Thursday, February 7, 2008
Chat Topic #2 - Is there anything wrong with having companionship while waiting for God to send your mate?
God recognizes that we all have a desire for companionship in some form or fashion. Are we wrong for seeking companionship in the absence of long-term relationship? Does God really want us to be alone?
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Posts
.jpg)
13 comments:
Personally, I believe in companionship and have many male friends. However, it is important that all parties involved understand the boundaries. I have guy friends that I go on outings with and there are no strings attached, just good company. I don't think there is anything wrong with that. Similarly, I know a lot of guys that have many female companions they hang out with and there are no strings attached. As long as everyone is honest, feelings don't seem to get hurt. Only when people are being led in a direction that the other doesn't really intend to take.
I think that if someone is seeking friendship then seek friendship not companionship. The problem with the term companion is that it is often used as a 'dating term.' It leads to confusion if people are not on the same page. Also I have found that some people use others in an effort to avoid being alone. When this occurs it is unfair to all involved. If someone is lonely call on God. Have faith and seek him to fulfill your needs. This scripture applys to the settling issue as well. Philippians 4:6-7 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your request be made known to God. And the peace of God which surpasses all comprehension, shall guard your heart and your mind.
I agree with jc 100%. Nowadays, most of us don't want to be alone, so we settle for whomever will tolerate us at the time. Why are so many of us afraid to be alone? Maybe we're afraid of fulfilling our true destiny. Maybe we're afraid of the road GOD wants to lead us on. Most of the times we hold on to the very things GOD tries to strip from us. Yes using the word "companion" does draw confusion because one might feel like they're in a 'real' relationship while the other just wants someone to take them out every once in a while. When that happens, people get hurt and start to lose trust in others because they feel like they've been taken advantage of. So if you need to talk to someone, talk to God cause He will supply all of your needs. Make your requests know to him and he will fill any and every void in your life.
I read these comments and agree with different parts of all the comments. But,I have a concern. Yes, the term companionship may be confusing and yes you should define it but when you look at the essence of the question that was asked we find that the problem lies not in definitions or semantics but why is God having us wait. God has chosen some people to get married right out of high school and live a long joyful married life. Others(myself included) have not had that. We have been through broken relationships and all lessons that comes with that. Why has God not sent our mates sooner? Is it because in having a companion we are still trying to find what ywe are seeking in a mate w/o calling it by any specific name or title?
I hear alot of "call on God" but that is unclear. I feel like having a companion is like trying to find that substitue to avoid some of that alone time w/ God. I mean something great happens and you call that companion instead of God. In the moment you may say "thank you or praise him" but did you spend as much time talking to Him as you did your companion? Probably not. I leave this comment w/ even more questions that God will have to answer as I try to figure this companion thing out.
What's the difference between a companion and a friend?
It's funny sitting here reading replies from Christians who have seemingly 'made it'. I am a Christian man who tries to keep a balanced perspective. It's good to say 'wait on God', 'speak to God', 'be anxious for nothing', but what about living life today? God wants us to have an abundant life, but does that mean not being able to provide the same type of two-parent family environment that I grew up in? I desire a wife, children and the ability to leave a legacy. I sometimes think we get overly spiritual and lose touch with reality. SOMEBODY EXPLAIN TO ME WHY I SHOULD WAIT ON GOD!!
If I am understanding this question right then we are talking about Christian dating. Well MY experience has been this... it didn't work. When I started my Christian walk I prayed specifically about who I did not want to enter my life in the context of dating. Well that drastically changed my dating. I no longer had dates every weekend or for that matter every other month in fact dating just stopped happening. I still had friends who were dating so this was particularly hard to watch. So I took matters into my own hands and every now and then I found myself trying to date. For one reason or another it didn't work. To be honest I was still riding the fence with my Christianity. I said I loved God but my reality was God was not getting the glory in my actions. I had to just stop dating and I began to pray and study. I did not get an immediate answer and being still was a challenge but it was for my good. When part of the answer did come, I was not crazy about the answer but the issue was settled and with that answer realization came that I was okay. I had begun doing things that were pleasing to God. God was getting the glory. I began to participate in Christian activities and stopped focusing on what was not happening but what was. My relationship with God was maturing and becoming the priority! My first round with dating taught me that I still had more lessons to learn about my Christian walk and dating.
