Christian Men's Confidence in Overdrive

It is often the very flawed perception that all or most Christian single women are anxious to be with any available or eligible Christian single man in the church or ministry circle. This is a very bad perception. While it may be true for some, it certainly is not true for all. Let us offer you a different perspective from the single women who are not anxious, are willing to wait on God’s best for our lives, and contrary to popular belief, may even purposely keep you (certain men) at arms length just as you may think you keep certain women, simply because we are being obedient and listening to God. It should be understood that not all women are standing by waiting anxiously for the men in the ministry to give them the time of day, but there are many women who are carrying on and living a purpose driven life as well, and not necessarily pining over the men as the ego may tell you.

Men should avoid the over confidence of thinking that every Christian single woman in the church or ministry either likes them or is after them just because they may feel they are “one of the most eligible single men in church.” This is surely confidence in overdrive. Be aware that a woman can be cool or friendly with any man in the ministry and still not want to be with them as the men may overconfidently assume. The man can be all that society says the most eligible Bachelor should be, but that doesn’t mean the woman wants to be with you just because she is cool with you., or you assume you are so handsome and well spoken that she ’must’ in fact like you just like all the other women. Not all women live by the statistics society offers, and men should not assume so. She may be friendly with you for any of the following reasons:

1. She may just admire and respect you as a man of God. She may see your character traits and use that to help her to decipher the type of qualities she should be open to with the men that approach her. She can be friendly and cool as beans with you , but brothas please don’t assume that she is after you because of it. That is only confidence in overdrive.

2. She could desire a brotherly type of relationship from a Christian man that she can turn to for Christian support from a single male’s perspective. It’s part of what Christian men and women should be for one another anyway, but one should not assume anything more than friendship unless it is specified. Men should abstain from the need to assume that women are after them because they may have them as confidantes. That is confidence in overdrive.

3. She might even actually have an interest in getting to know you better because of character she sees so far, but don’t assume that you are her focus because you feel you are handsome and know the word, or even have one thousand women after you for that matter. She may very well be paying closer attention to your character as well as the character of others, and there is nothing wrong with that. Women vet the men just like men do the women (we are not always as desperate as you think). If she is vetting you, take it as a compliment and nothing more, especially if she loves God, has a good head on her shoulders, and proves mental stability. In addition, in spite of what statistics may tell you, don’t assume you are the only man in review. More importantly, do not make the arrogant assumption that she “likes” you just because she may want to get to know you better. If she specifically states she is interested on her own or if asked, that is another thing. Otherwise, do not assume she is after you. It is only your confidence in overdrive..


Women:

If you are anxious, chasing the men, or doing anything to make them feel like they are deers to be hunted, please refrain from it. In Phillipians 4:6 it tells you to be anxious for nothing, but wait on God. Busy yourself with working on your purpose in life and everything else will be added to you, especially when you just walk in God’s word and leave your relationship worries and/or any insecurities to him. When you are lonely, that is a perfect opportunity to use that time to draw even closer to God.

Please also note, behaving in an anxious manner or chasing the men make it bad for the women who are not anxious, but willing to wait on God. Men shouldn’t be afraid to have conversations or friendships with the women in the church for fear that we are “after” them, (and vice-versa) because of the behavior of the anxious or aggressive people. These assumptions men have are then projected onto everyone and again this is a very bad and flawed perception.


Men:

The women who are not anxious can’t stress this enough: Not every woman is after you! Your confidence and ego may be in overdrive.

………no matter how handsome, how smart, how much you know the word, or how much of a leader you are. You may even be used to all of the other women throwing themselves at you, but that doesn’t mean that ‘every’ woman that is friendly with you or cool with you is also after you just the same. Men should consider that there may be some emotional imbalances that would allow certain women to throw themselves at the men and be overly aggressive and/or anxious. Men should know that there are still balanced women that exist and that do not spend all of their waking moments hoping the men will “choose us,” but we are content with ourselves and are stable enough to chase God, not man and let him add to us in his time.
Avoid the over confidence and overactive ego. A sensible Christian single woman sees this as a huge turn-off and a great character flaw.


Men and Women

As Christian brothas and sistas we should be able to have platonic friendships with one another without thinking there are any “angles” other than a friendship. If a friend turns out to be who God has for you, that is a wonderful blessing. Otherwise, you never know why God may allow someone to cross your path- it may be just a person he put in place to help carry out a piece of your life purpose and that‘s it. It’s not always the reason we assume. Remember to pray, and God reveals all thru various avenues… and please avoid the confidence in overdrive


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Dare to be Uncommon! by Paul Wilson, Jr.

Most people want to blend in with everyone else. I want to be “uncommon”. An uncommon person is one who is willing to do whatever it takes to see his/her dream accomplished. You can’t expect to do what everyone else does and get better results. You have to be willing to take some risks to be out of the ordinary.

Here’s what’s required to be uncommon:

Unique blend of humility and ambition, i.e. the drive to excel without running over people.
Non-conforming to the boxes that society tries to put them in.
Courageous commitment that embraces sacrifice and supercedes convenience.
Optimistic expectations in the face of unrelenting challenges, i.e. passionate perseverance.
Maximum utilization of creativity, talents, skills, and resources.
Maximizing opportunities in the moment versus procrastinating.
Overcoming fear in order to accomplish great feats.
Never quit! Never stop believing! Never stop dreaming!

