I appreciate the various comments posted on the most recent entries regarding ‘Should Women Pursue Men.’ God disconnected me from technology for a couple of days so I could reflect on all of the comments that were posted. Fortunately, the temporary disconnect allowed me to think spiritually about the intent and sources for some of the comments, and avoid taking things too personally. In the end here is what God revealed to me…
1. All men, as well as all women; have issues that need to be addressed. This is something that is an ongoing process because no one is perfect. We must understand that we are ALL works in progress (Romans 3:23).
2. Men do need to regain their rightful roles in relationships and head of the household. Our inability to remain in alignment with God’s Word has encouraged the ‘21st Century Deborahs’ to stand up and take lead. However, we should remember that God’s original plan should not be aborted despite many women having to take the role of Deborah in today’s society.
3. Women do need to understand the delicate balance of making relationships work harmoniously despite the pursuit of career and educational goals. Submission does not mean aborting your dreams and aspirations, but does call for an evaluation of what’s best for the relationship in its entirety.
4. Harboring hurts and pains from past relationships (family and interpersonal) is the best way to remain shielded from being sent ‘the one’ God has for you. Please go back to the source of your pain and forgive those who hurt you (Matthew 18:21-22). Utilize your season of singleness to prepare the way for a smooth transition into relationship with the person God sends your way.
Here are some points to evaluate when assessing your self-readiness for a biblical relationship:
1. How do you see yourself? - You need to be able to clearly articulate who you see yourself as at this point in your life. You cannot successfully merge with anyone until you understand who you are and what you bring to the relationship.
2. How does God see you? – Do you know your God-purpose in life? Or do you find yourself defined by what others around you think? You should be able to biblical define who God has called you to be.
3. How do you see God? – Do you have an established relationship with the Father? How often do you pray? How many spiritual growth classes have you taken? You will not be able to recognize a God-ordained relationship until you truly KNOW who God is.
At the end of the day all relationships come down to God's timing and your ability to compromise and sacrifice for the well being of the relationship.
Sunday, April 27, 2008
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Do Women Really Want to Be Married??
Please read the following article submitted by a Chat Kafe Freelance Writer
Over a long discussion with friends, I decided that this is an issue that should be addressed…
In today’s age many women claim they want to be married, have children, and live happily ever after. Yet, are today’s modern women truly willing to be a Biblical wife? Are women just in love with the idea of having a husband, children, and a white picket fence? Or are there “real” Christian women out there who want to fulfill God’s commandments within a marriage.
The Bible declares that women were created as a companion and helper to man (Genesis 2:18-24) and are required to love and submit to their husband; just as the church should submit to Christ (Ephesians 5:22-24, 33). In today’s society, the role of a woman has changed drastically from biblical times. Women pursue higher education; often becoming lawyers, doctors, and businesswomen. With the pursuit of education comes a sense of independence that doesn’t quite fit with traditional gender roles. Society has drastically changed from Biblical times, with women out-earning their husbands, and men opting to be stay-at-home fathers. Is this acceptable or are they working against the roles that God originally created (Titus 2: 4-5)?
Other households embody the American Dream, both parents work and have very successful careers. This household usually hires some type of caregiver to watch their children while they work and travel frequently on business. Does this not hinder wives and mothers from fulfilling duties that God requires of them? Or are the requirements of God outdated?
The Bible states that the head of man is God and the head of a woman is man (1 Corinthians 11:3). I interpret this phrase as God declaring a husband to be the head of his household as God is the head of him (also seen in Ephesians 5). God requires that women be obedient to their husbands, and obedience involves subjection and subordination. Since many women find themselves being independent and alone for many years before marriage, is this an impossible feat? And once married, many women are so independent that they hinder their husbands from being the “man of the house” and are often rebellious to his commands. If women are not obedient to their husbands, is this disobedience to God?
Again, I pose these questions out of curiosity. Are God’s commands realistic, or are we just unrealistic? I would love to hear your responses.
--Author KLW
Over a long discussion with friends, I decided that this is an issue that should be addressed…
In today’s age many women claim they want to be married, have children, and live happily ever after. Yet, are today’s modern women truly willing to be a Biblical wife? Are women just in love with the idea of having a husband, children, and a white picket fence? Or are there “real” Christian women out there who want to fulfill God’s commandments within a marriage.
The Bible declares that women were created as a companion and helper to man (Genesis 2:18-24) and are required to love and submit to their husband; just as the church should submit to Christ (Ephesians 5:22-24, 33). In today’s society, the role of a woman has changed drastically from biblical times. Women pursue higher education; often becoming lawyers, doctors, and businesswomen. With the pursuit of education comes a sense of independence that doesn’t quite fit with traditional gender roles. Society has drastically changed from Biblical times, with women out-earning their husbands, and men opting to be stay-at-home fathers. Is this acceptable or are they working against the roles that God originally created (Titus 2: 4-5)?
