Can You Afford Not To Forgive? – Part 2

In continuing with the series I started last Thursday, it’s important to realize unforgiveness is a subtle poison that can kill the spirit of the person who is contaminated. When you hold onto something for so long, you oftentimes fail to acknowledge the impact it has over your life. That is why it takes a spiritually mature person to recognize when unforgiveness has a stronghold over their life. Otherwise, it may require an experience/encounter with God or a spiritual accountability partner to help shed light to our situations.

Remember this…forgiveness is God’s way to healing and freedom in our lives. We have to be open to forgive because God forgave us. Recognize the wonderful way God has exercised this in our lives. He forgave us for our sins past, present and future. He forgave us for all transgressions and iniquities. He forgave us before we were ever created. He forgave us for the same hurts that we refuse to release from other people. He forgave us knowing that we would not acknowledge Him in our workplace. He forgave us knowing that we would simulate Christian-like behavior only on Sunday mornings during church service. He forgave us freely and undeserving and as a result, we are to forgive those who have hurt us.

I know you are thinking to yourself, “How can I break free from the bondage of unforgiveness?” Glad you asked…

1. Let God forgive you. (1 John 1:9)
a. Confess your own bitterness; your selfish actions, hateful speech, carnal living (Proverbs 28:13)
b. Agree with God that your feelings of bitterness, wrath, malice, etc. have no place in your life as a Christian.
c. Thank God for the blood of Christ that cleanses you from your sin. (Ephesians 1:6-7, Ephesians 2:13)
2. Forgive your offenders. (Matthew 6:14-15)
a. As an act of your will in faith before God, release them from any obligation to make things right.
b. Extend to them the same grace God has given you.
3. Ask God to take possession of the place in your heart that Satan claimed as his own.

If the Lord has brought someone to mind whom you need to forgive, purpose to do it now. It may be a family member or a person from your past. There may be something in your own past for which you have never forgiven yourself. Perhaps you are saying, “But it happened such a long time ago and it no longer matters.”

If you can remember it, and you know that you have never scripturally forgiven that person, then you need to do it now. Otherwise, Satan will continue to hold that place in your heart.


A Prayer of Forgiveness

Father, thank you for the blood of Christ that cleanses me from sin. I confess that I have sought to get revenge rather than forgive my offenders.

(Confess what you have done right here)

God I forgive (name) for (be specific). In the name of Jesus Christ, and by His blood, I take back the place which Satan possessed in my heart and give it back to you. In Jesus’ name…Amen!

Does Love Really Exist?

Workplace topic for the week...

Does love really exist? Or are we fascinated with the concept of love which none of us will ever experience?

Just for the record...I am a total believer in the concept of LOVE! The questions above are based on a dialog exchange I experienced on another blog.

-KP

Relationship Tip - 5/30/08

In order to experience relationships like you never have before, you must be open to try things you have never tried before. You must be willing to sow into your relationships with an expectation that good things will manifest as a result of doing so.

- You must be willing to speak kindly to family members, even if they do not return the favor.

- You must be willing to show love to a co-worker, even if they are known for keeping drama stirred-up around them.

- You must be willing to go outside of your 'comfort zone' in evaluating personal relationships because doing things the same way often achieves the same results.

- You must be willing to trust God with a level of faith that is uncomfortable, so you can receive the blessings of God which seem unimaginable.

Sincerely,

KP

Can You Afford Not To Forgive? – Part 1

Matthew 18:22, Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.”

Recently, I’ve had several discussions with individuals regarding their inability to forgive others who have transgressed against them. After reflecting upon those discussions, I’ve decided to do a blog series on the importance of exercising forgiveness as part of our daily walk. In order to set the foundation of my perspective, let me first define what forgiveness is.

Definitions

Forgiveness – The process of relating to an offence committed directly or indirectly by yourself or an individual and releasing them from it.

Here is another definition provided to me during a workshop I attended:

Forgiveness – Using God’s power to deal with the permissive will of God to accomplish the purposes of God.

When you do not forgive others who have wronged you it leads to a sense of bitterness in your overall spirit. Bitterness is a force of destruction and bondage that keeps you from experiencing the fullness and freedom God desires for you to have. Bitterness destroys people and relationships and makes you a prisoner to your hurts and hatred.

Forgiveness is a source of emotional health, freedom and release. Forgiving another has the power to set you free from the hurts of your past, inclusive of recent or long-term hurts and pains. Forgiveness is an act where you forfeit your right to hold another person accountable for the things they’ve done to you. More specifically, it means releasing that person from any obligation to ever reconcile with you.

