Sunday, March 9, 2008
Relationship Hangovers
I'm seeking advice to share with individuals on how to get over past relationships. I have my current arsenal of recommendations, but always desire to add to my current base of knowledge. One dangerous practice of people is using new relationships to get over past relationships. That being said...what successful practices have you seen or personally experienced?
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7 comments:
Clearly, time heals all wounds and you should pray that God will restore what you have given away (emotionally, physically, spiritually). But, I really try not to over-spiritualize the healing process....with that said, I have a cleansing process that i go through. I reflect on the relationship - literally writing down the pros and cons. Then I write down the lessons learned that will help me in the next relationship. NO relationship is ever a total waste of time. You come away from it with SOMETHING. Then, I pack up all of the things (physical) that I have from that person and put them in a box. I usually end up giving them away to other people. I try very hard not to hold on to physical things that have emotional attachments. This has helped me tremendously in really moving foward WITHOUT baggage.
Adding to what First lady said, I have found that cutting ties completely and moving on has helped me, -(depending on the level of emotional attachement) accepting that the relationship didn't work for whatever reason.
There is also a time i had to realize a relation ship was not beneficial for me.....it cost me too much emotionally, spritually and sadly physically... there would be no need for me to "hang on" to something that's not good for me.
Not saying that is always easy, but necessary. I've changed phone numbers and locations to make sure I stayed committed to that decesion.
One thing I realize, is that I am the common denominator in all my relationships. In the end, I can only look at all circumstances, and how I reacted to it all. Was I loving? Did I honor him the way God taught me to - or was I selfish, and did I manipulate to keep alive a relationship that was never God's Will for me in the first place? If there is a victory in healing a broken relationship, it is only through forgiveness. Forgiveness of your ex, and forgiveness of yourself. Sometimes we cannot store or give things away... especially in the case of divorce and you have children. Sometimes reconciling does not mean you reconcile the relationship, but rather you choose to reconcile your negative feelings. Choose to love them in a different way. Pray blessings on their life and thank God for the lessons learn. (Yes, we learn all our lessons the hard way)! So that's my advice, forgive, reconcile your own heart, and pray blessings on the one who hurt you... you will be amazed what God does!
When a relationship is over you first have to accept it is over and that you are NOT getting back together. I write a letter to GOD asking him to release my feelings for the person. I put the letter in my bible and give it to GOD. I also pray for God to help me focus more on his plan for me. Once, I write my letter and pray. I usually feel better and it helps me to move forward. It helps me when I write letters to God. It puts things in perspective.
It will take time, and prayer, seeking God's help, and being honest with where you are in the healing process, and staying encouraged, and speaking life over your situation, for example just speak your deliverance of the hangovers of past relationships and believe that it's done regardless of what it looks like or how you feel, and in the process live, and enjoy your life, but don't try to remedy your past hangovers with new relationships.
It's tough nursing a broken heart! When examing the definition of a hangover, it can be descibed as the body's reaction to an excess of toxins in the system. It takes time for the body to cleanse itself. In a similar way, once a relationship ends, it takes time for "toxins" such as the burden of shame, the irrationality of anger, and the sting of rejection to leave the emotional system. So just as someone posted previously, I believe that time is definitely the best remedy to a relationship hangover. Mourn the loss, then move on- don't dwell in misery. This is when your true self-love shows! Being aware that you do not need anyone to fulfill you nor complete your life definitely takes you through. Other advice- nuture yourself and plan pleasurable activities with friends and famly members. Keep yourself occupied. Don't even give yourself free time to think of the ex!
Like what was stated earlier, I also ask God to remove all feelings (attraction) that I have for this person.
I also try to engage in activities that I had ceased doing because this person that was in my life didn't like to do them.
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