Passion to Die For by Paul Wilson, Jr.

When I look at all uprising and chaos happening in Iran right now, I feel appalled, saddened, helpless, and challenged all at the same time. It’s somewhat frightening but also inspiring to see so many people fighting against what many would call a hopeless battle against a tyrannical oppressive regime.

Seeing the videos and pictures and hearing all the stories of so many young people intentionally putting themselves in harm’s way for what they believe in forces me to ask myself:

“What do I believe in so much that I’m REALLY willing to die for it?”

Some people get scared when I ask are they willing to die for what they believe in. The truth is dying for what you believe in has many different aspects to it. Death involves sacrifice. While the sacrifice could be your life, it could also mean sacrificing your personal comfort or convenience, recreational time, material possessions, frivolous desires, or ambitious pursuits. Your level of commitment to die for something comes down to how passionate you are about living for it.

Passion is such an overused term these days. One of the most common definitions of passion is “excitement or enthusiasm for something.” Unfortunately people’s use of this definition is often directed toward activities or interests that have minimal long-term significance.

“How passionate are you - REALLY?”

When I think about true passion, I believe it goes much further than just excitement or enthusiasm. I see passion as an intense desire, deep commitment, and persistent perseverance to see something all the way through to its end – no matter the cost. This definitely describes what we’re seeing in Iran. I dare say that most people’s “passions” barely reach the level of the young martyrs over there.

Since I presented an enhanced definition of passion, here’s some critical questions related to discovering what your true passion(s) might be. Consider your answers in the context of your family, community, nation, or world:
 What issues motivate you to take action?
 What concerns or irritates you that you would like to change?
 What problem in the world would you like to help solve?
 How do you want to make an impact with your life?
 What keeps you awake at night?
 What are you willing to suffer or die for?
 What group of people do you carry a burden for?

Just like the images coming out of Tehran have challenged me to make a deeper commitment to the things I say I’m passionate about, I am challenging you also to take your passion to another level. One key aspect of living a thriving life is that when you have found something to die for, it’s easy to live for it.

Dream B.I.G.,
Paul Wilson, Jr.

Need help discovering your passion? Get your copy of Dream B.I.G. in 3D: How to Pursue a Bold, Innovative, God-Inspired Life! at www.DreamBIGin3D.com

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Is Cohabitation Sexually Immorality? by Mark Carrara

I found this article while doing some research and want to share it with you for consideration.



In a poll on religion and the family conducted for Religion & Ethics Newsweekly, 49% of Americans said that cohabitation was acceptable. In my experience that percentage is probably not much different in the church. But in the August 2005 issue of Psychology Today, there was an article entitled, "The Cohabitation Trap: When 'Just Living Together' Sabotages Love" by Nancy Wartik.

The article concluded that, “Living together before marriage seems like a smart way to road test the relationship. But cohabitation may lead you to wed for all the wrong reasons--or turn into a one-way trip to splitsville.”

There are a few common reasons behind cohabitation...
a. Some see cohabitation as sort of marriage experiment.
b. Some believe living together will help them make a more informed decision about marriage.
c. And for some living together just makes good economic sense.

First lets see what the Bible says and then I give you some research from a non-Christian source. Is cohabitation sexual immorality? What does the Bible say about cohabitation?

Defining Sexual immorality

The Greek word pornea is often translated into English as "sexual immorality." It is a broad word that includes a whole host of deviant and not so deviant (by cultural standards) sexual behavior. It includes things like prostitution, incest, bestiality, adultery, pornography, homosexuality, and fornication. One definition of fornication is having sex with someone you're not married to.

So is Cohabitation Sexual immorality? The answer is maybe!

(1) Cohabitation generally includes the idea of sharing the same bed, which most definitely falls under the definition of sexual immorality. The Bible calls clearly defines that as sexual immorality and God tells us to avoid it. It’s pretty straightforward. So in a vast majority of cases cohabitation leads to sexual immorality.

(2) But -- “What if we’re living together but not sleeping together or having sex. We’re just living under the same roof?” Well technically cohabitation under those circumstances isn’t sexual immorality. If that's true then why does the "church" have such a dim view of it? Although cohabitation under these circumstances isn't sexual immorality there are other biblical principles related to this that need to be considered. Let me list a few.

