Wednesday, March 5, 2008
Right Person...Wrong Time!!!
What would you recommend to someone who says they have met Mr. or Mrs. Right, but isn't willing to commit to a relationship? A young lady who I am working with is in love with a gentleman who meets her every desire, but doesn't feel the timing is right for a relationship. She still has some professional and educational goals that she is looking to accomplish before making a long-term commitment. Hmmmm....!
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12 comments:
If its the right person and wrong timing...she clearly is letting an opportunity which only surfaces every so often get away. It maybe bad timing for the project plan she has for her life. However, the best things happen when you don't plan them. You never want to look back over your life with regrets about what should have been. Life will pass you by if you stick to a predefined outline. God gives you the ability to make choices...choose wisely
I do believe that there is a such thing as wrong timing...but usually that is in the case when BOTH people are at points in their lives wehre they need to wait. (i.e. both in school, both unemployed, etc.) However, I do think that if the only things that make it "wrong timing" are our own personal goals and aims, that should be reconsidered. God sends blessings our way daily. However, He is a gentleman....He won't beat us down with them to make us take them. So, she should be prayerful and be sure she has removed "self".
Is there ever a “good” time to pursue true love? You haven’t provided us this young woman’s age, which might change my response. After reading the post, I thought back to about eight years ago when I received a marriage proposal a few months before I began my master’s degree. Some would say I put my career goals before marriage, but it was not only the wrong time but also the wrong person. He was not the one.
For starters, I think she should ask God to reveal His will for her life. So often, we try to do God’s will our way and we all know that makes Him laugh. If this relationship is in His plan, then she must trust that answers to the following questions will be revealed:
Doe her partner support her endeavors? Is he willing to relocate and/or secure another job so she can pursue her goals? Does he have his own dreams and goals? Is it possible that he can help her accomplish her goals? Cornell West said in a recent speech that Obama had to know that Michelle would be someone he could take along with him on his journey.
Many people think that I have chosen to put marriage on hold to pursue my academic and career goals, but that is simply not the case. I am often reminded of that famous line from Mahogany: “Success is nothing without someone you love to share it with…” If God willing, I will turn 35 the same month I defend my doctoral dissertation. It would have been a blessing to have someone walking alongside me during this journey, but that was not the case. (Yes, I have Jesus!)
God can give us the desires of our hearts and He does not always present us with the either/or option. So, why do we think He can only give us half a blessing?
Interesting question/dilemma!! I wonder if she really is �in love� with this guy. There are times when we see a person with all of these great character traits and attributes we ultimately want in our mate, but that SOMETHING is missing. I have heard someone say that there are many Mr. or Mrs. Rights around us but they may not be our Mr. or Mrs. Right. They can be amazing people with so much of what we want in a life mate but they are not the one God has hand picked and set aside just for us.
I say this because we all know couples who succeed even as they grew in their careers or as they completed their education. So saying that it is bad timing because of other pursuits sounds like an excuse or some indication that she may not be �in love� with this man.
Any time you are unwilling to commit to what seems like Mr. or Mrs. Right, I think there is an underlying issue that must be addressed. In my freshman year in college, I dated a great, great guy who really loved and cared for me who I would say was and still is Mr. Right!! At the time though, all I kept saying was that I was not ready for that level of commitment. I have come to realize that I was never truly �in love� with him and I firmly believe that he was not God�s best for my life. While I think he had a lot of the traits I wanted in my mate, he was not my Mr. Right. In this case, maybe this man is not her Mr. Right � he simply may not be God�s best. I share everyone�s sentiment that she must pray over the situation and let God guide her decisions.
Gator Girl
Communication is key, both of them should take this to God in prayer seeking his will; who better to give us direction than our heavenly father, because sometimes we just don't know what to do. These to individuals must communicate so that they are on one accord. Have they truly expressed to each other how they feel,and perhaps why they feel the way they do. So often in life we miss many opportunities making decisions based on assumptions, and trying to plan our own lives according to what we desire; rather than seeking God and allowing him to order our steps. This may require her to make some adjustment, and also him but if she seeks God and continue to communicate openly and honestly with this gentleman. She will choose wisely.
