Workplace topic of the week...
This entry of Relationship Hangovers is a continuation of the entry posted on 03/09/08. I'm now seeking advice to share with individuals on how to help an ex-boyfriend or girlfriend get over a past relationship. Isn't it amazing how much attention is provided at the conclusion of a relationship? People see a relationship coming to an end and begin to look for ways to salvage what looks like a failed effort. How do you assist an ex from harboring too much over a failed effort?
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Hmmm...interesting question. I guess the best way to answer this question is with honesty. When I was younger I had always heard and I guess believed the best way to move on from someone A is by moving on to someone B. Well...I found that did not work for me because when I did this and both relationships were in a failed status, I was removing layers from not just one failed relationship but two or more. The process was a lot more painful because I took wrong behaviors into another situation which just added more layers to shed. The problem just got bigger and bigger.
So, I took some me time and stepped back from relationships. I just started praying and thinking. God, had to unravel the mess I had made of myself. I needed to be healed and shown how to receive and give love.
I did make some changes and when my last few relationships ended I stopped and just took care of me. I allowed myself to just feel what it was at that moment I was feeling. I was by no means trying to act on any emotion but just purging myself of those sometimes toxic emotions. I tried to purge myself through ways and means that were both positive (I did not always get this process right) and pleasing to God.
After I've purged myself of those toxic emotions, I tried to make sure that I took some things away from those relationships. I fixed what I needed to work on (always a work in progress) and give myself a pat on the back for the good things I contributed to that relationship. Basically I packed a bag and put everything in its proper place and order. I know you have mentioned your perspective on the bag lady and I hear what you are saying but I read once and I tend to agree that everyone has baggage/issues, so it is not so much the baggage but how you packed the bag. If you pack trash in then when you open the bag trash comes out. But if you take the time and fold and place everything in its proper place then when the bag reopens by a familiar issue or circumstance you have order to your issue. It enables you to effectively communicate what your issue is because you have taken the time to process and organize your thoughts on the subject. I do believe that we should learn something from our past and apply it to the present based on who we are in Chirst today. So for me (when I do see familiar situations arise) I ask myself a series of questions, "What decision did I make in my past? Was it based on trash in or order/organization in? (Basically do I need to alter this decision to reflect who I am now?)" and before I act I try to evaluate the result(s) "What are the possible outcomes both positive and negative?(Is it in line with God's Word? Does God get the glory? Am I being obedient to God's Word?") My ultimate goal is always to do better and be better than who I was yesterday.
Let me just say that this is just my experience and what I have learned. It is also a work in progress and I continue to learn about me in both friendships and/or relationships everyday.
I have thought and prayed about if I should add to my comment above and I couldn't move until I heard from God about the subject. Well I am responding so I want to go on record as saying I made a mistake in how I wrote this comment. I learned a while ago and the hard way that pride only hurts it never helps. I realize that God did not completely get the glory in how I started this comment off. I stated that I allowed myself to feel what it is I am feeling. The preface to that is there was a time that I tried to hide my feelings/thoughts from God (Doesn't work at all!). I would internalize my emotions and bury them way down deep, and thought God just did not go there(I know...what was I thinking?). Anyway, what begin to happen is I started cracking. Those cracks showed up in all areas of my life; my health, finances, career you name it there was a crack! So with that preface when I say I allow myself to feel those emotions, I feel those emotions leaning on Christ. When I am going through any situation or just everyday it is during my daily conversations (sometimes minute by minute conversations) with God that I pour out those emotions (He already knows) and I ask that he remove those emotions and thoughts that are not like Him. I ask Him to purge me of me of those feelings and give me ways to do this (direction) and by the time I look up again God has worked it out for me and I am better than I was before.
God is the foundation for all I do. I am who I am through Christ. I have learned to seek him in all I do and He will direct my path.
I did not fully state this in my original post as it was in my heart and mind but it just did not make it to the pad.
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