Don't Get Mad...by Kimberly Bradford

Remember when you went to the doctor and right before they stuck the needle in your arm the nurse said, “You’re going to feel a little pinch”? Well get ready because this is about to sting a whole helluva lot!

Alright, so I guess this is what it took for me to get to typing… I just watched Nightline’s Why Successful Black Women Aren’t Married and I’m in an uproar.

When I first heard about this event I must admit I was hyped and I wanted to go but as the week went on, something inside said “maybe this isn’t for you.” I actually went to the venue and was going to meet up with a friend who was on the guest list but our signals were crossed and I ended up leaving instead of waiting around watching the line wrapped around the building move slowly. After the taping, I spoke with my friend and we talked about the night’s discussion and some of the key points that were highlighted in the Nightline broadcast. During our conversation it occurred to me that I was right about this topic not being something I agree with.

You know I love a good party but I absolutely refuse to accept, attend or host one of these asinine pity parties that they want to throw for Black women. I need to talk to my girls right now… Seriously ladies, some of ya’ll need to quit with all this talk about a man being “intimidated” by you and having these ridiculous laundry lists of must have’s that you conveniently throw up in a man’s face while screaming “I’M INDEPENDENT.”

Before any of you come back at me and say I’m placing the blame solely on the women hear me out. Music and these over-the-top television shows about being a housewife, which ironically don’t contain any actual housewives, have warped the mindset of so many women both young and old. How can you complain about being single when you’re wearing the term “independent” like it’s a badge of honor? Honey child listen, if you are single and you’re paying your bills, buying your own car/house and taking care of your essential needs you aren’t independent, you’re a woman who’s doing what she’s SUPPOSED to do. You don’t get a medal for doing that! Stop tripping! You think because you show up to work everyday that that qualifies you as a stellar employee? Girl please, you’re supposed to show up to work if you want a paycheck! Somewhere along the way women have forgotten how to be the beautiful creatures we were created to be. Many have turned into bitter, venom spitting vipers that look like they’ll bite off the head of a man if he even thinks about speaking to them. On the flip side, you scream independent but you want a man to take you to the mall and buy out the store. You won’t date a man who works in the factory assembling Mercedes because you want the man who drives one. Who needs a pimp when so many women pimp themselves very easily? Come on, get a grip.

We are so much better than what is being put out there ladies. If you truly desire to be in a successful relationship/marriage then I pray that God blesses you with your desires but it’s going to take some action on your part. Stop worrying about statistics, stop pointing the finger at men and take a look in the mirror. Could it be you’re single because of…You?

Do you even know who YOU are? Do you know what YOU want out of life? How can you expect a man to meet your standards when you haven’t even set or met any yourself?
Chuck D. and Public Enemy said it best, Don’t Believe the Hype!


--Kimberly Bradford

How to Put Humpty Dumpty's Brand Back Together Again

A person’s brand, i.e. reputation, is about as fragile as an eggshell. It takes a lot of time to nurture and develop that brand into something recognizable, valuable, and marketable. Regardless of the time and money spent, no brand is indestructible. If that person has a momentary (or on-going) character crisis, that brand can be shattered into a bunch of little fragments very quickly, just like Humpty’s shell.

Moral failures are nothing new. They have been happening since before human life began on the earth (remember Satan’s fall?). The difference now is that with the virus-like infiltration of technology and media into every area of our lives, we hear about these failures sooner, more often, and more in-depth than in the past. This is one of the reasons that people and companies spend incredible amounts of time, energy, talent, money, and creativity on brand development.

Brand development is a powerful way to package and present a person or company to the world. It is just unfortunate that the time spent embellishing one’s image has come at the expense of enhancing their character. Brand development as a substitution for character development will lead to terrible results.

Here is the link to the above article in its entirety:
Link: http://www.brothaonline.com/humpty.html

By Paul Wilson, Jr.

Which Man Are You? - Part 2

Thanks for joining me for part 2 of ‘Which Man Are You?’ As promised, I will conclude the categorical analysis I posted yesterday. To recap, we previously took a look at Mr. ‘Insecure,’ Mr. ‘Good Guy,’ Mr. ‘Bag Man’ and Mr. ‘Superficial’. For additional information on the aforementioned groups, please refer to my previous post.