• Your Reputation

“Abstain from all appearance of evil.” I The. 5:22 (KJV)

“But among you there must not even be a hint of sexual immorality...” Eph. 5:3 (NIV)

Your Christian testimony (reputation) and even that of your church may be damaged if you live in a cohabitation arrangement. Not everyone will know, ask, or even believe that you're not having sex with your partner. You may think, "That's their problem, not mine." Well, that's only partly true because the God wants us to live above reproach and avoid situations that even hint of sexual immorality - like cohabitation. Even though you may not be committing sexual immorality your living arrangements may damage your integrity with other and reflect poorly on you, your church, and God.

• Your Love For Others

“If what I eat is going to make another Christian sin, I will never eat meat again as long as I live – for I don't want to make another Christian stumble.” I Cor. 8:13 (NLT)

Paul made a practice of avoiding activities that he knew would be offensive to others. Some of the things he avoided he would have avoided no matter what. But other things he avoided he did so, not because they were wrong or sinful, but simply because he knew some people would have a problem with them. The principle is called "deference." Deference is limiting your freedom for the sake of others. For example, if you had a five year old child you're probably careful about what movies you let them watch. In fact, you may actually wait until they are in bed before you watch certain programming. Why? Out of deference for them. You love them and care about them and so you're willing to reshape your behavior and even limit it for your child's benefit. Cohabitation is a sensitive issue still for many people, especially in the church. Why not show your love for others by choosing to limit your freedom and decide not to cohabitate?

• Your Freedom

“Everyone is tempted by his own desires as they lure him away and trap him.” James 1:14 (GWT)

The Bible tells us over and over again to avoid, flee from, run from temptation - especially sexual immorality. By living with someone of the opposite sex you set yourself up for temptation, which just sets you up for failure. All it takes is just one moment of weakness. Even when the person you cohabitate with is not your boyfriend/girlfriend/fiance the temptations are still there. Even if you're not attracted to your roommates they may be attracted to you or they may bring home friends unannounced. Any number of things can and will conspire against you to put you in a compromising and tempting situation. If you value your freedom from sin and especially sexual immorality then avoid cohabitation.

• Your Conscience

“Whenever our conscience condemns us, we will be reassured that God is greater than our conscience and knows everything.” 1 John 3:20 (GWT)

"Remember, it is sin to know what you ought to do and then not do it." James 4:17 (NLT)

Finally, we all have that small still voice called the Holy Spirit that speaks to us. If your conscience tells you, "Don't do this." That would be the Holy Spirit and it's best to listen to that voice. If you're conflicted about doing it that a good sign that you should not do it. In the immortal words of Monty Python and the Holy Grail - "Run Away!" When you begin to make choices that conflict with your conscience you begin to harden your heart toward God. It's a slippery slope that just takes you, almost imperceptibly, further and further away from God.

What does the research say?

Research on this issue has yielded some interesting findings. And by the way the research is predominantly not done by Christians who might be tempted to skew the results.

• Couples who move in together before marriage hare two times more likely to divorce than couples who marry before living together.
• Couples who lived together before marriage tend to have poorer-quality marriages than couples who did not cohabitate before marriage.
• Couples who cohabitate before marriage tend to be less committed to their spouse and less likely to remain faithful than couples who did not cohabitate.
• Men who cohabit are especially less likely to ever commit to marriage.
• Couples who cohabitate tend to have less traditional views about marriage which, among other things, tends to weaken their faith and belief in God.
• Children who live with their parents in cohabitation arrangements tend to have more emotional and/or academic problems than children who live with two married parents.
• Children whose parents modeled cohabitation are more likely to do the same than children whose parents modeled marriage first.

Is cohabitation ever acceptable?

I believe there are some exceptions. For example, when family members cohabitate such as brother and sister. And there probably are some other cases where it would be acceptable. You'd have to evaluate each on a case by case basis.

How do I get out of a cohabitation situation?

As fast as possible! Most people stay in them, even when they conclude they are wrong, because (1) they're afraid they'll lose their significant other, (2) they're afraid they'll lose money, (3) they don't have the money to move.

