So Fresh and So Pure by Michelle Bonilla

Left Over Love

Ever wonder why it’s so hard to forget your first love? Picture someone carving a message onto stone. We all know what happens when something is carved in stone don’t we? It’s there for life and so are our hormones. In women, a hormone called Oxytocin, which is derived from Petosin, is released during three phases in a woman’s life 1) during intercourse 2) during childbirth and 3) during breast feeding.

This particular hormone allows for the woman to make these kinds of memories more memorable. It’s connected to our heart and emotions so during a break-up things can get pretty ugly. Oxytocin, often called the “Love Hormone,” is responsible for women not being able to forget their first love. It is it also one of the reasons some women find themselves going back to unhealthy relationships.

Let me give you a scenario; Ruth tells her girlfriend Beth “Girl why do you keep on going back to him? He has no right to treat you that way!” And Beth says “but I love him!” Sound familiar? Not only do we know Beth, some of us are Beth. We hang on despite what our friends, family, conscience and even the Bible says about the man in our life. Giving in to lustful desires of the flesh blur the hearts vision and can cause you to become emotionally handicap. There are many “Beth’s” who are latched onto guys they wouldn’t otherwise be with if they hadn’t had sex.

It is said that women are emotional but men are visual. They respond to what they see and are persuaded often by what’s right in front of them. So when a man sees an attractive woman his natural instinct is to look. In a society where women are objectified and painted by the media as vixens and fantastical creatures, it’s not that hard to admit that a straight man whether married or single will indeed look. Here’s why the struggle continues.

Epinephrine, also known as adrenaline, is the hormone responsible for the reproduction of sexual thoughts in a man. A concept is being built in his mind of what’s attractive to him and at any given moment he can reproduce that memory. It’s like being online and hitting the download button. So what’s the difference between a saved man and an unsaved man? Jesus! and that’s it. A relationship with Christ brings hope to any man or woman struggling with this issue. Believing that a Christian man doesn’t struggle with sex is a myth. He’s still human and thoughts from the past don’t just wash out like the laundry.

So how do we work this out? If these hormones are innate and these reactions instinctual then how can we help ourselves? The answer is found in the Holy Scriptures. The Bible tells us that marriage was designed by God for a man and woman to have the ultimate relationship. It is taking friendship to its maximum; and making love is the icing on the cake. This sacred act was designed specifically to stay within the confines of marriage. Therefore, according to Ephesians 5, sexual relations outside the marriage bed will not receive God’s blessing. All the emotions both partners were meant to experience are supposed to be shared between a husband and a wife (1 Corinthians 7). To wait for the one you love is one of the toughest exams to pass but True Love indeed waits.

The hormone is not your only hindrance --You are

God expects us to be human and he understands us down to the very core of our genetic make-up, but he wants us to treat our bodies like a temple that is undefiled. Sin is part of our everyday lives. We were born sinful and as long as we are in this fleshly vessel our sin nature will wage war within us from time to time (Romans 7). However, the apostle Paul tells us that through the Holy Spirit we have the strength to over come that nature and we don’t have to be a slave to it. Although we sin in thought, word, deed, and action we can overcome our circumstances by bringing our whole person captive to the obedience of Christ (2 Corinthians 10:5). Meditating on God and getting a daily dose of His word is the best way to keep your thoughts from running wild.

We are creatures of habit and what we’ve always done we will always want to do. This is where we need to exercise self control. Peter says “Be ye self controlled….” We ought not to sin against our bodies because we would be polluting the House of the Holy Spirit. In 1 Peter, we are also told to “Be holy for I am Holy.” God is mandating his people to be set apart. Giving in to the desires of the flesh incorporates us into a world that is governed by Satan’s lies and our own selfish desires. It will take a concentrated effort on your part and Trust in God’s word to help put your past behind. You will never completely forget your past but knowing that “He who has begun a good work in you shall complete it until the day of Christ” ought to be an inspiration. You’re not fighting on your own. Rather you are transferring the situation to Christ who has already worked out the situation on your behalf.

Practicing abstinence and remaining pure before marriage is not a common choice among people our age today; and sadly enough it‘s not a common choice among Christians. Society tells us that what feels good, we ought to do even if it means destroying ourselves emotionally and physically in the process. Fortunately, we don’t have to succumb to the ways of this world. Let’s look at UPN’s show Girlfriends or HBO’s Sex and the City. The shows might be hilarious to watch and maybe even keep our interest enough to watch the whole season; however they are portraying very real relational problems with very unrealistic solutions. As a Christian solving your problems by giving into your desires doesn’t help, it actually complicates life as we observe episode after episode.

Aside from knowing God is not pleased with promiscuity, we also have to take into consideration the drama we bring upon ourselves by not choosing to wait. Let’s go back to Beth one more time. Let’s say she chose to move on from her abusive relationship. Not only would she have a hard time leaving her ex- boyfriend, but in the event that she was to find “true” love, it might be a struggle to accept. Her potential husband may be a God-fearing man who cares for her and treats her with respect, but Beth may not be able to get rid of the hurt and pain of her past relationship. As a result she may wind up destroying what God has given her. The many complications that arise from past sexual relationships can greatly affect our future relationships. That is why scripture is specific about the marriage bed remaining undefiled.

Thankfully there is a God whose mercy and Grace are able to keep us form falling and able to pick us up if we do fall. We have the hope that God is able to restore us if we make the error of having sex before marriage. Scripture says “A just man falls seven times...” Having the understanding that we don’t have to remain in sin but overcome it is a powerful tool against the enemy. If we can realize that Christ has already forgiven us then we can move on with our lives. Renewing our minds with that knowledge will help keep us focused and moving forward. God is more concerned with our growth than he is our failures.

Hopefully the next time sexual temptation presents itself, you’ll think twice before going there. Not only will your hormones lie to you but so will your heart (1 John 3:21). If there ever comes a time where you really want to settle down you and your mate will have plenty of baggage to sift through. I’m not sure about you, but when I get married I don’t think I want to carry that bag home along with the rest of my groceries.

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