The primary reason to forgive is because it allows you the opportunity to ‘love’ again! When you opt to not forgive others in your life, it manifests itself in a negative behavioral practice of bitterness. Bitterness leads to a stronghold of bondage in your life. Many people walk around daily not recognizing they are suffering from an unforgiving spirit. You can assess your potential for an unforgiving spirit by evaluating the following symptoms:

1. Emotional – These are symptoms that are festered internally
a. Bitterness -> Resentment
b. Hatred -> Extreme anger
c. Anger -> Mild displeasure
2. Behavioral – These are symptoms that are exhibited externally
a. Clamor -> Keep bringing up old occurrences
b. Evil Speaking -> Criticize and hateful speech
c. Malice -> Seeking to get even or intentionally harm

Do you possess any of the above symptoms toward an ex-boyfriend/girlfriend, husband/wife, family member, friend or co-worker? If so, please stay tuned for the part 2 of ‘Can You Afford Not To Forgive?’

THE LANGUAGE OF HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS - By Bishop George G. Bloomer

Below is an article written by Bishop George Bloomer. It will serve as our workplace topic of the week. How healthy is your relationship language? This is helpful information for all of your relationships...workplace, family, church, general friends and intimate interactions.

Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I have become sounding brass or a clanging cymbal. (1 Corinthians 13:1)

Recently, I did a study on how the interpretation of words can have a significant impact upon relationships. It’s not only what you say to a person, but how you say it, as well as how the individual interprets the dialogue that determines the outcome of the union. Whether it’s with family members, spouses, or co-workers, we all need to learn the value of considering the audience before unintentionally invoking misunderstandings due to conversations being lost in translation.

Knowing your audience requires having a divine revelation of who you are speaking to and how that individual is going to translate what you’ve said. For instance, in Taiwan, the translation of the Pepsi slogan "Come alive with the Pepsi Generation" was misinterpreted as "Pepsi will bring your ancestors back from the dead." I am sure that the problem was immediately rectified, but for many of us, we never get the chance to right the wrongs that are committed due to innocent misunderstandings.

Language in the Bible was so significant that in Genesis 11 “the whole earth was of one language, and of one speech,” but when they attempted to build a tower whose top would reach into Heaven, God stepped in and confused their language so that they would not understand one another’s speech. It is always better to consult God first rather than to risk wasting time to build something that goes against His will. Likewise, it is better to have a divine revelation of those around you before needlessly tearing down, in a moment, valuable relationships that have taken years to build.

10 Things an Effective Communicator Needs

1. Good listening skills. The worst thing that you can do in a conversation is to refuse to allow the person to whom you are talking to respond. Many misunderstandings are created simply because the one who is doing all the talking makes it impossible for the other party to hear. Why? Because normally a person who feels that he or she is not being listened to, will immediately shut the other person out. It’s much like two children who are on the play ground. One minute they’re best friends, and the next minute, one is giving her friend a piece of her mind, while the friend retaliates by covering her ears and antagonizing: “Blah, blah, blah...I can’t hear you!”
2. Transparency. When you are not being truthful or are purposely avoiding relevant points in your conversation, people will perceive you as dishonest.
3. Passion. When you are not passionate about what you believe in, you will be less likely to sway the opinions of others as well.
4. Organization. Appearing unorganized will come across as laziness. Others will question your motives and priorities.
5. Responsiveness. Be prepared to respond to the questions of others without appearing too defensive. When you come across as accusatory and combative, people will become offended and block out what you’re saying. Instead, be helpful and courteous in your responses, even if the listener disagrees with what you have to say.
6. Patience. It takes patience to get your point across. Not everyone will understand your point of view the first time that you explain it.
7. Humility. This is not to imply humility in the sense of subservience or appearing downtrodden, but rather, the ability to consider other people’s points of view and to weigh those views with fairness.
8. Assertiveness. If you are uncertain regarding your topic of conversation then others will be uncertain as to whether or not they should listen to you. Avoid coming across as double-minded and unstable. Say what you mean and mean what you say.
9. Clarity. Be able to articulate what you mean with precision. This can only be done by being educated with the proper information and knowing your audience.
10. Information. When you do not have the proper information you can not present a viable argument to support your claims. Nor can you engage the attention of those who are already somewhat knowledgeable of your topic of conversation. Instead, you will be perceived as a novice.