So what do you do? First, explain to your partner why you need to do this. Don't waiver in your conviction on this. If they really love you they will come around. If they don't you may have saved yourself a great deal of pain later in life. Second, put an immediate end to any sexual immorality and take steps to protect yourself from it in the future. Third, deal fairly with the financial issues but don't let a loss of some finances keep you from pleasing the Lord and doing what you know is right. God can restore what you "lose." Fourth, make financial arrangements to move out. Start saving money, talk to another friend who may need a roommate, etc. Fifth, Move out or have them move out as soon as possible. Of course be sure to pray always during this process for God's help, favor, and courage to do what you must do. You may be surprised how God comes through for you!

Summary: Whether the circumstances surrounding cohabitation make it sexual immorality or not the Biblical precedence is that it should be avoided. Even the research surrounding this issue makes it clear that cohabitation is bad news for everybody involved. Common sense says no, the research says no, even the Bible says no - so I would conclude that cohabitation is bad news and in most cases it probably is sin as well.

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Powered by Purpose by Paul Wilson, Jr.

“With great power comes great responsibility.”

If you remember, this was a line from Uncle Ben in the movie Spider-Man as he was attempting to give some advice to Peter Parker. Peter initially rejected the advice, but later came to understand and embrace the significance of that profound statement in terms of how he should use his superhero powers.

Although you may not have superhero powers, there is great personal power in knowing your purpose. Upon recognizing his/her purpose, a person is empowered to live a life of meaning, significance, and fulfillment. However, knowing your purpose is not a license to live however you desire. It’s actually the opposite.

In Luke 12:48 Jesus said it like this, “From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked."

You may not have thought of your purpose in these terms. But knowing your purpose is an incredible gift. It’s up to you how you will treat this gift – carefully or carelessly.

Be careful what you ask for…

Most people go through life with an intense desire to understand and pursue their purpose. This is both natural and understandable. I wonder though how often people think about the responsibilities that are attached to knowing their purpose. The thing is once your purpose has been revealed to you, you are then challenged and obliged to fully pursue it. There are no “opt-out” provisions or “do-not-call” lists.

Someone desiring to know their purpose and then not wanting to fulfill the responsibilities that come with it would be similar to being given a child, but not wanting to nurture, protect, and provide for that child. Expectations and responsibilities are inseparable from being a parent, just like expectations and responsibilities are inseparable from knowing your purpose.

Ignorance is not an excuse…

You might be saying, “On second thought, I would rather not know my purpose.” Well, just because you don’t want to know your purpose or aren’t actively pursuing it, doesn’t get you off the hook. God gives life to purpose and gives purpose to every life. So even if you don’t admit to wanting to know your purpose, God still has expectations for your life.

With purpose comes accountability to pursue and complete the earthly assignment that you have been assigned. Don’t let this frighten or discourage you. Since God gave you a purpose, He also gave you the means to accomplish His purpose for your life (Ephesians 1:18-19).

Embrace your purpose and engage His power, so you can experience His promises!

Dream B.I.G.,
Paul Wilson, Jr.

When God puts a dream in your heart it is His will, desire and expectation that you fulfill it. Get your copy of Dream B.I.G. in 3D: How to Pursue a Bold, Innovative, God-Inspired Life! at www.DreamBIGin3D.com

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The Friend Zone Guide for Men

Last week I wrote a blog entry entitled The Friend Zone Guide for Women. I’d consider it a disservice if I didn’t provide a similar guide of direction for men.

We (men) too can often find ourselves in the position designated as the ‘Friend Zone.’ As defined in my previous post, the ‘Friend Zone’ is the uncomfortable position that causes a person to become temporarily suspended between the platonic origin of friendship and the desired, blissful destination of intimate relationship. The ‘Friend Zone’ does not discriminate based on how handsome a man is, the depth of his bank account, how spiritual he is or where his multiple degrees were attained. Most men are very uncomfortable in the ‘Friend Zone’ and will only willingly accept it in preparation for a future power move or opportunity, similar to a strategy employed in a game of chess. Sometimes we have a very high view of ourselves thinking that we are exempt from rejection. However as a man, contrary to popular belief, you too can be placed in the ‘Friend Zone’.

