Can You ‘Do It’ Standing Up?

It is absolutely amazing to me how many people strategically utilize sex to attract attention from those they have an interest in. Unlike many of my fellow brethren who proclaim the Gospel of Jesus Christ, I am not ashamed to acknowledge my past active sex life. As a matter of fact, I periodically reflect over my past personal escapades and recognize that chapter serves as a very relevant point of reference in my life. That’s why I am so passionate about the message I share with both men and women. I have had my share of sexual experiences and often chuckle at the various attempts women use to temporarily shift my focus. Why? Because I understand that physical fulfillment comes a dime a dozen. The question I will now pose in response to blatant and sly sexual advances is “Can you ‘do it’ standing up?”

Allow me to make this quick public service announcement to all of the men and women who feel compelled to utilize your body as a bargaining tool for establishing relationships. No matter how good you think your sex is…there is someone out there better than you! Now before you become offended, the previous sentence may not have been meant for you ;). Continue reading…

My Sisters
From the standpoint of pure sexual experiences, most men will admit that there is no sex better than NEW sex. That’s why it’s dangerous to become involved in relationships where flesh is the staple holding it together. Let an attractive woman with the bangin’ body cross the path of the ‘boyfriend’ who doesn’t truly care about YOU or value your friendship. The prospect of pursuing, entertaining and ultimately conquering the new challenge is much more exciting than dealing with you as the ‘old faithful.’ You could be doing EVERYTHING right, but will be left heartbroken if he doesn’t operate by the spirit and is unappreciative of the value you bring to the table. That’s why it’s important for you to ask him the question “Can you ‘do it’ standing up?” A man who can bring you spiritual covering and fulfillment standing up is worth much more than one who can only lustfully satisfy you lying down.

My Brothers
Now, I won’t allow my sisters off the hook because there are a number of women who are also driven by the flesh. Their actions and pursuit of sexual variety similar to the reality television stars also leads to heartbroken men. I think we often overlook the women cheaters, which is unfortunate because that component plays a part in the downfall of some male-female relationships. If you allow the wrong focus to stimulate a woman’s interest, you may find yourself in a situation where your quest for a serious relationship is camouflaged through buddy status or an informal ‘maintenance man’ contract. Before getting involved with the next woman be sure to ask “Can you ‘do it’ standing up?” A woman who brings you peace while standing up is worth much more than one who can only satisfy you lying down.

Can You ‘Do It’ Standing Up?
What do I mean by ‘doing it’ standing up? The reality is there are men and women in almost every setting of life capable of bringing you happiness lying down. Each of us who has tasted the forbidden fruit should have personal testimonies to support this. How many times must you go through the same test where you figure out the person you are dating is ill-equipped to satisfy you standing up only after having given yourself to him/her physically? Your quest should now center on following Christ and connecting with the man/woman who brings you happiness through non-physical means. Stop allowing yourself to remain in emotional bondage to relationships that hinge on 45 minutes – 1 hour (on average) sessions of physical intimacy with a boyfriend/girlfriend. There are 24 hours in a day and 45 minutes/1 hour pales significantly in comparison to the other 16 hours (24 hours/day – 8 hours of sleep) of involvement with someone who doesn’t make you happy. Don’t fail the same test again!

Next time ask if he/she can ‘do it’ standing up and here are some examples of what I mean:
1. Can he/she demonstrate a commitment to follow Christ? ( Luke 9:23)
2. Can he/she show the love of Christ in their interaction with others? (Matthew 25:35-40)
3. Can he/she offer godly counsel to you as a friend? (Psalm 1:1)
4. Can he/she show evidence of spiritual fruit? (Galatians 5:22)
5. Can he/she forgive those from their past? (Matthew 18:21-35)
6. Can he/she show support for the things that are important to you?
7. Can he/she show the ability to resolve conflict?
8. Can he/she produce a vision for the future?
9. Can he/she communicate effectively?
10. Can he/she show continual desire to improve in every area of life (spiritual, financial, professional, physical, emotional and mental, etc.)?

‘Doing it’ standing up has far greater impact to the purpose of life. Two people coming together with purpose is much more powerful than 1.5. Don’t allow temporary release to blind your ability to make good, sound, spiritual decisions. If you keep doing the same thing, you’ll continue getting the same results!

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Hopefully Helpless by Paul Wilson, Jr.

No one ever likes to feel helpless. No one likes to feel powerless to do anything about his/her situation. No one likes to feel lost without an answer.

