistakes.” Have I prayed for a spouse to be better at finances than me, yes I have. Not because I desire to use him in any form or fashion negatively but because if it his strength and as a Christian and we are to use our gifts to strengthen the body then it is my desire that his strength builds my weakness and God gets the Glory in that I become a better steward, which strengthens our union which strengthens the Body through our union. I love to learn and when someone knows something I don’t know and God’s gets the Glory from it then, I want to learn from the information, understand it and if it fits my situation then life application happens. I understand that I must already be working toward this goal and be an active participant as God’s Word tells me to be a faithful steward (1 Corinthians 4:1-2). I try to do this by sowing into God’s Kingdom, reducing my debt, looking for other godly alternatives to reduce debt, and saving.
Please again forgive me for any errors or mispelled words or imcomplete thoughts...
I learned something recently about the application of the utilization of money:
I learned some more about sowing. To be honest there was a time that I did not tithe for one reason or another but I had a conversation with someone close to me year or two back and it changed me. We started talking about what the Bible says about tithing, obedience and being a cheerful giver (Malachi 3: 7-13, 1 Samuel 15:22, 2 Corinthians 9: 7). These were the scriptures that sparked our conversation. It was then that I realized I was robbing God but he was the source of all I had in fact it made me tearfully sad and as I think about it now the flood of those emotions come back to me all over again. Because He loved me so much He gave His son for my sins and I couldn’t even give back ten percent of all He gave me. Needless to say I was convicted and life application happened. The Bible tells me to give to the poor (Proverbs 22:9). So I try to give to those who are less fortunate sowing into God’s Kingdom because even with my debt and bills when I see someone on the street and they can not even get a meal which is a necessity to survive then my heart goes out to them and as a Christian I am obligated to help. In whatever way I can for that moment.
Saving is one of my favorite topics to discuss. The Bible says we should save. Proverbs 21:20. Honesty I learned over the course of the week that I actually save more than I should. I save through my retirement funds, savings account and life insurance. However, I am sharing this story about why I save so much now because maybe it will help someone. There was a time that I was constantly on the verge of eviction. I would not eat for days at a time. I was to proud to ask for help from people I know would help me in fact I lived like this in secret for years. I was in this situation because I moved to a big city really before I should have and I was depending on someone that I had no business depending on. In fact I did not even have some of the most common household goods. So now that I have more, I save more. To be honest it bothers me not to have liquid assets so I won’t get evicted or have food to eat. I might not have the highest savings but I save. I am frugal with my money I am on a monthly budget. I have incorporated days based on my household budget book that I spend no money at all not even a penny. I also have gotten in the habit of collecting change off the ground not because I just need it but because I have a change jar and at the end of the year I count it and apply it towards my savings and then I start all over again so any extra change that I did not create is positive cash flow and really you would be surprised how much I collect in the course of one month. On top of that I am a coupon cutter after I read the Sunday paper I cut the coupons, another way for me to save money. In fact this is how I utilize some of my quiet time. I go through the advertisements looking for household goods I need that are on sale, because with the price of groceries going up discounts are a plus. I am actually so bad that I know the prices of certain items from a day to day stand point and I will calculate down to the penny (Interpretation: price per item within the package) to determine if I am indeed getting a good deal. My friends joke that they can live in my home for six months with no outside contact with the world because I stock household goods but again I know what it means to be without. Personally, for me it is just another way I save buying things at a discount as future prices increase. God has blessed me with way to provide for myself and I use what I have to provide for my home and not to squander what He has so freely given. Life application for saving for me means that I also save by looking for ways to reduce debt. Every month my budget book advises that I should look for ways to reduce my debt even if by just $10 because over time that money adds up. I also look for ways to pay down debt. To be honest right now it would be hard for me to use my liquid asset to reduce debt because of my past and God just has not convicted me to empty my savings to payoff debt. I am working on finding alternative methods to pay off older debt immediately. The Lord has convicted me to save a little less because of my debt. The Bible says we (borrowers) are servants to our lenders (Proverbs 22:7). Understanding that all I have comes from the Lord and all my strength comes from the Lord. I read somewhere that the greatest asset you have to make money is you. God’s Word says, “In all labor there is profit: but the talk of the lips is tendeth only to penury.” (Proverbs 14: 23) I read in The Answer the same verse and interpretation was, “Those who work hard make a profit, but those who only talk will be poor.” So I work to pay down my debt and use my earned income. I also work not to miss a payment now but to be honest there was a time I just did not care how it impacted my credit score or better yet they could not squeeze blood from a turnip if I could not pay bill. However, I was not being responsible for my actions and bad choices. Basically what I sowed yesterday is definitely being reaped today. To know better is to do better. Someone mentioned to me in a conversation that I should use the material things I have now to make a profit. And it was funny that they mentioned that to me because I was already doing just that. God revealed another way for me increase my household income was by using consignment shops as a way to increase income. However, instead of making an impulsive decision, God has shown me I need to make the best decision that is thoroughly researched and one that will yield the most profitable in order to use this money in a way that reduces debt and God gets the Glory.
Life Insurance, to be honest I have debt but I also know that another avenue for me to provide for my debt in the event that something should happen to me is life insurance. So I do have in place a policy that would cover any/all my debt, provide for burial expenses and still have money left over to leave something to my beneficiary. For me personally it does not stop at an unexpected death but it applies for disability too. So based on my insurance check-up I decided to pursue a Long Term Disability plan in the event that I can no longer be a resource for income and assistance is needed. Ultimately my goal with insurance is to have a policy to sit on top of my policies in the event that an accident occurs and the cost exceeds my policy limits. Very easy to do in a city that has a Bentley, or some other 100K + car on every other corner and medical cost soaring out of control. The list could go on and on about insurance and the right coverages to have whether single or in convenant relationship.
Please forgive any mispellings or errors...
Do I think how my financial habits affect my spouse and our overall well being? Yes my financial habits would and should affect my spouse and our overall well being because my prayer is that my spouse being the head of his household wants his home to operate in a way that is pleasing and acceptable to the Lord and he desires us to be faithful stewards and have a prosperous home/family (Psalm 128: 1-6). If my spouse who is my head has a vision on how he wants his home to operate and I am operating outside of that authority by spending carelessly and avoiding bills then I am operating outside the will of God because I am not submitting to his authority nor supporting my spouse’s vision and God does not get the Glory. My role as wife is to support that vision. If I have question of course I am free to ask and voice my concern but there is a time and a place to voice those concerns. Ultimately, I would trust my spouse enough to know that his decisions are for the good of his household and to believe in those decisions even if he does not get every decision right.
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