Personal Blog Transition

Hey Family,

I am making some changes for 2011 and transitioning my new blog posts to http://www.kennypugh.com. Please visit, sign-up & register to receive my updates in 2011.

Thanks for all of the support you've given to me in 2010.

KP

Can’t Be Friends – Wish We Never Did it!

I’ve had the privilege over the past two days to post discussion questions on the topic “Can men and women be friends?” At the surface the answer is very simple…”Of course they can be friends.” With all factors being equal, two grown, adult individuals should have no trouble maintaining a level of positive interaction while not approaching the emotional boundaries that typically send one of the involved parties into a state of desiring more.

Let’s be real for a minute…scenarios involving men and women, born of God and created with emotions seem to be a little more complex than vanilla question posed in the first sentence.

Back to reality…

I’ve recently become enamored with Trey Songz’ hit “Can’t Be Friends.” This song has a very nice flow, is pretty straightforward and encompasses so many emotions men and women embody when they find themselves connected to someone. I know the direct connotation of “I wish we never did it…” refers to crossing the physical boundaries of passion and allowing themselves to become in love/lust with the experiences. I would like to also take creative liberty to further expound upon this connotation. I’d like to offer-up that a lot people (including Christians) wished they had not fantasized about having an enhanced relationship with someone who God never cleared, certified or confirmed the mutual feelings with. Sometimes it is even more dangerous to allow one’s emotions to be tied to a self-initiated, tunnel vision view that so often results in a disappointing life experience…also known as heartbreak.

Do you know why disappointment settles into our lives? It is a result of our reality never reaching our expectations. Whenever our reality falls short of our unmanaged expectations disappointment is certain to occur.

Can men and women really be friends? Yes…but both have to have the maturity and selflessness required to ensure the emotional and physical boundaries are never breached. If either party finds themselves in an unhealthy state of mind, it may be in their best interest to retreat from the friendship in order to regain emotional stability. I’ve lost several friends due to an imbalance of how we viewed one another, but gained a level of respect for them because they knew the value in disconnecting from me in order to find stability. It is at this point that I feel led to include the super-spiritual advice of “Let God fill the void in your life,” but will refrain and advise that you “Allow God’s wisdom to steer you out of situations that are emotionally unhealthy for you.” However, if you are able to manage your emotional connection with the other person, then make the most of a friendship that may be used to teach you something in preparation for your future.

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YES…I’m Human Too!!!

I’ve been reflecting on the event(s) that have taken place over the past week and had to take an assessment of what I’m giving off. Accepting a call into ministry places the minister in a position where the public looks at him or her under a different lens. This is why it’s very dangerous for those who enter into ministry for other reasons other than to share the message of Christ. The old folks say that many are called, but only a few are chosen. Most ministers don’t run towards the call of ministry and most will tell you they actually tried to run away. The reason is because of the AWESOME responsibility associated with sharing God’s message with His people. I tried to elude my call into ministry for years before I actually relinquished control and surrendered unto Him.

Ministry extends a special perceived power to the vessel God calls and this power can be both positive and negative. Unfortunately, because of people’s humanity, some desire to use it to manipulate and take advantage of those seeking to find hope through messages that are supposedly shared from the “Word of God!” However, others recognize that when the message of God is shared from a God-focused perspective, it can help transform the lives of people forever by offering salvation, hope, love, peace and comfort.

I accepted my call into ministry because I understood that God is in control and wanted to allow myself to be used for the purpose He created me for. I realized that He designed and purposed me to leverage my past successes and failures in order to pour into the lives of unmarried Christians across the world. Fortunately, I’ve had the opportunity to speak at singles conferences, workshops, Sunday morning services, panel discussions and more. Despite all of the doors God has opened for me, I still take periodic looks in the mirror and remind myself that I’m human too.

I am a man born of a woman with few days and full of trouble (Job 14.1). By virtue of my humanity, I too have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God (Rom. 3:23). I have to be mindful about portraying an image that gives off an aura of perfection. Any ministry leader who operates with a pedestal mentality will ultimately fall or be struck down. God is jealous and won’t allow anyone to place himself/herself in a position to solicit worship.

I will continue blogging about my experiences, both positive and negative…I’m human too. I recognize the only vessel of perfection came in the person of Jesus Christ. I have and will continue to fall short, but won’t play God’s grace card as a reason to intentionally sin. I am a heterosexual man who is attracted to women. Because of my past experiences, I have to be very mindful of placing myself in compromising positions that may tempt me to cross the boundaries of purity. The same challenges unmarried Christians face in the journey of celibacy, I face and deal with daily too. I DO NOT desire to have people place me on a pedestal, but merely want to serve as an example for people to reference when and if they start to feel weary in the Christian walk.

I will continue preaching. I will continue speaking. I will continue promoting healthy relationships. I will continue teaching and facilitating workshops. I will continue learning to deal with temptations. I will continue living life daily by denying myself, taking up my cross and following Christ (Luke 9:23). But at the end of the day…I have to remember that I’m human too and need God’s continual mercy and grace.


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Brought to you by Kenny Pugh – http://www.kennypugh.com and Chat Kafe – http://www.chatkafeonline.com.

