NO ONE EVER HAS SEEN GOD; BUT IF WE LOVE ONE ANOTHER, GOD LIVES IN US, AND HIS LOVE IS MADE COMPLETE IN US. WE KNOW THAT WE LIVE IN HIM, AND HE IN US, BECAUSE HE HAS GIVEN US OF HIS SPIRIT. (1 JOHN 4:12-13 *NIV)
When we open our hearts and invite God into our lives, a wonderful thing begins to happen! The Apostle Paul stated it this way: THEREFORE, IF ANYONE IS IN CHRIST, HE IS A NEW CREATION; THE OLD HAS GONE, THE NEW HAS COME! (2 CORINTHIANS 5:17)
As many of you know, this is when we become the person that God intended us to be. It is also when we become filled with: THE PEACE OF GOD, WHICH TRANSCENDS ALL UNDERSTANDING. (PHILIPPIANS 4:7)
So JUST AS YOU RECEIVED CHRIST JESUS AS LORD, CONTINUE TO LIVE IN HIM, ROOTED AND BUILT UP IN HIM, STRENGTHENED IN THE FAITH AS YOU WERE TAUGHT, AND OVERFLOWING IN THANKFULNESS. (COLOSSIANS 2:6)
Now my friend, may: THE GRACE OF THE LORD JESUS CHRIST BE WITH YOUR SPIRIT. Amen.
Friday, August 29, 2008
Thursday, August 28, 2008
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Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Seven Stages of Every Temptation
A mentor shared this information with me a couple years ago and I ran across it this morning. I believe there is someone, somewhere struggling to release some bad habits and the information below can assist you in the process.
Seven Stages of Every Temptation
1. The Look – “When he is drawn away”
2. The Lust – “by his own desires”
3. The Lure – “and enticed”
4. The Conception – “when desire has conceived”
5. The Birth – “it gives birth to sin”
6. The Growth – “and sin, when it is full-grown”
7. The Death – “brings forth death”
James 1:14-15 – But each one is tempted when he is drawn away by his own desires and enticed. Then, when desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, brings forth death.
Secret to stage one: Draw back instantly when you sense you’re being drawn away.
Secret to stage two: Every temptation can only tempt you because of your personal desire.
Secret to stage three: Quench improper desire by stopping all internal enticements and fleeing all external enticements.
Secret to stage four: Decide ahead of time not to sin and never permit yourself to think of one good reason to commit the sin, and you’ll never know the choice to sin.
Secret to stage five: If you’re about to commit the sin, force yourself to submit to the conviction of the Holy Spirit and abort the sin before it’s too late.
Secret to stage six: Every sin you commit digs your grave deeper. Therefore, never believe the lie that says “just let me sin this one more time and then I’ll give it up.” Every sin strengthens itself against you for the next time.
Secret to stage seven: Regardless of the degree of bondage you are under, the work of Christ is sufficient to set you free completely.
*Three Phases of Enticement
Desire (feelings) => Defend (thoughts) => Decide (choices)
Desire Phase: you experience growing emotional attraction to the temptation and you feel strongly that you want to respond to it.
Defend Phase: you rationalize why committing this sin is really justified.
Decide Phase: you make your final choice.
Seven Stages of Every Temptation
1. The Look – “When he is drawn away”
2. The Lust – “by his own desires”
3. The Lure – “and enticed”
4. The Conception – “when desire has conceived”
5. The Birth – “it gives birth to sin”
6. The Growth – “and sin, when it is full-grown”
7. The Death – “brings forth death”
James 1:14-15 – But each one is tempted when he is drawn away by his own desires and enticed. Then, when desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, brings forth death.
Secret to stage one: Draw back instantly when you sense you’re being drawn away.
Secret to stage two: Every temptation can only tempt you because of your personal desire.
Secret to stage three: Quench improper desire by stopping all internal enticements and fleeing all external enticements.
Secret to stage four: Decide ahead of time not to sin and never permit yourself to think of one good reason to commit the sin, and you’ll never know the choice to sin.
Secret to stage five: If you’re about to commit the sin, force yourself to submit to the conviction of the Holy Spirit and abort the sin before it’s too late.
Secret to stage six: Every sin you commit digs your grave deeper. Therefore, never believe the lie that says “just let me sin this one more time and then I’ll give it up.” Every sin strengthens itself against you for the next time.
Secret to stage seven: Regardless of the degree of bondage you are under, the work of Christ is sufficient to set you free completely.
*Three Phases of Enticement
Desire (feelings) => Defend (thoughts) => Decide (choices)
Desire Phase: you experience growing emotional attraction to the temptation and you feel strongly that you want to respond to it.
Defend Phase: you rationalize why committing this sin is really justified.
Decide Phase: you make your final choice.
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Saggin' Pants!
This is an issue that drives me up the wall! I have seen many e-mails about this subject, but some reason I feel compelled to post this for today's readers. Nope...this isn't male-female relationship related, but this is a potential product of what happens when strong parental relationships are neglected and children are left to do whatever they desire.
_______________________________________________________________
Pass this on to Our Youth, Our Parents, Our Black Men and Women
Letter from a college student
The other day, a friend of mine visited me in the lobby of my dorm just to chat while her laundry was drying. As we were chatting, two young freshmen came by. One of the boys wanted to 'talk' to my friend (as in date). She asked him how old they were, and both of the boys replied 18. My friend and I both laughed hysterically because we are both 22 years old. After my friend left, the young men were still hanging around and one wanted to know how he could gain her interest.
