End of Year Relationship Assessment

In your season of singleness, your relationship with Christ is representative of a relationship with your mate. If today was your end of year review and Christ represented your mate, how would you rate in the following areas?

- Quality time spent with Him
- Effective communication with Him
- Ability to resolve conflict with Him
- Demonstration of love towards Him
- Granting Him access to ALL areas of your life
- Ability to accept correction for inappropriate behavior from Him
- Consulting Him for guidance/direction
- Giving your time and talents to Him

If you struggle in the areas listed above, you will probably struggle with interpersonal relationships. Otherwise, you will probably experience a varying level of success.

Brought to you by Chat Kafe, http://www.chatkafeonline.com and Kenny Pugh, http://chatkafe.blogspot.com.

The Black Men Shortage - Essence.com

by Demetria L. Lucas

If I could, I would climb under a rock. That's the only logical way I can think of to avoid the onslaught of articles, primetime TV segments, books, and countless blog discussions lamenting "The Black Man Shortage." (TBMS)

TBMS is something like the black girl equivalent of those end of the world movies that come trotting out every three-day weekend to thrill us with CGI effects, remind us of the importance of family, and most importantly, churn out hundred million dollar returns for a big studio. Whenever anyone in media needs some sort of ratings bonanza or send their website's comments section into a frenzy, they-- the most recent being Nightline-- trot out a story about TBMS, a horrific tale of no love and lots of loss that depicts a single Black woman from [insert any urban center here] clinging to a half-empty apple martini, a Louis Vuitton Damier Speedy or a perfectly-coiffed girlfriends.

I watched the Nightline segment on YouTube the day after it aired (I was trying to avoid it, but my Blackberry Inbox blew up with emails titled "Have you seen this?") I yawned my way through all the stats that I've heard so often they run through my head like a CNN ticker:

*42% per cent of Black women aren't married;

*If every black man in America married a black woman today, one out of 12 black women still wouldn't make it down the aisle if they hoped to marry a black man;

* 70% of professional black women with B.A.s, M.D.s and J.D.s. are "still without the more elusive title: M-R-S."

Copy and past the link below to see the rest of the story... http://www.essence.com/relationships

What Have You Learned About You?

The past week has been one of relaxation, reflection and mental preparation for the year to come. Unfortunately, I figured out that I’ve been living below expectations for myself. However, I was able to identify the source of my problem as being too busy living under the lofty expectations created by others. Fortunately, I’m so critical of myself that I’m always undergoing change will only allow goals to be set by me and God.

2010 will be a year of me utilizing my knowledge, gifts and passions to accomplish BIG things personally and for the Kingdom. I have a thorough understanding of the mortgage and credit industries, so I will use this knowledge to assist people with improving their personal credit while also fulfilling homeownership desires. I have a love-hate relationship with writing, but now know that it’s one of the ways God has allowed me to communicate with His people. Therefore, I will continue working on the various book ideas that currently sit partially complete on my computer. Finally, I have a passion to see people enjoying themselves and building relationships, so be on the lookout for more Chat Kafe events coming in the New Year.

One thing that remains on my spiritual radar is the continual battle I fight against my flesh. In 2 Corinthians 12:7 Paul speaks of a thorn in the flesh and I can readily identify with him. I lost my virginity when I was 13 years old, so sex was a regular part of my life until taking a vow of celibacy at 29. The positive lesson learned is God is ABLE to help you battle things that you can’t fight in your own strength. The negative lesson is Satan will continue to press the buttons he knows has the ability to knock you out of balance if you aren’t connected to God.

The reality of my experience (6 years) is the road hasn’t been smooth sailing without walking or hop-scotching the gray lines or times of passionate escape. Why do I share abstinence so passionately with those who pursue relationships? Because I recognize the power sex has over the hearts and minds of people who partake in the experience. I have had countless sexual experiences with women from different walks of life (being a Kappa and college athlete has its privileges). Why is this important? Because I’ve learned that no one is exempt from the powerful influence of sex in their relationships. Everyone thinks their situation is different because they’re sharing the experience with a ‘special’ person. However, think about all of the past ‘special’ people in your life and how you’ve given yourself to those unworthy of sharing what should be viewed as a worship experience. The reality is once you allow yourself to penetrate or be penetrated; your body continues yearning for that missing component to bring completion. Unfortunately, we search for the missing piece in the form of man/woman when it should be Christ.

I have learned that no person, whether they are a girlfriend or not, deserves to experience that side of me without a covenant/license. A license is required for gun ownership, dog ownership, to drive a car or motorcycle, but far too often we allow anyone with good game, a big butt or extraordinary sex appeal to lure us into meaningless physical relationships. I have learned that I desire so much more and cannot allow physical distraction to keep me from achieving the things God has for me. I shall not be defeated!

What have you learned about you?

Brought to you by KP
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Because of Who You Are by Martha Munizzi

Here is a little worship music for your listening pleasure!

GOING DEEPER!

