Without further delay, I’ve finally decided to post my personal stance on ‘contemporary dating.’ I have gone back and forth debating, arguing and persuading various individuals on my dating perspective with varying degrees of success. Because of the societal and cultural relevance of today, it is almost impossible to convert the thinking of the 20 and 30-year old individuals about something they personally practice. I once paraded around adamantly declaring my anti-dating stance, but was often met with opposition from others seeking to disprove my perspective. After deliberating the core discussion points between me and others, the main source(s) of contention centers on terminology and semantics. As a result of my review, I will modify my anti-dating stance and try to compromise in an effort to convey my perspective.
I will simply redefine my perspective as ‘purposeful dating’ versus today’s ‘contemporary dating’. Purposeful dating is more aligned with the old school mentality of getting to know someone before heading down the path of courtship (to be defined later). However, ‘contemporary dating’ is practiced by about 95% of today’s population. As a result, the ‘contemporary dating’ seems to be a significant contributor to today’s troubled relationships. There is no coincidence the lack of truly getting to know someone prior to holy matrimony has led to the inflated number of divorces we see in our society (50-60%). A friend and I were discussing the impact of divorce on our society and it relates to ‘contemporary dating.’ The first thing I find interesting is the lack of discrimination divorce has on our society. It cannot be traced 100% to race, economic class, religious association or profession. However, you can often trace divorce to two individuals who practiced ‘contemporary dating.’ The following constitutes the definition from which I base all of my research and evaluation.
Contemporary Dating – A casual relationship with no predefined purpose, initiated through casual acquaintance and often substantiated by physical appearance. This simply means that you met someone at the club, grocery store or any other place and felt your interest peaked by their physical appearance. However, physical appearances often lead you astray from a person’s character, which is the source of who they really are.
Casual sex, false love, selfish desire, displaced boundaries and miscalculated friendships are all characteristics of ‘contemporary dating’ and serve as catalysts that seek to uproot the foundation of true relationships. ‘Contemporary dating’ has left our society with the following for upcoming generations to overcome:
1. Increase in sexually transmitted diseases (STD’s)
2. Increase in the number children born out of wedlock
3. Increase in single-parent households (meaning parents of children born out of wedlock never decide to marry)
4. Increase in the number of divorces
5. Decrease in the number of healthy relationships to model after
Points 1, 2 and 3 can be directly correlated to the amount of casual sex that takes place as a result of ‘contemporary dating.’ Our society promotes sex as the personal fulfillment component within a relationship that can be participated in if two consenting people mutually agree. However, the problem with casual sex is it places a cloud over relationships, causing a natural detraction from fully nurturing and developing a relationship. It is virtually impossible for two people to remain on the same page relationally when the sex boundary has been crossed because of emotional attachment. Once sexual emotions enter into a relationship, it is difficult to balance the physical attachment (for men) and the emotional attachment (for women). As a result, we’ve seen ongoing relationship breakups leading to an increase in STD’s, unplanned pregnancies and single parenthood.
Points 4 and 5 can be attributed to two people never really getting a chance to learn and know one another prior to making a marital covenant. In today’s society, we might as well take the “until death do us part” clause out of the marriage ceremony. The following may work better:
- “until he or she gets on my nerves”
- “until he or she loses their job and finances get tight”
- “until he or she doesn’t satisfy me sexually”
- “until he or she no longer has the popularity or power they had when we first got married”
I could go on and on, but you get the idea. Relationships are no longer a priority in our society as a result of ‘contemporary dating.’ Contemporary dating serves as an uncompromising, self-centered hobby that we can opt out of once we get upset or bored. We then take the opt-out clause into marriage where many people have chosen to invoke it. We keep practicing the same ritualistic habits, expecting a different result, which is the working definition of insanity.
I know you are probably thinking to yourself “What is the alternative?” Well...I will cover the components of ‘purposeful dating’ in my next blog post.
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4 comments:
How relevant! Based on my experiences and those of my friends, it has become increasingly evident that contemporary dating clearly does not work! Women are turned off by having to explain to an adult who should know better, that a great date does not have to end sexually! Can't you just enjoy my company? Did Mr. Independent not pick up that lesson on his road to success?
I am taking a class that has briefly examined the cultural differences between various nations. One interesting comment most people seem to have regarding Americans is how fickle our relationships are. That we can have friendships of ten or more years but once these relationships no longer suit our purposes, we can walk away without a second thought. Many find this very odd particularly because Americans come across so friendly and welcoming but yet never seem to form real bonds with anyone. What a contradiction we seem to be.
I think there is no wonder our romantic relationships don't fair much better when our friendships are difficult to form and maintain and are so casually disgarded as quickly as they are created.
I use to laugh at the idea of what comes around goes around and the laws of sowing and reaping until I realized we don't typically sow a whole garden in one decision but weeds. And no healthy garden survives long with a bunch of weeds.
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I think this was a very profound but at the same time "common sense" way to view dating. It gives a view of dating from the outside looking in instead of a person participating in the ritual itself. The distinction between contemporary and purposeful dating becomes clear once you get more into the Word of God. Contemporary dating is what society deems acceptable and preferred. Purposeful dating is the connection the leads to courtship that leads to the marriage convenant that God intended.
Good Job, sir!
The term "dating" for me has always meant exclusivity. Casual or contemporary dating has not been something of interest to me. It's really irresponsible if you ask me.
I thank you for your insight and giving clarity to what has seemingly been a complex subject.
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