Workplace topic of the week...
With the divorce rate skyrocketing above 50% and the failure of relationships at an all-time high, why bother going through the process of finding a mate? Is it really worth the hassle of going through the process of building a relationship, when you can have many of the same benefits as an unmarried adult? The only difference between marriage and singleness is the ring, wedding and licensed sex. Correct??? Many Christians are still having sex (because God's grace is sufficient), so really it's the ring and the wedding. Is it really worth it? Share your thoughts!
**Disclaimer - I don't personally agree with the above perspective, but feel the topic needs to be addressed.
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5 comments:
I understand the societal assessment you’re making, however, I think it is important to look at the story behind the story. For starters, I believe that people are choosing to shack up or have sex outside of marriage because their hearts are fainting. People who are trying to do the right thing have simply gotten discouraged while waiting for marital relationships. We wait and wait and wait and wait and wait…and wait some more. Instead of waiting alone, some people would prefer to pursue relationships that might possibly result in sin. Nevertheless, if they’re lucky, it might result in marriage.
Yes, we know all of the scriptures about waiting on God. Yet, people get weary in well doing. It is so easy for some of people to totally submit their lives to God and wait until He sends that special someone. However, others are not that strong. We all know people who just have to be in a relationship. Whether these people are single or married, they will always find themselves in a relationship.
In my heart of hearts, I believe that most people, especially black women, would prefer to be married. It gets cold in the midnight hour. Some of us can cuddle our pillows and prayer, while others have to make that phone call.
I am not sure if there is a right or wrong answer for the question you pose, but I believe that celibacy and singleness is a faith walk that is not always as easy as it sounds.
BTW, I ain't shacking and I'm doing a lot of praying in the midnight hour!
We should "bother" with going through the process because we're weak and in the flesh, a verbal commitment between two people that are in love is not the same as two people that have made a promise before God to stick with it through thick and thin, no matter the cost. It is as close to unconditional love as we can get. I also think that when you enter into a marriage with someone that doesn't get the magnitude of going before God and vowing to be with that person for the rest of their live, etc., then it is the equivalent of just living together.
From the single mom perspective - just living together is just not good enough and no single mother should accept it. When children are involved and you live together, no real commitment means that not just is this person walking in and out of your life with no commitment, but out of your children's lives too.
However, I believe that when you first seek God, all the other things will be added. I don't think anyone is exempt from that. It's about patience and remaining faithful and knowing that God does want this for you but it's important for Him to prepare you and that other person first or else it won't work.
WOW! So much to say and so little space,so...here it goes....Go back to the Beginning. Marriage was created by God. The institution of marriage is fine,it's the folks getting into it that's not! If one views relationship and marriage as "going through the motions", then that man or woman should be alone until they have learned the true meaning of it all. Many people today are marrying for the wrong reasons (too many to name). And then there are those who marry,but don't realize the WORK that it takes to make your marriage relationship work. The work doesn't stop just because you've got the ring,it is an on-going process. If you ask me, marriage is when the REAL work begins! Yes, the waiting can get discouraging (I'm still waiting),but I thank God for friends and family that I can talk to, and others who are in need of love and ministering that He places in my path.
When we have an earnest desire to live as husband and wife the way God intended, and are submitted to the Lord being in control of the relationship, more and more each day we'll realize that marriage is worth the work and worth the wait. I look forward to the day that He releases me to be the Godly wife He is grooming me to be......KG
Let me start off by saying, please forgive me for this long post but...
Marriage is much more than the outward symbols. It is far deeper and greater. It is a covenant relationship. It is a sacred union between one man and one woman going before God to pledge a lifetime of commitment and love. Two people becoming one. There is a certain order to this relationship and in it God gets the glory. It is suppose to allow couples to be completely free with each other which should bring about a lifetime of satisfaction and commitment. Timeout: (In past relationships, I have never experienced that "free to be me" feeling. I would have a representative out there acting on my behalf, careful not to upset the other person. Then when I did let my hair down and I couldn't keep up with that representative any longer I found out that my relationships were always based on a condition. The condition was there could be no for some people bumps in the road, for others it was hills to climb and for the rest it was mountains to go over.) Okay time-in:
Marriage is God's gift that allows us the framework for intimate companionship. If my purpose is to glorify God then marriage is designed for that purpose. God ordained that union so God gets the glory. A marriage should be patterned after Christ and his love for the church. Our example, is Christ perfect love for us.
When I think about all the loving relationships (family and friends) I have they all include a "in spite of" clause and marriage to me is no different. When I think of my family and friends there have been some hurtful moments on both our parts. However, the beauty in those relationships and with marriage too is that you have to learn how to invoke that I love you, "in spite of" clause. I love you in spite of my hurt, those bitter words and you are on my last nerve type of feelings. It is so easy to love a person in good times but loving someone past pain is the hard part! For me in past relationships (operating outside of God’s will) I just did not get that same level of commitment.
Finding the right mate is so very important. No, you don't want to just continue in sexual relationship after sexual relationship operating on the principle God will forgive you. True, but you are operating outside of the will of God and there is no fear of his wrath. For me just from day to day living if I am not getting the full wrath of God (in those test and trials) I shudder to just think what his full wrath would be. I guess what I am trying to say is that for me I had to ask myself if I continue in these types of relationships and ask for forgiveness after each time how serious am I about repenting, with no real effort in correcting this behavior. My life did not reflect that I feared God and being obedient to his word. My words and my actions were not matching. I was just going through the motions and doing what I wanted to do. I am not sure if this is being expressed clearly and it is so very important so here is my best example: The first time I lied to my mom it was big deal, I asked for forgiveness and she forgave me. I lied again, and the same thing I was forgiven but I was still disciplined and it was bad but it didn't hurt bad. Soooo I lied again and again and again (Please tell me how parents find out? My mom's favorite line was I just know...) I asked for forgiveness again and again and my mom again and again forgave me and then disciplined me each time the discipline was a little more severe and hurt a little more but again the pain did not have a lasting effect. The next time I lied asking forgiveness even though forgiven I had a very hard lesson to learn because what my mom saw was a pattern. Her words exactly were, "you couldn't fear me because you continue to disobey me and operate beyond what I told you to do!" She had to show me just how powerful her reach was and what being obedient meant. She made me think twice about lying and just thinking that saying I am sorry and forgive me was enough. She had to show me in way that I would not soon forget. And to this day our running joke is she operates under the principle of crazy and I am still shaken up by this woman! I say all that to say obedience is a must, it's in his word!
To be in a marital relationship from all models I have observed is a very difficult assignment but to be hooked up with the wrong spouse; will bring even greater challenges. And to just be hooked up without the covenant of marriage is operating outside his will. I read in my Life Application Bible, operating outside his will and doubting that God knows and cares for us is the danger. We don’t wait on his timing for mate selection and then we recklessly pursue sexual pleasure without his blessings. I can only speak for myself that I have been guilty of this behavior. In fact, I fell down a few times but each time I got back up again to pray, fight and try another day.
Marriage is what God intended and if you directly disobey his commandments then you are dooming yourself to hell. Im divorced and unless i get married again, which is really my desire, i will be celibate. No matter the temptations I will not disobey God nor dishonor myself. I live in the world, I am not of the world.
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