Please read the following article submitted by a Chat Kafe Freelance Writer
Over a long discussion with friends, I decided that this is an issue that should be addressed…
In today’s age many women claim they want to be married, have children, and live happily ever after. Yet, are today’s modern women truly willing to be a Biblical wife? Are women just in love with the idea of having a husband, children, and a white picket fence? Or are there “real” Christian women out there who want to fulfill God’s commandments within a marriage.
The Bible declares that women were created as a companion and helper to man (Genesis 2:18-24) and are required to love and submit to their husband; just as the church should submit to Christ (Ephesians 5:22-24, 33). In today’s society, the role of a woman has changed drastically from biblical times. Women pursue higher education; often becoming lawyers, doctors, and businesswomen. With the pursuit of education comes a sense of independence that doesn’t quite fit with traditional gender roles. Society has drastically changed from Biblical times, with women out-earning their husbands, and men opting to be stay-at-home fathers. Is this acceptable or are they working against the roles that God originally created (Titus 2: 4-5)?
Other households embody the American Dream, both parents work and have very successful careers. This household usually hires some type of caregiver to watch their children while they work and travel frequently on business. Does this not hinder wives and mothers from fulfilling duties that God requires of them? Or are the requirements of God outdated?
The Bible states that the head of man is God and the head of a woman is man (1 Corinthians 11:3). I interpret this phrase as God declaring a husband to be the head of his household as God is the head of him (also seen in Ephesians 5). God requires that women be obedient to their husbands, and obedience involves subjection and subordination. Since many women find themselves being independent and alone for many years before marriage, is this an impossible feat? And once married, many women are so independent that they hinder their husbands from being the “man of the house” and are often rebellious to his commands. If women are not obedient to their husbands, is this disobedience to God?
Again, I pose these questions out of curiosity. Are God’s commands realistic, or are we just unrealistic? I would love to hear your responses.
--Author KLW
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10 comments:
Kudos to you KLW, this is a much needed lesson for Christian women. God gives the vision to the man and the man is the head of the household. A woman attempting to lead households is not the way God ordained families. To answer your question, God's commands are realistic and we are living in an unrealistic world.
A true woman of God does value marriage and understands that it's a work of God that He created for two of His servants. They understand their roles as a wife and understand that the relationship with Christ should pure into the marriage and He needs to be glorified.
Marriage is not something for those who don't understand the purpose. It sounds real good, but it not something for the weak at heart nor it is something to experiment with. It bothers me when you head woman say they want to be married, yet carry themselves in a way that is contrary. Godly woman prepare for marriage by being married to God first. If you cannot satisfy that relationship, you will never be able to satisfy the relationship with the man He whose rib you're made from.
I don't have very many examples in my life, whether it be by parents or by friends or other family members, of what a true Christian marriage looks like. Maybe with my dad and stepmother, that's the closet example. But with everyone else around me, I see wives who hide their money from their husbands, don't want to cook dinner for him, still want to be in the club with their friends every weekend, don't consult with him when they want to quit or change their jobs, don't consider their family unit when they decide to go back to school, talk about their husbands in a negative way to their friends, and just don't like spending time or being with him. I'm like, WHY BOTHER? Just stay single!
Yes, God's commands are realistic. God never changes and his word still stands today and forever more. I was raised in a Christian home by my grandparents and my grandfather set the tone in our home. My grandmother submitted to him and served him daily. She supported him in his vision, served in the church, cooked, cleaned the house (everyday), worked in the garden and worked a full time job. I never heard her complain about anything. She knew her role was the keeper of the home. My grandfather never wanted for anything. They had a beautiful ministry and it showed each and everyday. You could see the reflection of Christ in their marriage. I pray that I can be the wife that my grandmother was to my grandfather. Oh, what love! All I can say is obedience...obedience..obedience.
SWOGOD
Although roles of women have changed drastically from biblical times we cannot assume that if a women in modern day society is not performing "traditional" duties that she is working against God's model for a wife. We must keep in mind the social context in which the Bible was written THEN determine how that transfers to our modern day situations. Though difficult, when reading the Bible we must scrap our presuppositions then try to place ourselves in the shoes of the original audience. We need to be reading passages in light of the larger context.
The focus of the marriage relationship should be on service to God through a partnership and not so much on whether the wife is cooking and cleaning everyday or the husband is the top breadwinner. Though there is nothing wrong with these duties, we should not assume that one party must complete these tasks in order to be a succesful spouse. In today's society gender roles have changed. Some families work fine when the man maintains the home and the woman works because her career earns more money. Do you really think God has a problem with their choice of roles? Submission does not mean be a stay at home mom while your husband works. Who said a man can't be a stay at home dad and still be the head of the household? Who said a woman that works a full time career and rarely cooks can't submit to her husband?
Furthermore scripture commands wives to SUBMIT to and RESPECT their husbands. Husbands are to LOVE their wives. Don't you see there is a mutual submission here? Bottom line, people need not enter marriage with an expectation of constantly having their needs met. Instead both parties need to be thinking more about how they can glorify God through the partnership.
