By JoAnn Scaife
Have you ever considered your life of singleness as a piece of art? Most singles view singleness as a curse, or do not view it at all. Some just absolutely do not want to discuss it. Well, we want to challenge you to think differently this year by taking the time out and really viewing where you are as a single person, beginning with looking at your life as a gift and a piece of art.
Let’s pause a minute and look at this concept, “singleness as a piece of art,” from an artist view.
Singleness as a piece of art is simply viewing singleness through the eyes of a true artist and his masterpiece. Applying this concept to singleness, I want to take you through four important parts that contribute to creating a painting, 1) a blank canvas, which represents you and your beginning or coming into the world and the mind, 2) the sketch, which represents influences of parents and surroundings, 3) colors, which represents life experiences, and finally 4) the painting or masterpiece, which represents your life expression.
Firstly, let’s look at the blank canvas, which simply represents the beginning of ones life. Each of us was brought into this world for a purpose and reason. We all were conceived in our mother’s womb and supernaturally developed by God. We all have been given the gift to breath the breathe of God daily in this life. In the womb we were imputed with specific gifts and abilities to fit each person. Slowly as we become in the world and experience our atmospheres and the different surroundings we begin to learn and develop our individual make up which contributes to and defines the blank canvas.Then the actual concept of the painting is then developed and thought out as we grow.
Second, the sketch is made with our parents and surroundings- daily influences; painting daily the way we walk, talk, and react to our world. Taking the best parts of our lives and painting them on the canvas of our mind. Every stage of life we are creating a painting with our lives. Individually we slowly develop the gifts and talents that were given and try to discover purpose. As we discover, gradually, we live it out.
Living it out clearly represents the third part, the colors of life experiences, defeats and wins. Each color represents some experience in life that we embrace and form into the painting. Yes, you choose the colors to develop the masterpiece, which represents your life. Then finally, life becomes a drawing or painting of experiences both good and bad.
When faced with each step of each day the discovery question is, “what type of painting are we creating with our lives?” Is the painting of your life one that is going to enhance your life and others or will it draw others away? We all should strive to paint the best picture we can with our lives, because with each step and stroke, we have been created for a reason and to lead someone else to their right path and masterpiece. Then eventually match up with the right individual created for us.
The whole reason for taking a look at this concept is because as you review your life, you should realize that God is the the true artist and the one who develops your painting or life masterpiece.
So think outside the box this year about your singleness and begin to view it as a piece of art, continually sketching it out daily. You will then discover that singleness at this time is a gift. A gift to discover who you are and what type of gift you have become to the one that will receive.
**JoAnn Scaife is the Director/Campus Minister/ Ministerial Specialist for TSU and Fisk University of Tennessee Baptist Convention and an Music entrepreneur in Nashville, TN.
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Sleepless in Atlanta!!
Workplace topic of the week...
The following scenario can happen to anyone who makes a move from one city to another due to a job change, pursuit of a new career or desire for a fresh start. What happens when you make a major move from a place where you have family, a close circle of friends and a sense of normalcy, to a place where you have to operate independently because no family is nearby and all friends are out of state? How do you make the adjustment to a large city like Atlanta, Chicago, New York or LA when you pretty much have to start all over? This is a scenario submitted to me by one of my blog readers. I would like to solicit feedback from those who have gone through a similar experience. Please provide your comments and recommendations.
The following scenario can happen to anyone who makes a move from one city to another due to a job change, pursuit of a new career or desire for a fresh start. What happens when you make a major move from a place where you have family, a close circle of friends and a sense of normalcy, to a place where you have to operate independently because no family is nearby and all friends are out of state? How do you make the adjustment to a large city like Atlanta, Chicago, New York or LA when you pretty much have to start all over? This is a scenario submitted to me by one of my blog readers. I would like to solicit feedback from those who have gone through a similar experience. Please provide your comments and recommendations.
Friday, June 20, 2008
6 Steps to a Non-sexual Relationship
Welcome to Freelance Friday. Below is an awesome article written by Coach Yvonne, The Single Woman's Cheerleader. Check it out!
