Focus on the Big Picture

Please excuse any typos as I am submitting this via my blackberry.

Last week I got involved in a heated with an non-believer about the success rate of marriage relationships. He mentioned to me that he has now started focusing on his personal happiness rather than trying to satisfy the woman or women he is with. His main argument was that a man will never be able to meet the ongoing emotional demands of women and trying to do so hampers the success rate of relationships. I fought tooth and nail against this stance until he made another statement to support his position. First, he argued that there is no benefit or track record of success of those within the body of Christ versus those outside the body of Christ. Second, he argued that most men typically DO NOT choose the marriage path until they are cornered by a woman. He said the source of a woman's desire for marriage is an emotional response to societal perceptions and standards. The result he continued, is 90% of marriages are initiated because of pressure by women and their emotions. Another result is 70% of divorces are initiated by women because the emotional responses are unable to support long-term happiness.

My final response to him was that the church IS NOT doing a god job of preparing people for long-term relationships. I also agree that both men and women need to be honest in shifting the focus from the wedding day, to the big picture of long-term marital relationship. However, I still believe in the source of hope above all hope! The priorities of assessing a potential mate are:

1. Christ - If person doesn't believe what you believe, to the level you believe, then leave them alone!

2. Character - A person without good character automatically eliminates themselves from consideration. A compromise to this compnent will result in a lifelong experience of misery.

3. Clarity - Clarity is the ability to see the big picture and recognize that all relationships have peaks and valleys. During the valley experience within the relationship, be sure to focus on the future and recognize that Christ is the center of your relationship. Clarity removes the focus from the negative and shifts it to the positive.

At the end of the day, don't opt for marriage because of a biological clock, peer or societal pressure, but only when you connect with someone who helps to enhance God's purpose for your life!