End of Year Relationship Assessment

In your season of singleness, your relationship with Christ is representative of a relationship with your mate. If today was your end of year review and Christ represented your mate, how would you rate in the following areas?

- Quality time spent with Him
- Effective communication with Him
- Ability to resolve conflict with Him
- Demonstration of love towards Him
- Granting Him access to ALL areas of your life
- Ability to accept correction for inappropriate behavior from Him
- Consulting Him for guidance/direction
- Giving your time and talents to Him

If you struggle in the areas listed above, you will probably struggle with interpersonal relationships. Otherwise, you will probably experience a varying level of success.

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The Black Men Shortage - Essence.com

by Demetria L. Lucas

If I could, I would climb under a rock. That's the only logical way I can think of to avoid the onslaught of articles, primetime TV segments, books, and countless blog discussions lamenting "The Black Man Shortage." (TBMS)

TBMS is something like the black girl equivalent of those end of the world movies that come trotting out every three-day weekend to thrill us with CGI effects, remind us of the importance of family, and most importantly, churn out hundred million dollar returns for a big studio. Whenever anyone in media needs some sort of ratings bonanza or send their website's comments section into a frenzy, they-- the most recent being Nightline-- trot out a story about TBMS, a horrific tale of no love and lots of loss that depicts a single Black woman from [insert any urban center here] clinging to a half-empty apple martini, a Louis Vuitton Damier Speedy or a perfectly-coiffed girlfriends.

I watched the Nightline segment on YouTube the day after it aired (I was trying to avoid it, but my Blackberry Inbox blew up with emails titled "Have you seen this?") I yawned my way through all the stats that I've heard so often they run through my head like a CNN ticker:

*42% per cent of Black women aren't married;

*If every black man in America married a black woman today, one out of 12 black women still wouldn't make it down the aisle if they hoped to marry a black man;

* 70% of professional black women with B.A.s, M.D.s and J.D.s. are "still without the more elusive title: M-R-S."

Copy and past the link below to see the rest of the story... http://www.essence.com/relationships

What Have You Learned About You?

The past week has been one of relaxation, reflection and mental preparation for the year to come. Unfortunately, I figured out that I’ve been living below expectations for myself. However, I was able to identify the source of my problem as being too busy living under the lofty expectations created by others. Fortunately, I’m so critical of myself that I’m always undergoing change will only allow goals to be set by me and God.

2010 will be a year of me utilizing my knowledge, gifts and passions to accomplish BIG things personally and for the Kingdom. I have a thorough understanding of the mortgage and credit industries, so I will use this knowledge to assist people with improving their personal credit while also fulfilling homeownership desires. I have a love-hate relationship with writing, but now know that it’s one of the ways God has allowed me to communicate with His people. Therefore, I will continue working on the various book ideas that currently sit partially complete on my computer. Finally, I have a passion to see people enjoying themselves and building relationships, so be on the lookout for more Chat Kafe events coming in the New Year.

One thing that remains on my spiritual radar is the continual battle I fight against my flesh. In 2 Corinthians 12:7 Paul speaks of a thorn in the flesh and I can readily identify with him. I lost my virginity when I was 13 years old, so sex was a regular part of my life until taking a vow of celibacy at 29. The positive lesson learned is God is ABLE to help you battle things that you can’t fight in your own strength. The negative lesson is Satan will continue to press the buttons he knows has the ability to knock you out of balance if you aren’t connected to God.

The reality of my experience (6 years) is the road hasn’t been smooth sailing without walking or hop-scotching the gray lines or times of passionate escape. Why do I share abstinence so passionately with those who pursue relationships? Because I recognize the power sex has over the hearts and minds of people who partake in the experience. I have had countless sexual experiences with women from different walks of life (being a Kappa and college athlete has its privileges). Why is this important? Because I’ve learned that no one is exempt from the powerful influence of sex in their relationships. Everyone thinks their situation is different because they’re sharing the experience with a ‘special’ person. However, think about all of the past ‘special’ people in your life and how you’ve given yourself to those unworthy of sharing what should be viewed as a worship experience. The reality is once you allow yourself to penetrate or be penetrated; your body continues yearning for that missing component to bring completion. Unfortunately, we search for the missing piece in the form of man/woman when it should be Christ.