Let's talk about sex baby,
Let's talk about you and me,
Let's talk about all the good things, And the bad things that may be
Let's talk about sex. Salt n Pepa
I don't know about you but being a Christian does not erase sexual temptation from my world. Because God created this incredible gift that is only to be opened in marriage, the devil is going to do everything he can to make us disobey and these days, he doesn't have to work too hard. We live in a sex crazed world where sex is used to sell everything including burgers at Carl's Jr. Have you seen those racy commercials? Why are we using sex to sell burgers? And have you seen the ads for KY Jelly? They're equivalent to soft porn. Where do we draw the line? Babies used to be made during "Midnight Love, The Quiet Storm and Kissing After Dark" but nowadays, you can turn on your radio and make a baby while listening to the early morning show. Sex is everywhere and in everything; you can't get away from it. Movies, magazines and media are all driven by sex. I don't care if you go to sleep speaking in tongues and wake up speaking in tongues, sexual temptation is real. So, how does a single Christian say no to sex while getting to know the opposite sex? By following my 6 recommendations below:
Date someone who is on the same page with you in the same book. What does this mean? It means you should only date a man that has the same conviction and belief as you do about sex before marriage. If you date a man that thinks its okay to engage in heavy petting, passionate kissing and oral sex, this is not the man for you. You want a man who wants to cross the finish line in complete victory not a man who is okay with compromise and says, "At least we're not having sex." When I dated Chris who had been celibate for 3+ years, he came to the table with his own set of boundaries and he came ready to hold me accountable to our mutual agreement of no sex before marriage. As a result, we never went anywhere near the line of sexual intercourse. He fiercely protected our relationship from any form of sexual sin and we were victorious. You want to date a man that is going to fiercely protect your relationship while holding himself and you accountable to God's standards.
Know your hot buttons. If you've had sex before, I'm sure you are fully aware of what turns you on and stimulates you sexually. Even if you haven't had sex, I'm sure you've been physically intimate on some level with the opposite sex. Kissing is cool for some while for others it's the prelude to sex. Holding hands is cool for some while for others its not so cool. We're all grown folks capable of making our own decisions but if you asked me, I would stay away from continued bouts of passionate kissing. Sometimes all it takes is one kiss and you're off the mark. Be honest with yourself and your partner about what you can/cannot handle.
Be smart. "Can a man scoop fire into his lap without his clothes being burned? Can a man walk on hot coals without his feet being scorched?" The answer is no. Don't put yourself in compromising situations. Hugged up on the couch late at night watching Love Jones is not the best idea. None of us is that great or that strong to think we can play with fire and not get burned. Don't set yourself up to fall and you won't fall.
Be honest. Talk about your feelings w/your partner. If you're feeling tempted or having a challenge w/self control, talk about it. Your partner may be doing something unconsciously to trigger that temptation or he/she may be going through the same thing. The more you talk about it, the closer you become and the deeper the level of communication grows between you.
Shift your focus. Instead of focusing on not having sex, how about shifting your focus to honoring God as you date? The more you focus on not doing something (not having sex, not holding hands, not kissing and basically not being human), don't be surprised at how quickly your clothes leave your body the first time you get close to the opposite sex. It's like going on a restrictive diet of not eating sweets, not eating carbs, not having a glass of wine and any other thing on your list of not's. As soon as no one is looking-I guarantee you will eat a whole bag of sweets or loaf of bread or drink a bottle of wine. Once honoring God becomes our focus, our actions fall in line and the Holy Spirit will equip us with boundaries and steps to ensure that we stay on track.
Stay close to God. The closer I get to God the harder it is to sin and break his heart. I equate my relationship with God to a relationship with a dear friend; the more time I spend with that friend, the more I want to do things to add happiness to that friends' life. I feel sad and disappointed when I break that friends' heart. If we focus on cultivating this kind of relationship with God, our desire to fornicate will wane and our focus will shift from not having sex to pleasing God.
