Many people who are close to me understand that I have unique perspective when it comes to the practice of dating. After conducting an in depth analysis of the Bible, I concluded that contemporary dating is unbiblical. Any attempts we use to connect the Bible to dating are based on assumption and not scripturally supported. Does this mean we shouldn’t date? Nope…I won’t go to that extreme, but I will offer-up that our mindsets need to change as it relates to the practice of dating. We as individuals must make better educated dating decisions and not become lured into the guidelines of contemporary dating set forth by Real World, Sex in the City, Flavor of Love or Shot at Love with Tila Tequila.
We have been trained by our society that dating multiple people at the same time is acceptable and the norm. However, when you think about dating and the end result that we should be working towards, we ought to take the process of selecting a potential mate more seriously. It’s difficult enough as it is to clearly engage and assess your compatibility with one individual, but it’s exponentially more difficult when you start including additional individuals to assess at the same time. In order to date multiple people at the same time, one must truly be grounded in who you are AND have the ability to separate your dating partners without blurring the dating experiences. Let the truth be told…many of us have barely fully embraced who we are as individuals, which makes dating multiple partners a recipe for disaster. How can you assess your compatibility with someone else when you are not fully stabilized in your own personal being? I’ve provided a recommendation to many of my close male and female friends and I’d like to do the same for you. Please accept the following challenge in an attempt to better position your dating experience:
1.) Make a decision to only date one person at a time. This will afford you the opportunity to learn about the person more in depth, and provides them with your undivided attention. You will be able to quickly make a decision on how much time to give them and allows you to break off unhealthy candidates a lot sooner.
2.) Be willing to step out of your comfort zone. This will give you the opportunity to experience people other than your traditional ‘type’. Let’s face it…your type will probably get you the same results that you have already experienced in life. Give someone different an opportunity to display themselves to you.
3.) Dating isn’t a license for free sex. Refrain from allowing your intimate side to get involved in dating. Sex and intimacy clouds your judgment and causes many people to remain in dating relationships longer than they should. Sex sidetracks and distracts your ability to think clearly when evaluating a lifemate.
4.) Learn how to date yourself first. If you don’t know how to date yourself, then you’ll struggle in your dating relationships. Be confident in who you are and learn the things that make you happy and a quality candidate for a relationship. Don’t allow dating to define who you are because you’ll find yourself in an endless loop of disappointment.
The priorities of successful relationships are as follows:
- Your relationship with God
- Your relationship with yourself
- Your relationship with others
If you embrace the order of the above listed relationships, then you'll be positioned for happier, healthier relationships.
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3 comments:
Isn't there a much bigger reason why you should refrain from sex when dating? Sexual immorality, which includes premarital sex, is a sin, and for christians, we should flee from sin, i.e. sex when dating.
On another note, KP, what do you think a person should do if he observes certain unattractive qualities in the character of a person his friend is dating? Should he say something to his friend about the woman in case his friend has been blinded? Or should he keep his mouth shut?
Wow, I hang out with grown folks and I didn't know 'grown' folks dated more than one person at a time. It seems like it takes up a lot of time to do that and who has that these days? That said, I'm sure it still needed to be stated for all the reasons you gave. I'm also in agreement with sex clouding your judgement and a very good reason as to why it's not something that God didn't want us to do until we were married. I think that we as individuals make the whole thing way more complicated than it has to be by doing dating the traditional way.
Anonymous, yes you are correct in saying sin is the primary reason for fleeing sexual immorality. However, most people understand that sex before marriage is a sin, but have no clue why their relationships struggle once sex is introduced into the equation.
In reference to your other question, it is a friend's responsibility to voice potential concerns about a person who may be dating a friend. It would be not the first time someone allows external features to blind sound judgment. I let a friend go forward in a situation that I should have voiced concern about several years ago. I promised to never make the same mistake again. Just make sure your assessments truly speak to the character of the person and not simply a personality clash. Not everyone's personality will get along with one another.
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