Let's talk about sex baby,
Let's talk about you and me,
Let's talk about all the good things, And the bad things that may be
Let's talk about sex. Salt n Pepa
I don't know about you but being a Christian does not erase sexual temptation from my world. Because God created this incredible gift that is only to be opened in marriage, the devil is going to do everything he can to make us disobey and these days, he doesn't have to work too hard. We live in a sex crazed world where sex is used to sell everything including burgers at Carl's Jr. Have you seen those racy commercials? Why are we using sex to sell burgers? And have you seen the ads for KY Jelly? They're equivalent to soft porn. Where do we draw the line? Babies used to be made during "Midnight Love, The Quiet Storm and Kissing After Dark" but nowadays, you can turn on your radio and make a baby while listening to the early morning show. Sex is everywhere and in everything; you can't get away from it. Movies, magazines and media are all driven by sex. I don't care if you go to sleep speaking in tongues and wake up speaking in tongues, sexual temptation is real. So, how does a single Christian say no to sex while getting to know the opposite sex? By following my 6 recommendations below:
Date someone who is on the same page with you in the same book. What does this mean? It means you should only date a man that has the same conviction and belief as you do about sex before marriage. If you date a man that thinks its okay to engage in heavy petting, passionate kissing and oral sex, this is not the man for you. You want a man who wants to cross the finish line in complete victory not a man who is okay with compromise and says, "At least we're not having sex." When I dated Chris who had been celibate for 3+ years, he came to the table with his own set of boundaries and he came ready to hold me accountable to our mutual agreement of no sex before marriage. As a result, we never went anywhere near the line of sexual intercourse. He fiercely protected our relationship from any form of sexual sin and we were victorious. You want to date a man that is going to fiercely protect your relationship while holding himself and you accountable to God's standards.
Know your hot buttons. If you've had sex before, I'm sure you are fully aware of what turns you on and stimulates you sexually. Even if you haven't had sex, I'm sure you've been physically intimate on some level with the opposite sex. Kissing is cool for some while for others it's the prelude to sex. Holding hands is cool for some while for others its not so cool. We're all grown folks capable of making our own decisions but if you asked me, I would stay away from continued bouts of passionate kissing. Sometimes all it takes is one kiss and you're off the mark. Be honest with yourself and your partner about what you can/cannot handle.
Be smart. "Can a man scoop fire into his lap without his clothes being burned? Can a man walk on hot coals without his feet being scorched?" The answer is no. Don't put yourself in compromising situations. Hugged up on the couch late at night watching Love Jones is not the best idea. None of us is that great or that strong to think we can play with fire and not get burned. Don't set yourself up to fall and you won't fall.
Be honest. Talk about your feelings w/your partner. If you're feeling tempted or having a challenge w/self control, talk about it. Your partner may be doing something unconsciously to trigger that temptation or he/she may be going through the same thing. The more you talk about it, the closer you become and the deeper the level of communication grows between you.
Shift your focus. Instead of focusing on not having sex, how about shifting your focus to honoring God as you date? The more you focus on not doing something (not having sex, not holding hands, not kissing and basically not being human), don't be surprised at how quickly your clothes leave your body the first time you get close to the opposite sex. It's like going on a restrictive diet of not eating sweets, not eating carbs, not having a glass of wine and any other thing on your list of not's. As soon as no one is looking-I guarantee you will eat a whole bag of sweets or loaf of bread or drink a bottle of wine. Once honoring God becomes our focus, our actions fall in line and the Holy Spirit will equip us with boundaries and steps to ensure that we stay on track.
Stay close to God. The closer I get to God the harder it is to sin and break his heart. I equate my relationship with God to a relationship with a dear friend; the more time I spend with that friend, the more I want to do things to add happiness to that friends' life. I feel sad and disappointed when I break that friends' heart. If we focus on cultivating this kind of relationship with God, our desire to fornicate will wane and our focus will shift from not having sex to pleasing God.
In her book Passion and Purity, Elisabeth Elliot sums it up perfectly, "A man's love for a woman ought to hold him to the highest standard. Her love for him ought to do the same. There should be accountability from both parties to ensure that lines are not crossed. Love means following the commands of God. This means trying every day to do what he says to do not to do what he says not to do. There are things to be aimed at and things to be shunned."
Something to think about!
Coach Yvonne Chase
The Single Woman’s Cheerleader
Available and Happy = Hitched and Happy
http://www.availableandhappy.com
877-7-RELATE (773-5283)
Posts
.jpg)
No comments:
Post a Comment