As a man, you may find yourself interested in a young lady who has captured your eye with her beauty and your heart with her sensitivity and grace. Unfortunately, no matter your approach (respectful or disrespectful), the woman whom you have your eyes set on does not mutually reciprocate the intent in which you approached her. You may be nice, you may be charming, you may be spiritually grounded, BUT for some reason she is just not that into you. Most men accept the unreciprocated response as rejection and move on with their lives. Others may embrace the woman’s decision as a temporary setback and begin strategizing the next move in the game known as cat and mouse. How can you tell whether you have been placed in the ‘Friend Zone?’ Consider these…
• You have established a great friendship, have grown to learn so much about her emotional desires and drives in life, you find her beautiful, but things have never progressed past the predetermined ‘buddy’ status!
• You talk to her frequently and the pattern of communication resembles that of two people in a relationship.
• You serve as a sounding board for the successes and/or challenges she experiences in her other relationships.
• You are often introduced to others as her brother or friend, but your non-public interaction seems to resemble something much deeper.
• You find yourself plotting the right time to again approach her again, even though deep inside you realize that it’s a risky step that has already resulted in disappointment.

The above list highlights some signs that indicate your position in the ‘Friend Zone.’ Unlike men, women are generally more forthcoming with their feelings so your standing in her life should never be difficult to figure out. Unless she is in a deeply committed relationship, you may be permitted to remain in her life as a ‘friend’.

Is it possible to break out of the ‘Friend Zone’? The answer is YES. What are the odds of you breaking out of the ‘Friend Zone’? It is very unlikely. There are glimpses of hope during a woman’s season of vulnerability, but once the emotional equilibrium is restored, you will likely reclaim your seat in the ‘Friend Zone’.

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DY4G…By Paul Wilson, Jr.

‘Do You!’ could probably be considered one of the most popular themes of the early years of this millennium. Even if people really don’t fully understand or know how to truly ‘Do You’, they usually have a general concept of what this catchphrase means.

It’s a great thing for people to recognize their uniqueness and pursue a life path that accentuates and leverages their distinct talents, skills, and passions. Unfortunately, too many people in our society are already too selfish, self-absorbed and self-obsessed. For a lot of people ‘Do You’ has become just another excuse to heap time, money, and attention on themselves while ignoring others.

Here’s a different perspective on ‘Do You’:
“Whatever you do, do it enthusiastically, as something done for the Lord and not for men.” Colossians 3:23 (HCSB)

I don’t want to discourage you from doing you. Instead, I want to encourage you to DY4G… ‘Do You 4 God!’

You see God is honored and pleased when we value and utilize our uniqueness, because He is the one who created us that way (Psalm 139:14). However, He’s not too pleased when we focus all of our time, energy, creativity, and money on ourselves. God is not against ‘Do You’. He’s against ‘Do You’ when it’s only about you.

Here’s creative some ways to DY4G:
 If you’re naturally funny, go find someone who’s depressed and cheer him/her up.
 If you’re a songwriter, write a children’s song and give it to a school or church.
 If you have the ability to do crafts, make (not buy) someone a gift and give it on a random day.
 If you’re an author, write an inspiring short story and give it away.
 If you’re a good cook, make a meal and give it to a family that needs help.
 Go spend some time at a homeless shelter just talking to people.
 Volunteer to be a Big Brother/Sister.
 Plenty others I'm sure you can think of...

The real value and beauty of DY4G is not to get paid or garner attention. It’s to find pleasure and fulfillment just being the best you that you can be in a way that puts a smile on God’s face – and others'. Now that's something we can all do!

Dream B.I.G.,
Paul Wilson, Jr.
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The Friend Zone Guide For Women

It’s amazing how many women often find themselves caught in the unfortunate position known as the ‘Friend Zone.’ The ‘Friend Zone’ is the uncomfortable position that causes you to become temporarily suspended between the platonic origin of friendship and the desired, blissful destination of intimate relationship. Unfortunately, all women ARE susceptible to this position or state of being. The ‘Friend Zone’ does not discriminate based on looks, financial status, spiritual maturity or intelligence.

