It happened again! This past weekend I had the pleasure of attending the wedding of one of my line brothers in Washington, DC. As has become the habit, I had to respond via RSVP that I would be attending all of the wedding festivities by myself. Of course I could have picked someone to travel with me and share in the overall experience. However, I have come to realize that special moments like weddings are not to be shared with those who you are ‘casually’ dating.
It is amazing the various tricks the enemy tries to play on your mind when you are surrounded by groups of people who are married, engaged or seriously involved. For one of the few times, I found myself in another fight with loneliness. Loneliness is one of those emotions that seeks to weigh you down, causes you to re-evaluate your self-worth and tries to hijack you from focusing on the purpose God has for your life. I sat back for a brief moment, while the rest of the group was out on the town, focusing and reiterating the things I desire for my life. I desire to have a God-centered, God-focused marriage. I desire to have a family that will serve as witnesses to Lord’s goodness. I desire to have a special person in my life who I can share my successes, failures and thoughts with. I desire to have someone whose shoulder I can cry on when the temporary issues of life become overwhelming. (sigh)
It is a blessing to have a relationship with the Lord. He is so in tune with His children that He knows what we think before we actually think it. He provided me with a sense of peace during my temporary fight with loneliness. I was assured that He understands the desires of my heart. The one question that I left my time of reflection with was simple…”Am I willing to share my desired experiences with God during this season of my life?”
Many people allow loneliness to move them into the unauthorized action of taking matters into their own hands. Unfortunately, it is not you alone who can bring fulfillment to the things you desire in life…only a relationship with God can. Ask the many people who have taken matters into their own hands who now find themselves absolutely miserable. Don’t make the mistake of jumping the gun before you are released into the next season of your life. In order to win the fight against loneliness you must not allow the temporary emotions in life to move you to unauthorized actions. Continue focusing on your relationship with God. Continue focusing on your relationship with yourself. Continue being a blessing to others. God hears your cry…just allow Him to work out the final details within you so you can be successfully equipped for the next season of your life.
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8 comments:
God Bless you KP...your messages are always on right on time!
So KP, What is your definition of "casual dating". Can you casually date more than one person? Did going to the wedding make you want to take your relationship from casual dating to something more serious?
I can certainly relate to feeling loneliness especially when witnessing others with their spouses and/or significant others. I, too, attend weddings and special events alone b/c I believe they should be shared with someone special.In my, what appears to be, extended season of "singleness," I have asked God to keep me busy doing His will for me. This request that He has been manifesting in my life has provided me with a sense of joy, peace, and fulfillment. I also feel that I have grown so much by channeling my loneliness into service and fellowshipping with believers. All of this will not only bring glory to my Father, but has also groomed me to be the best help meet I can be for my one and only.
Stephad19
Anonymous...
What is your definition of "casual dating"?
- My definition is someone who you have an interest in, but have not made a commitment to. Casual dating is the equivalent of a first or second interview in a person's job search.
Can you casually date more than one person?
- The answer to this is YES. I am not a big fan of this practice because it tends to divide your attention, but some people can do it well.
Did going to the wedding make you want to take your relationship from casual dating to something more serious?
- I am not currently in a casual dating relationship. My last relationship ended last year and I am now focusing on applying the things I learned through that experience. I am still open to the next experience that awaits me, but have never endorsed the 'spider man/spider woman' dating approach. That means jumping from one relationship to the next without taking some personal time purge the negative from your experience.
Hey there!
You are right that a brotha should not take a sista who he is casually dating to a wedding... she will ABSOLUTELY read into that invitation something that you did not intend!!
Believe me...I have seen it one hundred times...
Many sistas also read a lot into the fact that a man introduces her to his mother...
She thinks that means that a brotha is trying to take things to a more serious level in the relationship....
Ahhhh....
Thank you for the exhortation!!
Peace, blessings and godliness,
Lisa
Loneliness can be a beast, but it’s a good thing that loneliness isn’t a pilot program! Many unmarried folks can identify with today’s entry. I remember the last wedding (among many) that I attended (of course solo) where I witnessed the groom tearfully confess to his bride, “Baby, I’m ready to lay my life down for you.” I almost passed out in the church!!! The ushers could have thrown that ‘purple Pentecostal sheet’ over me because I was DONE!! Those are the very words lonely hearts long to hear—my all for you. However, when I think about my not-so-lonely days, they outweigh my lonely days…by far. ;) I thank God for that. Even when I get “so lonely” as Ms. Janet Jackson puts it, I remember that Jehovah Shammah is there with me in the pit of my desolate moment. He is present with us! Now, I know Janet intended that song for the love of her life, but some of the words speak volumes about how God drives us to Himself even while we're experiencing loneliness. That said, turn with me to the book of Janet hook 1, verse 2:
I get so lonely
Can’t let just anybody hold me
You are the One that lives in me, my dear
Don’t want no one but You!
Wouldn’t venture to say that I don’t want “no one” but Him, but I know that I can’t let just anyone hold me because He is the One that lives in me. His presence keeps me patient. He helps me to refocus on Him when lonlieness threatens my faith. He is the one who loved me first and gave His all for me by laying down His life. I’m encouraged even to allow the loneliness that singleness sometimes brings to drive me closer and closer to Him that I might apprehend Him--the one who has apprehended me! Here’s a good place to holla, “PREACH!!” : ) ( :
Wow! That ending paragraph really spoke to me. Great job G.R.I.T.S.! By the way, that Janet song was my FAVORITE! Brings me back to my college days... sigh! :)
stephad19
Pugh,
Casual dating, as the term implies is that kind of dating which does not involve any kind of seriousness. What's the big deal about going to a movie, bowling, etc. with a female who you may have a slight interest in? Even though it can be seen as a temporary cure for loneliness, you can better gather an idea of who to persue further. Time is passing you by. You can sit and analyze forever on previous relationships but it's time to take action. It's like an employer trying to fill a vacancy. You don't sit and reflect on the past employee. You start interviewing to see who else can get the job done and fit with the company. Think of casual dating like the interviewing process- you need to find that one person who fits "your company". And at the rate your going, it's going to be a long road... SMILES :-)
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