Other households embody the American Dream, both parents work and have very successful careers. This household usually hires some type of caregiver to watch their children while they work and travel frequently on business. Does this not hinder wives and mothers from fulfilling duties that God requires of them? Or are the requirements of God outdated?
The Bible states that the head of man is God and the head of a woman is man (1 Corinthians 11:3). I interpret this phrase as God declaring a husband to be the head of his household as God is the head of him (also seen in Ephesians 5). God requires that women be obedient to their husbands, and obedience involves subjection and subordination. Since many women find themselves being independent and alone for many years before marriage, is this an impossible feat? And once married, many women are so independent that they hinder their husbands from being the “man of the house” and are often rebellious to his commands. If women are not obedient to their husbands, is this disobedience to God?
Again, I pose these questions out of curiosity. Are God’s commands realistic, or are we just unrealistic? I would love to hear your responses.
--Author KLW
Should Women Pursue Men??? (My Initial Thoughts)
I want to offer the following clarification on my previous entry regarding the appropriateness of women pursuing men. My personal position is that it is out of order for women to pursue men for relationships. In most instances relationships begin out of spiritual alignment when a woman becomes the aggressor and removes the innate nature of a man. A man does not typically appreciate a woman he does not have to work for as much as a woman who provides a challenge for him. This is not an absolute truth and I can provide examples of successful relationships where women were the aggressors. However, I can provide many more examples of women who were used and exploited because of their zeal in aggressively pursuing men for relationships. Guys are able to smell ‘relationship thirst’ on the breath of a woman and will take advantage of this if it is not carefully monitored. Aggression can be misconstrued as desperation and that is where relationship problems begin.
Here are my top 2 reasons why women should not pursue men for relationships:
1) It Is Unbiblical – I hate using this reason because it is a religious trump card. However, nowhere in scripture do we see God promoting women as the lead in pursuing relationships…or anything else from a leadership perspective. I know this is a tough pill to swallow, but I am only serving as the messenger.
2) Relationship Roles Become Twisted – God created men as hunters and that is typically the role men are supposed to serve in. We typically don’t operate well when we are placed in passive roles and allow women to take lead. I believe this is why relationships internally combust years down the road in situations where women served as the lead. Guys sit on their true feelings until they reach a point where they literally explode due to long-term frustration.
I’ve also argued in the past why some women pursue men for relationships. Here is the top reason that supports that position:
1) Men Have Become Passive – As the trend of society has shifted and women are becoming more successful professionally and educationally, men have reverted into passive beings. Unfortunately, the number of ‘good’ proactive/aggressive men has become limited. As a result, there may situations where a woman may find it necessary to take the lead in initiating the relationship, but her ultimate goal should be to transfer leadership back to the man in order to avoid conflict further along down the road.
I will share more of my thoughts, but want to get some feedback first .
Here are my top 2 reasons why women should not pursue men for relationships:
1) It Is Unbiblical – I hate using this reason because it is a religious trump card. However, nowhere in scripture do we see God promoting women as the lead in pursuing relationships…or anything else from a leadership perspective. I know this is a tough pill to swallow, but I am only serving as the messenger.
2) Relationship Roles Become Twisted – God created men as hunters and that is typically the role men are supposed to serve in. We typically don’t operate well when we are placed in passive roles and allow women to take lead. I believe this is why relationships internally combust years down the road in situations where women served as the lead. Guys sit on their true feelings until they reach a point where they literally explode due to long-term frustration.
I’ve also argued in the past why some women pursue men for relationships. Here is the top reason that supports that position:
1) Men Have Become Passive – As the trend of society has shifted and women are becoming more successful professionally and educationally, men have reverted into passive beings. Unfortunately, the number of ‘good’ proactive/aggressive men has become limited. As a result, there may situations where a woman may find it necessary to take the lead in initiating the relationship, but her ultimate goal should be to transfer leadership back to the man in order to avoid conflict further along down the road.
I will share more of my thoughts, but want to get some feedback first .
Monday, April 21, 2008
Should Women Pursue Men???
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Workplace topic of the week…
How appropriate is it for women to approach men in pursuit of relationships?
The 21st Century has brought about many changes to the traditional way things have typically been done in our society. The evolution of education, family focus and equality has been influenced by the transition of our society. The independence factor of women has also blossomed as a result of our progressive society, inclusive of women’s comfort in pursuing whatever it is they desire in their hearts. Should this independence include pursuit of men for relationships? Or has this approach proven to be a detriment in the formation of long-term relationships?
I have argued in favor of and against the appropriateness of women pursuing men for relationship purposes, but would like to get your feedback.
Workplace topic of the week…
How appropriate is it for women to approach men in pursuit of relationships?