An uncommon attitude yields uncommon results. Dare to be UNCOMMON!

Dream B.I.G.,

Paul Wilson, Jr.
Connect with me on twitter.com/pwilsonjr
B.I.G. Dreams are coming soon to a mind near you! www.DreamBIGin3D.com

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When Opportunity Knocks

How will you assess opportunity when it comes knocking? We all have times in our lives when opportunity comes knocking at our door. The key is being able to discern which opportunities are God-sent and which ones are simply false realities. We are all faced with opportunities ranging from professional, relational to even familial. How should you embrace and assess opportunity when it comes knocking? I’m not sure I can share a magic silver bullet answer that will cause the world to change, but I will point you in the direction of God Who is able to order and direct your steps (Proverbs 3:5-6). Don’t be wise in your own eyes but allow the opportunities of life to be filtered through the powerful, never failing truths of God’s Word. In addition, be open to praying for guidance, but allow God Him to respond to your prayers before making a move. He will answer your prayers with Yes, No or Not Yet!

God Bless!

KP

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Heroes in Disguise by Paul Wilson, Jr.

Often when I ask someone, "What do you want to do with your life?” they answer, "I want to help people." Then when I ask the follow-up question, "How do you want to help people?" and they answer, "I don't know. I just want to help people."

While it's great that you want to help people, not having a clear understanding of your purpose and a specific direction in life can lead to misfires, misplacements and missed opportunities. Consequently, it can become very frustrating to not know your purpose and to keep running into dead ends while trying to figure it out. I would like to present a different approach to the “what’s-my-purpose” discovery process.

Growing up I was thoroughly fascinated by superheroes and their super powers. Some of my favorites were Spiderman, Flash, and Green Hornet. I always wondered what it would be like to have super powers. There were so many cool powers - being able to fly, run at hyper-speeds, invisibility, incredible strength, etc. - it was hard for me to choose the one I wanted the most.

At some point in time, I’m sure most people have thought about what it would be like to be a superhero (I know I’m not the only one). Fortunately, you don't need super powers to have a super impact. Our society needs everyday heroes who utilize their special talents and skills to make other’s lives better.

So let’s think about your purpose in terms of you being somebody’s hero – and let’s have a little fun while we’re at it. Here are some questions to get you started. If you were a superhero…
- What powers would you want to have?
- Who would you want to help?
- How would you help people?
- What cause would you fight for?
- What would be your slogan?

Although this is a somewhat playful exercise, your answers to these questions could shed some light on your passions, purpose, and proficiencies - and what you are ultimately supposed to be doing with your life. Analyze your responses for clues that might give you an idea of where your unique talents and skills should be directed.

You don’t have to wear a special suit to be super. You can be an everyday hero. Just use what you have to the best of your ability to help as many people as possible.

What are you waiting for? People are waiting to be rescued!

Dream B.I.G.,
Paul Wilson, Jr.
www.DreamBIGin3D.com

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Out of the Shadows by Paul Wilson, Jr.

My favorite poem is “Our Deepest Fear” by Marianne Williamson. I love this creative masterpiece because she powerfully articulates our privilege and responsibility to live as the incredibly awesome individuals that God created us to be. He designed us fearfully and wonderfully in His image (Psalm 139), so we need to better understand and embrace what His expectations are. Here’s an excerpt of the poem…
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant,
gorgeous, handsome, talented and fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.

Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking
so that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine, as children do.

We were born to make manifest the glory of God within us.
It is not just in some; it is in everyone.

And, as we let our own light shine, we consciously give
other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our fear,
our presence automatically liberates others.


Some of you may remember a part of this poem from the movie Akeelah and the Bee. In it a very bright and naturally talented young girl was hesitant to do the hard work to fully explore her potential and pursue her greatness. She was content to hide in the shadows of her own greatness.

Sadly, the struggle of that fictional character is all too common in real life. Many people are hiding in the shadows of their own greatness. Erwin McManus says, “I see everyone as pre-great.” It’s unfortunate, though, that most people stop at “pre-great”, and never get to great.

There could be multiple reasons for this. One reason is they are afraid of the accountability that comes with being in the limelight. Because once your greatness is exposed, you can’t go backwards. You can’t go back into the shadows.

When you excel at what you do best and demonstrate a genuine passion for it, you will be a light – a positive force in the world. We need you to shine your brightest in your area of expertise. When you are not shining, the world is missing out on the unique gifts, talents, and experiences that you bring to the table. Furthermore, God didn’t create you to hide. He created you to shine like a light on a hill (Matthew 5:14-16); and He is going to hold you accountable for how well you utilized what He gave you (Matthew 25:14-30).

Don’t use being afraid of the limelight as an excuse not to be your best and pursue your greatness. If your talents and passions lead you to get attention, don’t focus on the limelight. Instead focus on being a light. And you can’t be a light in the shadows.


Dream B.I.G.,
Paul Wilson, Jr.
www.DreamBIGin3D.com

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