Whether we admit it or not, we really are helpless… outside of the will of God. So although I realize that I am helpless without Him, I am extremely hopeful because I have all the help I need in Him.

We like to relish in the fact that we have abilities, talents and experience. Sometimes, though, we forget that it’s God who gave those things to us. And without His empowerment every single day we wouldn’t be able to do anything with all that we have been given.

We especially need to remember this when we are taking on huge God-inspired tasks that can only be accomplished with His strength. The key is not to focus on what you can’t do, but on what God can do. Just remember, if He has given you a job to do, He will also enable you to be able to do it successfully.

Sometimes, though, we unnecessarily overload ourselves when we zealously pursue our own passions and pleasures. The weight of these pursuits can become overwhelming, especially if they are outside of God’s will for us.

Proverbs 10:22 says, “The blessing of the LORD brings wealth, and he adds no trouble to it.” Ask yourself how much trouble came with the acquisition of your goal. Because if you are experiencing feelings of immense weights and burdens, it could be that you have acquired something God never intended for you to have.

When you are doing what He’s called you to do, you will have everything you need to succeed. When you’re not doing what He’s called you to do, you will never have enough.

Dream B.I.G.,
Paul Wilson, Jr.

Transform your dream from an idea into a purpose-driven, passionate, prosperous life!... www.DreamBIGin3D.com

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Dear God's Good Girls

I am writing this brief blog to the many women who are trying to do things ‘right’ according to God’s Word. I know I am NOT a woman and I definitely enjoy my masculinity, but I do recognize your current frustration in today’s environment of male-female relationships. Just so we are clear as to what my definition of doing ‘right’ is, allow me to further explain. Here are the characteristics of how a God good girl should operate based on MY interpretation of God’s Word.

1. God’s Good Girl has accepted Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior of her life. (1 John 5:12-13)
2. God’s Good Girl serves faithfully in ministry and enjoys doing God’s work. (1 Cor. 7:32)
3. God’s Good Girl is actively working to improve herself in ALL areas of life in preparation for the mate God has for her (i.e. spiritually, financially, socially, professionally, mentally and emotionally). ( Proverbs 31)
4. God’s Good Girl has forgiven all of her ex-boyfriends for their relationship failures and has purged all hurts. This includes acknowledging your contribution to the demise of the relationship. (Matthew 18:21-22)
5. God’s Good Girl recognizes that her body is a temple and protects (doesn’t give it away sexually), adorns (dresses respectfully) and preserves it (exercises). (1 Cor. 6:18-20)

Many of my Christian sisters are dedicated and consistently operate according to the principles outlined above. I also want to emphasize that nowhere did I mention that you have to be perfect so don’t place too much pressure on yourself to do so. As we see in Romans 3:23, “All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” This includes the many pastors, preachers, evangelists and prophets who act as if they have the ability to walk on water.

If you fall in the God’s Good Girl category and consistently find yourself frustrated because you still encounter relationship challenges, I say do not let your faith waiver. I say to remain focused on the ‘main thing’ (salvation and Christian living) and allow God to orchestrate the rest. Believe me…I know this is easier said than done. Especially, as you watch those around you who operate in a less than godly manner continue to get married. Is there something wrong with you? Should you simply give up on the lifestyle you’ve chosen to live and go back to ‘dating as usual’? It depends…

There are a lot of people who are married, but not necessarily happily married. Don’t allow your temporary seasons of loneliness cause you to make a decision that will make your life miserable. We often get caught-up in the celebration of two people coming together, but rarely share in their misery of a bad mate choice until the relationship is virtually over. You’d rather continue persevering with expectancy in the God Who is able to meet your desires, than to give up and rely on yourself to make a flesh-led decision that may lead to further misery. What about the guys who don’t want to live with your decision to be celibate? The reality is many guys won’t necessarily embrace the idea (this isn’t the traditional minister answer). You have to make the decision whether you are open to giving someone access to something they don’t have a license to operate. A LOT OF WOMEN AND MEN DO! The problem is the attachment and bond that is formed through the sexual act and the inability to see clearly after the act is completed. I DO NOT recommend you eliminate a man just because he makes an advance at you. I DO recommend that you better manage your boundaries so you don’t find yourselves in situations where you have to deal with those advances.

If you’ve made the decision to follow God and His directives expecting things to operate in your timing, then you’re setting yourself up for failure. Everyone I’ve known that has tried to walk in alignment with God’s principle have all reached a point along the journey where they became a little frustrated and began to petition God for direction. However, they remained fully engaged in ministry and God placed someone in their path who they ultimately grew to love.

