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Wednesday, June 17, 2009

The Friend Zone Guide for Men


Last week I wrote a blog entry entitled The Friend Zone Guide for Women. I’d consider it a disservice if I didn’t provide a similar guide of direction for men.

We (men) too can often find ourselves in the position designated as the ‘Friend Zone.’ As defined in my previous post, the ‘Friend Zone’ is the uncomfortable position that causes a person to become temporarily suspended between the platonic origin of friendship and the desired, blissful destination of intimate relationship. The ‘Friend Zone’ does not discriminate based on how handsome a man is, the depth of his bank account, how spiritual he is or where his multiple degrees were attained. Most men are very uncomfortable in the ‘Friend Zone’ and will only willingly accept it in preparation for a future power move or opportunity, similar to a strategy employed in a game of chess. Sometimes we have a very high view of ourselves thinking that we are exempt from rejection. However as a man, contrary to popular belief, you too can be placed in the ‘Friend Zone’.

As a man, you may find yourself interested in a young lady who has captured your eye with her beauty and your heart with her sensitivity and grace. Unfortunately, no matter your approach (respectful or disrespectful), the woman whom you have your eyes set on does not mutually reciprocate the intent in which you approached her. You may be nice, you may be charming, you may be spiritually grounded, BUT for some reason she is just not that into you. Most men accept the unreciprocated response as rejection and move on with their lives. Others may embrace the woman’s decision as a temporary setback and begin strategizing the next move in the game known as cat and mouse. How can you tell whether you have been placed in the ‘Friend Zone?’ Consider these…
• You have established a great friendship, have grown to learn so much about her emotional desires and drives in life, you find her beautiful, but things have never progressed past the predetermined ‘buddy’ status!
• You talk to her frequently and the pattern of communication resembles that of two people in a relationship.
• You serve as a sounding board for the successes and/or challenges she experiences in her other relationships.
• You are often introduced to others as her brother or friend, but your non-public interaction seems to resemble something much deeper.
• You find yourself plotting the right time to again approach her again, even though deep inside you realize that it’s a risky step that has already resulted in disappointment.

The above list highlights some signs that indicate your position in the ‘Friend Zone.’ Unlike men, women are generally more forthcoming with their feelings so your standing in her life should never be difficult to figure out. Unless she is in a deeply committed relationship, you may be permitted to remain in her life as a ‘friend’.

Is it possible to break out of the ‘Friend Zone’? The answer is YES. What are the odds of you breaking out of the ‘Friend Zone’? It is very unlikely. There are glimpses of hope during a woman’s season of vulnerability, but once the emotional equilibrium is restored, you will likely reclaim your seat in the ‘Friend Zone’.

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