I want to offer the following clarification on my previous entry regarding the appropriateness of women pursuing men. My personal position is that it is out of order for women to pursue men for relationships. In most instances relationships begin out of spiritual alignment when a woman becomes the aggressor and removes the innate nature of a man. A man does not typically appreciate a woman he does not have to work for as much as a woman who provides a challenge for him. This is not an absolute truth and I can provide examples of successful relationships where women were the aggressors. However, I can provide many more examples of women who were used and exploited because of their zeal in aggressively pursuing men for relationships. Guys are able to smell ‘relationship thirst’ on the breath of a woman and will take advantage of this if it is not carefully monitored. Aggression can be misconstrued as desperation and that is where relationship problems begin.
Here are my top 2 reasons why women should not pursue men for relationships:
1) It Is Unbiblical – I hate using this reason because it is a religious trump card. However, nowhere in scripture do we see God promoting women as the lead in pursuing relationships…or anything else from a leadership perspective. I know this is a tough pill to swallow, but I am only serving as the messenger.
2) Relationship Roles Become Twisted – God created men as hunters and that is typically the role men are supposed to serve in. We typically don’t operate well when we are placed in passive roles and allow women to take lead. I believe this is why relationships internally combust years down the road in situations where women served as the lead. Guys sit on their true feelings until they reach a point where they literally explode due to long-term frustration.
I’ve also argued in the past why some women pursue men for relationships. Here is the top reason that supports that position:
1) Men Have Become Passive – As the trend of society has shifted and women are becoming more successful professionally and educationally, men have reverted into passive beings. Unfortunately, the number of ‘good’ proactive/aggressive men has become limited. As a result, there may situations where a woman may find it necessary to take the lead in initiating the relationship, but her ultimate goal should be to transfer leadership back to the man in order to avoid conflict further along down the road.
I will share more of my thoughts, but want to get some feedback first .
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Posts
.jpg)
14 comments:
KP. I totally agree with your validation of why women shouldn't pursue men, but how would a woman actually transfer the leadership back to a man after being the pursuer. Is this reasonable to say that after being the "leader" a woman can turn over her role and allow the man to become something that he initially was not?
i agree with what you are saying KP. most women see what they want and they go after it but i do believe that the leadership can be transferred. as long as a woman knows her "role" in the relationship, then it can work no matter who pursued the relationship
If there is anything that gets my blood boiling, my passion stirred up, is anything regarding relationship matters between men and women. In my personal opinion there is definately a disconnect. I can only speak for myself, being a single woman 33 years of age, who happens to also be a single parent. Do I embrace my singleness? Yes, I have no choice. Because, if I sit around twiddling my thumbs waiting for a man to step up and take his RIGHTFUL POSITION as a KINGDOM MAN, nothing would get done. Let's not even talk about WHY I am a single parent. No, not because he was a dead beat dad. My daughter was his pride and joy. We just weren't meant to be? NO! I say sabatouge. Scared, that he actually had the right thing but to afraid that something was going to happen to mess it up. So let me leave before she does. Too many other elements to even mention right now, but the bottom line, life got to hard for him, so he ended it. WEAK. Spiritually, mentally and emotionally. So the excuse that woman are too independent and focused on careers is sorry. So now men have taken the back seat and have become passive. That's a bunch of bull...oh oh excuse me I lost myself for a moment.(deep breath)I still hear God along with women still crying out "ADAM, WHERE ARE YOU?" Stop playing the blame game. WAKE UP!! MAN UP!! GIRD UP YOUR LOINS!! AND GET IN YOUR RIGHTFUL POSITION!! AND TAKE BACK YOUR AUTHORITY IN THE FAMILY AND EVERYTHING ELSE YOU'VE BEEN CALLED TO BE THE HEAD OF. "The kingdom suffereth violence and the violent take it by force." Stop whining "she won't let me be the head". A REAL WOMAN does not mind bowing down and taking her position to a REAL MAN of GOD totally submitted to CHRIST. As long as he recognizes her worth and value to him and does not belittle her ability to be a HELP meet. So am I desperate for a relationship? No, because I enjoy the freedom it offers to do what I need to do without having to consider my partner. However, would I like to be in a relationship leading to marraige? Yes, for numerous reasons. Should women pursue men? If she is confident in who she is in Christ, if she is lead by the Holy Spirit and if it gets the freakin ball rolling. Then YES! Why not? I don't place limits on how God can do anything. He's God! The principles don't change, but the methods can. After all, in the book of Judges it took a woman (Deborah) to fight a battle that a man who was called to fight because he was too afraid. Men, wake please! If you did your part, we wouldn't have to. How long do you expect God to wait while His plan for the family go to hell in a hand basket?