The 21st Century has brought about many changes to the traditional way things have typically been done in our society. The evolution of education, family focus and equality has been influenced by the transition of our society. The independence factor of women has also blossomed as a result of our progressive society, inclusive of women’s comfort in pursuing whatever it is they desire in their hearts. Should this independence include pursuit of men for relationships? Or has this approach proven to be a detriment in the formation of long-term relationships?
I have argued in favor of and against the appropriateness of women pursuing men for relationship purposes, but would like to get your feedback.
Thursday, April 17, 2008
Taking Personal Accountability
Many of us fail in our friendships/relationships because we refuse to take personal accountability for our behavior. It is very easy to look at the faults of others and begin listing everything that they have done wrong. However, the true mark of spiritual maturity centers on our ability to deal with ourselves. How many of us are willing to look in the mirror and begin taking inventory of our own personal faults and shortcomings versus the faults and shortcomings of others (Matthew 7:1-6)? One of the most profound statements in existence today is…
“The one common denominator in all of your relationships is YOU!”
– Author Unknown
I find it subtly humorous when I hear women talking about how they always run into men who are dawgs. Please check your perfume ladies because it may be screaming out ‘Talk to me I am desperate!’ The same goes for men who claim they always run into women who are driven materially. Your cologne may be screaming out ‘I have nothing else to offer, but my superficial personality and money!’
It is not until we are able to assess ourselves through God’s eyes, that revelation and illumination will be applicable and have meaning in our lives. No relationship will be successful until both parties are willing to admit and take personal accountability for the contributions they make to the friendship/relationship.
“The one common denominator in all of your relationships is YOU!”
– Author Unknown
I find it subtly humorous when I hear women talking about how they always run into men who are dawgs. Please check your perfume ladies because it may be screaming out ‘Talk to me I am desperate!’ The same goes for men who claim they always run into women who are driven materially. Your cologne may be screaming out ‘I have nothing else to offer, but my superficial personality and money!’
It is not until we are able to assess ourselves through God’s eyes, that revelation and illumination will be applicable and have meaning in our lives. No relationship will be successful until both parties are willing to admit and take personal accountability for the contributions they make to the friendship/relationship.
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Time is Tickin'!!!
Workplace topic of the week...
How do you handle family members who are constantly trying to marry you off to every Tom, Dick, Harry, Jane or Janet?
I have a soft spot for women because of the family pressure they are under to transition into the married ranks. My advice to all women is to focus on your purpose and not be distracted by those who don't have your best interest in mind.
Unfortunately, we live in a society that elevates those who are married and looks down upon those who are unmarried. The truth be told...one state of living is not any better than the other (see 1 Corinthians 7). One preacher says it like this, "Married living isn't any better than unmarried living...it's just different!" Meaning that both seasons of life have their own pros and cons that can be used to validate your position depending on the side you represent. Those of us who are unmarried have a peaked curiosity of marriage because it's something we have never experienced. However, if you talk to those who are, or have been married, they will advise you that marriage has its own unique set of challenges. Your prayer should be to ask God for a healthy marriage (if it's His will) and not just an ordinary marriage which so many people experience today.
Don't allow family, time or desperation to steer you into a situation that 'till death do us part' can't get you out of :)
How do you handle family members who are constantly trying to marry you off to every Tom, Dick, Harry, Jane or Janet?
I have a soft spot for women because of the family pressure they are under to transition into the married ranks. My advice to all women is to focus on your purpose and not be distracted by those who don't have your best interest in mind.
Unfortunately, we live in a society that elevates those who are married and looks down upon those who are unmarried. The truth be told...one state of living is not any better than the other (see 1 Corinthians 7). One preacher says it like this, "Married living isn't any better than unmarried living...it's just different!" Meaning that both seasons of life have their own pros and cons that can be used to validate your position depending on the side you represent. Those of us who are unmarried have a peaked curiosity of marriage because it's something we have never experienced. However, if you talk to those who are, or have been married, they will advise you that marriage has its own unique set of challenges. Your prayer should be to ask God for a healthy marriage (if it's His will) and not just an ordinary marriage which so many people experience today.
Don't allow family, time or desperation to steer you into a situation that 'till death do us part' can't get you out of :)
Friday, April 11, 2008
Relationship Tip - 4/11/08
Be careful of relationships where your significant other is hesitant to receive constructive criticism and advice from you. This is an indicator that trust could become an issue in your relationship. However, it is key that the constructive criticism and advice you offer is delivered in love and not in judgement.
Avoid Temptation
Put Away Evil
So you shall put away the evil from among you. (Deuteronomy 22:21b)
It is a dangerous and costly mistake not to take temptation seriously. The sad testimony of many who have succumbed to sin’s enticements is that they thought they were strong enough to remain in the midst of temptation and resist it. God requires that His people remove evil from their midst (Deut. 21:21). One way to do this is to remove anything in your environment that may tempt you to sin. When wickedness surrounds you, you are in danger of becoming anesthetized to its destructive potential. Never assume that you are immune to temptation. Do not underestimate the craftiness of the evil one.
