Thursday topic of the day...
Does honor in marriage still exist? Why do married men still find themselves pursuing other companions in the midst of a covenant relationship? Maybe two is too boring and three brings about excitement/satisfaction in marriage. I have been receiving too many mutually exclusive reports of single women being approached by men in committed marriage relationships.
Is this an Atlanta plague or does this predicament exist in abundance elsewhere? Better yet...let me be more specific. The above situation is taking place in abundance within the church body! Does anyone else see something wrong with this picture...HELLOOOOO!
What's even more interesting is...there are many women who accept these advances and offers because of the companionship it provides. Have women today reached a point of relational desperation that pushes them into 'sharing' time with men in order to feel wanted/accepted? OUCH...we are in worse trouble than I thought!
What are your thoughts on this matter?
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10 comments:
Duuuuuuuuude!!!!
It is absolutely crazy out here! Me being a single, christian female have dealt with this more than i care to think about...and sadly more so in the church than in the world and even more sad, from leaders. It's been quite frustrating. What i have found is that the men are supposedly not getting what they need at home (based on past relationships... that's a whole different topic) or they just simply don't value their covenant relationship, or if they are in leadership roles, will use their influence for their own purposes because they feel they can. Honestly, I think it all stems from lust - always wanting more and never satisified.
I thank God that I have remained consistent in quickly reminding them of their commitment first to God and secondly to their wife. I've found myself checking the brothas REAL QUICK....
As far as single women accepting this type of attention (for lack of a better word)....i think it is out of desperation (some feel "something" is better than nothing) and also, some women just like the thrill of it.....it's almost like a sport now days......(haven't you heard of the church groupies??)
We as single woman have to watch how we carry ourselves and make sure we don't allow our desire for a mate to consume us to the point of settling for a temporary, right now fix.
So very true. I am divorced and if it isnt the married men approaching me its the single ones who are looking for someone to take care of them. Where are all the real Christian men????? I refuse to settle. I will not date a married man and I will not take care of a momma's boy. I want a strong Christian man with values morals and a love of God that is so overwhelming that it's amazing. Where is that man at? Married men not valuing the commitments they made to God and to their wives are a sad representation of the society we live in. But the women who chase them and accept being the woman on the side are even worst. Men will continue to behave in this manner as long as there are women out there who will chase them and allow them into their beds despite the marital status. You are right Kenny we are in worst shape than you thought.
We need to plead the blood of Jesus for this world. Sin homosexuality, fornication, etc) is accepted as if it were a drink of water. We were born better than this. We all need to be born again and really respect who God is in our lives.
If we can take it up a notch---what about married men who are deep into ministry? What about those married men who are minister? Married men who are children of our Lord and Savior?
Not all married men are Christian, so we can expect for them to do anything. It's hurtful to see those who are covered yet still have the world act out in them and not the Spirit.
Most women who entertain such foolishness do so because of loneliness and the need of companionship. But then there are women who believe 'the game' they're hearing from these men.
We are in bad shape and I believe it will get worse. Women have to know their worth and understand that God has someone for them. Women need to seek the heart of God and stop to hear what He is saying to them concerning relationship. Surrendering it all to Him and He will work it out!
That is a testimony!! When He knows you're ready to receive who He has prepared for you, you will know!!
I agree with anonymous who said, "not all married men are Christian." Here was my experience (though very abbreviated) ...My ex had other women very early in our marriage. Let me state for the record, he was getting plenty at home... but one cannot fulfill a bottomless pit of need. Men do not always cheat because the wife is inadequate. They cheat because they hate themselves, and try to fill the black hole of their soul. Here was the thought process of my ex-husband. One goes to school, gets good grades, get a good job, and gets a wife. I don't think he gave any thought to me being his spiritual partner, or partner at all. My ex-husband looked at me the with the same thought process that he purchased a house, car and t.v. He left his acquired things in the a.m., and when he returned, there it all was car, house, t.v., wife. For more reasons than I can explain here, I dissolved my marriage. (It has been a long painful process to get over the guilt of my divorce). A cliche, but true, he did not realize what he had until the ink was dry and I was gone. My ex did fight to get me back, but he did it by trying to bribe, and squeeze me financially. It had nothing to do with the love of a woman, rather it was the dissolution of his vision. I don't think he is evil or bad. I just think he is a broken man with unresolved pain in need of a Savior.