Hi KP. I agree with you. As a single woman, I COMPLETELY understand the frustration we face because many men have subconciously renounced their positions as what you call "aggressors". However, I also think that if we as women assume this position, we allow men to remain in that role. I hate to use corporate terms but I also think it's an issue of "supply and demand". If we stop taking on their roles then, they will HAVE to step up. I HAD to get to a point where I trusted God enough to provide in EVERY aspect of my life - even relationally. Every time I jump ahead of God, I get knocked backed a few feet! So, I decided to follow the example of women in the Bible and work in the field. I needed to do what GOD called me to do and trust Him to take care of that aspect of my life. When that was done, He provided someone that I can trust and love. We need to trust God at all costs, even as it relates to our hearts.
KP, you are full of it. you of all men need to be slapped. you are one of those passive men that simply do not know how to pursue a great woman. if we continued to wait on men like you, we would be single forever.
KP, where you at??
KP, I want to apologize to you for the woman who made the comment that you are passive. Let me ask her a question? Do you know KP? How can you say that he is passive? Is it because he doesn't jump on every skirt that parades by him? A wise Godly man will sit back and pray about a woman, observe her (positive and negative attitude)-fruits of the spirit and wait patiently on God's answer. Here are some scriptures for the meditations of your heart.
Proverbs 4:23: Above all else, guard your heart for it is the wellspring of life.
Proverbs 18:22: He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord.
Proverbs 21:19: It is better to dwell in a desert land, than with a contentious and fretful woman.
Proverbs 31:26: She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and the law of kindness is on her tongue.
Proverbs 31:30: Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
When God awakens (KP)ie..Adam, his (??)ie..Eve will be presented to him. God is sovereign...so let him take care of KP.
The bible says: (paraphrasing) Seek ye first the kingdom of God and all his righteousness and everything else will be added unto you.
Amen and Amen SWOGOD
KP...keep up the good work. When it is time, your wife will be presented to you in plain light...as for the "haters" out there...keep them in your prayers!
After reading all of the blogs and responses,reading the many many books written about this same thing, participated in Chat Kafes.... The answer and bottom line to ALL of this....JUST LIVE!! Live and enjoy life to the full everyday! The men and women I know who are now married or are about to get married were doing just that, living, doing their thing. When the time was right, God brought the couples together. This continuous round-robin makes it even more frustrating. We could debate about this until Jesus comes back. Do you really want to spend your precious life, which by the way is but a vapor(James 4:14), trying to figure out why some folks are getting married and others aren't? Or what's the matter with the men? Or do women really want to be married? Again I say, JUST LIVE!!!!! Amen.....KG
To Anonymous,
I pray that you were able to release your frustration through your post. Passiveness is not a descriptor I would use about myself, but obviously you found it to be appropriate. I personally consider myself to be a fruit inspector and it takes time to complete a full inspection of a potential mate. I have some very specific criteria that I use to evaluate potential mates. Even though you may not be aware of the 'good woman' I'm pursuing, don't assume that I'm not going through the relationship development process. I also desire to be in a marital relationship at some point in my life and will work towards that goal. I'm not sure who you are, but welcome the opportunity to assist you through your journey of relationship preparation. God Bless!!!