In her book Passion and Purity, Elisabeth Elliot sums it up perfectly, "A man's love for a woman ought to hold him to the highest standard. Her love for him ought to do the same. There should be accountability from both parties to ensure that lines are not crossed. Love means following the commands of God. This means trying every day to do what he says to do not to do what he says not to do. There are things to be aimed at and things to be shunned."
Something to think about!
Coach Yvonne Chase
The Single Woman’s Cheerleader
Available and Happy = Hitched and Happy
http://www.availableandhappy.com
877-7-RELATE (773-5283)
Let's talk about sex baby,
Let's talk about you and me,
Let's talk about all the good things, And the bad things that may be
Let's talk about sex. Salt n Pepa
I don't know about you but being a Christian does not erase sexual temptation from my world. Because God created this incredible gift that is only to be opened in marriage, the devil is going to do everything he can to make us disobey and these days, he doesn't have to work too hard. We live in a sex crazed world where sex is used to sell everything including burgers at Carl's Jr. Have you seen those racy commercials? Why are we using sex to sell burgers? And have you seen the ads for KY Jelly? They're equivalent to soft porn. Where do we draw the line? Babies used to be made during "Midnight Love, The Quiet Storm and Kissing After Dark" but nowadays, you can turn on your radio and make a baby while listening to the early morning show. Sex is everywhere and in everything; you can't get away from it. Movies, magazines and media are all driven by sex. I don't care if you go to sleep speaking in tongues and wake up speaking in tongues, sexual temptation is real. So, how does a single Christian say no to sex while getting to know the opposite sex? By following my 6 recommendations below:
Date someone who is on the same page with you in the same book. What does this mean? It means you should only date a man that has the same conviction and belief as you do about sex before marriage. If you date a man that thinks its okay to engage in heavy petting, passionate kissing and oral sex, this is not the man for you. You want a man who wants to cross the finish line in complete victory not a man who is okay with compromise and says, "At least we're not having sex." When I dated Chris who had been celibate for 3+ years, he came to the table with his own set of boundaries and he came ready to hold me accountable to our mutual agreement of no sex before marriage. As a result, we never went anywhere near the line of sexual intercourse. He fiercely protected our relationship from any form of sexual sin and we were victorious. You want to date a man that is going to fiercely protect your relationship while holding himself and you accountable to God's standards.
Know your hot buttons. If you've had sex before, I'm sure you are fully aware of what turns you on and stimulates you sexually. Even if you haven't had sex, I'm sure you've been physically intimate on some level with the opposite sex. Kissing is cool for some while for others it's the prelude to sex. Holding hands is cool for some while for others its not so cool. We're all grown folks capable of making our own decisions but if you asked me, I would stay away from continued bouts of passionate kissing. Sometimes all it takes is one kiss and you're off the mark. Be honest with yourself and your partner about what you can/cannot handle.
Be smart. "Can a man scoop fire into his lap without his clothes being burned? Can a man walk on hot coals without his feet being scorched?" The answer is no. Don't put yourself in compromising situations. Hugged up on the couch late at night watching Love Jones is not the best idea. None of us is that great or that strong to think we can play with fire and not get burned. Don't set yourself up to fall and you won't fall.
Be honest. Talk about your feelings w/your partner. If you're feeling tempted or having a challenge w/self control, talk about it. Your partner may be doing something unconsciously to trigger that temptation or he/she may be going through the same thing. The more you talk about it, the closer you become and the deeper the level of communication grows between you.
Shift your focus. Instead of focusing on not having sex, how about shifting your focus to honoring God as you date? The more you focus on not doing something (not having sex, not holding hands, not kissing and basically not being human), don't be surprised at how quickly your clothes leave your body the first time you get close to the opposite sex. It's like going on a restrictive diet of not eating sweets, not eating carbs, not having a glass of wine and any other thing on your list of not's. As soon as no one is looking-I guarantee you will eat a whole bag of sweets or loaf of bread or drink a bottle of wine. Once honoring God becomes our focus, our actions fall in line and the Holy Spirit will equip us with boundaries and steps to ensure that we stay on track.