God does not tolerate evil, for evil cost the death of His Son. Sin causes untold pain and destruction to everyone it touches. Treating evil lightly shows foolish disregard for God’s redemptive work. An honest evaluation of your life will reveal temptations that you should remove, such as some forms of entertainment or ungodly relationships. When God convicts you of evil in your midst, remove it immediately!
There are times, however, when you are powerless to remove ungodly influences, so you must remove yourself from the temptation. Paul urges us to avoid every kind of evil (1 Thess. 5:22). When Joseph was enticed to commit adultery by his master’s wife, he fled immediately! (Gen. 39:12).
Do not lose your abhorrence of sin. Be diligent to keep any form of temptation out of your home, out of your relationships, out of your mind. You can do this only by maintaining your love relationship with God, recognizing that you are powerless to resist temptation in your own strength. You will not be able to walk closely with God unless you see sin as He sees it. Darkness and light cannot coexist. Run from the darkness to the light!
- Author Unknown
So you shall put away the evil from among you. (Deuteronomy 22:21b)
It is a dangerous and costly mistake not to take temptation seriously. The sad testimony of many who have succumbed to sin’s enticements is that they thought they were strong enough to remain in the midst of temptation and resist it. God requires that His people remove evil from their midst (Deut. 21:21). One way to do this is to remove anything in your environment that may tempt you to sin. When wickedness surrounds you, you are in danger of becoming anesthetized to its destructive potential. Never assume that you are immune to temptation. Do not underestimate the craftiness of the evil one.
God does not tolerate evil, for evil cost the death of His Son. Sin causes untold pain and destruction to everyone it touches. Treating evil lightly shows foolish disregard for God’s redemptive work. An honest evaluation of your life will reveal temptations that you should remove, such as some forms of entertainment or ungodly relationships. When God convicts you of evil in your midst, remove it immediately!
There are times, however, when you are powerless to remove ungodly influences, so you must remove yourself from the temptation. Paul urges us to avoid every kind of evil (1 Thess. 5:22). When Joseph was enticed to commit adultery by his master’s wife, he fled immediately! (Gen. 39:12).
Do not lose your abhorrence of sin. Be diligent to keep any form of temptation out of your home, out of your relationships, out of your mind. You can do this only by maintaining your love relationship with God, recognizing that you are powerless to resist temptation in your own strength. You will not be able to walk closely with God unless you see sin as He sees it. Darkness and light cannot coexist. Run from the darkness to the light!
- Author Unknown
Monday, April 7, 2008
Is Commitment a Lost Art?
Workplace topic of the week…
Why do so many people desire to be in relationships when they are unprepared for the commitment? Do you believe commitment is a lost art in our society?
The majority of today’s people desire to be in healthy, successful and prosperous relationships. However, many of them are unprepared for the journey that accompanies the relationship commitment. Commitment isn’t a magical switch that you can turn on and off, but commitment reflects a dedicated lifestyle that a person decides to live. Key areas to evaluate a person’s commitment level are as follows:
1) How committed are they to their family? – People who are uncommitted to those closest to them are a potential risk to you in a relationship. There are exceptions to this assessment, especially if they grew up in an unhealthy environment. However, if a person has never experienced a healthy relationship environment, then how can you expect for them to provide one for you?
2) How committed are they to their friends? – People who cannot keep friends are a potential danger to you in a relationship. There is a reason why they struggle in friendships, so please proceed with caution when developing relationships with them.
3) How committed are they to their job? – A job hopper shows an individual who has their personal interest first and their employers second. This is both a positive and negative characteristic. However, make sure they don’t treat their personal relationships like they do their jobs :)…hopping to the next best person who appears.
4) Do they show commitment to anything in their lives? – People who cannot demonstrate commitment to anything (school, ministry, coaching, social groups, etc.) in their lives should be avoided until they work out their personal situations. Don’t become the next casualty in their journey, but minister to them as a ‘friend’ showing love.
Why do so many people desire to be in relationships when they are unprepared for the commitment? Do you believe commitment is a lost art in our society?
The majority of today’s people desire to be in healthy, successful and prosperous relationships. However, many of them are unprepared for the journey that accompanies the relationship commitment. Commitment isn’t a magical switch that you can turn on and off, but commitment reflects a dedicated lifestyle that a person decides to live. Key areas to evaluate a person’s commitment level are as follows:
1) How committed are they to their family? – People who are uncommitted to those closest to them are a potential risk to you in a relationship. There are exceptions to this assessment, especially if they grew up in an unhealthy environment. However, if a person has never experienced a healthy relationship environment, then how can you expect for them to provide one for you?
2) How committed are they to their friends? – People who cannot keep friends are a potential danger to you in a relationship. There is a reason why they struggle in friendships, so please proceed with caution when developing relationships with them.
