Points of Reflection

I appreciate the various comments posted on the most recent entries regarding ‘Should Women Pursue Men.’ God disconnected me from technology for a couple of days so I could reflect on all of the comments that were posted. Fortunately, the temporary disconnect allowed me to think spiritually about the intent and sources for some of the comments, and avoid taking things too personally. In the end here is what God revealed to me…

1. All men, as well as all women; have issues that need to be addressed. This is something that is an ongoing process because no one is perfect. We must understand that we are ALL works in progress (Romans 3:23).
2. Men do need to regain their rightful roles in relationships and head of the household. Our inability to remain in alignment with God’s Word has encouraged the ‘21st Century Deborahs’ to stand up and take lead. However, we should remember that God’s original plan should not be aborted despite many women having to take the role of Deborah in today’s society.
3. Women do need to understand the delicate balance of making relationships work harmoniously despite the pursuit of career and educational goals. Submission does not mean aborting your dreams and aspirations, but does call for an evaluation of what’s best for the relationship in its entirety.
4. Harboring hurts and pains from past relationships (family and interpersonal) is the best way to remain shielded from being sent ‘the one’ God has for you. Please go back to the source of your pain and forgive those who hurt you (Matthew 18:21-22). Utilize your season of singleness to prepare the way for a smooth transition into relationship with the person God sends your way.

Here are some points to evaluate when assessing your self-readiness for a biblical relationship:

1. How do you see yourself? - You need to be able to clearly articulate who you see yourself as at this point in your life. You cannot successfully merge with anyone until you understand who you are and what you bring to the relationship.
2. How does God see you? – Do you know your God-purpose in life? Or do you find yourself defined by what others around you think? You should be able to biblical define who God has called you to be.
3. How do you see God? – Do you have an established relationship with the Father? How often do you pray? How many spiritual growth classes have you taken? You will not be able to recognize a God-ordained relationship until you truly KNOW who God is.

At the end of the day all relationships come down to God's timing and your ability to compromise and sacrifice for the well being of the relationship.

Do Women Really Want to Be Married??

Please read the following article submitted by a Chat Kafe Freelance Writer

Over a long discussion with friends, I decided that this is an issue that should be addressed…

In today’s age many women claim they want to be married, have children, and live happily ever after. Yet, are today’s modern women truly willing to be a Biblical wife? Are women just in love with the idea of having a husband, children, and a white picket fence? Or are there “real” Christian women out there who want to fulfill God’s commandments within a marriage.

The Bible declares that women were created as a companion and helper to man (Genesis 2:18-24) and are required to love and submit to their husband; just as the church should submit to Christ (Ephesians 5:22-24, 33). In today’s society, the role of a woman has changed drastically from biblical times. Women pursue higher education; often becoming lawyers, doctors, and businesswomen. With the pursuit of education comes a sense of independence that doesn’t quite fit with traditional gender roles. Society has drastically changed from Biblical times, with women out-earning their husbands, and men opting to be stay-at-home fathers. Is this acceptable or are they working against the roles that God originally created (Titus 2: 4-5)?

Other households embody the American Dream, both parents work and have very successful careers. This household usually hires some type of caregiver to watch their children while they work and travel frequently on business. Does this not hinder wives and mothers from fulfilling duties that God requires of them? Or are the requirements of God outdated?

The Bible states that the head of man is God and the head of a woman is man (1 Corinthians 11:3). I interpret this phrase as God declaring a husband to be the head of his household as God is the head of him (also seen in Ephesians 5). God requires that women be obedient to their husbands, and obedience involves subjection and subordination. Since many women find themselves being independent and alone for many years before marriage, is this an impossible feat? And once married, many women are so independent that they hinder their husbands from being the “man of the house” and are often rebellious to his commands. If women are not obedient to their husbands, is this disobedience to God?

Again, I pose these questions out of curiosity. Are God’s commands realistic, or are we just unrealistic? I would love to hear your responses.

--Author KLW

Should Women Pursue Men??? (My Initial Thoughts)

I want to offer the following clarification on my previous entry regarding the appropriateness of women pursuing men. My personal position is that it is out of order for women to pursue men for relationships. In most instances relationships begin out of spiritual alignment when a woman becomes the aggressor and removes the innate nature of a man. A man does not typically appreciate a woman he does not have to work for as much as a woman who provides a challenge for him. This is not an absolute truth and I can provide examples of successful relationships where women were the aggressors. However, I can provide many more examples of women who were used and exploited because of their zeal in aggressively pursuing men for relationships. Guys are able to smell ‘relationship thirst’ on the breath of a woman and will take advantage of this if it is not carefully monitored. Aggression can be misconstrued as desperation and that is where relationship problems begin.

