Here is an article written by Jimmy Evans from Marriage Today. I think this has some useful information that we should consider in preparation for a covenant relationship.
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Communication is the lifeline of marriage. From the beginning to the end, it determines the potential of every area of a relationship. Whether it is money, children, romance, sex or household chores, being able to openly and successfully talk things over is crucial to marital harmony.
Of course, just as in other areas, men and women are very different when it comes to communication. One of the essential differences that must be understood is the encryption that is necessary when speaking to the opposite sex. Let me explain.
Men and women hear through their deepest needs and inner natures. For example, a woman’s deepest need is security. She needs to know that her husband is sensitive to her and that he is sacrificially committed to her on every level. When she is secure, her heart is free to live and love.
A man’s deepest need is honor. He needs to know that his wife esteems and respects him. Everything his spouse does or says passes through the "honor filter" and dramatically affects his outlook on life and attitudes concerning their relationship.
When we understand our deepest needs and those of our spouse we must also realize that our communication must match our spouse’s nature in order to be successful. Another way to say it is this: When we are communicating in a manner that violates our spouse’s inner nature and deepest needs, it will create hurt, frustration and conflict.
When a man communicates with a woman, regardless of what is being said on any given subject, every word must be spoken with "security encryption." In attitude, tone, body language and every other way successful communication to women always conveys this message: "I love you and am totally committed to our relationship. I will sacrifice to meet your needs. You are on my heart and are my first priority." Unsuccessful communication is sent without this encryption and that is why it fails.
When a woman communicates with a man she must also equip every word she says with "honor encryption." Everything she says to him must convey this message: "I respect and honor you. You are a good man and I believe in you. I am your greatest supporter and biggest fan. I am proud of you and will stand by your side forever." Anything spoken without this encryption will violate his deepest need and inner nature and therefore fail to influence him as desired.
We must understand that when we are communicating with someone of the opposite sex they are made much different from us. Every word we say is encoded with an attitude that our spouse can intuitively pick up on. If you have been struggling in the area of communication, maybe you are having encryption problems.
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Communication with the opposite sex hmm. Personally this week I did not do this very well at all. In fact I will go on record as saying I was pretty awful. However, in studying today I came across Proverbs 14:1, "Every wise woman buildeth her house, but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands." The Answer "A wise woman strengthens her family, but a foolish woman destroys hers by what she does." I am meditating on that one because in my own situation came life application.
I also was wathcing TV and I have believed it for a while and I have heard my grandparents say it often too that you don't let the sun go down on your wrath and not to let the devil use you in your anger. (Ephesians 4:26-32) Life Application Bible, "The Bible doesn't tell us not to be angry, but it does point out that we should handle it properly. If ventilated thoughtlessly anger can and does hurt others and eats away at the relationship. If bottled up inside it can cause us to become bitter and destroy use from within. We should deal with our anger immediately in a way that builds relationship not destroys them. And if we just nurse our anger, we will give Satan an opportunity to divide us. We can cause the Holy Spirit sorrow with our meaness." "The life application question for me this week was I grieving or pleasing God with my attitudes and communication with the opposite sex? Just thought I would share my life lessons this week.
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