3) How committed are they to their job? – A job hopper shows an individual who has their personal interest first and their employers second. This is both a positive and negative characteristic. However, make sure they don’t treat their personal relationships like they do their jobs :)…hopping to the next best person who appears.
4) Do they show commitment to anything in their lives? – People who cannot demonstrate commitment to anything (school, ministry, coaching, social groups, etc.) in their lives should be avoided until they work out their personal situations. Don’t become the next casualty in their journey, but minister to them as a ‘friend’ showing love.
Friday, April 4, 2008
Relationship Tip - 4/4/2008
A relationship cannot be considered authentic or validated until two people have demonstrated vulnerability and openness with one another. One of the main reasons why I preach the Friendship -> Courtship -> Engagement message is because openness and respect is typically attained through genuine friendship. The reason why so many people claim irreconcilable differences in marriages is because they only saw the 'dating' side of their spouse and not the 'real' side of their spouse. Today's contemporary dating practices connect people together based on perceptions instead of realities. The 'dating' side of a person doesn't allow you into the inner-most corridors of a their heart, mind and emotions. The 'dating' side of a person doesn't want you to see something that may make you judge them. The 'dating' side of a person always wants you to see them at their best and on their best behavior. The 'dating' side of a person leads to a false reality and eventually marital unhappiness. Friendship allows two people to be themselves while pursuing a healthy platonic relationship. Many people will confess that they have a long-time friend of the opposite sex who knows more intimate things about them than their current boyfriend/girlfriend. This means information is intentionally being withheld in hopes of it never coming to the surface (i.e., STD’s, anger issues, sexual struggles, children out of wedlock, etc.). Why marry someone when you don't have enough historical and present information to make a sound decision? Do enough homework on the front-end to eliminate life's misery on the back-end.
Thursday, April 3, 2008
IS HE THE ONE? ARE YOU THE ONE? (A Woman's Perspective)
I cannot take credit for this entry, but thought it may bless some people. A friend sent this to me, but I'm not sure who wrote it. Enjoy!
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First you must allow our Heavenly Father to do the picking. Second, the decision for a mate must be made on a spiritual and intellectual basis before it's made on an emotional one.
What about love? Shouldn't that be the third? you ask. No, and I'll tell you why. "The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it? (Jeremiah 17:9). The heart is willful and is driven by its own agenda. It does not consider things rationally and intelligently it just loves to love! Therefore you have to point it in the right direction: "Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the well spring of life" (Proverbs 4:23)! Whenever you meet a man, you need to get clearance from God, check out his attributes, and then allow your heart to engage.
Dating exists not for mating; it exists for collecting data. I believe that the biblical design would be friendship, courtship and then marriage.
Friendship is two people walking together in agreement and accountability, learning and growing together.
Courtship follows the mutual agreement to commit to one another exclusively - it is the decisive turning toward the agreed-upon goal of the marriage altar. It is a period of laying a foundation and preparing your life together after marriage.
But dating? Well, if you do date, use the time wisely to gather these facts.
1. Check out the fabric.
Is the person mate material? Does this man have an intimate relationship with the Father through Jesus Christ? Does he care what God thinks about his behavior? Is he accountable to God as well as another co-laborer in the faith? Accountability is an important factor. It is imperative to maintaining a committed relationship. Is your potential spouse a member of the same family - the family of God?
You need to have common interests and values and agree on the essentials of living day to day. You have a similar spiritual walk. You eat the same spiritual diet. You enjoy a lot of similar things. You have like interests, like goals in life, like opinions on basic life issues.
You have had like experiences in your background. Though there is some truth to the idiom that opposites attract, like-minded folks fare better together.
Furthermore, does he want to get married? I f you want to be married and your dreamboat isn't interested, don't waste your time.
Remember, women fall in love and get married. Men decide to get married and then look for a wife. Note the difference in order. So if a guy says he's not looking for anything serious, take his words seriously. If he's not going in your direction, get off the bus and wait for the right one.
2. Does this man want you?
Is he pursuing you? The man who is right for you will pursue you, and God's hand in the relationship will be clear. No guessing, no fleeces, no dead ends.
Scripture says: "He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord" (Proverbs 18:22 ).
Note - who finds whom? THE MAN FINDS THE WIFE. From the beginning of time, God has transported men and women across the world in order to put them together.
At the RIGHT TIME, He will bring that man on the scene and he will find you. In God's perfect design, the man is the one who recognizes his mate. Adam has no problem recognizing that Eve was his missing rib. You do not need to strategically place yourself anywhere. You don't have to help a guy out because he's shy!
Men will do whatever they have to do to get what they truly want. The man in your life should recognize you as the pearl of great price in his life and be willing to do whatever he must in order to gain your hand. If he is passive about gaining your affections, take it as a sign that he is not interested.
