Secrets Happy People Know - And You Can Too!

by Kevin Sinclair

Are the daily pressures and stressors that you face each day present obstacles that cause you feelings of anxiety and hopelessness?

Do you ever look at other people who seem to have the juggling act down pat? Did you ever wonder how these people are able to handle the curve balls that Life hurls their way with the ease, grace and optimism that they display? Maybe you have a friend or family member who has the remarkable ability to see the best sides of life and this frustrates you because you are unable to understand just from where their eternal sunshine originates.

Don't worry, you are in good company. There are many people who feel the crunch from pressures at work, family routines that are hectic and an energy level that seems to have plummeted so much that your enjoyment in life has plummeted right along with it. If you have forgotten how to take the positive approach and view to life, or if Life has placed obstacles in your way such as loss of a job, illness or death of a family member and it has drained the life from you, then try these tips to return joy to our life.

Stay Connected:

When you are rushing about, paddling as fast as you can to keep your head above water and stay on top of all of your tasks, you may forget to stay connected to the people who are important to you. You may have let your family and friends slip to the back burner.

Studies show that happy people have good relationships. If you are feeling down, it may help to call a friend and go for coffee. Maybe make some special time to spend with your spouse or children. Human interaction can boost your energy and help you get your priorities in order so that you can feel joy.

Contemplate The Good Things In Your Life:

This may sound redundant, but stop to think about the things that are good in your life. When you focus on the positive things in your life it can really increase your happiness and satisfaction.

Is something going on at work that is getting you down? Have you been dealing with your kids the way that you should or are you cranky and short with them? You can turn these feelings around when you consciously take inventory of the things that you have done right. When you identify areas where you can make improvements and acknowledge that the changes are good for you, you will begin to feel better. If you spend your life beating yourself up over mistakes you've made and injustices done to you, it will only serve to break your spirit.

Get A Hobby:

Sometimes a little diversion is just what the doctor ordered to pull you out of your funk. Get a hobby and it just might bring happiness back to your life. When you challenge yourself and enrich your life with interests that extend beyond the scope of your daily routine, it can bring a zest to your life that you may have been missing.

Do Something For Someone Else:

It is easy to get wrapped up in your own problems and wallow in your disappointments, but if you take a moment to look beyond your own problems and see where you can help someone else, it can bring you great satisfaction and joy.

You really don't have to do much to start feeling better. Holding the door for someone, bringing a co-worker a cup of coffee, helping someone load their groceries into their car or picking up groceries for an elderly neighbor can do wonders for your psyche. It can make you feel better and remind you that we are responsible for our own happiness and that it comes from our own attitudes and actions.

There are instances where your lack of enjoyment of life may be related so a physiological or psychological condition such as heart disease, depression, hypertension or anxiety and no amount of good deeds are going to help. If this is the case, you should consult your physician and get some help so that you can take the steps necessary to get your life back on track, a smile on your face and a spring in your step.


Kevin Sinclair is the publisher and editor of My-Personal-Growth.com, a site that provides information and articles for self improvement and personal growth and development.

Focus on the Big Picture

Please excuse any typos as I am submitting this via my blackberry.

Last week I got involved in a heated with an non-believer about the success rate of marriage relationships. He mentioned to me that he has now started focusing on his personal happiness rather than trying to satisfy the woman or women he is with. His main argument was that a man will never be able to meet the ongoing emotional demands of women and trying to do so hampers the success rate of relationships. I fought tooth and nail against this stance until he made another statement to support his position. First, he argued that there is no benefit or track record of success of those within the body of Christ versus those outside the body of Christ. Second, he argued that most men typically DO NOT choose the marriage path until they are cornered by a woman. He said the source of a woman's desire for marriage is an emotional response to societal perceptions and standards. The result he continued, is 90% of marriages are initiated because of pressure by women and their emotions. Another result is 70% of divorces are initiated by women because the emotional responses are unable to support long-term happiness.

My final response to him was that the church IS NOT doing a god job of preparing people for long-term relationships. I also agree that both men and women need to be honest in shifting the focus from the wedding day, to the big picture of long-term marital relationship. However, I still believe in the source of hope above all hope! The priorities of assessing a potential mate are:

1. Christ - If person doesn't believe what you believe, to the level you believe, then leave them alone!

2. Character - A person without good character automatically eliminates themselves from consideration. A compromise to this compnent will result in a lifelong experience of misery.