As with the previous descriptions, men may fall into one or more of these categories and transition in and out based on various seasons in their lives. To be honest, I have found myself as Mr. ‘Insecure’, Mr. ‘Good Guy’ and Mr. ‘Bag Man’ at various points in my life. However, my relationship with God has given me the courage to acknowledge and address my shortcomings.

Without further delay, let’s look at the final four categories:

5. Mr. ‘Wolf in Sheep Clothing’ – I don’t want to give too much airtime to this group of individuals because it sickens me to think that this group exists in very large numbers. This individual presents himself as one of pure motives and exudes the confidence and interest that most women desire. However, upon further review, exploration and after a period of time, the truth about a wife or other lie finally comes to the surface. Why do you hide significant details about your relational status and life when you know that someone is going to get hurt in the end? Is it the thrill of adventure? Is it the desire to continuously upgrade? Remember that everything done in the dark eventually comes to light. If you struggle in this area, pray to God to establish order and commitment in your life. Families and relationships are being destroyed everyday and we need honesty and commitment to reappear as cornerstones in relationships.

6. Mr. ‘Fear of Commitment’ – Most men today find themselves in this category during the explorative phase in their lives. This individual gets enjoyment by being connected to women, but not being committed to them. I was one of the best at leading women down the ambiguous path of a relationship in search of something that would probably never appear. This individual finds fulfillment in building a ‘perfect’ woman through qualities of several different women in his life. It is an awesome fantasy to take bits and pieces of each person, and utilize the pieces to build what you view as a ‘perfect’ mate. The detriment to this approach is that you cater to a mentality that promotes perfection when individual perfection does not exist. In the process of creating mental perfection, you destroy the reality of what makes up our humanity. You typically find yourself in long drawn-out relationships that never make it past the boyfriend/girlfriend phase. You find yourself continuing to go out partying and being a social butterfly even though you have a ‘girlfriend’. You get really agitated and upset whenever the subject of relational permanency is initiated by your ‘girlfriend.’ In the end, Mr. ‘Fear of Commitment’ loves being associated with relationships, but you can never make-up your mind.

7. Mr. ‘Overconfident’ – If you specialize in telling others about yourself, then this is your category. Ever since you were born the world revolved around you. You got it going on, have the nice-paying corporate job or own your own successful business and have your pick of any woman (according to your own perception). Unfortunately, you never get a chance to acknowledge the value others can add to your life because you are only concerned about yourself and what others can do for you. There is nothing wrong with having a general level of overall confidence, but the problem occurs when you exceed the accepted level. You operate with sort of a barterer’s mentality, flashing material items and connections for the sole purpose of impressing and receiving from others. The unique thing about being Mr. ‘Overconfident’ is you probably don’t recognize it! Women are speaking negatively behind your back to others and you have no idea this opinion exists about you. If you have a hunch that this might be you, please consult a close female friend who will offer an unbiased response to your question. The good thing about being Mr. ‘Overconfident’ is that you only have to tone down your self-promotion a notch in order to cross back over to an attractive level of confidence.

8. Mr. ‘Good Catch’ – This is the man most women dream about, but have so much trouble recognizing because of the other men who co-exist. You are the one created by God and you are connected through a relationship with Him. You possess an unquenchable fire and passion to progress in life. Remaining stagnant in life is NOT an option. You continue the chivalrous gestures that once upon a time defined a true man. You set yourself apart with your patience and respect for women and others you come across. Your professions vary, but you are willing to work in order to provide for your family. You may be an attorney, a doctor, a salesman, teacher or truck driver. What matters most is that you understand your TRUE responsibility as a priest, provider, protector, comforter and/or father (if desired). Not only do you understand your responsibility, you VALUE this responsibility with open arms. Sisters dream about and yearn for your powerful presence and authoritative nature. You recognize your individual shortcomings and are willing to address them without shame. You are not afraid to express emotions when things have you down. REAL MEN DO CRY!