Many a woman's mother has suggested that it is a good idea to marry a man who loves you more than you love him. As cold as that sounds, it actually might be scriptural if you stop to think about it: "We love him because he first loved us" (1 John 4:19). Until then, take the ultimate chill pill. You don't need a bunch of men in your life to make you feel all right about yourself.
You need only one man - your man, the one God has selected to select you. And trust me, the right man at the wrong time can be just as awful as the wrong man at any time. So trust God's timing in this. He is the ultimate matchmaker. Relax, sit pretty and allow yourself to be found. Again - WAIT until the man voices his intentions. He should take the lead in establishing the relationship. You may have an inkling that he is the one, but God will use the man to set the tone of the relationship. Allow him the opportunity to woo you - this is your first act of submission. Jesus set the standard for all men to follow. They should love us first. And they should lead the relationship.
3. The man in your life should not desire to move into your house, only into your heart .
A man who prepares for your future has made his intentions clear. A man who is husband material has the means to take care of a wife. He is a responsible human being who understands he needs to have something to offer. In short, a man should have the means to be a suitable lover for you .
4. Check out his buddies.
Everyone knows birds of the same feather flock together, yet most women fail to see the connection between a man and his friends. A man's pals tell you a lot about the person that you haven't seen yet. They reveal things about the guy's character that might be hidden when he is on good behavior. Everyone knows how to put his best foot forward. Don't stay focused on the foot, check out the rest of the body!
5. Check out his relationship with his mother.
How does he treat her? This is your preview of how he will treat you. There are lots of men who, because of a negative relationship with their mothers, really don't like women, yet say they do. Unresolved issues between mother and son continue between husband and wife.
6. Remember that a man's family reveals the cloth from which he's cut.
Take note and decide whether you want your future with the man in your life to look like his present family situation.
7. Check out the patterns of his life.
Do you see repeated cycles of drama in his personal kingdom? Broken relationships? Problems in making commitments --including the job market? Mood swings? Is a problem always someone else's fault? Does he embrace responsibility or shirk it? Does he keep his promises? Is he a man of good reputation? Remember all garments look wonderful hanging in the store, but with wear, some begin to unravel. Give yourself time and space to check out the man in your life. Time will always reveal whether or not he is made of the right stuff.
8. Does this man have a vision for his life?
Is he running with that vision? Remember, God decided Adam needed help once Adam got busy DOING his assignment. As we saw Adam, a man doesn't need help until he is busy doing what he was created and called to do. I s the man in your life guided by sense of destiny and purpose, or does he just allow life to happen around him? A man who is not certain of his mission can be a most miserable person - and you'll be miserable too if you know where YOU want to go in life.
A man who has vision is not intimidated by a woman whose mission statement is clear. He will be your best ally, cheerleader and assistant because he wants you both to make it! A man who cannot be supportive of your achievements because he is floundering in a sea of uncertainty over his own life is not a healthy partner to have and to hold forever.
Creating dependencies or feelings of obligation is not the way to get the best out of your man. Somewhere along the way, he will resent you and flee from the smothering burden of obligation he associates you with. You want a man who is firmly anchored in his identity in Christ. Remember, we are looking for a man who will be priest and leader of his home. His first instinct should be to want to cover you, redeem you, and provide for you. Your job is to decide if this is the man God has ordained for you to complement.
9. Complimentary.
Do your talents and gifts complement his? Do his gifts, compliment yours? What about your temperaments? Do you see the two of you as an effective team capable of bringing blessing to the lives of those around you? Do your futures mesh? Can you coordinate your gifts in an attractive and effective way?
This is why knowing your purpose is so important. Make sure your hearts beat for mutual causes. When I go shopping I always consider the fabric, the fit and what I already have in my closet. Will my next purchase be a complimentary addition to what I already have? If I find that I am going to have to buy shoes and matching accessories to go with a new outfit, I leave it right on the rack. It is too expensive a proposition. If the man you meet makes you feel that you need to completely reinvent yourself, something is wrong.
This is where I ask you to consider the relationship in terms of cost. Is this relationship expensive spiritually, emotional or physically? Does your longing for a mate make you willing to forfeit who you are in the process? Or does he see you as the gift that you are? The man in your life should consider you a rare find, a priceless jewel-because of you he is getting ready to get blessed big-time! Any relationship that causes you to feel unworthy, unlovely, unacceptable, undesirable or that you have to work for love, is too expensive!
God has called the man to cover, protect and provide not only materially for a woman, but emotionally and spiritually as well. You should be richer in mind, body and spirit for your union with the man of your dreams. The man in your life should make rich deposits into your heart and spirit, not withdrawals.
10. Does he have a healthy love and acceptance of himself?
Make sure the man in your life has taken time to heal from past relationships and has made peace with himself. How he cares for himself is how he will care for you. A man's relationship with God is crucial here. His love for himself will only be as strong as his love for God. This is not something that you can impart. You cannot be his savior or teacher. That is out of spiritual order. In his rightful place as your personal priest, he should be leading you to a richer relationship with Christ.