Anonymous. I can literally hear your frustration and pain & understand where your hurt is coming from. Let’s remember what this blog is all about though; it’s an opportunity for dialog with the opposite sex. A question was placed on the table, an opinion was made afterwards, and thoughts from of the audience where asked. The question again was, “should women pursue men?” I say no, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t let your “presence” be known. I ask you now, would you like to be pursued or, do you feel you need to take matters into your own hands to get what you want? We as women can’t “multi-task” and go about tackling men like we go head first and strong into our career aspirations, or how we handle kids if we are single parents, it will not work ladies, you’re dealing with GROWN MEN. Do you want a MAN or a SON? If you desire to be pursued, like anything that’s worth value, it takes time. If you are a “great woman” and possess values that a man can appreciate, in the end that you will both compliment each other, and be a helpmeet, then it takes time and God has to ordain that union. Let me say that again TIME… Are you a virtuous woman? If so, then you are far more precious than rubies or pearls. Do you know who you really are, have you really thought about what it will take to be a wife to a godly man, only if that is what you so desire? If you desire to get married, ask yourself, is divorce an option? If not, are you willing to take the TIME to become FRIENDS first, go through the SEASONS with someone, meaning looking past the personality and focusing on the CHARACTER? Can you see the God in your potential mate? Can HE see the God in YOU? That is a time-focused journey, it doesn’t happen over night…
As a single woman who knows who I am, what I possess, and what I bring to the table, I know my worth, therefore I desire a king. Until God has us both where we need to be in order to join together in union, I can CHILL. God needs me right now to spend some “quality” time with him. I need to solidify my foundation with him BEFORE he sends my mate. We are both still being molded, so during this process, I take this time to enjoy being treated as royalty under my creator knowing that when he does bring that “good man” into my life, #1- I will recognize him, #2- I will be open & available to receive the gift, & #3- we can both appreciate each other and the TIMING that God chose to bring us together. Besides…I want what God wants for me to have, how ‘bout you? Even through this whole transition, do we put God first? When we really think about relationships, are we doing for HIM, spending TIME with HIM, treating HIM like he desires to be treated or are we in the pursuit of the opposite sex, giving into the “loneliness syndrome”, maybe even trying, looking, or planning our strategy to be pursued? It’s all about choices. For me, I choose to pursue God, he knows what’s best for me, he loves me like no other therefore I TRUST HIM.
As for “passive men”, again, what do you desire, a lion or a mouse? REAL MEN go after what they want so if you find yourself in the mist of passive men, change your surroundings. Or, if that passive man can’t see you standing in front of him & you are a “great woman”, then that’s just his lose & YOU are meant to be with someone else PERIOD. Just as stated in the previous posts, there is no obstacle to hard for God to handle, WHEN HE is in the mix.
For the young woman who stated that she was in a relationship where a child was born but the man was to WEAK and ended the courtship, in your frustration you actually stated the type of man you desire, and by your definition of what a REAL MAN is in your eyes. God literally blessed you to pull you away from that situation, to give you the desires of your heart. When it comes to “passive” in your pursuit to “get the ball rolling”, again are you really looking for a friend or a potential relationship, because if it’s just a “friend”, we all know that you go about it in a different way. When it goes from friendship to “potential”, well then you will know how to categorize and place a “passive player”? Just a thought…
Thanks KP for giving us a place to dialog!
I am so late at looking at the blog, but I do have to admit this is the best blog I have read so far. KP big ups to knowing when to use your life experiences to write a blog that we all can benefit from.
I myself am not am not a female aggressor,I am kind of nochanlant. I do sometimes think about being the one to make the first move, but I say hey if a man is not strong enough to come and talk to me than I can't do nothing with them.
I want someone who has the courage to take a chance. I have found that many female who are aggressive and pursue what they want are not always happy in the end, they also go through more relationships then they probably need too.
We also need to consider the personality of men are not all the same, some are passive, passive aggressive; others are aggressive, or aggrogant. We can't assume every man will act the same way around woman. S
Another thing to consider is that men don't always know that a woman is thinking about them in a relationship way. I know some men who tell me that they can't really tell if a woman is interested, but they just play it safe and dont ask. If you don't ask you will never get the opportunity. Then you have some men that just don't care and ask every woman they see out on the date.
GB
KP...I'm wondering if you could write more about the trials that you are currently going through while pursuing your 'good woman'. What is the proper way for a man to pursue a woman?
KP - You're right (in that you're WRONG for playing a religious trump card!)
Post a Comment