Seven Stages of Every Temptation

A mentor shared this information with me a couple years ago and I ran across it this morning. I believe there is someone, somewhere struggling to release some bad habits and the information below can assist you in the process.

Seven Stages of Every Temptation

1. The Look – “When he is drawn away”
2. The Lust – “by his own desires”
3. The Lure – “and enticed”
4. The Conception – “when desire has conceived”
5. The Birth – “it gives birth to sin”
6. The Growth – “and sin, when it is full-grown”
7. The Death – “brings forth death”

James 1:14-15 – But each one is tempted when he is drawn away by his own desires and enticed. Then, when desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, brings forth death.

Secret to stage one: Draw back instantly when you sense you’re being drawn away.
Secret to stage two: Every temptation can only tempt you because of your personal desire.
Secret to stage three: Quench improper desire by stopping all internal enticements and fleeing all external enticements.
Secret to stage four: Decide ahead of time not to sin and never permit yourself to think of one good reason to commit the sin, and you’ll never know the choice to sin.
Secret to stage five: If you’re about to commit the sin, force yourself to submit to the conviction of the Holy Spirit and abort the sin before it’s too late.
Secret to stage six: Every sin you commit digs your grave deeper. Therefore, never believe the lie that says “just let me sin this one more time and then I’ll give it up.” Every sin strengthens itself against you for the next time.
Secret to stage seven: Regardless of the degree of bondage you are under, the work of Christ is sufficient to set you free completely.

*Three Phases of Enticement
Desire (feelings) => Defend (thoughts) => Decide (choices)

Desire Phase: you experience growing emotional attraction to the temptation and you feel strongly that you want to respond to it.
Defend Phase: you rationalize why committing this sin is really justified.
Decide Phase: you make your final choice.

Saggin' Pants!

This is an issue that drives me up the wall! I have seen many e-mails about this subject, but some reason I feel compelled to post this for today's readers. Nope...this isn't male-female relationship related, but this is a potential product of what happens when strong parental relationships are neglected and children are left to do whatever they desire.

_______________________________________________________________
Pass this on to Our Youth, Our Parents, Our Black Men and Women

Letter from a college student

The other day, a friend of mine visited me in the lobby of my dorm just to chat while her laundry was drying. As we were chatting, two young freshmen came by. One of the boys wanted to 'talk' to my friend (as in date). She asked him how old they were, and both of the boys replied 18. My friend and I both laughed hysterically because we are both 22 years old. After my friend left, the young men were still hanging around and one wanted to know how he could gain her interest.

The first thing I told him to do was to pull up his pants! He asked why, and then said he liked saggin' his pants I told him to come over to my computer and spell the word saggin'. Then I told him to write the word saggin' backwards.

S-A-G-G-I-N

0A

N-I-G-G-A-S

I told him the origin of that look was from centuries ago. It was the intent of slave owners to demoralize the field workers by forbidding them to wear a belt as they worked in the fields or at any other rigorous job. In addition, men in prison wore their pants low when they were 'spoken for'. The other reason their pants looked like that was they were not allowed to have belts because prisoners were likely to try to commit suicide. And, saggin' pants prevents you from running.

We as young Black people have to be the ones to effect change. We are dying. The media has made a mockery of the Black American. Even our brothers and sisters from Africa don't take us seriously. Something as simple as pulling up your pants and standing with your head held high could make the biggest difference in the world's perception of us. It is time to do right by ourselves. We need to love and embrace each other. No one is going to do that for us. It all comes down to perception. What people perceive is what reality to them is. We have to change not only the media's perception of us, but we need to change our perception of ourselves.

Remember all eyes are on you Black Man. All eyes are on you Black Woman. All eyes are on your Black Child. People point the finger at us and expect us to engage in negative and illegal activities, to manifest loud, boisterous behavior, to spend our hard earned money in their stores, buying goods we don't need, or really want. We have allowed not only the media, but the government and the world to portray us as a 'sub-culture.' They have stripped our culture down to the point where the image of Black people is perpetuated as rappers, athletes, drug users, and consumers of junk food, expensive tennis shoes, expensive cars, expensive TVs, cell phones and not investing in homes for our families.

We are so much more!!!!!!!

To all our Black Men: It's time to stand up. There are billions of Black Women who want to do nothing more than worship the ground that you walk on. We are so in love with your potential. We want to have your back, we want to love, support and cherish every ounce of your being. But with that you have to show that you are willing to be the head of our households. You have to prove yourselves worthy of our submission We need you to be hard working...Not a hustler. We need you to seek higher education, to seek spirituality. We need you to stand! And trust us; we will have your back. We know that it gets hard. We know you get weary. Trust and believe that there is nothing that a Black Man and a Black Woman can't handle with GOD on their side.