As a woman, you are guilty of nothing more than allowing the wiring of your innate desire to read into signs that may or may not be true indicators of the interest level a man has for you. What are some of the signs to look for in order to assess whether or not you fall into this category? Consider these…
• You have established a great friendship, have grown to learn so much about his personal life, you find him attractive, but things have been this way for months…maybe years!
• You talk to him regularly and the pattern of communication resembles that of two people in a relationship.
• You find yourself reaching out to him when exciting things happen in your life, but his reaction never confirms anything other than platonic or brotherly joy for you.
• You are someone he feels comfortable going to for advice about various areas of his life, but he never includes you outside of a consultative role.
• You serve as a sounding board for the successes and/or challenges he experiences in his other relationships.
• You have had outings (e.g. lunch, dinner, coffee) with him, but there is never a clearly defined romantic or intimate ‘feel’ to them.
• You are often introduced to others in a way that is difficult to interpret (“This is my girl (said in the sister-like tone)!” “This is someone very close to me”, etc.)
• You seem to never have a settled feeling on where your relationship stands with him.

The above list highlights some signs that indicate your candidacy for the ‘Friend Zone.’ A man may never be forthcoming about his feelings towards you even though he fully understands that you may have an interest in him. Many men are willing to accept what you offer them and may choose the cowardly option of NOT addressing the situation as long as you don’t bring it up. Because he has not made a direct signal to you, he feels no obligation to clarify the situation.

Also, if a man never makes a direct move at trying to spend time with you, it is an indicator that he does not have an intimate level of feelings for you. Once he becomes proactive at initiating opportunities to spend time with you, you can then begin processing his intentions for your friendship/relationship.

Don’t make the mistake of reading too much into a friendship because more often than not it will result in disappointment. When you absolutely have to have an answer to the question that’s burning deep inside of you JUST ASK HIM! However, be prepared for the disappointing answer you are likely to receive. No…he’s not too shy! No…he’s not in denial! No he’s not gay (well maybe)! The reality is he’s just not that into you!

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The Problem With “How Far Can We Go?”

The problem with asking “How far can we go?” is that if we want to positively pursue godliness, it’s simply the wrong question. What that question really asks is “How close to the line (sexual sin) can I get without crossing it?” The problem is that Scripture explicitly tells us not to try to “approach” the line at all, but to turn and run from it.

“Flee from sexual immorality” (1 Cor. 6:18).

The Greek word for “flee” in this passage is an exaggerated form of the word “repent” that means (roughly) to turn and run from something. I once played golf on a course in Florida that was home to many large alligators (don’t get distracted — my lack of judgment is not the point here). Every hole had big blue and white signs on it that said (I’m paraphrasing): “DANGER: ALLIGA¬TORS PRESENT. DO NOT FEED OR APPROACH ALLIGATORS. IF YOU ENCOUNTER AN ALLIGATOR, FLEE IMMEDIATELY.”

Now, we could quibble about exactly what “flee” means here. It might mean “run in the other direction.” It might mean “walk in the other direction.” What it certainly does not mean is “attempt to carefully indulge your interest in alligators by taking your 5-iron, walking up to the alligator, and seeing how many times you can poke it without becoming its mid-afternoon snack.”

Scripture is replete with statements that sexual immorality leads to death, that it is idolatry, and that those who are characterized by it will not enter the kingdom of heaven (Check out 1 Cor. 6:12 and following, among many others). In addition to 1 Cor. 6, other passages explicitly tell us that sexual immorality is not something to flirt with. Romans 13 (right after speaking positively of how and why to selflessly love one another) admonishes us not even to “think about how to gratify the desires of the sinful nature.” Ephesians 5 tells us that there must not be “even a hint of sexual immorality” among the followers of Christ. If you want to think through this idea well, take your concordance and look at what the Bible has to say collectively about sexual sin of all types. It’s intensely sobering.

The question is not “How far can I go in indulging my desires for sexual gratification or intimacy without getting too close to this thing the Bible utterly rejects?” The question we should all ask — in any area of our lives — is “How can I best pursue that to which God in His Word has positively called me?” He has called us all to pursue holiness and purity in our personal lives. That leaves little room for intentional flirtation with any sin, sexual or otherwise.

By Scott Croft in the Guy’s Guide to Marrying Well

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The Truth About Sex Series Continues Tonight
Sunday, June 7, 2009 at 6:00PM

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When the Chase is Over?