Moving forward, I wrestled again with the issue of dating because God still had not answered some of my prayers in this area so I rationalized Christian dating. I believed Christian dating was okay as long as I honored God in my dating. My thought process was that Christian dating was possible as long as I defined the relationship and set boundaries based on who I was in Christ. Well truth be told it worked okay as long as I wasn't dating but when life application happened I found that my definition did not work if others did not share that same definition. More important why was I Christian dating? If the main reason was to meet a man and develop a relationship that would eventually lead to marriage, then what happened if he did not share that feeling? For me, I was back a square one dating again for the possibility of the same outcome. Which then became a cycle where I was doing the choosing, God was doing the denying and I was disappointed. It was at this time God reminded me of something I had said the last time a relationship ended, "I would let God do the choosing." So round two taught me that Christian dating was my way of doing things not God's way.
I was then led to another way of thinking. A close friend suggested I read a book about courtship. To be honest I immediately went out and purchased this book but for the wrong reason. So I stopped reading the book. After I learned a few more lessons I picked this book up again and it became one of my favorite books because this book led me to the Bible for answers on courtship. The relationships I studied were not dating relationships but were ones where God did the finding and planted the seed in them at the right time and place and those people involved were busying themselves with work pleasing to God. In another book I read this one by Michelle McKinney Hammond she stated, "In order for success to be birthed preparation and opportunity must meet." Well, with my life lessons comes preparation and God will provide the opportunity. Trusting and believing in the Lord is often what turns into the question but when it does I have found and still finding that turning to his word is the best answer! My mom and my cousin often say to me that there is nothing new under the sun and in applying this to my life it was revealed to me that if God was able to find a mate in those days for those he desired to be married then what has really changed that he can't do it for me today?
Define companionship. If you are talking about having friendships with the opposite sex and all parties are aware of the mutual friendly relationship, then no I don’t think it is wrong. I think someone has to know where they are in Christ. I have friendly relationships with people that I share the same vision and purpose with and we talk about our purposes and missions for the kingdom but those relationships rarely enter into a social setting. I tend be drawn to married couples and I spend time with them as a couple where I learn and glean from them. I spend time with other single Christian women but rarely with someone of the opposite sex unless we are at a gathering. I do not have companionship for those occasions that I would like to grab dinner and a movie. It is not something I decided to do, it just happens that way. I tried dating several different times and I hate it. I am not a dater. I think I am a closet loner. :/
I have been courted with purpose in mind and it didn’t work out. I am alone quite a bit and I enjoy it for the most part. However, I would love to have someone in my life and we pursue a significant relationship together but it has not come to pass as of yet. But in the meantime, I got to do what I have to do. If I want to go to the movies or to a show, I go. I don’t intentially call Mr. Random Dude to head out with me. BUT that is all me!
I think God wants you to pursue him with all your heart, soul and mind. You are never alone. You may be lonely but never alone.
I can’t compare and wonder why not me? Why not now? My time for a relationship is not the same as someone else’s time. I got to keep looking up and ahead and not side to side or behind me. It is a day to day process for me. I’ve had those bad days when I do question but God is ever faithful and I have had more good days than bad.
I think I am all over the place with this post...so I am done. God bless!
I don’t necessarily think there is anything inherently wrong with seeking companionship with someone of the opposite sex in the absence of a long-term relationship, but boundaries must be clearly set so that both parties are on the same page. Too often, we see one individual wanting or believing there is more to the relationship while the other person simply wants a “companion”. In the past, I have been the person believing and wanting more only to realize that the guy was not interested in anything more than a companion. This has led to hurt feelings and confusion. I have learned, and I am still learning, to not jump to conclusions or assume a man is interested beyond a friendship/companionship unless he clearly makes his intentions known.
As to the second part (while waiting for God to send your mate), I have serious issues with that. If a person is waiting on God to send them a mate, then wait!! Why risk getting your companion’s hopes up in possibly believing THEY are the mate God has sent to you, only to leave them hanging when “the one” comes along. If you are in that season of “waiting”, then God has a purpose and plan for you and this is where your concentration should be. Sure, I struggle with wanting someone to talk to and hang out with on a companionship level, but I am mature enough to know that the risk of hurting someone’s feelings (or getting myself caught up) is too great so I have chosen to just stay away from the whole companionship thing while I wait on God’s best. I have surrounded myself with wonderful godly friends and developed a strong relationship with God that seeking companionship is not a top priority. In addition, we could miss or overlook God’s best or “the one” because we are caught up in a “companionship” relationship.