The first thing I told him to do was to pull up his pants! He asked why, and then said he liked saggin' his pants I told him to come over to my computer and spell the word saggin'. Then I told him to write the word saggin' backwards.
S-A-G-G-I-N
0A
N-I-G-G-A-S
I told him the origin of that look was from centuries ago. It was the intent of slave owners to demoralize the field workers by forbidding them to wear a belt as they worked in the fields or at any other rigorous job. In addition, men in prison wore their pants low when they were 'spoken for'. The other reason their pants looked like that was they were not allowed to have belts because prisoners were likely to try to commit suicide. And, saggin' pants prevents you from running.
We as young Black people have to be the ones to effect change. We are dying. The media has made a mockery of the Black American. Even our brothers and sisters from Africa don't take us seriously. Something as simple as pulling up your pants and standing with your head held high could make the biggest difference in the world's perception of us. It is time to do right by ourselves. We need to love and embrace each other. No one is going to do that for us. It all comes down to perception. What people perceive is what reality to them is. We have to change not only the media's perception of us, but we need to change our perception of ourselves.
Remember all eyes are on you Black Man. All eyes are on you Black Woman. All eyes are on your Black Child. People point the finger at us and expect us to engage in negative and illegal activities, to manifest loud, boisterous behavior, to spend our hard earned money in their stores, buying goods we don't need, or really want. We have allowed not only the media, but the government and the world to portray us as a 'sub-culture.' They have stripped our culture down to the point where the image of Black people is perpetuated as rappers, athletes, drug users, and consumers of junk food, expensive tennis shoes, expensive cars, expensive TVs, cell phones and not investing in homes for our families.
We are so much more!!!!!!!
To all our Black Men: It's time to stand up. There are billions of Black Women who want to do nothing more than worship the ground that you walk on. We are so in love with your potential. We want to have your back, we want to love, support and cherish every ounce of your being. But with that you have to show that you are willing to be the head of our households. You have to prove yourselves worthy of our submission We need you to be hard working...Not a hustler. We need you to seek higher education, to seek spirituality. We need you to stand! And trust us; we will have your back. We know that it gets hard. We know you get weary. Trust and believe that there is nothing that a Black Man and a Black Woman can't handle with GOD on their side.
To all our Black Women: It is also time for you to stand up. It is time for you to stop using our bodies as our primary form of communication. It is time to be that virtuous woman that Proverbs spoke of. You cannot sit by the wayside while our men are dying by the masses. You are the epitome of Black Love.&nbs p; It starts within you. You need to speak with conviction to let not only our Black Men know, but the world, that you are the Mothers of this world. You are so powerful. You are so beautiful. You need to love and embrace every blessing God has given us physically, emotionally and spiritually.
For all our Black Children: We need to love them. We need to teach them. We need to stand up for them. We need to protect them We need to show them that there are no 'get rich quick' schemes. We need to tell them that they WILL die trying if they submit to a life of crime and deceit. We need to teach our children that no one will love them the way we can. And being a basketball player, a rapper, or a drug dealer is not reality. It's not realistic and only a small percentage of people ever make it as a rapper or professional athlete. We need to teach our children that we can be more than rappers and athletes. We can be the owners of these sports teams. We can be the CEO's of OUR fortune 500 companies. We need to believe in literacy. I am almost certain if we were to look back to the 1930's and 40's, the literacy rates for Black American children are probably still the same .
'This is the year of empowerment.' God will empower us to accomplish things this year that will be mind blowing.
_______________________________________________________________
Pass this on to Our Youth, Our Parents, Our Black Men and Women
Letter from a college student
The other day, a friend of mine visited me in the lobby of my dorm just to chat while her laundry was drying. As we were chatting, two young freshmen came by. One of the boys wanted to 'talk' to my friend (as in date). She asked him how old they were, and both of the boys replied 18. My friend and I both laughed hysterically because we are both 22 years old. After my friend left, the young men were still hanging around and one wanted to know how he could gain her interest.
The first thing I told him to do was to pull up his pants! He asked why, and then said he liked saggin' his pants I told him to come over to my computer and spell the word saggin'. Then I told him to write the word saggin' backwards.
S-A-G-G-I-N
0A
N-I-G-G-A-S
I told him the origin of that look was from centuries ago. It was the intent of slave owners to demoralize the field workers by forbidding them to wear a belt as they worked in the fields or at any other rigorous job. In addition, men in prison wore their pants low when they were 'spoken for'. The other reason their pants looked like that was they were not allowed to have belts because prisoners were likely to try to commit suicide. And, saggin' pants prevents you from running.
We as young Black people have to be the ones to effect change. We are dying. The media has made a mockery of the Black American. Even our brothers and sisters from Africa don't take us seriously. Something as simple as pulling up your pants and standing with your head held high could make the biggest difference in the world's perception of us. It is time to do right by ourselves. We need to love and embrace each other. No one is going to do that for us. It all comes down to perception. What people perceive is what reality to them is. We have to change not only the media's perception of us, but we need to change our perception of ourselves.
Remember all eyes are on you Black Man. All eyes are on you Black Woman. All eyes are on your Black Child. People point the finger at us and expect us to engage in negative and illegal activities, to manifest loud, boisterous behavior, to spend our hard earned money in their stores, buying goods we don't need, or really want. We have allowed not only the media, but the government and the world to portray us as a 'sub-culture.' They have stripped our culture down to the point where the image of Black people is perpetuated as rappers, athletes, drug users, and consumers of junk food, expensive tennis shoes, expensive cars, expensive TVs, cell phones and not investing in homes for our families.
We are so much more!!!!!!!