A New Season

Today marks the first day of Fall and I decided that it was time for me to make changes along with the season. I’m actually ashamed that I allowed the busyness of life to take me away from one of the things I thought was important to me…writing. Time will ultimately reveal if my writing is really a life passion or simply a fad. Se lah

I digress…

I never really paid attention to it, but it seems as if God was preparing me over the past couple of months for this change of season. For some reason I woke up this morning with an extreme sense of peace despite knowing something different is taking place in my life. As I posted via Facebook, I know I’m going through a purging process where it feels as if things are being shifted and removed from my life. This feeling seems very familiar and last time it occurred I ended up accepting my call into ministry, losing some ‘friends’ and making a vow of celibacy. It’s a great feeling to know God is able to provide a sense of peace during a time when I would have normally started to freak out (thinking back to 2004). I am humbled that my spiritual maturity has taken me to this place. I’m not sure if it was meant to correspond with today’s calendar change of seasons, but God seems to align things in a way that only He can receive the glory. A new season brings about opportunity for new experiences and new praise!

What is the moral of the story for you?
1. Recognize that God is always in control of life no matter what it looks like.
2. Give God praise in advance for the things that are taking place in your life even when they don’t feel good to you.
3. If everyday seems comfortable to you, then you have to ask if you are truly being expanded.
4. Be willing to sacrifice and let some things/people go in order to make room for the new things/people God wants to send your way.
5. When you begin to doubt, refer to point #1.

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Brought to you by Kenny Pugh – http://www.kennypugh.com and Chat Kafe – http://www.chatkafeonline.com.

Relationship Tip of the Week - July 7, 2010

Are your expectations too high? Disappointment occurs when your reality doesn’t meet your expectations. Have you set your bar of expectation so high that no one will ever be able to reach it? It is okay to have desires, but make sure that you are personally willing and able to live up to the criteria you have put in place. It is unacceptable to request that your mate be God-fearing, financially savvy and compassionate, if you ARE NOT striving towards those same goals.

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Relationship Intangibles

It’s hard to believe, but even after you have acquired a Bachelors, Masters or PhD, there is still no guarantee that your relationships will be successful. Many of us have been misled into thinking that a college degree, money in the bank, corporate career and prestigious awards are the foundation of successful relationships. Living here in Atlanta has allowed me to witness the rise and fall of many relationships based on ‘tangible things’. With the success many women are now experiencing academically and in their careers, there is a sense of expectancy that many of them carry into personal relationships. Newsflash…the intangibles (aka little things) are what make for successful long-term relationships. Intangibles can include, but are not limited to the following: 1) caring, 2) gentleness, 3) selflessness, 4) peace, 5) patience, 6) steadfastness, etc. How many of you evaluate your potential lifemates based on the above intangible characteristics?

Men with money and women with beauty are easy to find because they come in abundance. Will they be there for you when you are down and out? Will they remain with you after being laid-off from a job? Will they console you when you experience sadness in your life? Will they remain patient with you as you go through your personal growing pains? These are the questions you need to be able to answer when evaluating a potential mate.

My buddy put it best a long time ago when he recommended that I only accept applications from ‘B-students’ when searching for my wife. You may be asking yourself what is a B-Student? Glad you asked. A B-student is the one who never received an abundance of attention while in school, but always did quality work on every assignment. They are the ones who didn’t receive the top academic awards, but will always be successful in everything they do. What does this mean to you?

For men, A-students are the beautiful women who receive an abundance of attention everywhere they go. Many of them are only sustained by their beauty and have no self-esteem outside of their beauty. Why do men say the pretty girls bring the most drama along with them? Men say this because ‘pretty girls’ are sustained by external accolades and not internal sustained sufficiency.

For women, A-students are the overachieving men who are sustained by accomplishments and public acknowledgment. They lack the sensitive character makeup needed to be successful fathers and good husbands. A-students are able to provide for you financially and can buy you some pretty awesome gifts, but in the end…many will disappoint you.

The real question that you need to ask yourself is this…

Would I be happy growing old with this person with no money, possessions or public acknowledgments?


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Brought to you by Kenny Pugh – http://www.kennypugh.com and Chat Kafe – http://www.chatkafeonline.com.

**All of my new blogs will be posted via http://chatkafe.blogspot.com. Please join to receive my blog updates**

Let’s Wait A While – Are You Worth The Wait?

In 1986, Janet Jackson came out with a popular hit titled “Let’s Wait A While” that took the country by storm. The words of the hit song used to epitomize the approach that ‘quality’ women took when dealing with men in dating and relationships. Unfortunately, things have shifted from “Let’s Wait A While” to a “have-to-have it” mentality.

The modern day approach is pretty predictable and standard. Man meets woman. They exchange information. They go out. Man taps into the mind of the woman. Proper mind tapping results in an open heart and open body experience. It’s usually that easy. Tupac stated it best in his song "I Get Around" when he said, "I don't want it if that's easy!" This can be better translated as "I won't want YOU if it's that easy!"

Now there is nothing wrong with the above formula as long as it’s with the person you are destined to spend your life with. However, the above equation has gone from a Hollywood fairytale experience, to a merry-go-round experience with the flavor of the week. Would you share your retirement account with someone who isn’t vested? Well, why treat your personal treasure with someone who isn’t licensed? Hmmm…

Have women taken on a more male-minded mentality when it comes to sex?
Do women have a ‘probation’ period before they release themselves physically to someone they’re dating?
Why NOT make men wait for the prize if you believe it’s worth it?

Why don’t men take a “Let’s Wait A While” approach when dealing with women?
Do men not respect women who make a commitment to saving their treasure for marriage?

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Brought to you by Kenny Pugh – http://www.kennypugh.com and Chat Kafe – http://www.chatkafeonline.com.

**All of my new blogs will be posted via http://chatkafe.blogspot.com and http://www.kennypugh.com. Please join either site to receive my blog updates**