Here are my top 2 reasons why women should not pursue men for relationships:

1) It Is Unbiblical – I hate using this reason because it is a religious trump card. However, nowhere in scripture do we see God promoting women as the lead in pursuing relationships…or anything else from a leadership perspective. I know this is a tough pill to swallow, but I am only serving as the messenger.
2) Relationship Roles Become Twisted – God created men as hunters and that is typically the role men are supposed to serve in. We typically don’t operate well when we are placed in passive roles and allow women to take lead. I believe this is why relationships internally combust years down the road in situations where women served as the lead. Guys sit on their true feelings until they reach a point where they literally explode due to long-term frustration.

I’ve also argued in the past why some women pursue men for relationships. Here is the top reason that supports that position:

1) Men Have Become Passive – As the trend of society has shifted and women are becoming more successful professionally and educationally, men have reverted into passive beings. Unfortunately, the number of ‘good’ proactive/aggressive men has become limited. As a result, there may situations where a woman may find it necessary to take the lead in initiating the relationship, but her ultimate goal should be to transfer leadership back to the man in order to avoid conflict further along down the road.

I will share more of my thoughts, but want to get some feedback first .

Should Women Pursue Men???

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Workplace topic of the week…

How appropriate is it for women to approach men in pursuit of relationships?

The 21st Century has brought about many changes to the traditional way things have typically been done in our society. The evolution of education, family focus and equality has been influenced by the transition of our society. The independence factor of women has also blossomed as a result of our progressive society, inclusive of women’s comfort in pursuing whatever it is they desire in their hearts. Should this independence include pursuit of men for relationships? Or has this approach proven to be a detriment in the formation of long-term relationships?

I have argued in favor of and against the appropriateness of women pursuing men for relationship purposes, but would like to get your feedback.

Taking Personal Accountability

Many of us fail in our friendships/relationships because we refuse to take personal accountability for our behavior. It is very easy to look at the faults of others and begin listing everything that they have done wrong. However, the true mark of spiritual maturity centers on our ability to deal with ourselves. How many of us are willing to look in the mirror and begin taking inventory of our own personal faults and shortcomings versus the faults and shortcomings of others (Matthew 7:1-6)? One of the most profound statements in existence today is…

“The one common denominator in all of your relationships is YOU!”
– Author Unknown

I find it subtly humorous when I hear women talking about how they always run into men who are dawgs. Please check your perfume ladies because it may be screaming out ‘Talk to me I am desperate!’ The same goes for men who claim they always run into women who are driven materially. Your cologne may be screaming out ‘I have nothing else to offer, but my superficial personality and money!’

It is not until we are able to assess ourselves through God’s eyes, that revelation and illumination will be applicable and have meaning in our lives. No relationship will be successful until both parties are willing to admit and take personal accountability for the contributions they make to the friendship/relationship.

Time is Tickin'!!!

Workplace topic of the week...

How do you handle family members who are constantly trying to marry you off to every Tom, Dick, Harry, Jane or Janet?

I have a soft spot for women because of the family pressure they are under to transition into the married ranks. My advice to all women is to focus on your purpose and not be distracted by those who don't have your best interest in mind.

Unfortunately, we live in a society that elevates those who are married and looks down upon those who are unmarried. The truth be told...one state of living is not any better than the other (see 1 Corinthians 7). One preacher says it like this, "Married living isn't any better than unmarried living...it's just different!" Meaning that both seasons of life have their own pros and cons that can be used to validate your position depending on the side you represent. Those of us who are unmarried have a peaked curiosity of marriage because it's something we have never experienced. However, if you talk to those who are, or have been married, they will advise you that marriage has its own unique set of challenges. Your prayer should be to ask God for a healthy marriage (if it's His will) and not just an ordinary marriage which so many people experience today.

Don't allow family, time or desperation to steer you into a situation that 'till death do us part' can't get you out of :)

Relationship Tip - 4/11/08

Be careful of relationships where your significant other is hesitant to receive constructive criticism and advice from you. This is an indicator that trust could become an issue in your relationship. However, it is key that the constructive criticism and advice you offer is delivered in love and not in judgement.