3. Clarity - Clarity is the ability to see the big picture and recognize that all relationships have peaks and valleys. During the valley experience within the relationship, be sure to focus on the future and recognize that Christ is the center of your relationship. Clarity removes the focus from the negative and shifts it to the positive.

At the end of the day, don't opt for marriage because of a biological clock, peer or societal pressure, but only when you connect with someone who helps to enhance God's purpose for your life!

Relationship Coaching

- Are you tired of experiencing disappointment in your relationships?
- Why continue to invest time in relationships that will never manifest into the healthy long-term relationship you desire?
- Tired of making the same mistakes over and over again?

Consider hiring KP to serve as the relationship coach in your life. All successful people have coaches who help them navigate through various obstacles of life, and the area of relationships is no different. For less than a tank of gas you can be on your way to establishing the framework necessary to build healthy long-term relationships. Contact KP at chatkafe@kennypugh.com for more information.

I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T

I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T do you know what that means?

I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T do you know what that means?

July 4th is the day that we celebrate the independence of our beloved country the United States of America. This is a day filled with fireworks, light shows and cookouts in various areas across our US cities and towns. Well, on this day I challenge you to also celebrate your personal season of independence too! Many feel doomed because they don’t know why being unmarried is a positive season, when everyone and everything around us promotes singleness as a hassle and plague. Here are five reasons to celebrate your personal independence on this day:

1. Freedom – Do you have a desire to take a random trip with friends to an out of state destination? Do you ever want to take the day off and go to a movie by yourself? During your season of singleness, you have the freedom to do whatever you desire without having to check-in with anyone.

2. Opportunity to discover who you are – Once you are deeply involved in a relationship or marriage, it’s very difficult to personally discover who you are. However, during your season of singleness, you are able to explore your personal areas of interest in an attempt to find out what God really desires for you to do. The downfall of some marriages is due to one party still trying to figure out what their individual purpose in life is, while engaged in a covenant relationship with a mate.

3. Opportunity to grow personally and serve – Your season of singleness gives you the opportunity to take training classes for professional growth, participate in church missions trips and further your education before taking on the added responsibility of family. Why not be and become all you can during this season of your life in preparation for the long-term calling God has for your life?

4. More control over your time – During your season of singleness you don’t have to give an account of your time to anyone. Period! You have full authorization to allocate your personal time as you see fit :).

5. Sole decision-maker – What happens if you receive a job opportunity that requires you to relocate? What happens if you desire to go back to school in order to obtain a law degree or masters degree? What about those expensive shoes or that expensive suit in the mall? In your season of singleness you are the sole decision-maker and can make decisions without consulting anyone else.

After all is said and done, you have one life to live so LIVE IT UP! Keep God first, make good decisions and explore life.

KP

Compatibility Questions - Part 3

In continuing with my look at compatibility questions to consider when evaluating a mate, please consider these:

1. How does your new love handle a crisis? – There is nothing worse than finding out that your lifemate becomes abusive, dependent on drugs or alcohol, or experiences extreme depression when crisis occurs. You may not have an opportunity to personally experience crisis with your mate during the dating/courting/engagement phases of your relationship. However, be sure to engage in intimate dialog that may be able to shed light on how they have dealt with crises in the past.

2. Behave in public places? – Does you potential lifemate become extremely obnoxious towards you or others in public? Does he/she treat common workers (waiters, waitresses, doormen, custodians, etc.) rudely? When a person demonstrates a lack of respect towards people, it could be a warning that this lack of respect may one day include you.

3. Treat your friends and family? – Have you ever seen a situation where a spouse did not get along with a parent or friend of their husband/wife? It makes for a very uncomfortable situation and could be a source of friction throughout the duration of the relationship. Be careful and try to resolve conflicts quickly so they don’t linger.

Remember...do not seek ways to kill a potential relationship, but look for ways to confirm you have the right person.

1. Don't look for characteristics in a person that you are not willing to exhibit yourself.

2. There is only one Jesus...so please manage your expectations for your mate. No one is perfect, but make sure they are intentional and willing to follow the perfect Christ.

Different Commitment Levels

Workplace topic of the week...

I have recently noticed people are remaining in relationships and experiencing turbulence because of differing commitment levels by both parties.

Can two people with different levels of commitment operate in a relationship together?

If so, what are some of the challenges they will face? If not, how should they address their situation?

How Far is Too Far?