To all our Black Men: It's time to stand up. There are billions of Black Women who want to do nothing more than worship the ground that you walk on. We are so in love with your potential. We want to have your back, we want to love, support and cherish every ounce of your being. But with that you have to show that you are willing to be the head of our households. You have to prove yourselves worthy of our submission We need you to be hard working...Not a hustler. We need you to seek higher education, to seek spirituality. We need you to stand! And trust us; we will have your back. We know that it gets hard. We know you get weary. Trust and believe that there is nothing that a Black Man and a Black Woman can't handle with GOD on their side.
To all our Black Women: It is also time for you to stand up. It is time for you to stop using our bodies as our primary form of communication. It is time to be that virtuous woman that Proverbs spoke of. You cannot sit by the wayside while our men are dying by the masses. You are the epitome of Black Love.&nbs p; It starts within you. You need to speak with conviction to let not only our Black Men know, but the world, that you are the Mothers of this world. You are so powerful. You are so beautiful. You need to love and embrace every blessing God has given us physically, emotionally and spiritually.
For all our Black Children: We need to love them. We need to teach them. We need to stand up for them. We need to protect them We need to show them that there are no 'get rich quick' schemes. We need to tell them that they WILL die trying if they submit to a life of crime and deceit. We need to teach our children that no one will love them the way we can. And being a basketball player, a rapper, or a drug dealer is not reality. It's not realistic and only a small percentage of people ever make it as a rapper or professional athlete. We need to teach our children that we can be more than rappers and athletes. We can be the owners of these sports teams. We can be the CEO's of OUR fortune 500 companies. We need to believe in literacy. I am almost certain if we were to look back to the 1930's and 40's, the literacy rates for Black American children are probably still the same .
'This is the year of empowerment.' God will empower us to accomplish things this year that will be mind blowing.
Monday, August 25, 2008
Money, Money, Money!!!
Below are some financial tips that you should focus on during your current season of life.
1. Make a REAL decision to change – Without this step in the process, none of the following really matter. Aren’t you tired of going through the same financial stresses year after year after year after (…okay you get the message)?
2. Create a budget – To truly determine how much money you have, it is a requirement (not an option) to create a budget. A budget allows you to list your expenses, along with your income to get a true picture of how much disposable income you have. Disposable income is simply the amount of money not allocated towards paying a monthly expense. Most consumers rely on gross income in order to make budget assessments. However, most wage earners only take home a percentage of their gross salary (a $50K gross salary really only equals $35K after taxes and insurance deductions).
3. Find out where your credit stands – This is a logical step in today’s society where credit is a trillion dollar business. Credit scores are used to determine interest rates for automobiles, homes and credit cards. Credit scores are also used to determine insurance premiums and to assess eligibility for employment. You could be wasting thousands of dollars by not knowing, addressing and improving your credit scores. Companies profit significantly from consumers with low credit scores and desire for you to remain in bondage to them.
4. Use credit cards wisely – Unnecessary use of credit cards allow the average consumer to accumulate a considerable amount of debt, with no true way to repay the amount borrowed. If you don’t know how much credit debt you currently have, or have a plan in place to payoff your credit card debt, then it’s time to put your credit spending on hold. A financially savvy consumer always knows how much they owe along with a plan to payoff the outstanding balance.
5. Develop a financial plan – A comprehensive financial plan is key to preparing for the future. Many people in our society have no idea how much they need in order to retire comfortably. Even if you are currently upside-down in debt, it is essential to develop a financial plan for getting out of debt. You will then be able to focus on the future. Your financial plan should include:
a. Debt management – It is important to truly understand your outstanding liabilities and have a plan in place to eliminate debt.
b. Savings – Savings is a nest egg that you build to use in the event of emergency (job layoff, unplanned auto repairs, etc.). Your savings can also be used for planned family vacations or special occasions.
c. Retirement – Many people fail to plan for the time in their lives which is supposed to be happy. However, without a retirement plan in place, you can look forward to working a job until the later years of your life .
d. Insurance – Insurance protects your love ones in the event of your death. It’s sad to see the dissension that takes place between family members over the expense of burying a love one.
Thursday, August 21, 2008
The Intimidation Factor
I had the opportunity to speak with a friend on Wednesday regarding a situation she experienced with a gentleman she recently met at a social outing. My friend is a well educated woman, with an extraordinary writing gift and an unusual command of the English language. That's a simple way of saying that the average brother may need a pocket dictionary in order to keep up with some of the terminology that may surface during conversation. She and this gentleman had good dialog during their time of interaction and she perceived this gentleman as someone who had future potential. At the conclusion of the event, the gentleman asked my friend for her number so they could stay in touch. She welcomed the invitation and handed him a business card inclusive of her contact information and doctoral degree candidacy. She never disclosed this information (doctoral degree candidacy) to her blue-collar working counterpart during their conversation, and his reaction to the information on her business card was one of shock. She hasn't heard from him since and wonders if he was intimidated by her level of education.
1. Should women or men camouflage their education level in order to make others feel comfortable?
2. With an ever-increasing gap in education being experienced between women and men, are women now positioning themselves for fewer relationship opportunities?
1. Should women or men camouflage their education level in order to make others feel comfortable?
2. With an ever-increasing gap in education being experienced between women and men, are women now positioning themselves for fewer relationship opportunities?