If he is causing you to compromise your faith and destabilize your walk, if he is leading you into sexual sin or causing you to be distracted from your commitment to God, the relationship is too expensive. Offending the Lover of your soul, who promises you eternal love, is too high a fare to pay for a ride that has a limited run. If you and your man can't soar in the Spirit, when the force of your love for another is tested by the pull or gravity of the world, your union will not be able to survive.
So you decide. How much is your life worth? How much is your love worth? You will be able to accept only what you believe you deserve. God himself calculated the worth of your love and decided it was worth His life. He now pledges you His love for eternity. Yes, Jesus sets the example for all others to follow when He paid a ransom for His bride. Should you expect less from a mortal man? Throughout the Biblical age, men were willing to pay the cost for what they truly desired. The truth of the matter is everyone knows that anything worth having, costs and no one gets a ride in this life for free.
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First you must allow our Heavenly Father to do the picking. Second, the decision for a mate must be made on a spiritual and intellectual basis before it's made on an emotional one.
What about love? Shouldn't that be the third? you ask. No, and I'll tell you why. "The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it? (Jeremiah 17:9). The heart is willful and is driven by its own agenda. It does not consider things rationally and intelligently it just loves to love! Therefore you have to point it in the right direction: "Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the well spring of life" (Proverbs 4:23)! Whenever you meet a man, you need to get clearance from God, check out his attributes, and then allow your heart to engage.
Dating exists not for mating; it exists for collecting data. I believe that the biblical design would be friendship, courtship and then marriage.
Friendship is two people walking together in agreement and accountability, learning and growing together.
Courtship follows the mutual agreement to commit to one another exclusively - it is the decisive turning toward the agreed-upon goal of the marriage altar. It is a period of laying a foundation and preparing your life together after marriage.
But dating? Well, if you do date, use the time wisely to gather these facts.
1. Check out the fabric.
Is the person mate material? Does this man have an intimate relationship with the Father through Jesus Christ? Does he care what God thinks about his behavior? Is he accountable to God as well as another co-laborer in the faith? Accountability is an important factor. It is imperative to maintaining a committed relationship. Is your potential spouse a member of the same family - the family of God?
You need to have common interests and values and agree on the essentials of living day to day. You have a similar spiritual walk. You eat the same spiritual diet. You enjoy a lot of similar things. You have like interests, like goals in life, like opinions on basic life issues.
You have had like experiences in your background. Though there is some truth to the idiom that opposites attract, like-minded folks fare better together.
Furthermore, does he want to get married? I f you want to be married and your dreamboat isn't interested, don't waste your time.
Remember, women fall in love and get married. Men decide to get married and then look for a wife. Note the difference in order. So if a guy says he's not looking for anything serious, take his words seriously. If he's not going in your direction, get off the bus and wait for the right one.
2. Does this man want you?
Is he pursuing you? The man who is right for you will pursue you, and God's hand in the relationship will be clear. No guessing, no fleeces, no dead ends.
Scripture says: "He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord" (Proverbs 18:22 ).
Note - who finds whom? THE MAN FINDS THE WIFE. From the beginning of time, God has transported men and women across the world in order to put them together.
At the RIGHT TIME, He will bring that man on the scene and he will find you. In God's perfect design, the man is the one who recognizes his mate. Adam has no problem recognizing that Eve was his missing rib. You do not need to strategically place yourself anywhere. You don't have to help a guy out because he's shy!
Men will do whatever they have to do to get what they truly want. The man in your life should recognize you as the pearl of great price in his life and be willing to do whatever he must in order to gain your hand. If he is passive about gaining your affections, take it as a sign that he is not interested.
Many a woman's mother has suggested that it is a good idea to marry a man who loves you more than you love him. As cold as that sounds, it actually might be scriptural if you stop to think about it: "We love him because he first loved us" (1 John 4:19). Until then, take the ultimate chill pill. You don't need a bunch of men in your life to make you feel all right about yourself.
You need only one man - your man, the one God has selected to select you. And trust me, the right man at the wrong time can be just as awful as the wrong man at any time. So trust God's timing in this. He is the ultimate matchmaker. Relax, sit pretty and allow yourself to be found. Again - WAIT until the man voices his intentions. He should take the lead in establishing the relationship. You may have an inkling that he is the one, but God will use the man to set the tone of the relationship. Allow him the opportunity to woo you - this is your first act of submission. Jesus set the standard for all men to follow. They should love us first. And they should lead the relationship.
3. The man in your life should not desire to move into your house, only into your heart .
A man who prepares for your future has made his intentions clear. A man who is husband material has the means to take care of a wife. He is a responsible human being who understands he needs to have something to offer. In short, a man should have the means to be a suitable lover for you .