To all our Black Women: It is also time for you to stand up. It is time for you to stop using our bodies as our primary form of communication. It is time to be that virtuous woman that Proverbs spoke of. You cannot sit by the wayside while our men are dying by the masses. You are the epitome of Black Love.&nbs p; It starts within you. You need to speak with conviction to let not only our Black Men know, but the world, that you are the Mothers of this world. You are so powerful. You are so beautiful. You need to love and embrace every blessing God has given us physically, emotionally and spiritually.

For all our Black Children: We need to love them. We need to teach them. We need to stand up for them. We need to protect them We need to show them that there are no 'get rich quick' schemes. We need to tell them that they WILL die trying if they submit to a life of crime and deceit. We need to teach our children that no one will love them the way we can. And being a basketball player, a rapper, or a drug dealer is not reality. It's not realistic and only a small percentage of people ever make it as a rapper or professional athlete. We need to teach our children that we can be more than rappers and athletes. We can be the owners of these sports teams. We can be the CEO's of OUR fortune 500 companies. We need to believe in literacy. I am almost certain if we were to look back to the 1930's and 40's, the literacy rates for Black American children are probably still the same .

'This is the year of empowerment.' God will empower us to accomplish things this year that will be mind blowing.

Money, Money, Money!!!

Below are some financial tips that you should focus on during your current season of life.

1. Make a REAL decision to change – Without this step in the process, none of the following really matter. Aren’t you tired of going through the same financial stresses year after year after year after (…okay you get the message)?

2. Create a budget – To truly determine how much money you have, it is a requirement (not an option) to create a budget. A budget allows you to list your expenses, along with your income to get a true picture of how much disposable income you have. Disposable income is simply the amount of money not allocated towards paying a monthly expense. Most consumers rely on gross income in order to make budget assessments. However, most wage earners only take home a percentage of their gross salary (a $50K gross salary really only equals $35K after taxes and insurance deductions).

3. Find out where your credit stands – This is a logical step in today’s society where credit is a trillion dollar business. Credit scores are used to determine interest rates for automobiles, homes and credit cards. Credit scores are also used to determine insurance premiums and to assess eligibility for employment. You could be wasting thousands of dollars by not knowing, addressing and improving your credit scores. Companies profit significantly from consumers with low credit scores and desire for you to remain in bondage to them.

4. Use credit cards wisely – Unnecessary use of credit cards allow the average consumer to accumulate a considerable amount of debt, with no true way to repay the amount borrowed. If you don’t know how much credit debt you currently have, or have a plan in place to payoff your credit card debt, then it’s time to put your credit spending on hold. A financially savvy consumer always knows how much they owe along with a plan to payoff the outstanding balance.

5. Develop a financial plan – A comprehensive financial plan is key to preparing for the future. Many people in our society have no idea how much they need in order to retire comfortably. Even if you are currently upside-down in debt, it is essential to develop a financial plan for getting out of debt. You will then be able to focus on the future. Your financial plan should include:
a. Debt management – It is important to truly understand your outstanding liabilities and have a plan in place to eliminate debt.
b. Savings – Savings is a nest egg that you build to use in the event of emergency (job layoff, unplanned auto repairs, etc.). Your savings can also be used for planned family vacations or special occasions.
c. Retirement – Many people fail to plan for the time in their lives which is supposed to be happy. However, without a retirement plan in place, you can look forward to working a job until the later years of your life .
d. Insurance – Insurance protects your love ones in the event of your death. It’s sad to see the dissension that takes place between family members over the expense of burying a love one.

The Intimidation Factor

I had the opportunity to speak with a friend on Wednesday regarding a situation she experienced with a gentleman she recently met at a social outing. My friend is a well educated woman, with an extraordinary writing gift and an unusual command of the English language. That's a simple way of saying that the average brother may need a pocket dictionary in order to keep up with some of the terminology that may surface during conversation. She and this gentleman had good dialog during their time of interaction and she perceived this gentleman as someone who had future potential. At the conclusion of the event, the gentleman asked my friend for her number so they could stay in touch. She welcomed the invitation and handed him a business card inclusive of her contact information and doctoral degree candidacy. She never disclosed this information (doctoral degree candidacy) to her blue-collar working counterpart during their conversation, and his reaction to the information on her business card was one of shock. She hasn't heard from him since and wonders if he was intimidated by her level of education.

