Workplace topic of the week...
With the divorce rate skyrocketing above 50% and the failure of relationships at an all-time high, why bother going through the process of finding a mate? Is it really worth the hassle of going through the process of building a relationship, when you can have many of the same benefits as an unmarried adult? The only difference between marriage and singleness is the ring, wedding and licensed sex. Correct??? Many Christians are still having sex (because God's grace is sufficient), so really it's the ring and the wedding. Is it really worth it? Share your thoughts!
**Disclaimer - I don't personally agree with the above perspective, but feel the topic needs to be addressed.
Monday, March 31, 2008
Opportunity - Freelance Writers
In order to provide an ongoing variety of content here at Chat Kafe with KP, we are currently seeking freelance articles for KP's blog. If you are a writer and would like to submit articles, please send them to chatkafe@kennypugh.com. Be sure to include your contact information for follow-up correspondence. Thanks!
Chat Kafe Team
Chat Kafe Team
Relationship Intangibles
It’s hard to believe, but even after you have acquired a Bachelors, Masters or PhD, there is still no guarantee that your relationships will be successful. Many of us have been misled into thinking that a college degree, money in the bank, corporate career and prestigious awards are the foundation of successful relationships. Living here in Atlanta has allowed me to witness the rise and fall of many relationships based on ‘tangible things’. With the success many women are now experiencing academically and in their careers, there is a sense of expectancy that many of them carry into personal relationships. Newsflash…the intangibles (aka little things) are what make for successful long-term relationships. Intangibles can include, but are not limited to the following: 1) caring, 2) gentleness, 3) selflessness, 4) peace, 5) patience, 6) steadfastness, etc. How many of you evaluate your potential lifemates based on the above intangible characteristics? Men with money and women with beauty are easy to find because they come in abundance. Will they be there for you when you are down and out? Will they remain with you after being laid-off from a job? Will they console you when you experience sadness in your life? Will they remain patient with you as you go through your personal growing pains? These are the questions you need to be able to answer when evaluating a potential mate.
My buddy put it best a long time ago when he recommended that I only accept applications from ‘B-students’ when searching for my wife. You may be asking yourself what is a B-Student? Glad you asked. A B-student is the one who never received an abundance of attention while in school, but always did quality work on every assignment. They are the ones who didn’t receive the top academic awards, but will always be successful in everything they do. What does this mean to you? For men, A-students are the beautiful women who receive an abundance of attention everywhere they go. Many of them are only sustained by their beauty and have no self-esteem outside of their beauty. Why do men say the pretty girls bring the most drama along with them? Men say this because ‘pretty girls’ are sustained by external accolades and not internal sustained sufficiency. Hmmmm…. For women, A-students are the overachieving men who are sustained by accomplishments and public acknowledgement. They lack the sensitive character makeup needed to be successful fathers and good husbands. A-students are able to provide for you financially and can buy you some pretty awesome gifts, but in the end…many will disappoint you.
The real question that you need to ask yourself is this…
Would I be happy growing old with this person with no money, possessions or public acknowledgments?
My buddy put it best a long time ago when he recommended that I only accept applications from ‘B-students’ when searching for my wife. You may be asking yourself what is a B-Student? Glad you asked. A B-student is the one who never received an abundance of attention while in school, but always did quality work on every assignment. They are the ones who didn’t receive the top academic awards, but will always be successful in everything they do. What does this mean to you? For men, A-students are the beautiful women who receive an abundance of attention everywhere they go. Many of them are only sustained by their beauty and have no self-esteem outside of their beauty. Why do men say the pretty girls bring the most drama along with them? Men say this because ‘pretty girls’ are sustained by external accolades and not internal sustained sufficiency. Hmmmm…. For women, A-students are the overachieving men who are sustained by accomplishments and public acknowledgement. They lack the sensitive character makeup needed to be successful fathers and good husbands. A-students are able to provide for you financially and can buy you some pretty awesome gifts, but in the end…many will disappoint you.
The real question that you need to ask yourself is this…
Would I be happy growing old with this person with no money, possessions or public acknowledgments?