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Don’t Miss Your Window of Opportunity
It’s amazing how in the midst of our pity party God has the sovereign ability to send just what we need to heal us, comfort us and love us the way a significant other is designed to love. However, upon transitioning from a hurtful situation we tend to build walls that do not allow anyone to gain access to our inner world. Now I’m not saying to get involved with someone immediately following a serious relationship. However, I am saying that we should not wallow in our personal pity party for months upon months. There is a healthy process of grieving relationships that includes the following:
1) Acknowledge the end of your relationship;
2) Take personal accountability for your contributions to the failure of the relationship;
3) Pray to God for peace and closure;
4) Pray to God for forgiveness towards your former boyfriend/girlfriend;
5) Ask God to allow you to move on with your life.
The aforementioned process of grieving your past relationships will set you free from your ongoing pity party. As you see…none of the steps include you blaming the other person for what they have done to you and how they caused the relationship to fail. Blaming others allows you to find a scapegoat and camouflages the issues that lie within yourself, but I digress…
If God sends you someone who desires to treat you well, who wants to spend time with you, who takes a sincere interest in your life and well-being, give them an opportunity to grow in your life. Do not be afraid of allowing individuals into your life as friends. Platonic relationships typically provide awesome foundations for more serious relationships. One piece of advice for you…if God sends someone into your life, then let him /her love you or he/she will leave you. DON’T MISS YOUR WINDOW OF OPPORTUNITY!
Thursday, August 14, 2008
Sexually Test Drive Your Mate??
One of the more popular questions I receive when I state my position on pre-marital sex is ‘What happens if my mate and I aren’t sexually compatible?’
The question is thought-provoking, but there is no clear answer for those seeking permission to continue in worldly behavior. Some say a test drive is necessary in order to avoid future infidelity issues between a husband and wife. Some say sex is a major component in a relationship that should not be ignored and left to post-marriage chance. Some say it isn’t possible for two people with an attraction towards one another to hold off from physical interaction. There are several compelling reasons to support the pre-marital sex point of view. However, the one opposing argument I would like to present is ‘Do you trust God?’ If you trust God and say that you follow Him wholeheartedly, then you have to trust His ability to supply all of your needs…inclusive of sexual desires.
Sexual compatibility is often viewed as a natural chemistry…which is true. However, sexual compatibility is also something that can be learned through faithfulness, willingness to teach/learn, and willingness to explore new ideas and techniques. The trouble many couples experience is the temptation to compare to previous partners. You reach a relational pinnacle and now want the husband/wife in your life to live up to the compilation of the many previous sex partners you entertained. How realistic or fair is that? It’s not very realistic or fair at all.
Remember, love is the characteristic many casual sex relationships lack. Love has the ability to take an average casual sex relationship to an outstanding covenant sex relationship within marriage. Trust God and allow Him to do exceedingly, abundantly above all you can ask or think (Ephesians 3:20). HE CAN DO IT!
The question is thought-provoking, but there is no clear answer for those seeking permission to continue in worldly behavior. Some say a test drive is necessary in order to avoid future infidelity issues between a husband and wife. Some say sex is a major component in a relationship that should not be ignored and left to post-marriage chance. Some say it isn’t possible for two people with an attraction towards one another to hold off from physical interaction. There are several compelling reasons to support the pre-marital sex point of view. However, the one opposing argument I would like to present is ‘Do you trust God?’ If you trust God and say that you follow Him wholeheartedly, then you have to trust His ability to supply all of your needs…inclusive of sexual desires.
Sexual compatibility is often viewed as a natural chemistry…which is true. However, sexual compatibility is also something that can be learned through faithfulness, willingness to teach/learn, and willingness to explore new ideas and techniques. The trouble many couples experience is the temptation to compare to previous partners. You reach a relational pinnacle and now want the husband/wife in your life to live up to the compilation of the many previous sex partners you entertained. How realistic or fair is that? It’s not very realistic or fair at all.
Remember, love is the characteristic many casual sex relationships lack. Love has the ability to take an average casual sex relationship to an outstanding covenant sex relationship within marriage. Trust God and allow Him to do exceedingly, abundantly above all you can ask or think (Ephesians 3:20). HE CAN DO IT!
Great Mate Expectations!
How long will it take you to finally decide that the many expectations you have for your desired mate are unrealistic? I often ponder this question from a male perspective and it is something that many of us (male/female) never take a look at until it’s too late. If you take a poll of expectations for men and women coming out of colleges and universities, many of them will provide a long list of requirements that need to be met by a potential mate. However, when you look closely at the many expressed qualities and requirements, it is very difficult for any one person to meet the excessively long list of requirements. Unfortunately, many men and women hold onto this long list of expectations far too long and carry this list into their 30’s and 40’s while their years of singleness continuously increase. How often should we revisit our list of requirements for potential mates? I would recommend at least once or twice of year. You assess (or at least you should) everything else in your life regularly, your mate desires should also be included in this assessment process.
I have noticed many people, especially women; settling for mates later in life because they have operated for too long with unrealistic mate expectations. There is more evidence of this in the church, where men and women add spiritual maturity to an already long list of mate requirements. There is only one man who has live a life of perfection of earth (Jesus Christ), so you will not find a mate who can present a resume of perfection. However, it should be your desire to find someone who can help you fulfill the purpose God has for your life. The nine manifestations of fruit of the spirit (Galatians 5:22-23) are a great measuring tool for assessing whether someone is a great candidate for a relationship. Stop focusing on the material things that you can ‘see’ in life and focus on the great things a mate can ‘be’ in your life!