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Which Man Are You? - Part 1

Welcome to part 1 of ‘Which Man Are You?’ I have given the same amount of thought and consideration as I did when doing the categorical analysis for women. It is very important to understand the types of men that exist, so you can identify which category or categories you can most relate to. Many men often talk about the depth of issues our African-American women possess and how they impact our relationships. To be honest I am also one who contributed to this interactive male dialog without giving respect to the entire picture of duality in relationships. Generally speaking, the issues we possess may not seem as deep as those of women on the surface, but our issues appear in so many shapes, sizes and forms that I can now understand why women have a difficult time figuring us out. In football, the defense is often disguised and presented in inconspicuous manners in order to confuse the offense and more specifically the quarterback. Defenses change formations trying to hide whether they intend to blitz the quarterback or if they plan on playing zone coverage to protect territory. Well similarly, the way we present ourselves to women can serve as a disguise masking what our true intent or purpose is. Some of us approach women with an outward appearance of desiring a serious relationship. However, the outward appearance is a mask to the true desire of only wanting to have sex with them. In the end it leaves our sisters isolated, frustrated and confused. More importantly, someone has to deal with the result of our negligence.

Unfortunately, I was unable to condense the number of categories into manageable number that could be dealt with in one post. As a result, I have opted to do a two part series so the information can be digested easily. In thinking through the categories, I bounced thoughts off of both men and women to ensure that my perspective was not totally out of line with reality.

Without further adieu, let’s take a look at the first four categories that most men fall into. Please note that Mr. ‘Boy Toy’ (aka…the bootycall guy), Mr. ‘Socially Awkward’ (aka…the clumsy guy) and Mr. ‘Homosexual’ (aka…the one uninterested in women) have been excluded from this list because they are not viable candidates for relationships.

1. Mr. ‘Insecure’ – Contrary to popular belief, many of us possess characteristics that allow us to be associated with this category. Depending on who you are, it may be difficult to identify the extent to which you suffer from insecurity. Because of the negative perception of insecurity, we often try to only associate insecurity to individuals who are stalkers, those who pop-up unannounced, or those who have obsessive control issues. These are the extreme cases! However, insecurity in its more subtle form makes you ask questions like ‘Where are you going?’, ‘Who are you going with?’, ‘Why did you stay out so late?’, or ‘Why did you not call and check-in?’ Now these questions in their innocence are not bad questions, but when we ask them with an underlying insecure feeling in our hearts, then it demonstrates an insecurity issue. Let me be honest, we all fluctuate in and out of this category at various points in our lives. If you are unsure of your current status, then ponder the following questions: How would respond if your girlfriend or fiancée told you that she had lunch or dinner with a friend she used to date? How would you respond if you notice your girlfriend or fiancée having a friendly conversation with a co-worker that seems a little more in depth than just ‘normal’ conversation? What is your feeling when someone you are dating says she is going out with her friends? If these questions make you uneasy, then you probably suffer from a case of insecurity.

The signs of insecurity are individuals who display outward outbursts of abuse, excessive desire to control women and intimidation when women make more, have more or seem more successful than you. Also remember that the ‘little’ signs (hidden jealousy and inquisitive questioning) of insecurity are also detrimental to relationships. Placing full trust in the Lord, increasing self-confidence and opening-up the lines of communication are the best ways to overcome the vice of insecurity.

2. Mr. ‘Good Guy’ – I feel for those of you who fit into this group of individuals. Not because there is anything wrong with being a ‘good guy’, but because I used to be a part of this group and remember the frustrations. I clearly remember the day my high school sweetheart ‘broke-up’ with me because I never did anything wrong in her eyes as it related to our relationship. That one experience scarred me emotionally and it took considerable time for me to NOT intentionally provoke wrong-doing in my relationships :). It also contributed to my belief that all women like men that have some sort of ‘bad boy’ in their character (my view has since changed).

If you ask most women about men who fit into this category, you will find that most have nothing negative to say about them. If you continue looking underneath the surface, men who get the label of ‘good guy’ find it difficult to maintain serious long-term relationships. The real source of relationship issues for Mr. ‘Good Guy’ stem from the fact that women do not view them as strong leaders who they trust turning over the household to. They make decisions from the perspective of making people around them happy and not based on what is best for their relationships. They allow the requests of family, job and/or friends to override the needs of themselves and/or their relationships. They will typically do things that make other people happy, but inconvenience themselves in the process. Is this you?