Freelance Friday features a young woman who has some advice for anyone trying to figure out How Far is Too Far???

By: 7-years Holding On :)

Being a single, celibate woman (seven years) is not easy. It does not present you with many long-term relationships. When I think about dating BC and compare it to dating AD my concerns are completely different. I now find myself sitting and waiting for the undesired moment when the man sitting next to me finally makes his move and pounces on me like a panther.

I know it is coming…just not sure when.
It may start with a simple, seemingly innocent gesture like holding hands on date #4…But I know it is coming!
It may progress to a seemingly innocent gesture like me laying my head on his shoulder on date #7.
Yet…I wait, because I know it is coming.
It is date #12 and he has been a perfect gentleman…so far…maybe he is different?
But yet and still…I wait…because it is coming….
Sadly, history has a way of repeating itself…
So, here I go….once again…having to have a talk about celibacy, morals, character and obedience with another brother-in-Christ
Oh well. Another one bites the dust.

You may ask why I would start off with this story. The answer is to simply say “when lust is conceived, it gives birth to sin; and when sin is accomplished, it brings forth death…spiritually.” Don’t get me wrong I am not a male basher. Women… we must admit that men are not always the ones stirring up sexual tension in relationships. We definitely play our part. Unfortunately, like me many singles have to live and suffer through the consequences of having previously engaged in fornication. The result of previous sin is….current frustration!

My spiritual desire is to live a holy and pure life and abstain from sex until marriage, but my flesh has a different agenda. So, which will I/you choose to obey?

It is not merely enough to say “I am not having sex until I get married.” You must devise a plan and set rules to ensure that you do not fall prey to sexual immorality. So ask yourself the question: how far is too far?

I am currently in year seven of celibacy and guess what…..seven is rough. So I continue to revise my plan, because what was acceptable in year six …just might lead to trouble in seven.

So, how far is too far?
Can we hold hands? I don’t know… can you without it leading to sexual immorality?
Can we cuddle? I don’t know… can you without it leading to sexual immorality?
Can we kiss? I don’t know… can you without it leading to sexual immorality?
Can we lie on separate sides of the bed and go to sleep? Play with fire you eventually get burned!

Sin is progressive. Don’t give way to compromise….compromise will lead you into a compromising situation. Satan wants to sift you like wheat and prove you unfaithful to God. I can say that in seven years I have had a couple of close calls, which forced me to devise a plan of action.

I always say that “the right touch and the wrong moment can cause any single Christian to fall prey to sexual sin.” Know your limitations and boundaries and stay within them….well within them.

So, how far is too far?
Has your conscience been seared to the point that you can go as far as you like without conviction? If so, you have a serious problem.
Has your conscience been seared to the point where things that previously convicted you do not seem to bother you anymore? If so, you are standing on shaky ground.

SIN PROGRESSES
Know your weaknesses…I know mine.
I did not make it seven years because I am strong or lack sexual desires. I made it because I know that I am weak, which forces me to rest in the arms of my Heavenly Father and obey the Holy Spirit.
FLEE FORNICATION!!!! I have had to RUN! Run Forest, Run!

I have not had to run many times, but I will take flight if needed. As I sit here I think back to one of my close calls and laugh at my stupidity. Thank God the TV was on because I was not hearing the Holy Spirit at all that night. At the very moment that I even paid remote attention to the TV the sitcom was showing a church group singing a song that said “Abstain, abstain, abstain.” HILARIOUS…right! God definitely has a sense of humor. He was trying to keep his silly, weak fleshed child from making a horrible decision. I sit here and thinking about that silly TV show singing that silly song at the moment that I was about to make a silly decision. And if it were not for that, my testimony today would probably be different.

As I wrap it up I would like to leave you with some advice….abstain, abstain, abstain.

Proverbs 1:10 (New American Standard Bible)10My son, if sinners entice you, Do not consent.

1 Corinthians 6:17-19 (King James Version)
17But he that is joined unto the Lord is one spirit.
18Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body.
19What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own?

1 Corinthians 15:33
Do not be deceived: "Bad company corrupts good morals."

James 1:13-15 (New American Standard Bible)
13Let no one say when he is tempted, "I am being tempted by God"; for God cannot be tempted by evil, and He Himself does not tempt anyone.
14But each one is tempted when he is carried away and enticed by his own lust.
15Then when lust has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and when sin is accomplished, it brings forth death.