It’s hard to believe, but even after you have acquired a Bachelors, Masters or PhD, there is still no guarantee that your relationships will be successful. Many of us have been misled into thinking that a college degree, money in the bank, corporate career and prestigious awards are the foundation of successful relationships. Living here in Atlanta has allowed me to witness the rise and fall of many relationships based on ‘tangible things’. With the success many women are now experiencing academically and in their careers, there is a sense of expectancy that many of them carry into personal relationships. Newsflash…the intangibles (aka little things) are what make for successful long-term relationships. Intangibles can include, but are not limited to the following: 1) caring, 2) gentleness, 3) selflessness, 4) peace, 5) patience, 6) steadfastness, etc. How many of you evaluate your potential lifemates based on the above intangible characteristics? Men with money and women with beauty are easy to find because they come in abundance. Will they be there for you when you are down and out? Will they remain with you after being laid-off from a job? Will they console you when you experience sadness in your life? Will they remain patient with you as you go through your personal growing pains? These are the questions you need to be able to answer when evaluating a potential mate.
My buddy put it best a long time ago when he recommended that I only accept applications from ‘B-students’ when searching for my wife. You may be asking yourself what is a B-Student? Glad you asked. A B-student is the one who never received an abundance of attention while in school, but always did quality work on every assignment. They are the ones who didn’t receive the top academic awards, but will always be successful in everything they do. What does this mean to you? For men, A-students are the beautiful women who receive an abundance of attention everywhere they go. Many of them are only sustained by their beauty and have no self-esteem outside of their beauty. Why do men say the pretty girls bring the most drama along with them? Men say this because ‘pretty girls’ are sustained by external accolades and not internal sustained sufficiency. Hmmmm…. For women, A-students are the overachieving men who are sustained by accomplishments and public acknowledgement. They lack the sensitive character makeup needed to be successful fathers and good husbands. A-students are able to provide for you financially and can buy you some pretty awesome gifts, but in the end…many will disappoint you.
The real question that you need to ask yourself is this…
Would I be happy growing old with this person with no money, possessions or public acknowledgments?
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3 comments:
The tangible items that a person possesses are very attractive, you can become mesmerized at the items, begin to boost about who you are with, and ignore problems that will eventually damage the relationship.
As long as we keep in are minds that the intangible qualities in a person are the gifts and the tagible items are the wrapping, then we will have a better chance of long lasting love.
We all need to find some who completes us, respects us, who can motivate us, who will up lift us, and some who understands that we are all gifts from God.
Its in our nature to want to be successful and live a comfortable life, but we have to pray and be reminded that Love is the greatest gift, and with love you will make it through the hard times, and the suffering.
GB
The intangibles are very important. Not only do we need the fruits of the Spirit in our daily walk with the Lord,but I believe it is necessary in relationships. I could write a book about the many men and women I've met who were hurt and disappointed by "A-students" and regretted dissing the "B-students". I think there are some folks who seek out A-students in order to cover up insecurities or to try to fill an empty space. Before you can seek the intangibles in others,you must learn to use the intagibles with yourself....
This is a really great blog topic. Most of us desire to be in a covenant relationship but for whatever reason, we have made poor decisions in this area. We should be mature enough to know that college degrees, money, career, awards and physical beauty are not characteristics that you base a relationship upon. With that being said, I believe that we still tend to make lifemate decisions based on these intangibles – money, power, beauty, etc. This is evident by the number of women who flock after Athletes, Entertainers, and yes, even Pastors/Ministers. Or the men who fall all over women who are physically beautiful or these same Athletes, Entertainers and Pastors/Ministers who routinely choose women who are physically beautiful. If we base our decision in whole or in part on these characteristics, like you said, we soon find out what these people are really made of when hard times come. We must learn from the parable of the rich man, the numerous verses on the pitfalls of wealth and the absence of a physical description of the Proverbs 31 woman – beauty and money alone will never make you happy and in fact could lead us down destructive paths.
I am not sure how to respond to the A versus B-student analogy. In theory, it makes reasonable sense, but in reality, most men are looking for the A-student!!! I think the intangibles you listed (caring, gentleness, selflessness, peace, patience, steadfastness, etc) are wonderful character traits we should all possess and seek in a mate. I have really come to fully understand and appreciate that the second most important decision I will make in my life, after accepting Christ, is who I marry. Therefore, the only real bases to base such an important decision on are the intangible qualities and what is in a person’s heart.
GG
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