4. Check out his buddies.
Everyone knows birds of the same feather flock together, yet most women fail to see the connection between a man and his friends. A man's pals tell you a lot about the person that you haven't seen yet. They reveal things about the guy's character that might be hidden when he is on good behavior. Everyone knows how to put his best foot forward. Don't stay focused on the foot, check out the rest of the body!
5. Check out his relationship with his mother.
How does he treat her? This is your preview of how he will treat you. There are lots of men who, because of a negative relationship with their mothers, really don't like women, yet say they do. Unresolved issues between mother and son continue between husband and wife.
6. Remember that a man's family reveals the cloth from which he's cut.
Take note and decide whether you want your future with the man in your life to look like his present family situation.
7. Check out the patterns of his life.
Do you see repeated cycles of drama in his personal kingdom? Broken relationships? Problems in making commitments --including the job market? Mood swings? Is a problem always someone else's fault? Does he embrace responsibility or shirk it? Does he keep his promises? Is he a man of good reputation? Remember all garments look wonderful hanging in the store, but with wear, some begin to unravel. Give yourself time and space to check out the man in your life. Time will always reveal whether or not he is made of the right stuff.
8. Does this man have a vision for his life?
Is he running with that vision? Remember, God decided Adam needed help once Adam got busy DOING his assignment. As we saw Adam, a man doesn't need help until he is busy doing what he was created and called to do. I s the man in your life guided by sense of destiny and purpose, or does he just allow life to happen around him? A man who is not certain of his mission can be a most miserable person - and you'll be miserable too if you know where YOU want to go in life.
A man who has vision is not intimidated by a woman whose mission statement is clear. He will be your best ally, cheerleader and assistant because he wants you both to make it! A man who cannot be supportive of your achievements because he is floundering in a sea of uncertainty over his own life is not a healthy partner to have and to hold forever.
Creating dependencies or feelings of obligation is not the way to get the best out of your man. Somewhere along the way, he will resent you and flee from the smothering burden of obligation he associates you with. You want a man who is firmly anchored in his identity in Christ. Remember, we are looking for a man who will be priest and leader of his home. His first instinct should be to want to cover you, redeem you, and provide for you. Your job is to decide if this is the man God has ordained for you to complement.
9. Complimentary.
Do your talents and gifts complement his? Do his gifts, compliment yours? What about your temperaments? Do you see the two of you as an effective team capable of bringing blessing to the lives of those around you? Do your futures mesh? Can you coordinate your gifts in an attractive and effective way?
This is why knowing your purpose is so important. Make sure your hearts beat for mutual causes. When I go shopping I always consider the fabric, the fit and what I already have in my closet. Will my next purchase be a complimentary addition to what I already have? If I find that I am going to have to buy shoes and matching accessories to go with a new outfit, I leave it right on the rack. It is too expensive a proposition. If the man you meet makes you feel that you need to completely reinvent yourself, something is wrong.
This is where I ask you to consider the relationship in terms of cost. Is this relationship expensive spiritually, emotional or physically? Does your longing for a mate make you willing to forfeit who you are in the process? Or does he see you as the gift that you are? The man in your life should consider you a rare find, a priceless jewel-because of you he is getting ready to get blessed big-time! Any relationship that causes you to feel unworthy, unlovely, unacceptable, undesirable or that you have to work for love, is too expensive!
God has called the man to cover, protect and provide not only materially for a woman, but emotionally and spiritually as well. You should be richer in mind, body and spirit for your union with the man of your dreams. The man in your life should make rich deposits into your heart and spirit, not withdrawals.
10. Does he have a healthy love and acceptance of himself?
Make sure the man in your life has taken time to heal from past relationships and has made peace with himself. How he cares for himself is how he will care for you. A man's relationship with God is crucial here. His love for himself will only be as strong as his love for God. This is not something that you can impart. You cannot be his savior or teacher. That is out of spiritual order. In his rightful place as your personal priest, he should be leading you to a richer relationship with Christ.
If he is causing you to compromise your faith and destabilize your walk, if he is leading you into sexual sin or causing you to be distracted from your commitment to God, the relationship is too expensive. Offending the Lover of your soul, who promises you eternal love, is too high a fare to pay for a ride that has a limited run. If you and your man can't soar in the Spirit, when the force of your love for another is tested by the pull or gravity of the world, your union will not be able to survive.
So you decide. How much is your life worth? How much is your love worth? You will be able to accept only what you believe you deserve. God himself calculated the worth of your love and decided it was worth His life. He now pledges you His love for eternity. Yes, Jesus sets the example for all others to follow when He paid a ransom for His bride. Should you expect less from a mortal man? Throughout the Biblical age, men were willing to pay the cost for what they truly desired. The truth of the matter is everyone knows that anything worth having, costs and no one gets a ride in this life for free.
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