Atlanta is not the only place. This has been happening for centuries! All over the world...unfortunately,there is always going to be someone out there to take the bait. Ladies, we really need to find positive, healthy ways to deal with our loneliness. It will happen from time to time,not just with single people, but also with married people. We all just want someone to understand us. As horrible as it sounds - it is true - and sometimes our need for good companionship will lead us in the wrong direction. Every woman and man must make a firm and strong decision not to allow their emotional and physical needs to overwhelm their spiritual needs. So again, I say, fill your life with positive fulfilling events and goals. The more fulfilled you feel within, the less need you will feel for someone else to fill it.
hmmmm, I don't really know how to say this without offending someone, so just take it for what it is. I have NEVER been approached by a married man....in all of my 14 years of dating. I believe it is in great part because of the way I carry myself...with such an air of respect and love for me that a man wouldn't dare approach me with such foolishness. I am a firm believer that you get what you give off. I hate to say that, but in ALL of the cases of my friends or acquaintances that have had this happen...and some sadly have fallen for the okie doke....the women have had a very flirtatious nature or have been at a desperate moment in their lives. In this regard, men are like dogs...they can sense who to attack. Guys can detect lonely women, easy women, desperate women, etc. They just know....I don't know how they know...but they just do. This is one of the first lessons my dad ever taught me about men. They know easy prey. While I'm certain their are cases where this may not be the case....I have yet to find one. Maybe some women need to ask themselves under what circumstances is this occurring? What are they feeling emotionally when they find themselves in this predicament?
Hmm...sounds a bit self-righteous to say it's how one carries herself, will automatically repell a married man... And I suppose if a woman is raped, she should have been carrying herself differently?!?! We need to be careful to go down that road!!
I knew this conversation would come up and I would have to respond. Sooooo I will preface this by saying that everybody has a soapbox. Some of us have issues with the semantics of dating and others its some other word(s) or catch phrases. My intent is not to offend anyone but rather share coversations I have had with those in my circle of friends and family.
I can only speak about the women/men I know and some of them have dated or are dating a married man/woman. Though we do not agree on the subject, I do not believe they are desperate. These women/men for the most part did not know these men/women were married in the beginning and it turned into a situation were they just got caught up. I realize some are saying there were signs that told them they were married. However, I am not sure about anybody else but there have been situations were signs were tapping me on the shoulder, pushing me in the back or just plain beating me over the head and I chose to ignore them and continue in my destructive behavior. I did this not because I was desperate but emotionally unhealthy. We are not cookie cutter individuals and some of us are not as strong as others. Instead of having a crab's mentallity we need to realize sometimes people need a hand in getting out of that barrel. Should they be seeing another woman's husband or another man's wife? No, of course not! But to me this is a symptom to a much larger problem.
Another issue I have is with the way this topic is addressed (women being deperate..etc). What it does to me is cause women to lash out (for a lack of a better word) at other women. I believe it does not bring about positive change. I will not go any further on that subject another soapbox for another day...
Another problem for me is most times I hear people saying women need to stop doing this or that and to a certain extent I agree. But some of those comments rest on the foundation of that old familiar saying, "A man is going to be a man." Please, please tell me where that came from? This topic is a 2-way street. Based on the way this coversation generally starts one could ask is a man so desperate for attention that he turns away from that covenant relationship and into the arms of another party? It's my opinion that saying a man is going to be a man is not acceptable. It has turned into an excuse for a man's questionable behavior. I do believe that if you are a married man then you have a responsbility to say no to a woman's advance(s). Everything in your face is not good for you. I realize saying no is a lot easier in writing than in reality. But again we have a responsibility to help somebody else. If that woman is disrepecting herself, it's not okay to add fuel to the fire. Help her! Don't kick her back down into the barrel only to go deeper into a vicious cycle. To know better is to do better. (Ahh..I realize that some people don't know better :( ) But as men and women we both have equal responsibility not to engage in destructive behavior.
I could go on and on and deeper and deeper into why I am not fond of the whole desperation discussion but I have taken up enough time and space.
to clarify the statement earlier, I stated that I know this isn't the case for all people and that I could only speak from my own experience. If you are offended, then you need to do your own inner soul searching as to why. All of us are entitled to our opinion. Call it self righteous...call it what you wish, that's your opinion. As far as rape is concerned, no one has the right to force themselves upon anyone else...period. I would never suggest that. However, when you entertain the antics of married men or women...THAT is completely within your locus of control...
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