Monday, March 24, 2008
Relationship Hangovers pt. II
Workplace topic of the week...
This entry of Relationship Hangovers is a continuation of the entry posted on 03/09/08. I'm now seeking advice to share with individuals on how to help an ex-boyfriend or girlfriend get over a past relationship. Isn't it amazing how much attention is provided at the conclusion of a relationship? People see a relationship coming to an end and begin to look for ways to salvage what looks like a failed effort. How do you assist an ex from harboring too much over a failed effort?
This entry of Relationship Hangovers is a continuation of the entry posted on 03/09/08. I'm now seeking advice to share with individuals on how to help an ex-boyfriend or girlfriend get over a past relationship. Isn't it amazing how much attention is provided at the conclusion of a relationship? People see a relationship coming to an end and begin to look for ways to salvage what looks like a failed effort. How do you assist an ex from harboring too much over a failed effort?
Friday, March 21, 2008
Relationship Tip - 3/21/08
All relationships should be developed and evaluated based on current state character profiles of the involved individuals. You should NEVER enter into a relationship with the intent on changing your partner. If they are unsaved today, then assume they will remain in that state. If they are abusive today, then assume they will remain that way. If they are unmotivated about life today, then assume they will remain that way. If they are disrespectful to you today, then assume they will remain that way. Only God has the ability to change people, so don't enter into a relationship as a 'missionary'. If you desire covenant, make sure your covenantal desire IS NOT based on 'missionary' outcomes. You don't possess the power to change anyone!!!
Monday, March 17, 2008
Fatherless Women & Relationships???
Workplace topic of the week…
Someone posed an interesting thought that I felt was relevant to my most recent post ‘What’s the deal with married men?’ This question was posed by a young woman so please don’t think this is something I personally generated. However, I totally agree with the perspective she shared via e-mail.
I posted a write-up some time ago about how men are the cause for many of the relationship issues that we are reaping in today’s society. It is because of our (men’s) selfish choices of making babies and not maturing/parenting these children, that has led us to such a significant amount of drama in modern-day relationships.
Imagine if casual sex had minimized/stopped in the early 1980’s and 90’s and men remained a part of the family household. Would we have the same issues many of the sons and daughters are now experiencing in relationships today? Of course not! Check out a couple of the outcomes of our fatherless generation…
• Some of our fatherless women would not have to experiment on how to attract and retain the attention of a man because an example would have been present in the household. An at-home father could have helped her decipher through the foolishness of today’s playboys.
• Some of our fatherless women would not demonstrate such an intense attempt at using physical assets (no pun intended) to lure a man in hopes of making them a husband. Physical intimacy never correlates to long-term happiness!
• Some fatherless women would avoid being swayed by subtle hints of flattery and remain focused on the character of men. You can truly tell the character of someone after the honeymoon season in your interaction passes and you go through seasonal experiences together. Remember relationships fluctuate and not every day will be a happy day.
• Some fatherless men would not have to rely on his male organ as the source of his manhood and recognize/appreciate the value of what TRUE unconditional relationships hold. Because men have lacked male examples to follow, we have resorted to societal views, media and our personal experiences to assist with the learning process. As a result, we have created a relational pattern of seek and conquer versus love and patience. (I through this blurb in for the men so this entry wouldn’t be so one-sided ).
Back to the main topic at hand…here are the questions this young lady posed to me:
1. How do women who were raised in fatherless household view relationships?
2. Do they seek companionship from a man to fill voids? Once they learned that God is their father, did it change the way they looked at men?
Of course I have my personal thoughts on each of the above questions, but will resist the temptation of responding prematurely.
If you are a woman who grew up in a fatherless household, your perspective is definitely solicited. If you know of either positive or negative stories because of a fatherless environment, please post your responses too. You can always post anonymously if you wish to protect your identity.
Someone posed an interesting thought that I felt was relevant to my most recent post ‘What’s the deal with married men?’ This question was posed by a young woman so please don’t think this is something I personally generated. However, I totally agree with the perspective she shared via e-mail.
I posted a write-up some time ago about how men are the cause for many of the relationship issues that we are reaping in today’s society. It is because of our (men’s) selfish choices of making babies and not maturing/parenting these children, that has led us to such a significant amount of drama in modern-day relationships.