I know the journey can be somewhat lonely and another “Keep the faith,” “Keep hope alive,” and “God has someone perfect for you” proclamation from a preacher may not do the trick. Just remember…there are some God’s Good Guys out there who are going through a similar journey as you in their quest for relational happiness. The prayer is for God to continue preparing His Good Girls and Good Guys and allowing them to cross each others’ paths. As an unmarried man, I share in the same challenges as you to manage my fleshly desires while pursuing after God’s righteousness. It’s not easy and was never meant to be after the fall of man, but that is what will make each of us appreciate the treasure at the end of the journey.

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Stop Sharing Your Business

I am often asked who I share my personal life with by those who cross my path. The answer to that question is quite complex and can best be summed up by saying “it depends.” For the most part, I share a lot of what’s going on in my life with those who read my personal blog. I am naturally a very quiet person who enjoys spending downtime alone in order to sort out my thoughts, generate new ideas and decompress from the stress of wearing many hats. Fortunately, blogging allows me to expose that side of my mind to those of you who have an interest in learning more about what goes on in my head.

For the more intimate areas of my life, I have a number of people I solicit feedback and advice from. The one lesson I’ve learned over time is NOT EVERYONE QUALIFIES FOR ACCESS INTO THE INTIMATE PART OF MY LIFE. I have separate people/advisors who provide input to my business aspirations, spiritual growth opportunities, relationship challenges (YES…the relationship coach seeks outside counsel when situations arise :)), ministry direction and ‘personal mess.’ My approach allows me to place my issues in the hands of those with a level of competency to help. Most people seek out specialized counsel in all areas of their lives except their ‘personal mess.’ The problem with this is they share too much of themselves with the wrong person/people. Your ‘personal mess’ is something that should only be shared with people who are extremely trustworthy and who have demonstrated a level of trust over a period of time. I look to those who apply Proverbs 11:12-13 to their lives…“A man who lacks judgment derides his neighbor, but a man of understanding holds his tongue. A gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy man keeps a secret” The moral of the story is to identify people in your life who can hold their tongue. Otherwise, your secrets are as good as the ears of that person’s gossip friend(s). When in doubt, the Lord is your best source of confidence and direction.

If people around you insist on trying to learn more about your ‘personal mess,’ tell them IT'S NONE OF YOUR DOGGONE BUSINESS! :)

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False Start Relationships

Many people are being disqualified from relationship race toward marriage daily because they are running in races God never cleared them to start. In the sport of Track and field, the race officially begins when the starter gives the starting orders (On Your Mark...Set...) and concludes with the firing of a gun (GO!). At the sound of the gun all participants in the race are cleared to run and give their best because they've been cleared to start. If a runner happens to start before the sound of the gun, the gun sounds again resulting in a false start warning and places him/her on the road to disqualification. In some races, the runner is automatically disqualified even after one false start.

So what am I saying...

Many adults in our society are in the starting block of relationships, anticipating the firing of the starting gun. However, instead of listening for the starting sound from the Lord, they find ourselves hearing alternative starting signals (ie, lust, looks, wealth, power, sex) they mistake for an official clearance from God. God typically provides people the opportunity to retake their position in the starting blocks, but few ever do. As a result, the disqualification of relationships is evident in our society as confirmed by our divorce rate, single parent households and lack of value placed on the family structure. Let's wake up people!!! We have time to get it right, but let's break the chain of bad decisions and fleshly living.

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Christian Men's Confidence in Overdrive

It is often the very flawed perception that all or most Christian single women are anxious to be with any available or eligible Christian single man in the church or ministry circle. This is a very bad perception. While it may be true for some, it certainly is not true for all. Let us offer you a different perspective from the single women who are not anxious, are willing to wait on God’s best for our lives, and contrary to popular belief, may even purposely keep you (certain men) at arms length just as you may think you keep certain women, simply because we are being obedient and listening to God. It should be understood that not all women are standing by waiting anxiously for the men in the ministry to give them the time of day, but there are many women who are carrying on and living a purpose driven life as well, and not necessarily pining over the men as the ego may tell you.

Men should avoid the over confidence of thinking that every Christian single woman in the church or ministry either likes them or is after them just because they may feel they are “one of the most eligible single men in church.” This is surely confidence in overdrive. Be aware that a woman can be cool or friendly with any man in the ministry and still not want to be with them as the men may overconfidently assume. The man can be all that society says the most eligible Bachelor should be, but that doesn’t mean the woman wants to be with you just because she is cool with you., or you assume you are so handsome and well spoken that she ’must’ in fact like you just like all the other women. Not all women live by the statistics society offers, and men should not assume so. She may be friendly with you for any of the following reasons:

1. She may just admire and respect you as a man of God. She may see your character traits and use that to help her to decipher the type of qualities she should be open to with the men that approach her. She can be friendly and cool as beans with you , but brothas please don’t assume that she is after you because of it. That is only confidence in overdrive.