I have noticed many people, especially women; settling for mates later in life because they have operated for too long with unrealistic mate expectations. There is more evidence of this in the church, where men and women add spiritual maturity to an already long list of mate requirements. There is only one man who has live a life of perfection of earth (Jesus Christ), so you will not find a mate who can present a resume of perfection. However, it should be your desire to find someone who can help you fulfill the purpose God has for your life. The nine manifestations of fruit of the spirit (Galatians 5:22-23) are a great measuring tool for assessing whether someone is a great candidate for a relationship. Stop focusing on the material things that you can ‘see’ in life and focus on the great things a mate can ‘be’ in your life!
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Relationship Tip - 8/13/08
Relationships without adversity are similar to fools gold. They look good on the outside, but their core character is fake. Embrace relational challenges when they arise and work diligently to resolve them using biblical principles, the art of communication and compromise. The more you learn how to overcome relational adversity, the stronger your long-term relationships will be!
Monday, August 11, 2008
Marriage As a Living Picture
Here is an article that I found to be very interesting...
Do you realize that a Christian marriage is a testimony -- a living picture of Christ's love for His church? It displays an important biblical message. "The relationship between a husband and wife in marriage models the gospel. When explaining a Christ-centered marriage, Paul says in Ephesians 5:32, 'This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.' The role of husband and the wife in a Christ-centered marriage is ultimately to point our hearts to the gospel of Christ" (Rick Pidcock, from internet article, "Having a Christ-centered Marriage").
You can see this throughout the Bible where marriage is referred to as a living picture, a living example displayed through those who are married, of Christ's love for the church. Christ is the bridegroom (a man who marries is to be a living example of Christ the bridegroom), and the church (His people) are the bride of Christ (a woman who marries is to be a living example of the bride of Christ).
Jesus Christ takes very good care of His bride -- to the point that He sacrificed His life on earth for her. He showed us through His example how to sacrificially love. When we enter into marriage we become models of God's love in how we treat each other for the world to witness.
The bridegroom (a married man) is to respond to his bride as Christ does for His church. He is to sacrificially love her in his words and his actions. He is to be faithful as Christ is faithful. Christ is then given the opportunity to display His loving nature through this man by how he treats his wife.
The bride (a married woman) is to show her loving respect to God through how she interacts with her husband. This is all a part of being in a covenant relationship with God and her marriage partner. She is to be faithful to her husband as "unto the Lord."
Think about it, it's got to break the heart of God when we distort His picture of marriage by mistreating each other. As author Charlie Shedd pointed out, "God wrapped His words around the relationship of marriage to describe God's love and relationship with the world." What does it say to the world of God's promises to the Church of His love, faithfulness and devotion for them when we hurt each other as husband and wife? And what example, what message are we giving out to others of the "transforming power" that God can perform in lives and marriages, when we as God's living examples, don't even utilize that power? It's a sad testimony that so many Christian marriages today are so weak and unhealthy!
We've personally known so many people who have expressed a disinterest in knowing Christ because of the nasty ways Christians treat each other and those around them by living unfaithful, dishonest, and dishonoring lives. If we, as people who claim to know Jesus Christ in a personal way can't act extraordinarily loving and gracious towards our marital partner, what makes others who don't know Christ think He will change their lives and marriages for the better in any way?
As believers in Christ, we're God's representatives -- His Love "with skin on", demonstrating through our marriages that God, Whose very name means LOVE, can take two self-centered individuals and help us to love beyond ourselves to the glory of God.
"A good marriage is a canvas on which God can paint a picture of how he's able to bring harmony. It's so God can unite two hearts so that somebody somewhere can look at that marriage and say, 'Whoa, look at the work God did there.' And that includes a whole lot of forgiveness and grace" (Dr Max Lucado). In other words marriage models the gospel message. It makes visible the "gospel reality of Christ's love for the church and the church's love for Christ" (Michael Lawrence).
Do you realize that a Christian marriage is a testimony -- a living picture of Christ's love for His church? It displays an important biblical message. "The relationship between a husband and wife in marriage models the gospel. When explaining a Christ-centered marriage, Paul says in Ephesians 5:32, 'This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.' The role of husband and the wife in a Christ-centered marriage is ultimately to point our hearts to the gospel of Christ" (Rick Pidcock, from internet article, "Having a Christ-centered Marriage").
You can see this throughout the Bible where marriage is referred to as a living picture, a living example displayed through those who are married, of Christ's love for the church. Christ is the bridegroom (a man who marries is to be a living example of Christ the bridegroom), and the church (His people) are the bride of Christ (a woman who marries is to be a living example of the bride of Christ).
Jesus Christ takes very good care of His bride -- to the point that He sacrificed His life on earth for her. He showed us through His example how to sacrificially love. When we enter into marriage we become models of God's love in how we treat each other for the world to witness.
The bridegroom (a married man) is to respond to his bride as Christ does for His church. He is to sacrificially love her in his words and his actions. He is to be faithful as Christ is faithful. Christ is then given the opportunity to display His loving nature through this man by how he treats his wife.
The bride (a married woman) is to show her loving respect to God through how she interacts with her husband. This is all a part of being in a covenant relationship with God and her marriage partner. She is to be faithful to her husband as "unto the Lord."
Think about it, it's got to break the heart of God when we distort His picture of marriage by mistreating each other. As author Charlie Shedd pointed out, "God wrapped His words around the relationship of marriage to describe God's love and relationship with the world." What does it say to the world of God's promises to the Church of His love, faithfulness and devotion for them when we hurt each other as husband and wife? And what example, what message are we giving out to others of the "transforming power" that God can perform in lives and marriages, when we as God's living examples, don't even utilize that power? It's a sad testimony that so many Christian marriages today are so weak and unhealthy!