I have learned that no person, whether they are a girlfriend or not, deserves to experience that side of me without a covenant/license. A license is required for gun ownership, dog ownership, to drive a car or motorcycle, but far too often we allow anyone with good game, a big butt or extraordinary sex appeal to lure us into meaningless physical relationships. I have learned that I desire so much more and cannot allow physical distraction to keep me from achieving the things God has for me. I shall not be defeated!

What have you learned about you?

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Because of Who You Are by Martha Munizzi

Here is a little worship music for your listening pleasure!

GOING DEEPER!

Ezekiel 47:1-12

This week’s message from my Pastor…Craig L. Oliver, Sr. encourages God’s people to target one goal for 2010…GOING DEEPER! Far too often we inundate ourselves with a bunch of superficial New Year’s goals that many of us fail to keep at year end. The one goal we should all focus on in 2010 is to allow ourselves to go deeper in our relationship with the Lord.

Upon making the shift in our mindset to go deeper in Him, many of the things we desire to achieve in life will become a reality. This is true because we place trust in The One who can place the ‘super’ in our ‘natural’ and align our desires with His will for our lives. The Ezekiel passage is symbolic of the spirit of God working in the lives of those who fully trust Him. He has the ability to cleanse you. He has the ability to cover you. He has the ability to revive you. He has the ability to guide you through the choppy waters of life.

Are you willing to fully immerse yourself in Him?

To purchase this message in its entirety, please contact the Elizabeth Baptist Church at 404-691-3146 or visit www.elizabethbaptist.org

KP

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No Time for Fake Ones

James 1:22 - 22 But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves.

While attending The Ohio State University Lil’ Kim came out with a song entitled “No Time for Fake Ones.” Now as a devout Christian I’d dare not say that Lil’ Kim serves as a source of inspiration for a minister’s blog. However, I’m not one of those super, extra-Spiritual Christians who act as if they’ve totally disconnected from their past and never reflect over past experiences . I DO periodically reflect over the past in order to assess how far I’ve come and to remain compassionate towards those who travel a similar path.

As I sit in front of my PC thinking about both the past and present of my life, I am once again been reminded that we must remain true to the call God has placed on our lives no matter if it means redefining friendships/relationships in the process. We must continue listening to the directions He is giving us and disengaging from ‘fake ones’ who help weaken our witnesses by association. God has the ability to continue working on people’s hearts according His will for their lives and so we should leave that in His hands. In the meantime, we DO NOT want to be labeled in the category that James 1:22 speaks of…that of being modern-day ‘fake ones.’

There are plenty of people who are hearers of God’s Word, but far too few doers. To balance this statement out, I’m not saying that we must live a perfect life because none of us in our flesh are capable of doing so. However, I AM saying that as believers we should be continuously working towards walking in the image and likeness of Christ. This includes recognizing our shortcomings and struggles, and diligently seeking guidance in working through them. Not just the ‘popular’ struggles like sex, alcohol, drugs, lying and unforgiveness, but also the minimized struggles like being judgmental, gluttony, homosexuality, cheating, etc. Those of us who continue to hear God’s Word, but fail to apply it to our lives are deceiving ourselves according to James 1:22. Better yet deceivers can classify themselves as modern-day ‘fake ones.’

Now as we prepare to enter into 2010, let us remember that it’s not good enough to be able to quote Scripture, assess the faults of others and talk about all of the good that we’ve done individually. Let us be mindful to take a look from the inside out and assess whether our hearts are truly being transformed on a continual basis? When we are alone in our secret places of isolation would God say you are a ‘fake one’ or a ‘real one’…meaning real or fake image of Him?

KP

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All Work and No Play

What I have finally realized toward the latter part of 2009 is the necessity of enjoying life. I’ve taken more trips during the months of August through December 2009 than I had the previous two years combined. I didn’t realize how therapeutic a weekend getaway can be in the life of a person. Not to mention, I have had the opportunity to see and spend more time with my family towards the latter part of this year than I had in 2007 and 2008 combined.

What’s the moral of the story? All work and no play is an unhealthy approach to life. We have shifted into a society that prides itself of hustling in attempt to finally breakthrough and ‘make it’ in life. Working hard isn’t a bad thing, but working smarter is healthier more beneficial to the bigger picture. I’ve reflected on my life and realize that I SHOULD HAVE taken more time to myself and live life over the past 9 years. Unfortunately, I’ve allowed the demands other people place on my life to dictate my schedule. Guess what??? Not anymore .