Stay close to God. The closer I get to God the harder it is to sin and break his heart. I equate my relationship with God to a relationship with a dear friend; the more time I spend with that friend, the more I want to do things to add happiness to that friends' life. I feel sad and disappointed when I break that friends' heart. If we focus on cultivating this kind of relationship with God, our desire to fornicate will wane and our focus will shift from not having sex to pleasing God.
In her book Passion and Purity, Elisabeth Elliot sums it up perfectly, "A man's love for a woman ought to hold him to the highest standard. Her love for him ought to do the same. There should be accountability from both parties to ensure that lines are not crossed. Love means following the commands of God. This means trying every day to do what he says to do not to do what he says not to do. There are things to be aimed at and things to be shunned."
Something to think about!
Coach Yvonne Chase
The Single Woman’s Cheerleader
Available and Happy = Hitched and Happy
http://www.availableandhappy.com
877-7-RELATE (773-5283)
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Compatibility Questions - Part 2
As promised, there are some additional compatibility questions that one should consider when evaluating a potential lifemate. Please don't minimize the importance of these questions as they could lead to conflict down the road in your relationship.
Consider the following:
1) Will one or both of you work when you start having kids?
2) Who will retain primary responsibility for managing the checkbook and household finances?
3) Does your potential mate allow his/her family to become too involved in your relationship? If so, are you willing to deal with this for a lifetime?
4) Does your potential mate allow his/her friends to become too involved in your relationship? If so, are you willing to deal with this for a lifetime?
I pray that the compatibility questions shared above will help prevent potential roadblocks in your relationship!
KP
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
The Waiting Room
Here is an article that I think will bless all of the women who are unmarried, but desire to be married one day.
I want to write to encourage the ladies who like me are in the Waiting Room in life. While we are waiting we are working, studying, excelling, growing, enjoying life and in anticipation are not able to enjoy marriage. We know it's God's will that we enjoy the best that He has available for us so we wait. We wait...not with arms folded, eyes rolling, not sitting down doing nothing, but we wait... This season is the best season to seek to understand who God is and who we are. Our relationship should be so close that we can hear Him whisper, truly know His voice, character and His word. Our prayer and worship time should be passionate and our concern as Paul said, should be to do the work of the Lord in ministry. While we are waiting we should be searching...not for a man but for understanding.
This is such an encouragement that my husband is en route…he is not late, he is not lost, he was not taken by another. He will come so I don’t have to become impatient or try to make this happen. I can wait in patience and with the right attitude. The Amplified version of Hebrews 10:35-36 says “35 Do not, therefore, fling away your fearless confidence, for it carries a great and glorious compensation of reward. 36 For you have need of steadfast patience and endurance, so that you may perform and fully accomplish the will of God, and thus receive and carry away [and enjoy to the full] what is promised.” This encourages me to believe in God and hold on to my trust in His promise concerning my spouse-to-be. My Adam is a reward! The Contemporary English Version of Hab 2:3 says this about waiting for what God has said will come: 3At the time I have decided, my words will come true. You can trust what I say about the future. It may take a long time, but keep on waiting-- it will happen!"
Vision? What has God shown you about your spouse? What word has He spoken about that mate? I asked God many years ago to tell me about my husband. Since He has been very clear, I am not to settle for any less than the one He has already selected, He has given me the strength, confidence and peace to wait for that one! He has revealed so many things about me: my purpose, destiny and ministry while I have been getting to know Him. These things helped me to understand the vision He has shown me of my spouse: not so much the physical but the spiritual, emotional, the character, the important stuff..... I am in the waiting room in this season of life, but I am busy in the Kingdom until God says I am ready and the season has come. Unlike others in this generation, I believe that my Abba Father has pre-destined the best man for me to marry, and now more than ever I trust Him while I wait. It seems like a long time but even a good thing out of season (like a piece of fruit) enjoyable @ first, then more drama follow. Be encouraged while you wait, “For yet a little while, and he that shall come will come, and will not tarry.”(Heb 10:37)
--Author Miss Trapp
I want to write to encourage the ladies who like me are in the Waiting Room in life. While we are waiting we are working, studying, excelling, growing, enjoying life and in anticipation are not able to enjoy marriage. We know it's God's will that we enjoy the best that He has available for us so we wait. We wait...not with arms folded, eyes rolling, not sitting down doing nothing, but we wait... This season is the best season to seek to understand who God is and who we are. Our relationship should be so close that we can hear Him whisper, truly know His voice, character and His word. Our prayer and worship time should be passionate and our concern as Paul said, should be to do the work of the Lord in ministry. While we are waiting we should be searching...not for a man but for understanding.