If you fit into this category, then there is hope for you. Become more assertive in your decision-making and refrain from the desire of trying to make everyone around you ‘happy’. It will sometimes require you putting your foot down and making decisions that disappoint people. However, women love men who are able to make firm decisions and stand by them.

3. Mr. ‘Bag Man’ – I could cut and paste my entire entry from the ‘Are you the one?’ entry, but that would be too easy and trifling on my part. Mr. ‘Bag Man’ can be best defined as the individual who brings luggage into a relationship with no tag identifying what’s included in the bags. You are considered Mr. ‘Bag Man’ if you bring a child or children into a situation while having no intent on being a father or accountable to them. We all have made bad decisions in our lives and no one is exempt from the healing power of Jesus Christ. However, women deserve to know who you really are and have the right to make an informed decision whether to let you into their lives. They DO deserve to know if you have children and how many. They DO deserve to know if you are currently involved with someone else and to what extent. A major complaint from women is that men withhold key personal information about themselves with the intent of disclosing it at a later time. Here is a newsflash, if you have children, if you have a girlfriend or if you are in the middle of a divorce, then it’s relevant to disclose this information upfront. Life events are points of interest that should be disclosed early because they are concealed grenades capable of blowing-up relationships.

Many of us don’t acknowledge that we are also ‘Bag Men’ until we suffer a string of failed relationships. After further inspection, we see that our relationships are failing because we import past relationship hurts into our new relationships. When men encounter hurt, it is something that we carry along with us for an extended time because we have been conditioned to suppress our feelings and emotions. The direct result of this can be manifested in various forms inclusive of displaying a dawg’s mentality, or displaying poor communication skills. Show me a dawg (defined as man who takes advantage of and/or hurts women), and I’ll show you a link to a past hurtful relationship still hidden in his heart. Show me a man who hides his feelings and emotions, and I’ll show you someone who has opened-up in the past only to be emotionally hurt by a woman.

There is hope if you fall into this category. The first step is to ask God to step into your life and take control, the second step is to forgive yourself for feeling victimized, and the third step is to forgive those who have hurt you in the past. I have undergone this process and it’s extremely therapeutic. You will continue struggling with relationships unless you yield to yourself and turn control over to God. He forgave you despite your disobedience and transgressions toward Him. Because of the love He showed, you have an obligation to forgive others…no matter how much they hurt you.

4. Mr. ‘Superficial’ – Atlanta is probably in the top 3 cities that have a large population of Mr. ‘Superficials.’ I think many of us have gotten caught-up in the whole superficial phenomenon spurred on by television and society. Men have been conditioned to believe beauty is defined by the individuals spotlighted in the latest P. Diddy or R. Kelly video. As a result, men are now on the prowl for the next gorgeous woman he can put on his arm in order to receive external praise and affirmation from his peers. It took me a while, but I figured out that it takes more than beauty and sex to make a relationship worthwhile. I have had my share of beautiful women. I have had my share of ‘good sex’. I have had my share of women with corporate resumes people would kill for. However, at the end of the day, it takes much more than beauty and sex to make a successful relationship. Mr. and Mrs. ‘Superficial’ contribute highly to the divorce rate that our community is currently experiencing. I remember my mom emphatically telling me, “Don’t be blinded by the package things come in! Pretty packages sometimes contain nothing of substance on the inside.” If beauty and success are the chief cornerstones of successful relationships, then why do Hollywood celebrities, athletes and entertainers have trouble with marriages? You have to be open to women of all backgrounds because you never know what package God has created to provide a perfect relationship for your life.

Beauty and career achievements are great for resumes and social acknowledgements, but unconditional LOVE supersedes all. Don’t allow yourself to get caught-up on things of limited importance. Pay close attention to God and a person’s character. When unconditional love is added to the mix, you have the ingredients for a successful relationship.