We've personally known so many people who have expressed a disinterest in knowing Christ because of the nasty ways Christians treat each other and those around them by living unfaithful, dishonest, and dishonoring lives. If we, as people who claim to know Jesus Christ in a personal way can't act extraordinarily loving and gracious towards our marital partner, what makes others who don't know Christ think He will change their lives and marriages for the better in any way?
As believers in Christ, we're God's representatives -- His Love "with skin on", demonstrating through our marriages that God, Whose very name means LOVE, can take two self-centered individuals and help us to love beyond ourselves to the glory of God.
"A good marriage is a canvas on which God can paint a picture of how he's able to bring harmony. It's so God can unite two hearts so that somebody somewhere can look at that marriage and say, 'Whoa, look at the work God did there.' And that includes a whole lot of forgiveness and grace" (Dr Max Lucado). In other words marriage models the gospel message. It makes visible the "gospel reality of Christ's love for the church and the church's love for Christ" (Michael Lawrence).
Thursday, August 7, 2008
Communication is the Lifeline to Marriage!
Here is an article written by Jimmy Evans from Marriage Today. I think this has some useful information that we should consider in preparation for a covenant relationship.
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Communication is the lifeline of marriage. From the beginning to the end, it determines the potential of every area of a relationship. Whether it is money, children, romance, sex or household chores, being able to openly and successfully talk things over is crucial to marital harmony.
Of course, just as in other areas, men and women are very different when it comes to communication. One of the essential differences that must be understood is the encryption that is necessary when speaking to the opposite sex. Let me explain.
Men and women hear through their deepest needs and inner natures. For example, a woman’s deepest need is security. She needs to know that her husband is sensitive to her and that he is sacrificially committed to her on every level. When she is secure, her heart is free to live and love.
A man’s deepest need is honor. He needs to know that his wife esteems and respects him. Everything his spouse does or says passes through the "honor filter" and dramatically affects his outlook on life and attitudes concerning their relationship.
When we understand our deepest needs and those of our spouse we must also realize that our communication must match our spouse’s nature in order to be successful. Another way to say it is this: When we are communicating in a manner that violates our spouse’s inner nature and deepest needs, it will create hurt, frustration and conflict.
When a man communicates with a woman, regardless of what is being said on any given subject, every word must be spoken with "security encryption." In attitude, tone, body language and every other way successful communication to women always conveys this message: "I love you and am totally committed to our relationship. I will sacrifice to meet your needs. You are on my heart and are my first priority." Unsuccessful communication is sent without this encryption and that is why it fails.
When a woman communicates with a man she must also equip every word she says with "honor encryption." Everything she says to him must convey this message: "I respect and honor you. You are a good man and I believe in you. I am your greatest supporter and biggest fan. I am proud of you and will stand by your side forever." Anything spoken without this encryption will violate his deepest need and inner nature and therefore fail to influence him as desired.
We must understand that when we are communicating with someone of the opposite sex they are made much different from us. Every word we say is encoded with an attitude that our spouse can intuitively pick up on. If you have been struggling in the area of communication, maybe you are having encryption problems.
*********************************
Communication is the lifeline of marriage. From the beginning to the end, it determines the potential of every area of a relationship. Whether it is money, children, romance, sex or household chores, being able to openly and successfully talk things over is crucial to marital harmony.
Of course, just as in other areas, men and women are very different when it comes to communication. One of the essential differences that must be understood is the encryption that is necessary when speaking to the opposite sex. Let me explain.
Men and women hear through their deepest needs and inner natures. For example, a woman’s deepest need is security. She needs to know that her husband is sensitive to her and that he is sacrificially committed to her on every level. When she is secure, her heart is free to live and love.
A man’s deepest need is honor. He needs to know that his wife esteems and respects him. Everything his spouse does or says passes through the "honor filter" and dramatically affects his outlook on life and attitudes concerning their relationship.
When we understand our deepest needs and those of our spouse we must also realize that our communication must match our spouse’s nature in order to be successful. Another way to say it is this: When we are communicating in a manner that violates our spouse’s inner nature and deepest needs, it will create hurt, frustration and conflict.
When a man communicates with a woman, regardless of what is being said on any given subject, every word must be spoken with "security encryption." In attitude, tone, body language and every other way successful communication to women always conveys this message: "I love you and am totally committed to our relationship. I will sacrifice to meet your needs. You are on my heart and are my first priority." Unsuccessful communication is sent without this encryption and that is why it fails.
When a woman communicates with a man she must also equip every word she says with "honor encryption." Everything she says to him must convey this message: "I respect and honor you. You are a good man and I believe in you. I am your greatest supporter and biggest fan. I am proud of you and will stand by your side forever." Anything spoken without this encryption will violate his deepest need and inner nature and therefore fail to influence him as desired.
We must understand that when we are communicating with someone of the opposite sex they are made much different from us. Every word we say is encoded with an attitude that our spouse can intuitively pick up on. If you have been struggling in the area of communication, maybe you are having encryption problems.
Monday, August 4, 2008
Is Marriage Really for....???
Workplace topic of the day...
Will African-Americans ever experience success in the area of marriage? Or have we drifted too far off from the true foundation of relationship/marriage?
Below is an article from CNN that I found very interesting and it poses a question worth looking at:
Is Marriage Really for...???
Mrs. Allen had it all.
A career she enjoyed, a nice home, two adorable children and a husband. She shared her tools for success with me at an early age. She went to college, got married and waited until she was 26 to have her first child.
The perfect life. The perfect plan. It was one I decided to model.
