What’s Love Got To Do With It? – Part 1

It’s interesting that a four letter word has such an impact, both positive and negative, on the lives of people all across the world. Unfortunately, the thing that most people chase (love) is the one thing that many cannot articulate the definition of. Now some of you may respond to me by saying there is no true way to define love and I will somewhat agree with you. However, if so many of us desire to desire this pure essence called love for relationships, then we must be able to put our arms around what it looks like so we will recognize it when it manifests itself in our lives. I have asked many singles groups to define what love is and many sit there in amazement because they have never put much thought into the question.

More songs have been written about love than any other topic. Love has been the bond between husbands and wives, parents and children, brothers and sisters and lovers since the beginning of time. Love has also been the source of many broken hearts, relationships and families.

How can people unite together in holy matrimony all over the country without being able to truly define what love is? Could this be why the divorce rate in our country is above 50% and the family structure has collapsed right before our eyes?
Love in the original form has been associated with physical desires (eros), esteem and affection (philos), but is more appropriately described as unconditional (agape).

Let’s take a brief look at what true love IS NOT!

1. True love IS NOT solely based on feelings – We all know that feelings are subject to change, so love based on emotional feelings is like a rollercoaster ride filled with ups and downs, but eventually comes to an end. This puts in the mindset that love can be turned on and off with the press of a button. Unfortunately, this is an inadequate depiction of the love you and I should be trying to experience. Yes…the degree to which you love someone may vary, but the core fire that ignites love within you cannot be extinguished.
2. True love IS NOT about what you receive – I’ve heard examples in the gossip circles (barber and beauty salons) about how someone displays love through the purchase of gifts and other material items. Any clown can purchase gifts, but you have to ask was the gift purchased to invoke a response? If the gift was purchased in exchange for future sex or favors, then the recipient is nothing more than a glorified prostitute. The definition of prostitute means someone who gives sex in exchange for compensation.
3. True love IS NOT solely physical – I have counseled countless women who have said they associate love with sex. This is an unfortunate occurrence that usually happens because love has not been properly modeled in the family environment in which they grew up. Men are also violators of this behavior. As mentioned in the previous point, love is not solely identified with sex. Sex is an expression of love between two people who are in a covenant relationship with one another. Notice I said covenant, but that’s a different conversation.
4. True love IS NOT conditional – I once told an ex-girlfriend that I would love her if she stopped wasting her life away pursuing hopeless endeavors and decided to pursue a corporate career. At the time I made this statement, I believed that love could be conditioned based on the involvement of two parties. However, as we will see below, love is extended to others without regard to their response to us. If anyone states that they love you ‘IF’ or ‘But’, then stop them in the midst of their statement and tell them to ‘kick rocks’ and keep it moving.

Let’s take a brief dive into defining what True Love looks life! The best description of love is found in the book of 1 Corinthians 13: 4-7. Unfortunately, my analysis of true love characteristics will have to be accomplished in two parts. Please allow this first set of love characteristics to jumpstart your mind on being able to identify true expressions of love.

1. True love is patient – Even when you feel like forcefully expressing yourself. Love bears pain or trails without complaint, shows forbearance under provocation or strain, and is steadfast despite opposition, difficulty, or adversity.
2. True love is kind – Even when you want to retaliate physically or tear down another with your words. Love is sympathetic, considerate, gentle and agreeable.
3. True love is not jealous – Especially when you are aware that others are being noticed more than you. Love does not participate in rivalry, is not hostile toward one believed to enjoy an advantage, and is not suspicious. Love works for the welfare and good of the other.
4. True love does not brag – Love does not flaunt itself boastfully and does not engage in self-glorification. Instead, love lifts and builds up others.
5. True love is not arrogant – Even when you think you are right and others are wrong. Love does not assert itself or become overbearing in dealing with others.
6. True love does not act unbecomingly – Even when being boastful, rude or overbearing will get you attention and allow you to get your own way. Love conforms to what is right, fitting and appropriate to the situation in order to honor the Lord.
7. True love does not seek its own – Biblical love is not selfish and self seeking. True Love does not try to fulfill its own desires, does not ask for its own way, and does not try to acquire gain for itself. Love, is an act of the will which seeks to serve and not be served.
8. True love is not provoked – Even when others attempt to provoke you or you are tempted to strike out at something or someone. Love is not aroused or incited to outbursts of anger. Love continues faithfully and gently to train others in righteousness, even when they fail.

I pray these characteristics of love help you begin to shape your ability to define what true love looks like and how to embrace love upon its arrival in your life.
Until then…I have provided a little entertainment from someone who has said a thing or two about ‘What‘s Love Got To Do With It?’