Workplace topic of the week...
I have recently noticed people are remaining in relationships and experiencing turbulence because of differing commitment levels by both parties.
Can two people with different levels of commitment operate in a relationship together?
If so, what are some of the challenges they will face? If not, how should they address their situation?
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3 comments:
I don't think that two people with different commitment levels can flourish in a relationship. There may alway be a battle of when the "other" person with the lesser commitment will want to settle down and fully commit. The person with the greater commitment may feel insecure and not sure of the other person is serious or not. Eventually someone will leave.
I do not feel that two people with differing levels of commitment can operate 'successfully' in a relationship. (My definition of successful equals God's perfect will/best for you). One would need to examine the reason why the individuals are not on the same page.
Does one of the them have reservations about whether their partner is God's best for their life? Is the other moving too fast and basing their commitment on things other than character which is the true essence of who their mate really is? Are they settling for what seems good because of their age, wanting to have kids, etc? (but not necessarily waiting on God) This could be a great indication that they are not equally yoked.
What are their challenges? The list goes on and on. When you are outside of God's perfect plan for your life in being with and settling for the person that is not ordained for you, you both leave yourself open for anything to a greater degree. Afterall, it's less than 'best' right? This goes with the saying that oftentimes the consequences we face are a direct result of the decisions we make. Thus, it is the same for settling with someone that should not be in your life.
The couple should address the situation first through prayer in asking for God's guidance on his will and revealing their purpose in one another's life. He will give them the answer--it's just a matter of if they will listen and obey.
They should definitely look at their level of compatibility by lining up the various areas in life to assess whether or not they are equally yoked on all levels. As mentioned, in the end only one person can give them that answer. He will make it crystal clear in many ways-we just have to look out for the signs. Being honest with one another is key. They should be mature enough and honest enough to the point of even saying "we are two good people, but not necessarily for one another" if that is where God is directing them.
I do believe we operate on different levels with people everyday sometimes known and other times not even realizing it. For me relationships have a dynamic like friendships with of course some other twist. When I think of just my friendships and how from one month to the next things change. We are the best of friends and talk every other day then the next month life happens, misunderstandings happen and we don’t talk at all but one of us may still be calling every other day. We don’t stop calling nor do we think for one moment that our friendship changed. In fact over the years I understand that we have each been at different levels in our friendship at different times. Sometimes they are hanging on by a thread while they can’t shake me loose and vice versa and other times we can’t shake each other loose. At some point I was the one holding my friendships together because they meant that much to me and others my friends carried that burden but at the end of day we remained friends. Our friendship(s) were made stronger and that unspoken I knew you would be there bond existed. I realize even now that it may not even be, that my friends and I were ever on different levels, we just each had different roles to play. Our own unique story in maintaining our friendship, we just arrived differently.
I do believe that some of the challenges relationships in this situation would face is communication. Both parties have to be willing to actively listen, while the other person is talking and vice versa. Honesty is very important even to the point that it hurts. Patience because when you tell somebody something that hurts the healing process has to occur. In my opinion, this applies only if you know for sure that this is the right person.
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