Imagine if casual sex had minimized/stopped in the early 1980’s and 90’s and men remained a part of the family household. Would we have the same issues many of the sons and daughters are now experiencing in relationships today? Of course not! Check out a couple of the outcomes of our fatherless generation…
• Some of our fatherless women would not have to experiment on how to attract and retain the attention of a man because an example would have been present in the household. An at-home father could have helped her decipher through the foolishness of today’s playboys.
• Some of our fatherless women would not demonstrate such an intense attempt at using physical assets (no pun intended) to lure a man in hopes of making them a husband. Physical intimacy never correlates to long-term happiness!
• Some fatherless women would avoid being swayed by subtle hints of flattery and remain focused on the character of men. You can truly tell the character of someone after the honeymoon season in your interaction passes and you go through seasonal experiences together. Remember relationships fluctuate and not every day will be a happy day.
• Some fatherless men would not have to rely on his male organ as the source of his manhood and recognize/appreciate the value of what TRUE unconditional relationships hold. Because men have lacked male examples to follow, we have resorted to societal views, media and our personal experiences to assist with the learning process. As a result, we have created a relational pattern of seek and conquer versus love and patience. (I through this blurb in for the men so this entry wouldn’t be so one-sided ).
Back to the main topic at hand…here are the questions this young lady posed to me:
1. How do women who were raised in fatherless household view relationships?
2. Do they seek companionship from a man to fill voids? Once they learned that God is their father, did it change the way they looked at men?
Of course I have my personal thoughts on each of the above questions, but will resist the temptation of responding prematurely.
If you are a woman who grew up in a fatherless household, your perspective is definitely solicited. If you know of either positive or negative stories because of a fatherless environment, please post your responses too. You can always post anonymously if you wish to protect your identity.
Thursday, March 13, 2008
What's the Deal with Married Men?
Thursday topic of the day...
Does honor in marriage still exist? Why do married men still find themselves pursuing other companions in the midst of a covenant relationship? Maybe two is too boring and three brings about excitement/satisfaction in marriage. I have been receiving too many mutually exclusive reports of single women being approached by men in committed marriage relationships.
Is this an Atlanta plague or does this predicament exist in abundance elsewhere? Better yet...let me be more specific. The above situation is taking place in abundance within the church body! Does anyone else see something wrong with this picture...HELLOOOOO!
What's even more interesting is...there are many women who accept these advances and offers because of the companionship it provides. Have women today reached a point of relational desperation that pushes them into 'sharing' time with men in order to feel wanted/accepted? OUCH...we are in worse trouble than I thought!
What are your thoughts on this matter?
Does honor in marriage still exist? Why do married men still find themselves pursuing other companions in the midst of a covenant relationship? Maybe two is too boring and three brings about excitement/satisfaction in marriage. I have been receiving too many mutually exclusive reports of single women being approached by men in committed marriage relationships.
Is this an Atlanta plague or does this predicament exist in abundance elsewhere? Better yet...let me be more specific. The above situation is taking place in abundance within the church body! Does anyone else see something wrong with this picture...HELLOOOOO!
What's even more interesting is...there are many women who accept these advances and offers because of the companionship it provides. Have women today reached a point of relational desperation that pushes them into 'sharing' time with men in order to feel wanted/accepted? OUCH...we are in worse trouble than I thought!
What are your thoughts on this matter?
Sunday, March 9, 2008
Relationship Hangovers
I'm seeking advice to share with individuals on how to get over past relationships. I have my current arsenal of recommendations, but always desire to add to my current base of knowledge. One dangerous practice of people is using new relationships to get over past relationships. That being said...what successful practices have you seen or personally experienced?
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
Right Person...Wrong Time!!!
What would you recommend to someone who says they have met Mr. or Mrs. Right, but isn't willing to commit to a relationship? A young lady who I am working with is in love with a gentleman who meets her every desire, but doesn't feel the timing is right for a relationship. She still has some professional and educational goals that she is looking to accomplish before making a long-term commitment. Hmmmm....!
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