Check back for part two of ‘Which Man Are You?’ Also, please subscribe to my blog to receive notification when future entries are posted.

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Become The One!

One of the most popular debates in the area of African-American singles is the perceived numerical imbalance between available men and women. Before I continue forward let me first put out this disclaimer. NOT EVERYONE WILL HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO EXPERIENCE MARRIAGE!!! You have to first resolve in your spirit that you are okay in your season of singleness and that you are content with the state God has placed you in. Once you accept whatever God’s Will is for your life, you are then eligible for the blessings that He wants to bestow upon you…which may include marriage :).

Now that I have gotten that out of the way let’s continue. In Atlanta, the women to men ratio ranges anywhere from 8:1 to 15:1, depending on the information source. On the surface the numbers look very lopsided and depressing, but I’d like to offer up another perspective…ARE YOU THE ONE??? It is very daunting for African-American sisters to agonize over the thought of having to compete with 7 to 14 other women for the shot at relationship with one man. Over the years I have entertained many discussions about this topic, but would like you to ponder the question ARE YOU THE ONE? As a male entrenched in the process of identifying and sorting through the many options that are available for black men, I have noticed that quantity of women is NO correlation to the QUALITY of available women. In evaluating the lopsided ratio of women to men, I can say without a shadow of a doubt that most women are unqualified candidates for long-term relationships. I know…men have issues too (I will deal with that in another post), but our issues can most of the time be isolated to fear of commitment or lack of desire to excel in life. For the sake of conversation let’s say the ratio of women to men is ~10 to 1. Let’s look at the typical categories that most of those 10 women fall into:

1. Low self-esteem – Men can sense when a woman is a member of the low self-esteem club. Wholeheartedly, quality men are NOT drawn to women with self-esteem issues because they are often considered liabilities in the big picture of life and relationships. Insecure and abusive ARE drawn to women with self-esteem issues because they are in search of someone they can control. Quality men like to know that they are yoked-up with a woman who is able to stand firm on her own and not demand/require constant affirmation. Now don’t get me wrong…a good man will sow words of encouragement into his woman and does not mind speaking life into her aspirations and goals. However, men would also like to know that they are in a partnership and not feel like they have a father-daughter component in their relationship. Women with low self esteem can be spotted typically as someone not having a strong male figure in their lives growing up (this statement is not absolute), someone who has been taken advantage of by loved ones and/or someone whose family structure never allowed them to feel valued. Women with self-esteem challenges should first get rooted in God’s Word so they are able to understand who they are in the eyes of God before seeking to connect with a man. This is beneficial for all parties involved.

2. Bag Lady – Unfortunately, men are not always accepting of women who bring children into the equation of relationships. Several of my closest friends have decided that they do not want have to deal with the inherited ‘baby’s daddy’ in developing long-term relationships with a woman. They want to be able to share the life event experience of having a child together for the first time and not feel as if its ‘old hat’ for the person they are with. On the flip side, there are many men (myself included) who do not have a problem developing a relationship with a woman who has children. The second bag lady group is comprised of women who seem as if they transition from one relationship to the next without disconnecting or purging themselves of ‘hazardous stuff’ (including trust issues, preconceived notions and old 'ex' memories) detrimental to future relationships. As the ‘internal time clock’ begins to tick in the lives of some of our African American women, we sometimes notice a haphazard transition from one relationship to another in search of Mr. Right. The danger of doing so leads to many negative articles of ‘luggage’ being transferred from one relationship to the next destroying possibility of success. Bag ladies need to embrace their season of singleness and allow God to purge the unhealthy thoughts, experiences and expectations from their lives.

3. Ms. Too Independent – You know Ms. Too Independent…she is college educated, volunteers in the community, earns a good living and is a faithful servant in the church. All of these things make up the beautiful resume shell that most men would kill for right??? Hold on…the aforementioned qualities ARE awesome and most men desire these in a mate. However, let’s insert the qualities that do not show up on the resume of that quality woman submitted for review by a potential mate: a) She is one with the inability to compromise on issues, b) she is one who lacks the helpmeet skills to make a man feel valued, c) she is the one who cannot cook or clean and demands to eat out all of the time and d) she is one who cannot properly channel the authoritative drive it takes to be successful in Corporate America. Just because you are an attorney, doctor, IT manager or marketing director does not mean you can carry the authoritative demands into the household. These are the negative qualities of black women that usually drive good black men away. Unfortunately, Ms. Too Independent makes up the bulk of seemingly qualified candidates who have it going on according to the expectations set forth by society. However, these women are considered false realities in the intimate circles of black men discussions. Ephesians 5:22 is a good verse to meditate on in preparation for a God-ordained relationship.