I think there is much to be said for the traditional roles of men and women in general. In a significant way, I believe that the church has bought into societal feminism and not biblical feminism because it appears "subordinate" to men. I do not know of any black women who would drop an accomplished career, the trappings of success, etc. to be a stay at home mother fortifying the home and bringing God glory by helping her husband. I for one have asked myself this question as I consider the costs of a marriage.
Unfortunately, a great number women are in love with the idea of marriage and do not count the costs or the expectations of our Father.
Check out this website for an even more conservative view of women as keepers of the home and helpers of the husband. KP, you're onto something that could save the black family if we take it back to God's original design and His intentions.
A great study to consider facets of biblical manhood and womanhood is entitled, "A Marriage Without Regret" by Kay Aurthur. No one in our churches on a whole is teaching this, so it is a great eye-opener to what God's design for marriage really is.
See www.reviveourhearts.com
Yes as a Christian woman I desire to be married, and I don’t believe I am in love with the idea of just being married.
As a single woman (the assignment God has given me) I also have certain responsibilities. I guess what I am trying to say is that at this moment and time I do not have a husband but yet I still have bills to pay and other responsibilities. I desire to be a good steward over the things God has giving me. Basically manage the life God has given me in a way that He gets the glory. I do not believe I am just way too independent that if God brings a man into the equation that I will have a problem submitting. Submitting really and truly is the easy part of Ephesians 5: 21-33. Those verses give twice as many words (instruction) to a husband and loving his wife. If God calls me to the assignment of marriage then I welcome the day to submit to a husband that loves his wife as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; (Ephesians 5: 25). That sounds absolutely awesome! I can shout off that alone! However, until that time comes, I still have bills to pay. God has given me a career to provide for that roof over my head, food for my table, clothes on my back and way to pay the bills generated. It is not about being too independent but managing what God has given me and it being acceptable to Him.
I can only speak for me in that I am a definitely a creature of habit and I have to be checked from time to time in the name of love about my behavior/attitude. God has not revealed to me that I am just rebellious in the sense that if a husband says left that I am going to argue right just for the sake of being argumentative. On the flip side, I not sure I will agree with everything a potential spouse says but I do realize there is a time and place for every conversation. God has also revealed to me through life experiences that even if I do not agree with a decision, it does not mean I am unable to support a decision that is being made for my good. I may not be able to promise just overnight success but with God on my side I can guarantee victory!
Is it a bad thing if a wife out earns a husband, if what she earns is what they have? (Two becoming one) It does not mean he is not the head of his household. The husband would still be the head making decisions and leading his family. I heard it best once by a Pastor, marriage is like the head and the neck relationship on the human body. The man is the head and the woman is the neck. The head does not operate independently of the neck, nor does the neck operate without the head. If the head needs to turn then a signal is sent to the neck. The head is clearly where the signal starts but it needs the neck for that support. To be honest, I do travel with my job and with that traveling it hinders me sometimes just being single. However, it does not mean I am not open to change. I realize if ever called for the assignment of marriage my career will have to change because I do not desire someone else operating in the role God called me to do support for a spouse and nurturing a family.
I promise to keep this brief (I say that but it never works:). However, I have been in prayer about this particular post. Though I do not completely understand, I am stepping out on faith and being obedient to what I have been called to do. So having been led back here to apologize I am here to do just that. Let me preface this apology by saying, someone planted the seed for this thought and then I began to pray about it. God led me to Genesis and going back to the assignment He called me to and to be honest flesh interfered. Then God led me to 1 Samuel and spoke a word over my life about obedience and I was still struggling, so for the sake of space let me just say I learned a lesson this week!
I have asked God to search me and know my heart, try me and know my thoughts: And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. (Psalm 139: 23-24) and though God has not revealed to me that I have just said anything wrong or misspoken but that maybe what I said was interpreted differently than it was written. So, I stand by what was said because with this post it relates to my life and conversations with family or friends. Anything I have said relates to no one other than me and those in my life and our life application. I merely wanted to share that experience with others not offend anybody. Anyone that knows me (which I guess no one does:) knows my heart and it is never my intent to hurt anyone, anger or offend. So with all of that said I offer the sincerest apology I have to give. It breaks my heart to even think I may have upset or offended anyone but if I have know it was never written in that manner. Please know that I enjoyed this article as any other I have read here because it allowed growth for me personally. Believe it or not God led me here outside my comfort zone. God called me to this assignment and my desire was obedience. To be honest I wasn’t so sure my flesh wanted to take part in this assignment in fact the conversations God and I had about this were pretty deep. So before I put my pen and pad down, whomever I may have upset or offended please receive and accept my heart felt apology!
Anon - I ponder and pretty much share the same thoughts as expressed in your 4/24 @ 6:39. Sometimes we need to allow for removing historical context when attempting to apply certain principles to our modern day lives. Your walk is your own, should not be dictated by others. Yours may have detours through the lily fields whereas theirs may be more or even less direct. Does not mean you will not reach your ordained destination. You'll get there and you'll be right on time.
Thanks Cyliam! Our church does offer Marriage Without Regrets and the participants love it. I will review the website you suggested in detail when I get an opportunity.
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