I think who would know best about her situation other than her (and God)?!? She knows what level of dedication she can give to this man at this point in her life. We've all been taught to treat others how we want to be treated. I know the amount of attention I tend to crave from the men I date, and if I'm not at a point where I can reciprocate why would I waste either of our times by being selfish and potentially ruining something great? I'd rather have him as a friend until we're both ready than to cause him to resent me (or me to resent him) for trying to force it when I can't give the relationship my full focus.
It's been said that some things can be both a blessing and a curse. We can easily make a mess out of "blessings" that come into our lives when we are not ready for them. You can be "blessed" with a house, but if you don't have the means to pay for it once you have it, that "blessing" has become your curse. You can be "blessed" to meet your Mr/Ms Right when you aren't developed enough mentally, spiritually, or emotionally to nurture that relationship and screw the whole thing up in the process. Or even to meet the one you THINK is Mr/Ms Right and go head first into a "worldly" relationship with them and come out with all sorts of baggage (from kids, diseases, bad credit, bitterness, anxiety, and all sorts of other issues) that you quite possibly will carry over into that relationship with the one destined for you (which would then be another screw-up because you aren't REALLY ready if you're bringing in all that mess).
If this is the one really sent by God to be with her, he WILL be with her . . . whether it's now or 5-10 years from now, even if it only lasts for a hot second. Nothing and no one can stand in the way of something God plans to bring to pass. What He has for me, is for ME and nobody else. It might take me a minute to recognize it for what it is, but it's still mine. ;-)
I say if they met Mr/Mrs Right and they aren't ready to commit, then they really haven't met Mr/Mrs Right.
I agree with Lena. Mr/Mrs Right will cause you to reschedule your timeline or make accomodations to fit that person in. I am still hopeless romantic and I believe that no one can get in the way of what is destined. If he's the one, then he'll resurface in her life or something will happen that will cause her to reevaluate her decision to push him aside while she pursues other ventures.
I also had a similar situation about 3 1/2 - 4 years ago. Everything was perfect (so I thought) He (a minister) wanted to go back to school to pursue his doctrate degree in theology; however, in his mind he couldn't see me anymore because he thought I was a "distraction." I agree with some of the readers, if it really is meant to be and you feel this person is that "right" someone; you do make accomodations to fit that person into your life. ( I was willing to be supportive and stick it out while he completed school ) :) It just wasn't meant to be...
I prayed about responding to this blog because this is a sensitive subject for me. It feels like at this moment, I am going through a similar situation. I met someone who's spirit is most familiar to me...right person but timing has been a challenge. Just when I think the opportunity has presented itself an obstacle or better yet a road block surfaces. Through this whole experience(test and a difficult one it has been) I have learned that as much as I have wanted opportunity to present itself, it has not happened yet. I am realizing that it's not about my timing or for that matter his timing but about God's timing. I continue in my day to day activities and preparing myself. So when preparation and opportunity do meet, it will be according to God's will. God gets the glory.
If this man meets her every desire and she still does not have the answer she is looking for then my advise is be still and wait on the Lord and try not to make any emotional decisions. I know this is difficult when you want a right now answer but pray about it, seek God's word, trust and wait. God will reveal the answer she is seeking and the perfect timing.
People make time for what they want to make time for...if she loves this person she will make time. If the relationship is worth having then provisions will be made accordingly. NO if's and's or but's about it. It's not hard. IF you want it.
Wow, maybe we need more information on this one, but is she really in love? (First, I don't believe in falling in and out of love. You either love someone or you do not). For me, if someone truly met all my desires, spiritually, emotionally, etc... that would be someone who could make me pause. When God sends the right person you know it. Furthermore, you then you know you have a PARTNER....not someone who is along for the ride of YOUR life. I can appreciate and respect her focus on her goals, but something tells me if he really was the one, there would be no such thing as right timing.
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