4. The One – This is the woman who carries the same characteristics that Ms. Too Independent possesses, but she is not overly flamboyant or loud about her personal resume or successes. She operates powerfully, but with a silent aura of confidence that gives no other choice but for a man to respect her. She is willing to go to bat for her man and shows desire to make a harmonious partner in the household. She exudes the Proverbs 31 woman and understands that progression towards becoming the woman God has called her to be is a continual process. She is able to get her man to open up, she offers a shoulder for him to cry on and does not act as if she ‘knows it all’. Men typically retract themselves into a shell if they feel their relationship partner lacks the listening skills that black men so desperately cry out for in relationships.

Parting Thought - Don’t concern yourself with societal ratios because that will surely depress you. Fortunately, our God does not work in the form of ratios or according to earthly odds. Continue developing yourself, building and allowing God to shape you so that you are the one!!!

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Why 'Contemporary Dating' Has Destroyed Our Society!

I’ve finally decided to post my personal stance on ‘contemporary dating.’ I have gone back and forth debating, arguing and persuading various individuals on my dating perspective with varying degrees of success. Because of the societal and cultural relevance of today, it is almost impossible to convert the thinking of the 20 and 30-year old individuals about something they personally practice. I once paraded around adamantly declaring my anti-dating stance, but was often met with opposition from others seeking to disprove my perspective. After deliberating the core discussion points between me and others, the main source(s) of contention centers on terminology and semantics. As a result of my review, I will modify my anti-dating stance and try to compromise in an effort to convey my perspective.

I will simply redefine my perspective as ‘purposeful dating’ versus today’s ‘contemporary dating’. Purposeful dating is more aligned with the old school mentality of getting to know someone before heading down the path of courtship (to be defined later). However, ‘contemporary dating’ is practiced by about 95% of today’s population. As a result, the ‘contemporary dating’ seems to be a significant contributor to today’s troubled relationships. There is no coincidence the lack of truly getting to know someone prior to holy matrimony has led to the inflated number of divorces we currently see in our society (50-60%). A friend and I were discussing the impact of divorce on our society and it relates to ‘contemporary dating.’ The first thing I find interesting is the lack of discrimination divorce has on our society. It cannot be traced 100% to race, economic class, religious association or profession. However, you can often trace divorce to two individuals who practiced ‘contemporary dating.’ The following constitutes the definition from which I base all of my research and evaluation.

Contemporary Dating – A casual relationship with no predefined purpose, initiated through casual acquaintance and often substantiated by physical appearance. This simply means that you met someone at the club, grocery store or any other place and felt your interest peaked by their physical appearance. However, physical appearances often lead you astray from a person’s character, which is the source of who they really are.

Casual sex, false love, selfish desire, displaced boundaries and miscalculated friendships are all characteristics of ‘contemporary dating’ and serve as catalysts that seek to uproot the foundation of true relationships. ‘Contemporary dating’ has left our society with the following for upcoming generations to overcome:
1. Increase in sexually transmitted diseases (STD’s)
2. Increase in the number children born out of wedlock
3. Increase in single-parent households (meaning parents of children born out of wedlock never decide to marry)
4. Increase in the number of divorces
5. Decrease in the number of healthy relationships to model after

Points 1, 2 and 3 can be directly correlated to the amount of casual sex that takes place as a result of ‘contemporary dating.’ Our society promotes sex as the personal fulfillment component within a relationship that can be participated in if two consenting people mutually agree. However, the problem with casual sex is it places a cloud over relationships, causing a natural detraction from fully nurturing and developing a relationship. It is virtually impossible for two people to remain on the same page relationally when the sex boundary has been crossed because of emotional attachment. Once sexual emotions enter into a relationship, it is difficult to balance the physical attachment (for men) and the emotional attachment (for women). As a result, we’ve seen ongoing relationship breakups leading to an increase in STD’s, unplanned pregnancies and single parenthood.