My aspirations for both a career and family were set at the age of 12. I knew I could accomplish what Mrs. Allen, my fifth- and seventh-grade teacher, had. But as I approach 30 and measure the goals I had at 12 against the reality of life, the only thing I can check off that list is a college education.
I am a statistic.
And there are millions more like me. Forty-five percent of black women in America have never been married, compared with 23 percent of white women, according to the U.S. Census Bureau's American Community Survey in 2006. Articles like the one published in the Washington Post two years ago could lead me to believe that it's because "Marriage is for White People."
The difference between Mrs. Allen and me: She was white.
The numbers, undeniably, are not in my favor. But they have never been. Born black, raised in a single-parent home and primarily educated in low-performing public schools, I am not supposed to be a success story. But giving weight to statistics in my personal life only contributes to a culture of fear surrounding marriage.
This fear causes some women to make hasty decisions like staying in unfulfilling relationships that lead to unsuccessful marriages, which end in divorce (another dismal statistic). Or just the opposite: Women become so fearful of making the wrong choice, they find themselves surrounded by a moat with no bridge to their final destination: marriage.
For the past year, I have researched, read and conducted several interviews on this topic for the "Black in America" series. Producing a segment on the low marriage rates in black America was not without its challenges.
I wore my "black and single" crown proudly, withstanding jokes and heckles from coworkers and questions from fellow singles like Kriss Turner, a black woman profiled for the "Black Woman & Family" documentary who asked me, "You're in Atlanta; what's your problem?"
Why are you still single? I hate that question. Yet I am forced to confront it. What's the state of your relationship?
One reason: personal responsibility. Among the men I have dated, there were definitely some who were ready for something a little more significant than I was willing to give. Did I drag my feet because I wasn't ready? Or was it because those men weren't right for me? It's debatable and probably a combination of the two.
Mrs. Allen was white, but she was also part of a generation of people, like my parents, who married at an earlier age. Today, black women outnumber black men almost 2-to-1 in higher education. But white women are also surpassing white men in college enrollment and completion, according to the National Center on Education Statistics.
What is a rooted example in the black community is also sprouting legs among America's other racial groups. I am part of a generation of Americans who are choosing to postpone marriage while they pursue their careers.
My outlook: optimistic. My honest fear: It may never happen.
If it doesn't happen, it won't be because of a widening gap in the education, employment and ambitions of black men and women. I will not attribute it to a lack of options, intra- or interracially. I know the numbers.
On a macro level, the horizon is grim, but my personal experience reflects stories of black women and men who are married or very seriously considering it. Social and economic conditions are very strong influences, but so is the desire for love.
If I remain in my current statistical category, a single black woman, it will be because I missed someone while gazing at the ancient obelisks of Egypt's Karnak Temple, partying with expats in Hong Kong or simply spending time with family and friends in America.
It's more likely that the proverbial "The One" and I will find each other somewhere along the way. My life is not lived on a timetable or measured by how much sand has fallen in an hourglass.
So check back in with me in 2018. I may have a different story to share then.
Will African-Americans ever experience success in the area of marriage? Or have we drifted too far off from the true foundation of relationship/marriage?
Below is an article from CNN that I found very interesting and it poses a question worth looking at:
Is Marriage Really for...???
Mrs. Allen had it all.
A career she enjoyed, a nice home, two adorable children and a husband. She shared her tools for success with me at an early age. She went to college, got married and waited until she was 26 to have her first child.
The perfect life. The perfect plan. It was one I decided to model.
My aspirations for both a career and family were set at the age of 12. I knew I could accomplish what Mrs. Allen, my fifth- and seventh-grade teacher, had. But as I approach 30 and measure the goals I had at 12 against the reality of life, the only thing I can check off that list is a college education.
I am a statistic.
And there are millions more like me. Forty-five percent of black women in America have never been married, compared with 23 percent of white women, according to the U.S. Census Bureau's American Community Survey in 2006. Articles like the one published in the Washington Post two years ago could lead me to believe that it's because "Marriage is for White People."
The difference between Mrs. Allen and me: She was white.
The numbers, undeniably, are not in my favor. But they have never been. Born black, raised in a single-parent home and primarily educated in low-performing public schools, I am not supposed to be a success story. But giving weight to statistics in my personal life only contributes to a culture of fear surrounding marriage.
This fear causes some women to make hasty decisions like staying in unfulfilling relationships that lead to unsuccessful marriages, which end in divorce (another dismal statistic). Or just the opposite: Women become so fearful of making the wrong choice, they find themselves surrounded by a moat with no bridge to their final destination: marriage.
For the past year, I have researched, read and conducted several interviews on this topic for the "Black in America" series. Producing a segment on the low marriage rates in black America was not without its challenges.
I wore my "black and single" crown proudly, withstanding jokes and heckles from coworkers and questions from fellow singles like Kriss Turner, a black woman profiled for the "Black Woman & Family" documentary who asked me, "You're in Atlanta; what's your problem?"
Why are you still single? I hate that question. Yet I am forced to confront it. What's the state of your relationship?
One reason: personal responsibility. Among the men I have dated, there were definitely some who were ready for something a little more significant than I was willing to give. Did I drag my feet because I wasn't ready? Or was it because those men weren't right for me? It's debatable and probably a combination of the two.
Mrs. Allen was white, but she was also part of a generation of people, like my parents, who married at an earlier age. Today, black women outnumber black men almost 2-to-1 in higher education. But white women are also surpassing white men in college enrollment and completion, according to the National Center on Education Statistics.
