Many of us fail in our friendships/relationships because we refuse to take personal accountability for our behavior. It is very easy to look at the faults of others and begin listing everything that they have done wrong. However, the true mark of spiritual maturity centers on our ability to deal with ourselves. How many of us are willing to look in the mirror and begin taking inventory of our own personal faults and shortcomings versus the faults and shortcomings of others (Matthew 7:1-6)? One of the most profound statements in existence today is…
“The one common denominator in all of your relationships is YOU!”
– Author Unknown
I find it subtly humorous when I hear women talking about how they always run into men who are dawgs. Please check your perfume ladies because it may be screaming out ‘Talk to me I am desperate!’ The same goes for men who claim they always run into women who are driven materially. Your cologne may be screaming out ‘I have nothing else to offer, but my superficial personality and money!’
It is not until we are able to assess ourselves through God’s eyes, that revelation and illumination will be applicable and have meaning in our lives. No relationship will be successful until both parties are willing to admit and take personal accountability for the contributions they make to the friendship/relationship.
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6 comments:
Personal accountability/self-examination....tough pill to swallow, yet very necessary! Pride, immaturity, fear are often reasons that people refuse to check themselves. It is so much "easier" to play the victim. One might even feel a little "better" making the other person look like the bad guy/gal. Personal accountability does require spiritual maturity. Seeing our faults can be quite painful,it is for me. Yet my DESIRE to GROW and BE all that the Lord created me to be pushes me past my pain and fear of facing my faults. Faults are not easily erased. It is a process. I know, I know, it gets monotonous hearing about "the process", but life IS a process! Remember in Genesis 3:9 when God asked Adam, "Where art thou?" It's not that God didn't know where Adam was. He wanted Adam to recognize where he was. If you keep meeting "dawgs" or "golddiggers", wouldn't you think that in the midst of it all God is asking you, "Where art thou"? What are the unresolved issues,hurts, and fears that keep you on this draining cycle of meeting the same man/woman with a different face and name? Honestly, what part did you play in the breakdown of your relationship/friendship? It's hard to face,but have no fear! I love I Corinthians 13:11-12 esp. verse 12. In v12 "see through a glass" is in some translations "mirror". Paul mentions seeing ourselves "now" and "then". Now we see through a glass darkly;we don't see the whole view of our true selves without self examination and the Holy Ghost. "But then face to face; Once we allow the Lord to enter in and show us the truth, then we can come face to face with our issues,our hurts,our fears, ourselves. "Now I know in part"; we only think we know ourselves, we know what we've been told, or act in a certain way based on how we're treated. "But then shall I know even as also I am known"; walking with the Lord through the process of self examination will eventually lead you to knowing who you really are in Christ, the person He knew was buried underneath the issues. I said all (and I do mean all) of that to say that personal accountability,and maturity are only a couple of ingredients that make for a healthy and strong friendship/relationship. I'll shut up now or else KP won't let me come back...LOL! KG
I agree that personal accountability is necessary in all types of relationships. Even when you feel that all signs point to the other person being in the wrong (your ex was physically abusive or stole your savings or something else similarly drastic or even subtle), you need to look at the part you played in the situation. You might not have caused whatever it was to happen, but you saw warning signs. You knew you weren't equally yoked from the beginning and stayed around for whatever reason. You placed yourself in a role that you weren't created for or that you weren't supposed to be in . . . yet (women playing the role of wife for a man they're only dating or playing the mother role to grown man, men playing Captain-Save-A-Chick to their "friends", etc).
Personally, I've been seeking out all sorts of material to help me see areas hidden to myself of ways in which I contributed to the demise or strain of/on relationships of all sorts . . . from books written by psychologists and/or ministers that further break down The Word to sermon CDs/DVDs etc.
I've been amazed at some of the stuff I've learned about myself. One of which is that I'm a fixer (never thought about that until I read scenarios about other people and was like "That's Me!!" lol). I'm a very personable person and for some reason people feel comfortable coming to me with their issues or just wanting to talk/vent (may be something I'm putting out there that I don't know about). However, I'm not one to just listen. I want to DO something about the things I hear.
In one of my sources it was stated that not all men want a woman to DO something about their problem(s) but just want her to listen . . . a good way to promote intimacy (which isn't about the physical as most would think). I go to the level of even researching ways to address whatever it is they have issues with. Not knowing that I would eventually be resented for this. Go figure! lol.
When I started getting mumbled comments about "thinking I know everything", I'd get confused because I was just trying to help. I'd walk away thinking these clowns were just crazy or had "issues", putting all the blame on them (although they could actually have some personal things they're dealing with within such as pride or something) when all the while I was contributing to "taking away their identity as men" (psycho babble to me, especially when a vast majority of these men weren't even in the running for being more than just a friend).
Now I'm trying to find a happy medium of being supportive without trying to take over and place myself in a role not meant for me. I'm learning so many other things about things I subconsciously do that might rub people the wrong way, and I'm using that to grow and mature to develop better relationships and restore the current ones with family and friends.
Sorry to go on so long, but I definitely see the benefits of people taking a closer look at themselves to see where they might be contributing to breakdowns in communication in relationships, whether it's with friends of the opposite sex or even their parents/siblings. Thanks for the topic KP!
KP...this is an excellent topic. It's hard for most people to find fault in themselves. We often point the finger at others without evaluating our hand in the relationship. We ask for things that we can not handle, or are not equipped to handle (marriage, relationships, etc) and we struggle to find answers to "why is this happening to me".
We all need to gain an understanding of ourselves before we walk down "relationship/marriage alley" and this can be accomplished through pray and our relationship with God!
Keep up the good work KP...I truly enjoy your blog!
Hello. This post is likeable, and your blog is very interesting, congratulations :-). I will add in my blogroll =). If possible gives a last there on my blog, it is about the Placa de Vídeo, I hope you enjoy. The address is http://placa-de-video.blogspot.com. A hug.
I will keep this short and sweet (I promise). Submitting to God and allowing him to reveal opportunity for growth is so very powerful and amazing. It is an awesome experience! I say that even though sometimes the things God reveals to me about me are very painful but with those revelations come convictions to do better and be better than what I was yesterday or the day before. To live a life that is acceptable and pleasing to God. This month alone, God has taught me so much about me. In fact, I was just saying to someone the other day seems like God reveals something new about me everyday, whether it is in my interaction with others, driving from point A to B or just sitting at home alone. Some things are good and some are very difficult pills to swallow. But I know that either way God is working it out for my good!
PS.
I am still not sure I agree with the whole deperate part of this blog entry but I do believe I understand what you mean.
Thanks for the comments you all have left regarding my Taking Personal Accountability post. All of you hit on some very important points and I pray the people were blessed by the feedback.
KP
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