This is such an encouragement that my husband is en route…he is not late, he is not lost, he was not taken by another. He will come so I don’t have to become impatient or try to make this happen. I can wait in patience and with the right attitude. The Amplified version of Hebrews 10:35-36 says “35 Do not, therefore, fling away your fearless confidence, for it carries a great and glorious compensation of reward. 36 For you have need of steadfast patience and endurance, so that you may perform and fully accomplish the will of God, and thus receive and carry away [and enjoy to the full] what is promised.” This encourages me to believe in God and hold on to my trust in His promise concerning my spouse-to-be. My Adam is a reward! The Contemporary English Version of Hab 2:3 says this about waiting for what God has said will come: 3At the time I have decided, my words will come true. You can trust what I say about the future. It may take a long time, but keep on waiting-- it will happen!"
Vision? What has God shown you about your spouse? What word has He spoken about that mate? I asked God many years ago to tell me about my husband. Since He has been very clear, I am not to settle for any less than the one He has already selected, He has given me the strength, confidence and peace to wait for that one! He has revealed so many things about me: my purpose, destiny and ministry while I have been getting to know Him. These things helped me to understand the vision He has shown me of my spouse: not so much the physical but the spiritual, emotional, the character, the important stuff..... I am in the waiting room in this season of life, but I am busy in the Kingdom until God says I am ready and the season has come. Unlike others in this generation, I believe that my Abba Father has pre-destined the best man for me to marry, and now more than ever I trust Him while I wait. It seems like a long time but even a good thing out of season (like a piece of fruit) enjoyable @ first, then more drama follow. Be encouraged while you wait, “For yet a little while, and he that shall come will come, and will not tarry.”(Heb 10:37)
--Author Miss Trapp
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Relationship Coaching
- Are you tired of experiencing disappointment in your relationships?
- Why continue to invest time in relationships that will never manifest into the healthy long-term relationship you desire?
- Tired of making the same mistakes over and over again?
Consider hiring KP to serve as the relationship coach in your life. All successful people have coaches who help them navigate through various obstacles of life, and the area of relationships is no different. For less than a tank of gas you can be on your way to establishing the framework necessary to build healthy long-term relationships. Contact KP at chatkafe@kennypugh.com for more information.
Monday, June 16, 2008
Compatibility Questions
Workplace topic of the week...
Although there is no 100% guaranteed way of predicting if a relationship will be successful, there are some key factors to consider when interviewing a potential mate. I will provide a list of these compatibility questions over the course of the next week or two.
Please consider these as good starter questions to ponder and evaluate:
1) Do we share the same religious beliefs?
2) Do we share similar family experiences, upbringing and desires (kids vs no kids)?
3) How does my potential mate view and manage finances?
You will never have a firm foundation in your relationship if religion, family views and money management are out of alignment. Differing views on any of the above questions are cause to truly consider pursuing a relationship with your counterpart.
Although there is no 100% guaranteed way of predicting if a relationship will be successful, there are some key factors to consider when interviewing a potential mate. I will provide a list of these compatibility questions over the course of the next week or two.
Please consider these as good starter questions to ponder and evaluate:
1) Do we share the same religious beliefs?
2) Do we share similar family experiences, upbringing and desires (kids vs no kids)?
3) How does my potential mate view and manage finances?
You will never have a firm foundation in your relationship if religion, family views and money management are out of alignment. Differing views on any of the above questions are cause to truly consider pursuing a relationship with your counterpart.
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