Companionship is defined as an “association as companions; fellowship”. (Dictionary.com). I take this to mean that two people have mutual interest and enjoy hanging out or talking with one another on a fairly consistent basis. I think companionship denotes a more involved relationship than a mere friendship. I have male friends that I talk to but I don’t hang out with them nor do I talk with them everyday or on any consistent basis.
Mr. Love, your question is provocative and at some point most of us have asked a similar one. But all I can say to you is that waiting on God in every situation is what God wants us to do. In Psalm 27:14, we are clearly told to wait patiently for the Lord. In Psalm 37:7, we are again instructed to be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him. Are there times when we will get impatient; absolutely!! But when you seek solace in the Word, you will find strength to make it through those rough days and nights.
As for Mr. Love’s comment that we get overly spiritual and lose touch with reality, standing on what the Word of God says is not being overly spiritual; it’s called spiritual maturity. In fact, the Word says that we are to be set apart; we should not conform to this world; we must renew our minds and thoughts in the Lord. As we grow spiritually, God gives understanding to those things that the world cannot understand. I did not always understand the importance of waiting on God and two years ago I would have had a similar mindset as you. But cultivating an authentic and genuine relationship with God has changed me. I am thankful that I look, talk and act differently than society. If that is taken to mean that I am overly spiritual - so be it. But by no means does my spirituality indicates that I am out of touch with reality - God is my reality.
I completely feel everyone’s frustrations with dating as a Christian. At the end of the day, this journey called Life is simply not easy – married or single. What God has for you, is just for you!!! Be Patient!!
I'm not really sure if it's wrong or not, but sometimes when you are too busy looking for just someone to hang with, you may end up not see what God maybe putting in front of you.
When you seek you seek for what you want for yourself, not what God has planned for you.
I've been there and done that.
so how do you guys handle not having a companion? I m having a hard time with that part of my life. I get really depress sometimes. Do you have any suggestions.
Ricardy,
There is nothing wrong with having companionship in your life. It only becomes an issue when there is no true understanding of what the interaction entails. The detriment is when one person thinks it's friendship and the other thinks it's a dating relationship. We are creatures who naturally desire interaction. However, make sure that you allow God to control the direction and timing of your relationships.
Ricardy,
I believe the best way to handle a lack of companionship in your life is to be intentional about what you concentrate on. If you spend time thinking about not having someone in your life, you can easily find yourself traveling down the road to depression. Too many of us have been there! However, there are so many other things you can do while you are single to enrich your life and to refocus your thoughts. For instance, get into a small group (EBC has numerous classes you can take to enhance your spiritual growth); get involved in a ministry at your church; develop a hobby (basketball, tennis, golfing); plan a vacation with a group of friends or family; join a gym, a book club or something similar that you enjoy; spend some time putting a plan in place to eliminate debt, increase your earning potential (get a degree or second degree, or second job), or plan for retirement. One of the best things I have learned to do with my life is to volunteer my time to something or for someone. There are many organizations that need our time such as Habitat for Humanity, Hands on Atlanta, and even EBC’s own City of Refuge project. Get involved in a mentoring program or tutoring group. Or just help someone with a home improvement project!! These are simple suggestions, but the point is to have something in your life that has nothing to do with marriage or your lack of companionship. Also, I would encourage reading Choosing God’s Best by Don Raunikar, Tony Evans Speaks Out on Single and Satisfied by Tony Evans, or a similar book on being a single Christian. These books can give you more insight into this season of singleness.
Too often, we put our lives on hold believing that if we had this or that, then our lives will somehow be better. We think that the void we feel can only be filled by something or someone. But ponder this: Will having a companion, husband or wife make your life better or make you feel happier? Have we not heard the statistics on divorce or seen the devastation divorce has on families? We keep admiring the grass next door as if it is greener than our own lawns. We have so many things to be thankful for, but our constant discontent over our status in life tends to snuff out all the joy we should be experiencing over the many blessings He has provided. Contentment does not come from what we have or who we have. If comes from within – Right!! We all have a choice to make – we can choose to dwell on, be depressed by, or be defeated in our singleness. OR we can choose to live the best life we can right now, because tomorrow is not promised.
Gator Girl
Thanks a lot for your advises guys, I will surely try to find something to occupy my mind. These feelings that I`m having they are kind of new to me.
See, I used to have a companion, and that person was EVERYTHING to me. Nothing bad happened but I m not as much as a priority as I used to be for that person and I find myself in an unfamiliar territory. I`m just trying to find the best way to deal with it.
Post a Comment