What is a rooted example in the black community is also sprouting legs among America's other racial groups. I am part of a generation of Americans who are choosing to postpone marriage while they pursue their careers.
My outlook: optimistic. My honest fear: It may never happen.
If it doesn't happen, it won't be because of a widening gap in the education, employment and ambitions of black men and women. I will not attribute it to a lack of options, intra- or interracially. I know the numbers.
On a macro level, the horizon is grim, but my personal experience reflects stories of black women and men who are married or very seriously considering it. Social and economic conditions are very strong influences, but so is the desire for love.
If I remain in my current statistical category, a single black woman, it will be because I missed someone while gazing at the ancient obelisks of Egypt's Karnak Temple, partying with expats in Hong Kong or simply spending time with family and friends in America.
It's more likely that the proverbial "The One" and I will find each other somewhere along the way. My life is not lived on a timetable or measured by how much sand has fallen in an hourglass.
So check back in with me in 2018. I may have a different story to share then.
Friday, August 1, 2008
What’s Love Got To Do With It? – Part 1
It’s interesting that a four letter word has such an impact, both positive and negative, on the lives of people all across the world. Unfortunately, the thing that most people chase (love) is the one thing that many cannot articulate the definition of. Now some of you may respond to me by saying there is no true way to define love and I will somewhat agree with you. However, if so many of us desire to desire this pure essence called love for relationships, then we must be able to put our arms around what it looks like so we will recognize it when it manifests itself in our lives. I have asked many singles groups to define what love is and many sit there in amazement because they have never put much thought into the question.
More songs have been written about love than any other topic. Love has been the bond between husbands and wives, parents and children, brothers and sisters and lovers since the beginning of time. Love has also been the source of many broken hearts, relationships and families.
How can people unite together in holy matrimony all over the country without being able to truly define what love is? Could this be why the divorce rate in our country is above 50% and the family structure has collapsed right before our eyes?
Love in the original form has been associated with physical desires (eros), esteem and affection (philos), but is more appropriately described as unconditional (agape).
Let’s take a brief look at what true love IS NOT!
1. True love IS NOT solely based on feelings – We all know that feelings are subject to change, so love based on emotional feelings is like a rollercoaster ride filled with ups and downs, but eventually comes to an end. This puts in the mindset that love can be turned on and off with the press of a button. Unfortunately, this is an inadequate depiction of the love you and I should be trying to experience. Yes…the degree to which you love someone may vary, but the core fire that ignites love within you cannot be extinguished.
2. True love IS NOT about what you receive – I’ve heard examples in the gossip circles (barber and beauty salons) about how someone displays love through the purchase of gifts and other material items. Any clown can purchase gifts, but you have to ask was the gift purchased to invoke a response? If the gift was purchased in exchange for future sex or favors, then the recipient is nothing more than a glorified prostitute. The definition of prostitute means someone who gives sex in exchange for compensation.
3. True love IS NOT solely physical – I have counseled countless women who have said they associate love with sex. This is an unfortunate occurrence that usually happens because love has not been properly modeled in the family environment in which they grew up. Men are also violators of this behavior. As mentioned in the previous point, love is not solely identified with sex. Sex is an expression of love between two people who are in a covenant relationship with one another. Notice I said covenant, but that’s a different conversation.
4. True love IS NOT conditional – I once told an ex-girlfriend that I would love her if she stopped wasting her life away pursuing hopeless endeavors and decided to pursue a corporate career. At the time I made this statement, I believed that love could be conditioned based on the involvement of two parties. However, as we will see below, love is extended to others without regard to their response to us. If anyone states that they love you ‘IF’ or ‘But’, then stop them in the midst of their statement and tell them to ‘kick rocks’ and keep it moving.
Let’s take a brief dive into defining what True Love looks life! The best description of love is found in the book of 1 Corinthians 13: 4-7. Unfortunately, my analysis of true love characteristics will have to be accomplished in two parts. Please allow this first set of love characteristics to jumpstart your mind on being able to identify true expressions of love.
1. True love is patient – Even when you feel like forcefully expressing yourself. Love bears pain or trails without complaint, shows forbearance under provocation or strain, and is steadfast despite opposition, difficulty, or adversity.
2. True love is kind – Even when you want to retaliate physically or tear down another with your words. Love is sympathetic, considerate, gentle and agreeable.
3. True love is not jealous – Especially when you are aware that others are being noticed more than you. Love does not participate in rivalry, is not hostile toward one believed to enjoy an advantage, and is not suspicious. Love works for the welfare and good of the other.
4. True love does not brag – Love does not flaunt itself boastfully and does not engage in self-glorification. Instead, love lifts and builds up others.
5. True love is not arrogant – Even when you think you are right and others are wrong. Love does not assert itself or become overbearing in dealing with others.
6. True love does not act unbecomingly – Even when being boastful, rude or overbearing will get you attention and allow you to get your own way. Love conforms to what is right, fitting and appropriate to the situation in order to honor the Lord.
7. True love does not seek its own – Biblical love is not selfish and self seeking. True Love does not try to fulfill its own desires, does not ask for its own way, and does not try to acquire gain for itself. Love, is an act of the will which seeks to serve and not be served.
8. True love is not provoked – Even when others attempt to provoke you or you are tempted to strike out at something or someone. Love is not aroused or incited to outbursts of anger. Love continues faithfully and gently to train others in righteousness, even when they fail.
I pray these characteristics of love help you begin to shape your ability to define what true love looks like and how to embrace love upon its arrival in your life.
Until then…I have provided a little entertainment from someone who has said a thing or two about ‘What‘s Love Got To Do With It?’
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