The modern, societal idea of dating relationships is to test the waters of marriage by acting like you are married as much as possible until you both decide what you want and either get married, or until one of you decides it’s not a good fit. The latter simulates a pre-marital, emotional divorce with someone to who you have never been married.
The biblical idea of marriage holds that such a level of intimate relationship begins when you are covenantly married. True marriage is based on a covenantal view and not a contractual license. For that reason, you shouldn’t pursue deep emotional intimacy in the early stages of a relationship. It’s not that you’re being dishonest or cold, it’s simply being cautious about living out a deeper commitment than truly exists between you. Song of Songs 2:7 tells us not to awaken love before it pleases: Do not start what you cannot finish without the presence of sin.
Your goal should be prayerfully to decide whether the person you‘re dating should be the one you marry without having to go through an emotional divorce if the answer’s no.
Will there still be disappointment and emotional pain if a “biblical” dating relationship doesn’t work out? YES! Any relationship that doesn’t lead you to your desired goal has the potential for disappointment. However, the pain will be lessened by the honest, mutual, spiritual concern for one another that results when two people treat one another like brothers and sisters in Christ first, and potential spouses second. This is for the protection of everyone involved and ultimately glorifies God!
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8 comments:
Wow! This is a great post and the timing is perfect. Thank you so much!
Pugh,
If you're going to take that approach more questions will arise. When is it ok to get deeper as far as conversation is concerned? The whole biblical ideal of progression in modern day times is hard to interpret. I believe we place too many time constraints, depth of conversations, how long before home visits, should we meet before certain hours, hours of conversations, etc. One spec I pay close attention to when debating on pursuing anything further with anyone is the ease and comfort of our connection. After checking off my non-negotiable, if comfort is there and I am not pulling teeth or sitting in dead silence, I feel it's safe to proceed.
~A.P.S.~
A.P.S. - Do we now make the Bible conform to our individual and cultural practices? I agree too many rules make things seem/feel robotic, but lack of boundaries make things seem/feel chaotic! I can summarized visitation, conversations, etc. as boundaries. the point is to ensure that you don't find yourself tied up in a marriage-like relationship with no covenant or commitment :)
What good is it to share everything with no commitment or direction?
The author mentioned treating each other as brothers and sisters and not potential spouses. Could you explain to me how one treats a person of the opposite sex as a brother or sister in Christ while having a romantic interest.
The brother and sister in Christ reference doesn't mean that you cannot have a romantic interest in someone of the opposite sex. It only serves as a reminder on how we should operate and treat one another. Attraction doesn't grant us free license to pursue and engage ourselves with everyone we have a so-called attraction to. It's about respect, Christ-centered boundaries, friendship, communication and God-centered focus. Attraction is an awesome thing that God created us with. However, it's not meant to be misused selfishly!
Amen!
I agree as well. I think another big part is honesty. If both parties are honest with each other on where the relationship stands and what the intentions of the relationship are, this will help keep things in perspective as well.
When initially entering into a relationship, all the secrets and desires of your heart should not be revealed. Proverbs 4:23 say in the NLT, “Above all else, guard your heart, for it affects everything you do.” Why would you keep your heart completely unexposed to this new person in your life if it affects everything you do? Guarding your heart helps to guard your emotions as well. You can’t emotionally be attached to something that has not captured your heart to some degree.
But there is a balance.. you can’t completely keep your heart guarded if you want someone to get to know you. But as you get the know the person more, and you’re both honest about where you both see the relationship going, you can reveal a little more. Note I said a LITTLE more! LOL .. .This is just me, but until I know in my heart and God has confirmed that this person is my future spouse, my heart will stay guarded and protected for the most part. But that’s just me.
In the end, there isn’t a secret formula to getting relationships right, but there are things in place to help you make smart decisions on how to handle it.
I’m no expert, but that’s my 2cents! Have a blessed day!
wow...awesome response! I absolutely concur 513 AND dig your "2 cents" as well ;-). May God bless you and your day too!
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