Points 4 and 5 can be attributed to two people never really getting a chance to learn and know one another prior to making a marital covenant. In today’s society, we might as well take the “until death do us part” clause out of the marriage ceremony. The following may work better:
- “until he or she gets on my nerves”
- “until he or she loses their job and finances get tight”
- “until he or she doesn’t satisfy me sexually”
- “until he or she no longer has the popularity or power they had when we first got married”

I could go on and on, but you get the idea. Relationships are no longer a priority in our society as a result of ‘contemporary dating.’ Contemporary dating serves as an uncompromising, self-centered hobby that we can opt out of once we get upset or bored. We then take the opt-out clause into marriage where many people have chosen to invoke it. We keep practicing the same ritualistic habits, expecting a different result, which is the working definition of insanity.

I know you are probably thinking to yourself “What is the alternative?” Well...you'll have to listen to the Chat Kafe radio show (http://www.chatkafeonline.com)on Sundays from 6-8PM to glean some of the alternatives you have available.

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Do You Have Your Storm Survival Kit?

I continue to hear news about those personally going through trials and storms of life. I know it's so much easier to speak about storms while on the outside looking in, but I feel compelled to share something I gleaned from Scripture while enduring my own grey sky experience. Prayerfully, this will plant itself in your spirit to endure times when your flesh wants to take over.

In Matthew 7:24-27 Jesus speaks to us about the storms of life. He talks about how to weatherproof your home (life) from any natural or spiritual disaster.

24"Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. 25The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. 26But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. 27The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash."

What is interesting about this lesson is that the storm that Jesus mentioned did not discriminate between the two houses. The storms of our lives do not care if you're living in a $500,000.00 home or a $50,000.00 home. The storms of our lives do not care if you’re the CEO of a Fortune 500 company or a custodian at an office building. The storms of our lives do not care if you are the upper-class people in the community or the working-class people in the community. A storm will come against both the highly educated and the uneducated, the sick and those in good health. No matter who we are or who we think we are…storms of life will certainly come against all of us.

Jesus also provided a warning of where the storms will come from.
"25The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew."

The rain referenced in this verse represent problems originating from above; our companies, bosses, government and other community leaders. The rising streams represent the problems from below (our “flood”); our children and our subordinates. The blowing winds represent the problems that can originate from around us; our finances, our spouses, our “friends”, or even our own internal personal problems. Jesus was sure to mention that these storms would not just come from every direction, but what they would do when the storms showed up, "beat against that house." The positive thing about going through the storms of life, you will be tested unlike no other individual can test you.

The only difference in the two houses was not how they looked, nor the material that was used, but what they were built upon. “because it had its foundation on the rock.” Anything that we have can be lost in an instant. Everything that we have worked so hard for can instantaneously be taken away from us. The only way to survive life’s storms is to prepare your Storm Survival Kit for future use.

So here are a few items for your storm survival kit.
1. WORD. The Bible can be used to re-affirm that your house is indeed built on the Rock (Jesus Christ) as its foundation.
2. REVERENCE. The fear of the Lord is the beginning of Wisdom (Proverbs 1:7) This item cannot be purchased at Lowe’s or Home Depot.
3. SERVICE. Get up and do something for God! Especially, after all that He has done for you.
4. WORSHIP. Worship God in everything you do. Worship Him with ALL your heart, soul, mind, and strength. (Mark 12:30).

Remember…storms are a natural part of life and they will eventually hit all of us. You may not get hit by Hurricane Katrina like the people of New Orleans, but you will get an opportunity to face your own personally crafted storm. Death, layoff, family and marriage challenges are lurking just around the corner. Here is another guarantee…It is not a matter of IF you'll be hit, but WHEN you’ll be hit. Prepare your Storm Survival Kit now so that when you do get hit ...your house will survive the storm. AMEN!!!

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