Remember, language—whether spoken or unspoken—is a very valuable tool in pointing out to others who you are. It reveals your concern for others or the lack thereof; your communicative ability; or your likes and dislikes. But when lost in translation language can unknowingly have unintended consequences. Husbands and wives fight everyday due to the miscommunication that is invoked by using the wrong language. Women, for instance, can often hear the unspoken things in a conversation that we, as men, are unaware that we are revealing. So when she becomes infuriated, walks away from the conversation and slams the door, he is left standing there wondering, “What did I say!” Something was unknowingly revealed to her in midst of the conversation that he is totally unaware that he has just said...though he didn’t really come out and say it.

Paul, in First Corinthians 2:2 declared, “For I determined not to know any thing among you, save Jesus Christ, and him crucified.” He makes it very clear that his priorities are with the Lord and he does not care to judge his brethren predicated on information regarding their flesh. He wanted to maintain his focus and not allow anything to prevent him from presenting the Gospel to them with unadulterated clarity. Just as people did not always agree with Paul, neither will they agree with all of your ideals and points of view; however, when you are clear concerning the language that you use to communicate with them, they have a greater respect for your ability to convey honesty and clarity void of the confusion that misunderstandings that the wrong language uses to destroy valuable relationships. Seek to know nothing, but the language of healthy relationships.

Unequally Yoked

Below is an interesting article by Nancy Ortberg pertaining to marrying a non-Christian.

Question: Is it okay to marry a non-Christian?

Answer: I think you're asking the wrong question here. The real question should be, "Why would you want to marry a non-Christian?"

God's vision for marriage is that of a place where a "culture of two" is created. Marriage is about sharing our lives, and about the "oneness" that emerges from that shared culture. Marriage becomes the central situation in which we grow to become what God intends us to be, the context in which we also lovingly raise our children to know him.

A great marriage becomes a place of shelter, hope, and strength during difficult times, and a place of deep joy and thankfulness to God for all the goodness we experience. In my marriage, our shared belief in God provides a bedrock for the shared values that define our relationship and our family.

In light of God's vision for marriage, the question, "Is it a sin to marry a non-Christian?" reflects a willingness to settle. Marrying a non-Christian may, in the short run, bring satisfaction. But over time it's most likely to become a source of pain, given that your marriage can't be centered on Christ.

I know many women who now deeply regret their decision to marry a non-Christian. Most still love their husband, but they miss so much of what God intended their marriage to be. And if children are involved, the complications and heartaches in these marriages are even greater. One girlfriend's husband has asked her not to read Bible stories to their kids, or to pray with them. Any time she mentions God, he counters that God is a fantasy. Such comments from a father have a powerful impact on his children.

In answer to your question, yes, I do think it's a sin to marry a non-Christian. In 2 Corinthians 6:14, the apostle Paul says, "Do not be yoked together with unbelievers." Eugene Peterson, author of a paraphrase of the Bible titled The Message, puts that same verse this way, "Don't become partners with those who reject God." Marriage is certainly a partnership, and when God says "don't" and we do, that's a sin.

But I also think the sin of marrying a non-Christian differs from a sin such as anger, which is something I might engage in daily. My guilt with that sin is ongoing. Once you've married someone who isn't a believer, I don't think God tallies that sin for every day of your marriage.

Knowing this, some women might be tempted to say, "OK, I get that this is a sin, but I really love this guy … and I'm not getting any younger … so maybe I'll just marry him, and then by the next day, it won't be a sin anymore." But remember, God's command not to be "unequally yoked" is there for your own good. God will certainly forgive you, and he can certainly redeem even the most broken of marriages, but you'll still have to live with the consequences of your decision.

Ultimately, choosing to wait is really a matter of faith. Of not settling. Of trusting God to sustain you, husband or no husband. And of sharing God's vision for marriage.

Nancy Ortberg is a church leadership consultant and popular speaker. Formerly a teaching pastor at Willow Creek Community Church in South Barrington, IL, she now lives in California with her husband, John. The couple has three children, Laura, Mallory, and John.

Relationship Tip - 5/22/08

Work towards being a giver in all of your relationships! Become a beacon of light that everyone can take notice of and enjoy being around. Do something nice today for a co-worker(s), whether it’s buying lunch or offering a word of encouragement. Take time to reach out to a family member and let them know that you love them and are thinking about them. Organize a group outing for you and your friends to participate in this weekend. Do something special for your significant other whether it’s cooking dinner, helping them relax or making weekend plans. Become a Christ-like influence in the lives of others and you will be rewarded for your obedience to the Great Commandment!