Ezekiel 47:1-12

This week’s message from my Pastor…Craig L. Oliver, Sr. encourages God’s people to target one goal for 2010…GOING DEEPER! Far too often we inundate ourselves with a bunch of superficial New Year’s goals that many of us fail to keep at year end. The one goal we should all focus on in 2010 is to allow ourselves to go deeper in our relationship with the Lord.

Upon making the shift in our mindset to go deeper in Him, many of the things we desire to achieve in life will become a reality. This is true because we place trust in The One who can place the ‘super’ in our ‘natural’ and align our desires with His will for our lives. The Ezekiel passage is symbolic of the spirit of God working in the lives of those who fully trust Him. He has the ability to cleanse you. He has the ability to cover you. He has the ability to revive you. He has the ability to guide you through the choppy waters of life.

Are you willing to fully immerse yourself in Him?

To purchase this message in its entirety, please contact the Elizabeth Baptist Church at 404-691-3146 or visit www.elizabethbaptist.org

KP

Brought to you by Chat Kafe http://www.chatkafeonline.com and Kenny Pugh http://chatkafe.blogspot.com.

No Time for Fake Ones

James 1:22 - 22 But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves.

While attending The Ohio State University Lil’ Kim came out with a song entitled “No Time for Fake Ones.” Now as a devout Christian I’d dare not say that Lil’ Kim serves as a source of inspiration for a minister’s blog. However, I’m not one of those super, extra-Spiritual Christians who act as if they’ve totally disconnected from their past and never reflect over past experiences . I DO periodically reflect over the past in order to assess how far I’ve come and to remain compassionate towards those who travel a similar path.

As I sit in front of my PC thinking about both the past and present of my life, I am once again been reminded that we must remain true to the call God has placed on our lives no matter if it means redefining friendships/relationships in the process. We must continue listening to the directions He is giving us and disengaging from ‘fake ones’ who help weaken our witnesses by association. God has the ability to continue working on people’s hearts according His will for their lives and so we should leave that in His hands. In the meantime, we DO NOT want to be labeled in the category that James 1:22 speaks of…that of being modern-day ‘fake ones.’

There are plenty of people who are hearers of God’s Word, but far too few doers. To balance this statement out, I’m not saying that we must live a perfect life because none of us in our flesh are capable of doing so. However, I AM saying that as believers we should be continuously working towards walking in the image and likeness of Christ. This includes recognizing our shortcomings and struggles, and diligently seeking guidance in working through them. Not just the ‘popular’ struggles like sex, alcohol, drugs, lying and unforgiveness, but also the minimized struggles like being judgmental, gluttony, homosexuality, cheating, etc. Those of us who continue to hear God’s Word, but fail to apply it to our lives are deceiving ourselves according to James 1:22. Better yet deceivers can classify themselves as modern-day ‘fake ones.’

Now as we prepare to enter into 2010, let us remember that it’s not good enough to be able to quote Scripture, assess the faults of others and talk about all of the good that we’ve done individually. Let us be mindful to take a look from the inside out and assess whether our hearts are truly being transformed on a continual basis? When we are alone in our secret places of isolation would God say you are a ‘fake one’ or a ‘real one’…meaning real or fake image of Him?

KP

Brought to you by Chat Kafe http://www.chatkafeonline.com and Kenny Pugh http://chatkafe.blogspot.com.

All Work and No Play

What I have finally realized toward the latter part of 2009 is the necessity of enjoying life. I’ve taken more trips during the months of August through December 2009 than I had the previous two years combined. I didn’t realize how therapeutic a weekend getaway can be in the life of a person. Not to mention, I have had the opportunity to see and spend more time with my family towards the latter part of this year than I had in 2007 and 2008 combined.

What’s the moral of the story? All work and no play is an unhealthy approach to life. We have shifted into a society that prides itself of hustling in attempt to finally breakthrough and ‘make it’ in life. Working hard isn’t a bad thing, but working smarter is healthier more beneficial to the bigger picture. I’ve reflected on my life and realize that I SHOULD HAVE taken more time to myself and live life over the past 9 years. Unfortunately, I’ve allowed the demands other people place on my life to dictate my schedule. Guess what??? Not anymore .

I will still manage my ministry duties with the same level of compassion as I have in the past. However, I’m now learning to empower others and ask for assistance when needed. I expect great and mighty things to take place in 2010 and having fun will assist in this process. I encourage you to work hard, play hard and nurture the important relationships in your life. I declare and decree that you don’t have to be responsible for everything that takes place in life. Stop allowing yourself to be burdened and used as a crutch by people who may be better served learning through experience. Stop allowing yourself to be used by those who don’t have your best interest in mind. You have not been designated/assigned as Lord and Savior and sometimes people need to find solutions through prayer and fasting. Be willing to discern the difference between being a beacon of light for Christ and being a hindrance in the maturation process of someone.

Lord I thank you for Your illumination and how you speak to me when I am seemingly out of position. I thank You for saving me from myself during the times when it seems as if I’m going to make an unhealthy decision. I thank You for Your continual guidance in life as You seek to direct my path.

KP

Brought to you by Chat Kafe http://www.chatkafeonline.com and Kenny Pugh http://chatkafe.blogspot.com.