2. She could desire a brotherly type of relationship from a Christian man that she can turn to for Christian support from a single male’s perspective. It’s part of what Christian men and women should be for one another anyway, but one should not assume anything more than friendship unless it is specified. Men should abstain from the need to assume that women are after them because they may have them as confidantes. That is confidence in overdrive.

3. She might even actually have an interest in getting to know you better because of character she sees so far, but don’t assume that you are her focus because you feel you are handsome and know the word, or even have one thousand women after you for that matter. She may very well be paying closer attention to your character as well as the character of others, and there is nothing wrong with that. Women vet the men just like men do the women (we are not always as desperate as you think). If she is vetting you, take it as a compliment and nothing more, especially if she loves God, has a good head on her shoulders, and proves mental stability. In addition, in spite of what statistics may tell you, don’t assume you are the only man in review. More importantly, do not make the arrogant assumption that she “likes” you just because she may want to get to know you better. If she specifically states she is interested on her own or if asked, that is another thing. Otherwise, do not assume she is after you. It is only your confidence in overdrive..


Women:

If you are anxious, chasing the men, or doing anything to make them feel like they are deers to be hunted, please refrain from it. In Phillipians 4:6 it tells you to be anxious for nothing, but wait on God. Busy yourself with working on your purpose in life and everything else will be added to you, especially when you just walk in God’s word and leave your relationship worries and/or any insecurities to him. When you are lonely, that is a perfect opportunity to use that time to draw even closer to God.

Please also note, behaving in an anxious manner or chasing the men make it bad for the women who are not anxious, but willing to wait on God. Men shouldn’t be afraid to have conversations or friendships with the women in the church for fear that we are “after” them, (and vice-versa) because of the behavior of the anxious or aggressive people. These assumptions men have are then projected onto everyone and again this is a very bad and flawed perception.


Men:

The women who are not anxious can’t stress this enough: Not every woman is after you! Your confidence and ego may be in overdrive.

………no matter how handsome, how smart, how much you know the word, or how much of a leader you are. You may even be used to all of the other women throwing themselves at you, but that doesn’t mean that ‘every’ woman that is friendly with you or cool with you is also after you just the same. Men should consider that there may be some emotional imbalances that would allow certain women to throw themselves at the men and be overly aggressive and/or anxious. Men should know that there are still balanced women that exist and that do not spend all of their waking moments hoping the men will “choose us,” but we are content with ourselves and are stable enough to chase God, not man and let him add to us in his time.
Avoid the over confidence and overactive ego. A sensible Christian single woman sees this as a huge turn-off and a great character flaw.


Men and Women

As Christian brothas and sistas we should be able to have platonic friendships with one another without thinking there are any “angles” other than a friendship. If a friend turns out to be who God has for you, that is a wonderful blessing. Otherwise, you never know why God may allow someone to cross your path- it may be just a person he put in place to help carry out a piece of your life purpose and that‘s it. It’s not always the reason we assume. Remember to pray, and God reveals all thru various avenues… and please avoid the confidence in overdrive


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Dare to be Uncommon! by Paul Wilson, Jr.

Most people want to blend in with everyone else. I want to be “uncommon”. An uncommon person is one who is willing to do whatever it takes to see his/her dream accomplished. You can’t expect to do what everyone else does and get better results. You have to be willing to take some risks to be out of the ordinary.

Here’s what’s required to be uncommon:

Unique blend of humility and ambition, i.e. the drive to excel without running over people.
Non-conforming to the boxes that society tries to put them in.
Courageous commitment that embraces sacrifice and supercedes convenience.
Optimistic expectations in the face of unrelenting challenges, i.e. passionate perseverance.
Maximum utilization of creativity, talents, skills, and resources.
Maximizing opportunities in the moment versus procrastinating.
Overcoming fear in order to accomplish great feats.
Never quit! Never stop believing! Never stop dreaming!

An uncommon attitude yields uncommon results. Dare to be UNCOMMON!

Dream B.I.G.,

Paul Wilson, Jr.
Connect with me on twitter.com/pwilsonjr
B.I.G. Dreams are coming soon to a mind near you! www.DreamBIGin3D.com

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