I will still manage my ministry duties with the same level of compassion as I have in the past. However, I’m now learning to empower others and ask for assistance when needed. I expect great and mighty things to take place in 2010 and having fun will assist in this process. I encourage you to work hard, play hard and nurture the important relationships in your life. I declare and decree that you don’t have to be responsible for everything that takes place in life. Stop allowing yourself to be burdened and used as a crutch by people who may be better served learning through experience. Stop allowing yourself to be used by those who don’t have your best interest in mind. You have not been designated/assigned as Lord and Savior and sometimes people need to find solutions through prayer and fasting. Be willing to discern the difference between being a beacon of light for Christ and being a hindrance in the maturation process of someone.

Lord I thank you for Your illumination and how you speak to me when I am seemingly out of position. I thank You for saving me from myself during the times when it seems as if I’m going to make an unhealthy decision. I thank You for Your continual guidance in life as You seek to direct my path.

KP

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The Ten Commandments for Wives

I was cleaning off my table and ran across the program from my grandfather's funeral. An entry contained within it piqued my attention and so I am sharing with you.

I wonder which of these my 21st Century sisters would change based on our current society?

I. Honor thy own womanhood that thy days may be long in the house which they husband provideth for thee.

II. Expect not thy husband to give thee as many luxuries as thy father hath given thee after many years of hard labor and changing economies.

III. Forget not the virtue of good humor, for verily all that a man hath will he give for a woman’s smile.

IV. Thou shalt not nag.

V. Thou shalt not coddle thy husband, for verily every man loveth to be fussed over.

VI. Remember that the frank approval of thy husband is worth more to thee than the sidelong glances of many strangers.

VII. Forget not the grace of cleanliness and dressing well.

VIII. Permit no one to assure thee that thou art having a hard time of it; neither thy mother, nor thy sister, nor thy maiden aunt, nor any of thy kin folk, for the judge will not hold her guiltless who letteth another disparage her husband.

IX. Keep thy home with all diligence, for out of it cometh the joys of thine old age.

X. Commit thy ways unto the Lord thy God and thy children shall rise up and call thee blessed.

-- Author Unknown --

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Don't Quit

Below is a poem that I learned while going through the membership (pledge) process with Kappa Alpha Psi Fraternity, Inc. It is as relevant, or even more so, for the lives that each of us lives daily. It is an inspirational poem that you can refer to whenever you're a bit less motivated. It's a great way to get back on track again whenever you're feeling down, are in a rut or have a block of some kind on your road.

Don't Quit!!

When things go wrong as they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging seems all uphill
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit --
Rest if you must, but don't quit.

Life is strange with its twists and turns,
As every one of us sometimes learns,
And many a fellow turns about
When he might have won had he stuck it out.
Don't give up though the pace seems slow --
You may succeed with another blow.

Often the goal is nearer than
It seems to a fair and faltering man,
Often the struggler has given up
When he might have captured the victor's cup,
And he learned too late when night came down,
How close he was to the golden crown.

Success is failure turned inside out --
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems afar,
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit, --
It's when things seem worst that you mustn't quit.

-- Author Unknown --

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Out of Sync

Isn’t it amazing how life can be moving along smoothly, without any complications, and in an instant you find yourself ‘out of sync’? It doesn’t take anything significant to interrupt the free-flowing harmony of your life, but can be something very simple. It can be a phone call you receive that throws your entire day off schedule because you decide to answer instead of ignore. It can be a check you’ve written to a business or creditor who holds it too long and because you forgot…subsequent checks you write turn up with insufficient funds. It can be a matter of saying yes instead of no and the decision gives way to the birth of a child you weren’t planning to conceive. It’s not a matter of if, but more a matter of when you’ll find yourself ‘out of sync’ when it comes to life.

Not only can your general life periodically find itself ‘out of sync’, but your relationships and marriages can also enter into periods of being ‘out of sync.’ You used to communicate with one another without a hitch, but all of a sudden things change. The things you once saw eye-to-eye on no longer exist. The common goals and desires you once shared have now faded into obscurity. Your ability to connect on the very basics of life has now become a strenuous challenge. What do you do?

Now I’ve heard several of my married friends talk about ‘out of sync’ periods in their marriages and the discipline required to work through these periods. Strong marriages are able to navigate through these cyclical periods. However, there are many who are unable to weather the storms of being ‘out of sync’. I think this is sometimes referred to as ‘growing apart’ in instances of faded marital bliss.