1. Should women or men camouflage their education level in order to make others feel comfortable?

2. With an ever-increasing gap in education being experienced between women and men, are women now positioning themselves for fewer relationship opportunities?

Don’t Miss Your Window of Opportunity

It’s amazing how in the midst of our pity party God has the sovereign ability to send just what we need to heal us, comfort us and love us the way a significant other is designed to love. However, upon transitioning from a hurtful situation we tend to build walls that do not allow anyone to gain access to our inner world. Now I’m not saying to get involved with someone immediately following a serious relationship. However, I am saying that we should not wallow in our personal pity party for months upon months. There is a healthy process of grieving relationships that includes the following:

1) Acknowledge the end of your relationship;
2) Take personal accountability for your contributions to the failure of the relationship;
3) Pray to God for peace and closure;
4) Pray to God for forgiveness towards your former boyfriend/girlfriend;
5) Ask God to allow you to move on with your life.

The aforementioned process of grieving your past relationships will set you free from your ongoing pity party. As you see…none of the steps include you blaming the other person for what they have done to you and how they caused the relationship to fail. Blaming others allows you to find a scapegoat and camouflages the issues that lie within yourself, but I digress…

If God sends you someone who desires to treat you well, who wants to spend time with you, who takes a sincere interest in your life and well-being, give them an opportunity to grow in your life. Do not be afraid of allowing individuals into your life as friends. Platonic relationships typically provide awesome foundations for more serious relationships. One piece of advice for you…if God sends someone into your life, then let him /her love you or he/she will leave you. DON’T MISS YOUR WINDOW OF OPPORTUNITY!

Sexually Test Drive Your Mate??

One of the more popular questions I receive when I state my position on pre-marital sex is ‘What happens if my mate and I aren’t sexually compatible?’

The question is thought-provoking, but there is no clear answer for those seeking permission to continue in worldly behavior. Some say a test drive is necessary in order to avoid future infidelity issues between a husband and wife. Some say sex is a major component in a relationship that should not be ignored and left to post-marriage chance. Some say it isn’t possible for two people with an attraction towards one another to hold off from physical interaction. There are several compelling reasons to support the pre-marital sex point of view. However, the one opposing argument I would like to present is ‘Do you trust God?’ If you trust God and say that you follow Him wholeheartedly, then you have to trust His ability to supply all of your needs…inclusive of sexual desires.

Sexual compatibility is often viewed as a natural chemistry…which is true. However, sexual compatibility is also something that can be learned through faithfulness, willingness to teach/learn, and willingness to explore new ideas and techniques. The trouble many couples experience is the temptation to compare to previous partners. You reach a relational pinnacle and now want the husband/wife in your life to live up to the compilation of the many previous sex partners you entertained. How realistic or fair is that? It’s not very realistic or fair at all.

Remember, love is the characteristic many casual sex relationships lack. Love has the ability to take an average casual sex relationship to an outstanding covenant sex relationship within marriage. Trust God and allow Him to do exceedingly, abundantly above all you can ask or think (Ephesians 3:20). HE CAN DO IT!

Great Mate Expectations!

How long will it take you to finally decide that the many expectations you have for your desired mate are unrealistic? I often ponder this question from a male perspective and it is something that many of us (male/female) never take a look at until it’s too late. If you take a poll of expectations for men and women coming out of colleges and universities, many of them will provide a long list of requirements that need to be met by a potential mate. However, when you look closely at the many expressed qualities and requirements, it is very difficult for any one person to meet the excessively long list of requirements. Unfortunately, many men and women hold onto this long list of expectations far too long and carry this list into their 30’s and 40’s while their years of singleness continuously increase. How often should we revisit our list of requirements for potential mates? I would recommend at least once or twice of year. You assess (or at least you should) everything else in your life regularly, your mate desires should also be included in this assessment process.

I have noticed many people, especially women; settling for mates later in life because they have operated for too long with unrealistic mate expectations. There is more evidence of this in the church, where men and women add spiritual maturity to an already long list of mate requirements. There is only one man who has live a life of perfection of earth (Jesus Christ), so you will not find a mate who can present a resume of perfection. However, it should be your desire to find someone who can help you fulfill the purpose God has for your life. The nine manifestations of fruit of the spirit (Galatians 5:22-23) are a great measuring tool for assessing whether someone is a great candidate for a relationship. Stop focusing on the material things that you can ‘see’ in life and focus on the great things a mate can ‘be’ in your life!