One of the myths out there is that if you just spend enough time searching, if you can just gather enough information, you’ll find a woman with whom marriage will be “easy.” The fact is, such a woman doesn’t exist, and if she did, she likely wouldn’t marry you. And that means that you don’t need as much information as you think you do.
No matter how long you’ve dated, everyone marries a stranger. That’s because fundamentally dating is an artificial arrangement in which you’re trying to be on your best behavior. Marriage on the other hand is real life. And it’s only in the context of day-in, day-out reality, with the vulnerability and permanence that marriage provides, that we learn what another person is really like. Some of the things we learn about each other aren’t easy. But who ever said that love and marriage were supposed to be easy?
Men, the point of marriage is that we learn to love our wives as Christ loved the church. Yes, as Revelation 21 and Ephesians 5 tell us, one day, Christ’s bride will be perfectly beautiful, without spot or blemish, altogether lovely and loveable.
But the church is not there yet. First, Christ had to commit himself to us, even to death on a cross. This is the model we’re called to follow. It’s not an easy model, but it is worth it.
So your goal should not be to date a girl long enough until you’re confident marriage won’t be hard, but to date her just long enough to discern if you’re willing to love her sacrificially, and if she’s willing to respond to that kind of love.
By Michael Lawrence in ‘A Guy’s Guide to Marrying Well’
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2 comments:
loved it.
and I think this is important for women too. we have to follow what Ephesians calls us to do which is to submit to that man who will honor us in such a way as to present us holy and blameless, without spot or blemish before Christ. when we are blessed enough to have someone who will sacrificially love us, we must learn to subject ourselves to that love and accept it and not question it, accuse it or damage it.
beautiful article.
so KP how does this mesh w/your philosophy that you need to date someone through all the seasons to see them in all different areas of their lives. The reality is they might not enter a season on winter for years (not a serious winter) so how long is too long to date?
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