As I sit in front of my computer, I am reminded of the many relationship mistakes I have made over the years. I try to downplay and claim convenient amnesia to the number of mistakes that have transpired in my life, but God keeps them fresh atop my mind in order to eventually invoke change in my behavior. One of things men as a whole enjoy, is the chase or pursuit of a woman they want to learn more about. All through high school, college and even into my early professional life I aligned myself with this practice, but failed to address another very important element in relationships. What happens when the chase is over?

Once the chase or pursuit comes to a halt, another major crossroad is reached and one has to assess whether to be satisfied with the woman he has worked hard or somewhat hard to connect with? Or do you declare victory and press on towards the next challenge? Far too long I opted for the latter because of the chess match and adrenaline rush that accompanies each new pursuit. As many men have stated before…“There is no feeling like claiming victory with a new woman (paraphrased of course ;))!” Unfortunately, the result of this theory positioned me to always be on the lookout for the next challenge, curiosity or relationship pursuit. Is this representative of a fear of commitment? Some may say yes…but I adamantly say NO! I call it a bad case of the male curiosity syndrome.

Curiosity is one of those things that work as an asset in life because it leads to the discovery of new things. It can also serve as a liability because it can place you in a position of split-second decision-making and progressive trouble. My mother used to tell me and my brother that “Curiosity kills the cat!” Her advice/warning simply meant that more often than not, our curiosities in life will lead to trouble. Fortunately, my curiosities have not yet killed me, but have positioned me to take a hard look at seriously evaluating when the chase is no longer worth it. To my brothers, I also encourage you to take the challenge of evaluating the importance of the chase and when it becomes detrimental to your overall purpose in life.


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Stop Flirting With Your Dreams by Paul Wilson, Jr.

One of my favorite sports in high school was flirting. Yes, you read correctly – flirting. I say this, because it was all a big game that everybody played. Fortunately, it was fun, mostly harmless, puppy love child’s play.

While that kind of behavior was ok back then, once I got older I realized it was time to put away childish things. What was innocent flirting in high school took on a whole different tone and meaning once I became an adult. Flirting now had greater expectations and consequences attached to it. I had to be much more careful and flirt “at my own risk.”

How does this relate to your dreams? Some people are content to only flirt with their dreams because they are unwilling to make the physical, emotional, relational, and spiritual investments that are necessary to pursue and accomplish big dreams.

What does flirting with a dream look like?
 Talk about dreams and aspirations randomly but not all the time
 All talk but no action or follow through
 Action is inconsistent or half-hearted
 Start down a path, but when things become harder than expected they turn their attention to something else
 Always looking for the easy way out
 Easily distracted and always chasing the next big thing
 Not willing to take risks
 Only do the easy stuff related to accomplishing their dreams (which is very little)
 Not willing to sacrifice anything significant to see their dreams come true
 Actions don’t always line up with words, i.e. they make false promises to self and others
 Don’t take dreams seriously; life’s just a big game
 Little sense of commitment or accountability
 Always making excuses or blaming others when things don’t work out

Does any of this sound familiar to you as it relates to flirt-only, surface-level relationships? How about as it relates to pursuing and accomplishing one’s dreams? This type of behavior is similar to relationships when people flirt with one another for long periods of time without eventually making a commitment, because they are unwilling to devote themselves to a meaningful, significant, and accountable partnership.

Some of the reasons why people do this in relationships are the same as why they do it with their dreams:
 Significant relationships require transparency, vulnerability, and interdependency.
 Some think it’s safer not to take any risks.
 Some flirt with several options because they just want to test things out.
 Serious relationships require all of your body, mind, will, and emotions.

‘Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

This well-known quote by Alfred Lord Tennyson applies to relationships and dreams. ”Perpetual Flirters” don’t realize they will never be able to experience the joy and depth of love if they never take a risk of being with someone that could cause them a depth of pain. Likewise, you will never be able to experience the depth of joy and fulfillment from accomplishing your dreams if you never embrace the risk of experiencing deep disappointment and discouragement that may happen if you don’t accomplish your dreams.

Stop flirting with your dreams! Take the plunge. Jump in head over heels. Pursue it with all your heart and don’t hold anything back. Commit to staying the course, especially when it gets hard – because it inevitably will. It will be well worth the risk no matter what happens!

Dream B.I.G.,
Paul Wilson, Jr.
B.I.G. Dreams are coming to a mind near you very soon!
www.DreamBIGin3D.com

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