When you are married, you have a greater level of accountability for working through these ‘out of sync’ periods. However, should you feel the same level of responsibility for dealing with these periods during a dating relationship? What happens when the person you are with no longer walks in harmony with you?

I believe we can all learn a valuable lesson through our relationship with God through Christ. Truth be told, we don’t always walk in alignment and harmony with Him, but we choose to hang in there because of His character and what He represents in our lives. Similarly, this should be a requirement for the relationships we choose to maintain and cultivate in our personal lives. Is the person we’re connected to a representative of love and character Christ offers to our lives? If so, hang in there because all relationships will have their ups and downs, and it’s irresponsible to flee at the hint of a temporary disconnect. If not, examine whether a change needs to be made in the status of your relationship.

KP

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Flushing Out My Bowels

This blog entry is nothing more than me forcing myself to sit down and unblock the literary constipation I am currently experiencing. Thinking back to a sermon my pastor preached a couple of years ago, I am a victim of ‘Bound Literary Bowels.’ I find myself getting caught-up in the haste of life that I don’t take time out to do some of the things I once found to be therapeutic.

I continuously have a lot going on in my and it seems like there is never enough time in the day to address the many to-do’s that await me upon waking up each morning. I know God is trying to birth something BIG in my life and it’s simply a matter of allowing the seed to make it full-term. Will you please pray for me?

I am constantly asked when I plan on launching my book and that’s a very good question. I find myself crafting bits and pieces, but waiting for the entire picture and framework to be revealed. Until then…I’ll keep jotting down the bits and pieces in hopes of finally achieving a great work. Will you please pray for me?

I am also working on a small group idea to address the frustrations and hurdles single Christian men face. For some reason no one regularly addresses the complications experienced by men who really want to do the right things in their Christian walk. God give me wisdom to share my struggles and experiences. Will you please pray for me?

I’d like to share the journey I’m on relationally, but that chapter would be quite uneventful right now. LOL. Will you please pray for me?
Lord I know there are some things You want to do in and through me. Please remove any obstacles that are hindering from me from reaching the goals and destiny You have outlined for my life. In Jesus’ name…Amen!

KP

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Car Seats & Character by Paul Wilson, Jr.

Earlier this year I wrote this article on my own blog. In light of the very recent revelations of Tiger Woods’ “transgressions” (and many others before him this year), I thought it was a good time to repost it…

A couple weeks ago my family and I were returning from Miami after spending time with my wife’s family over the holidays. On the ride back to Atlanta our one-year-old threw up in the car, most of it landing in his car seat. For those of you with small children you know how hard it is to clean a car seat when your child spills something (or throws up) on it. Reluctantly, I cleaned him and the seat enough to continue our trip.

When we finally got home, of course we needed to remove the seat cover so it could be washed. To my dismay, I realized I would also have to clean the safety straps and all the small nooks and crevices, because the stuff seeped down under the cover into the base of the car seat. I know this sounds gross, but stay with me. I’m getting to my point…

My wife washed the seat cover in the washing machine. I knew I had to clean the safety straps and car seat base, but I figured I would get to it later that day (procrastination). Well, about two days passed before we needed the car seat again. So as we were all about the leave the house I was putting the seat cover back on and realized that I had forgotten what I was supposed to clean. I don’t have to describe to you what I found. Let your imagination take you there – or not.

Epiphany! I would compare the car seat base to a person’s foundation, which is their values. I would relate the safety harnesses to one’s character and habits, which should serve to prevent and protect them from poor decision making.

How often do we clean the obviously seen areas of our lives but forget, ignore, or procrastinate when dealing with the areas that are seemingly unexposed? We try to cover up with a well-groomed image, hiding the fact that we have soiled character, unresolved issues, or poor habits. “Fake it ’til you make it” works for a while, but eventually when your private stuff isn’t cleaned up, life will begin to stink in multiple areas, including your work, family, and relationships.

While one’s charisma can open doors, ultimately its one’s character that determines their long-term success. Lack of character and poor habits will rob you of credibility, confidence, and competence, which ultimately thwarts your ability to perform at your peak potential. Don’t let your life stink underneath the surface! And don’t allow your charisma to lead you places where your character can’t sustain you.

You know better than anyone “what lies beneath”. Identify it and deal with it in private, so you don’t have to worry about getting exposed in public. You don’t want to be one of the character casualties that we see too often these days.

Dream B.I.G.,
Paul Wilson, Jr.
Transform your dreams from an idea to reality… www.DreamBIGin3D.com

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